Paul ‘real New Zealander/dickshit’ Henry, Maurice ‘no shi’ite’ Williamson, John ‘I wish South Aucklanders hadn’t vote’ Banks, Melissa ‘South Aucklanders are all crims’ Lee, Paul ‘cheekie darkie’ Holmes, and Michael ‘brown slug/fat Indian’ Lhaws have joined forces to create a new political party for ‘real New Zealanders’.
The first meeting was held today at the Remuera Bowling Club. Henry was seen arriving in his traditional Roma horse-drawn cart.
The first order of business was choosing a name, Lhaws explained: ‘We thought of calling ourselves the ‘Rich, White Male’s Party’ but discovered that is actually the legal name of the National Party. So, we’ve gone with ‘No Darkies’ instead.’
Asked if it was a coincidence that the members of the party were all current National MPs, former National MPs, failed National Party candidates (Henry), or former National media trainers (Holmes), Williamson said ‘Really? That hadn’t occurred to me. Do you think that means something?’
Henry was keen for people not to misunderstand the point of the new party. ‘Look, this isn’t about racism, we don’t mean to be racist. This is just about real New Zealanders, even the half-gypo ones, who are clearly not good enough to lick the shoes of our Brown-skinned masters. And that’s not intended as a dog-whistle at all’ said Henry, with a wink. He confirmed that his TVNZ colleague Andi Brotherston has been brought on as the party’s chief spin doctor.
Asked why Lee had been allowed to join given that being female and not of European descent she didn’t fit the party’s definition of ‘real New Zealander’, Banks said ‘it says no darkies, we’re allowed to have one‘
Woken from his midday nap, John Key said he was “relaxed” about developments and looked forward to working with ‘New Act, ah, I mean, the No Darkies Party’.