New ‘no darkies’ party to form

Written By: - Date published: 12:40 pm, October 10th, 2010 - 44 comments
Categories: national, racism, Satire - Tags: , , , ,

Paul ‘real New Zealander/dickshit’ Henry, Maurice ‘no shi’ite’ Williamson, John ‘I wish South Aucklanders hadn’t vote’ Banks, Melissa ‘South Aucklanders are all crims’ Lee, Paul ‘cheekie darkie’ Holmes, and Michael ‘brown slug/fat Indian’ Lhaws have joined forces to create a new political party for ‘real New Zealanders’.

The first meeting was held today at the Remuera Bowling Club. Henry was seen arriving in his traditional Roma horse-drawn cart.

The first order of business was choosing a name, Lhaws explained: ‘We thought of calling ourselves the ‘Rich, White Male’s Party’ but discovered that is actually the legal name of the National Party. So, we’ve gone with ‘No Darkies’ instead.’

Asked if it was a coincidence that the members of the party were all current National MPs, former National MPs, failed National Party candidates (Henry), or former National media trainers (Holmes), Williamson said ‘Really? That hadn’t occurred to me. Do you think that means something?’

Henry was keen for people not to misunderstand the point of the new party. ‘Look, this isn’t about racism, we don’t mean to be racist. This is just about real New Zealanders, even the half-gypo ones, who are clearly not good enough to lick the shoes of our Brown-skinned masters. And that’s not intended as a dog-whistle at all’ said Henry, with a wink. He confirmed that his TVNZ colleague Andi Brotherston has been brought on as the party’s chief spin doctor.

Asked why Lee had been allowed to join given that being female and not of European descent she didn’t fit the party’s definition of ‘real New Zealander’, Banks said ‘it says no darkies, we’re allowed to have one‘

Woken from his midday nap, John Key said he was “relaxed” about developments and looked forward to working with ‘New Act, ah, I mean, the No Darkies Party’.

44 comments on “New ‘no darkies’ party to form”

  1. Relax – go to it – when ya wanna go do it….

  2. WOOF 2

    ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog…’

  3. swimmer 3

    I remember when Mike King called Paul Holmes a cheeky whitie. 🙂

  4. smhead 5

    Oh nice one. Finally another party for David “Make Fun of Chinese Accents” Cunliffe to join.

    • Marty G 5.1

      hey, smhead. Maybe you can fill me in on this one. How come Pansy Wong says ‘Ministry of Woman Affair’ and then uses the plural ‘s’ perfectly competently with other words? I know that the plural ‘s’ can be tricky for many Asian speakers of English as a second language but Wong isn’t one of them. So why does she pretend when it comes to the name of her department?

      • smhead 5.1.1

        Why don’t you write a post about it Marty and claim that Pansy Wong deliberately mispronounces words to make her sound Chinese. Go on because you know that’s what you’re really saying.

        I can’t believe your bigotry. I have seen a lot of racist bigotry before Marty but it is one thing to decry bigotry everywhere you see it (as the Standard authors do and I agree with every move to target bigotry) but you really take the cake for hypocrisy.

        Shame on you and I hope the left wing commenters pull you up on it.

        Non native speakers of other languages frequently are inconsistent in their pronunciation. Go and learn Chinese, perfect it until you can pronounce everything consistently and then come back and harass others for the way they speak.

        What an idiot.

        • Marty G 5.1.1.1

          see my comment below.

          To be racist, a comment has to allege an ethnic trait and allege it is bad. I’m not alleging that it’s ‘bad’ to have trouble with the plural ‘s’. I’m saying Wong doesn’t.

          • Colonial Viper 5.1.1.1.1

            I’m still amazed that so many NZ’ers don’t seem to recognise actual ‘racism’ when it appears, say compared to just talking funny shit. What are they waiting for? The Grand Nagus to appear with his band of hooded torch and shotgun carrying denizens?

            Worrying.

        • bbfloyd 5.1.1.2

          Smhead(job)… are we ever going to read anything from you that doesn’t involve you frothing at the mouth when you write it? i think they have picked up your political leanings in outer mongolia by now. there really is no need to convince anyone here of your intellectual pedigree. you are obviously smarter than the average pitbull.. phase two should have started by now… that’s the one where you become informative.. you do plan to say something soon,.. don’t you?

          it’s been fun to laugh at the idiocy so far, but there has to be more than comic relief or your ratings will go down.

          • Colonial Viper 5.1.1.2.1

            it’s been fun to laugh at the idiocy so far, but there has to be more than comic relief or your ratings will go down.

            Well, this plan *was* working well for Paul Henry.

  5. hateatea 6

    The sad thing is, were such an organisation to really exist, some of those named, if not all, would be pounding on the door for admission.

    • smhead 6.1

      The most prominent name not on the list is Winston Peters. I wonder why. Maybe Zetetic doesn’t want a reminder that the Labour Party formed a government with him last time and Phil Goff has never criticised him since, which by Zetetic’s standards makes the Labour Party a bunch of “no darkies enablers”.

      • Marty G 6.1.1

        presume Peters wouldn’t be allowed in.

        • hateatea 6.1.1.1

          Nah, he’s a mallowpuff. They might make him an ‘honorary white’ ala apartheid South Africa!

        • smhead 6.1.1.2

          Probably because none of the others would dare be associated with his bigotry, unlike the Labour Party who cuddled up to him and defended him.

          • the sprout 6.1.1.2.1

            Odd then that Key and Co seem so relaxed about being associated with Paul Henry’s bigotry.

            • Murray 6.1.1.2.1.1

              reading some of these posts it looks as if many of Paul Henrys supporters may be from the left

              • felix

                Care to point to one in particular so you can have the opportunity to back up that statement?

                Or would you prefer it just sit there, confused and irrelevant, with nothing to say and no-one to say it to?

          • Daveosaurus 6.1.1.2.2

            Meanwhile, back in the real world, Maurice Williamson was part of a government that was perfectly happy to bend over backwards to accommodate Peters into a coalition; and Micael Laws even went to the extent of joining the Peters Party.

            • felix 6.1.1.2.2.1

              psssst! We don’t talk about that. Peters sprang from the ground fully formed in 2005, k?

  6. Frederick 7

    Oh lets have a go at Pansy now – hope it makes you feel better.Why would she deliberately get it wrong – just to annoy readers of the standard.

    As she was born in Shanghai and lived there for 19 years I would speculate that english is her second language. If you are counting she also says “MP” instead of “MP’s” when referring to more than one MP.

    I know many Asian persons including my girl friend who is from Singapore and has spoken english all her life. She and most Asian speakers I know frequently get their plurals wrong, sometimes adding an S when not necessary and dropping the S when one is required …my girlfriend also says “”MP when it should be “MP’s”.

    So somehow I don’t think its deliberate. Thats just the way it is.

    • Marty G 7.1

      yeah, like I say, Fredrick. It’s perfectly normal for many Asian speakers of English to not use the plural ‘s’ because it’s not a feature of many Asian languages. Most English speakers have trouble with gender in the definite article for the same reason. It doesn’t make you a bad person to have trouble with the odd parts of a different language.

      However, Wong does not find it difficult. Listen to her speak and she uses the plural ‘s’ correctly nearly all the time, apart from in the name of her department. That suggests to me she’s doing it intentionally.

      I’ve heard her drop out of what she calls ‘Pansy-speak’ from time to time.

      I mean, she can speak how she likes. But it seems to me she’s actually making a mockery of people who genuinely have difficulty with the plural ‘s’.

      • smhead 7.1.1

        Stop trying to justify your racist bullshit with bullshit justification Marty. You slurred Pansy because she’s a Nat and used her English as a second language to do it. That is shameful and is exactly what this post is about, exposing bigots. You sir have been exposed.

        • Murray 7.1.1.1

          Stop trying to justify your racist bullshit with bullshit justification Marty. You slurred Pansy because she’s a Nat and used her English as a second language to do it. That is shameful and is exactly what this post is about, exposing bigots. You sir have been exposed.

          I agree I think these type of posts illustrate the illogical paranoia and fear the left have towards
          John Key and the Nact govt

          • bbfloyd 7.1.1.1.1

            wow…you got all those words perfect! are you guys in a band or something? or is it that you can’t do more than make echo’s?

            meanwhile, back on planet earth, we.ve noticed that marty’s post has more than one paragraph. did he make a mistake making it so long that your collective attention spans were stretched too far? or are you guys getting so desperate that any little excuse brings on an attack of the rabies syndrome?

            i feel soiled just reading that stuff.

        • felix 7.1.1.2

          smhead (and Murray).

          Marty actually explained his comments very clearly at the time he first wrote them. The explanation only had to be expanded on later because you were both too thick to understand it.

          And it appears that is still the case.

      • J Mex 7.1.2

        But it seems to me she’s actually making a mockery of people who genuinely have difficulty with the plural ‘s’.

        Are you serious? Pansy Wong is taking the piss out of the Chinese by mocking their mispronunciation? Current subscribers to that theory – 1 (let’s see if anyone else will join you on it)

        As far as I am aware there has been only one MP that has tried to mock the Chinese accent in the house. That would be one David Cunliffe.

  7. Nick C 8

    If this post proves one thing, its that the left arent funny.

  8. Descendant Of Smith 9

    Marty G’s comment is in my view quite silly and unwarranted.

    Sometimes however it must be said homophobia is in the eye of the right wing recipient:

    Tighty

    .

    • bbfloyd 9.1

      DOS…you must be joking. the fact that it took you all night to respond tells me someone did a little research to squirm out of a tight little box they had crawled into.

      by the way, hypocrisy is ugly. especially when it is combined with arrogance.

      • Descendant Of Smith 9.1.1

        Your response is as silly as Tighty’s.

        I work during the day and responded while cooking tea for the family after I got home..

        “hypocrisy is ugly. especially when it is combined with arrogance.”

        Totally agree with your statement and you are certainly arrogant to not only disbelieve what I have said but to then suggest that what I said was made up, researched or a falsehood.

        If I was so wrong about something I’d simply say so and apologise.

        Not only can Mr Righty not do that you are now here to defend him.

        What I found interesting about his response is how quickly he resorted to obscenity and vitriol – there’s obviously not a very big distance for some of you between disagreement and hatred.

  9. Mac1 10

    Inventory2, your reference to Tinkerbell is a Wikipedia article which states nothing about Tinkerbell as a homphobic taunt, but does say this, “Though sometimes ill-tempered and vindictive (getting the Lost Boys to shoot arrows at Wendy), at other times she is helpful and kind to Peter. The extremes in her personality are explained in-story by the fact that a fairy’s size prevents her from holding more than one feeling at a time, so when she is angry she has no counterbalancing compassion.”

    Could Trevor Mallard’s chipping of an interrrupting Finlayson as a Tinkerbell not be a reference to Finlayson’s ‘ill-temper’ or ‘lack of compassion when angry’? Mallard himself denied the homophobic nature of the taunt on Kiwi Blog, BTW.

  10. Auckland_Southie 11

    Wait… is this story real, or bullshit?

  11. Does this party accept white trash or out of luck honkies?

    • Pascal's bookie 12.1

      Cash, mastercard, diners, and american express. They are bit suspect about VISAs so don’t even ask.

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    Property developers think there is an "oversupply" of houses in Auckland:High turnover rates and falling prices may be a sign that there are too many new houses going in to some parts of Auckland, commentators say. [...] Property developer David Whitburn said there was a "bit of an oversupply" in ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Australia to Pacific: “Fuck you, you can all drown”
    World leaders are meeting in New York in two weeks for the 2019 Climate Action Summit, where they are expected to announce new and more ambitious targets to stop the world from burning. But the Australian Prime Minister won't be there, despite being in the USA at the time:Scott Morrison ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Implausible ignorance
    Labour Party president Nigel Haworth resigned yesterday over the party's sexual assault scandal. But while that's good news, its unlikely to take away the stench of a coverup. Because according to Paula Bennett in Parliament yesterday, pretty much everyone in the Prime Minister's office was involved as well:I have been ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Labour’s Fatal Flaw.
     Two-Faced? Labour insiders' commitment to the neoliberal status quo puts them at odds with their party’s membership; its trade union affiliates; and a majority of Labour voters, but this only serves to strengthen the perception they have of themselves as a special elite. Among the lesser breeds, they’ll talk up a ...
    1 week ago
  • Ten reasons the Tories do NOT want an election
    There has been a lot of talk about Boris Johnson wanting an election, and he has blustered with great gusto about 'chicken' Jeremy Corbyn refusing one, but I think there are many reasons why he is secretly glad he has been refused the opportunity:The Tories are an utter rabble,tearing themselves ...
    1 week ago
  • Prorogation Illegal, rule Scottish judges
    Scottish appeal court judges have declared that Boris Johnson’s decision to suspend parliament in the run-up to the October Brexit deadline is unlawful. The three judges, chaired by Lord Carloway, Scotland’s most senior judge, overturned an earlier ruling that the courts did not have the powers to interfere in the prime ...
    1 week ago
  • Let me explain what I meant by Everyday New Zealanders
    By Simon Bridges. The following is a press release from the office of Simon Bridges, leader of The National Party. Key ora, New Zealand. Happy Maori Language Week. Look, I’m writing to you today because I want to clear something up. There’s been a lot of kerfuffle around some things ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • Yes, the SIS is subject to the Public Records Act
    I understand there's some stuff going round about how the SIS "was removed from the list of public offices covered by the Public Records Act in 2017". The context of course being their records derived from US torture, which will be disposed of or sealed. The good news is that ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • An evidence-based discussion of the Canadian fluoride/IQ study
    Dr. Christopher Labos and Jonathan Jarry discuss the recent Canadian fluoride/IQ research. They provide an expert analysis of the paper and its problems. Click on image to go to podcast. The critical debate about the recent ...
    1 week ago
  • Climate Change: Australia in denial
    Australia is burning down again, and meanwhile its natural disaster minister is denying climate change:Australia’s minister responsible for drought and natural disasters, David Littleproud, has said that he doesn’t “know if climate change is manmade”. Clarifying earlier comments that the question is “irrelevant” when considering the Coalition government’s response to ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Philippines activist speaking on the Duterte tyranny
    Auckland Philippines Solidarity is excited to host Professor Judy Taguiwalo for a speaking tour of NZ in September. She is a well-known activist in the Philippines and was a political prisoner under the Marcos dictatorship. Professor Taguiwalo briefly served as a Cabinet member under President Duterte but was forced from ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    1 week ago
  • Disgust
    I have no special insights to offer on the Labour sexual assault coverup. All I have is disgust. Disgust that an organisation could fail its people so badly. Disgust that they punished the victims rather than the perpetrator. Disgust that its party hacks are apparently blaming the victims for demanding ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Speak Up for Women calls out Greens’ censorship
    This open letter to the Green Party was penned after an opinion piece by Jill Abigail, a feminist and founding member of the party, was censored by the Greens’ leadership. (Redline has reprinted her article here).The intolerance of the Green Party leaders and their acceptance of the misogyny of gender ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    1 week ago
  • Member’s Day: End of Life Choice, part 3
    Today is a Member's day, and David Seymour's End of Life Choice Bill continues its slow crawl through its committee stage. They're spending the whole day on it today, though the first hour is likely to be spent on voting left over from last time. After that they'll move on ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Flight to Los Angeles turned back after passengers decide they don’t want to go anymore
    An ambitious plan to fly to Los Angeles petered out into a brief sight-seeing trip and a desire to return home and get some sleep before work tomorrow. Air New Zealand has confirmed a flight to Los Angeles last night was turned back about a quarter of the way into ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Indigenous Futures: defuturing and futuring – an analytical framework for policy development?
    There appears to be consensus – by omission – that the concept of indigenous futures should be accepted at face value. So I scavenged the internet to see if I could locate an academic descriptor or a framework around how we think about it as a concept, and whether it ...
    EllipsisterBy Ellipsister
    2 weeks ago
  • Cadbury rumoured to be releasing the Pineapple Trump
    Here’s another novelty chocolate to shove in your gob, New Zealand Cadbury could be seeking to make itself great again with a rumoured new release: Pineapple Trumps, a spin on its classic chocolate-encased pineapple treat and do-it-yourself tooth remover. The global confectionery manufacturer and bumbling “before” character in an infomercial, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • The coming resource war.
    During my time in the Pentagon I had the privilege of sitting down with military leaders and defence and security officials from a variety of Latin American nations. Sometimes I was present as a subordinate assistant to a senior US defence department official, sometimes as part of a delegation that ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    2 weeks ago
  • Māori Language Week with The Civilian
    Kia ora, Aotearoa. It’s that magical time of year. Te Wiki o te Reo Māori. In English, the week that frightens talk radio. As you probably know by now, all your favourite media outlets are participating, some more successfully than others. Stuff has changed its name to Puna for the ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Will Horizons act on climate change?
    Local body elections are coming up next month. And it looks like all Palmerston North candidates for Horizons (the Manawatu-Whanganui Regional Council) want to take action on climate change:Climate change is set to be a key issue in Palmerston North for the next three years if those wanting to get ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • BORA reform is stalled
    Eighteen months ago, the government promised to strengthen the Bill of Rights Act, by explicitly affirming the power of the courts to issue declarations of inconsistency and requiring Parliament to formally respond to them. So how's that going? I was curious, so I asked for all advice about the proposal. ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Corbyn and Brexit
    As the Brexit saga staggers on, the focus is naturally enough on the Prime Minister and his attempts to achieve Brexit “do or die”. But the role played by the Leader of the Opposition is of almost equal interest and complexity. The first problem for Jeremy Corbyn is that he ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    2 weeks ago
  • A ditch for him to die in
    Last week, English Prime Minister Boris Johnson boldly declared that he would rather die be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit. Unfortunately for him, the UK parliament accepted the challenge, and promptly dug one for him. The "rebellion bill" requires him to ask for and secure yet another temporary ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Warning! Warning! Danger Jacinda Ardern! Danger Marama Davidson! Warning!
    Lost In Political Space: The most important takeaway from this latest Labour sexual assault scandal, which (if I may paraphrase Nixon’s White House counsel’s, John Dean’s, infamous description of Watergate) is “growing like a cancer” on the premiership, is the Labour Party organisation’s extraordinary professional paralysis in the face of ...
    2 weeks ago

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