web analytics

New ‘no darkies’ party to form

Written By: - Date published: 12:40 pm, October 10th, 2010 - 45 comments
Categories: national, racism, Satire - Tags: , , , ,

Paul ‘real New Zealander/dickshit’ Henry, Maurice ‘no shi’ite’ Williamson, John ‘I wish South Aucklanders hadn’t vote’ Banks, Melissa ‘South Aucklanders are all crims’ Lee, Paul ‘cheekie darkie’ Holmes, and Michael ‘brown slug/fat Indian’ Lhaws have joined forces to create a new political party for ‘real New Zealanders’.

The first meeting was held today at the Remuera Bowling Club. Henry was seen arriving in his traditional Roma horse-drawn cart.

The first order of business was choosing a name, Lhaws explained: ‘We thought of calling ourselves the ‘Rich, White Male’s Party’ but discovered that is actually the legal name of the National Party. So, we’ve gone with ‘No Darkies’ instead.’

Asked if it was a coincidence that the members of the party were all current National MPs, former National MPs, failed National Party candidates (Henry), or former National media trainers (Holmes), Williamson said ‘Really? That hadn’t occurred to me. Do you think that means something?’

Henry was keen for people not to misunderstand the point of the new party. ‘Look, this isn’t about racism, we don’t mean to be racist. This is just about real New Zealanders, even the half-gypo ones, who are clearly not good enough to lick the shoes of our Brown-skinned masters. And that’s not intended as a dog-whistle at all’ said Henry, with a wink. He confirmed that his TVNZ colleague Andi Brotherston has been brought on as the party’s chief spin doctor.

Asked why Lee had been allowed to join given that being female and not of European descent she didn’t fit the party’s definition of ‘real New Zealander’, Banks said ‘it says no darkies, we’re allowed to have one‘

Woken from his midday nap, John Key said he was “relaxed” about developments and looked forward to working with ‘New Act, ah, I mean, the No Darkies Party’.

45 comments on “New ‘no darkies’ party to form ”

  1. Relax – go to it – when ya wanna go do it….

  2. WOOF 2

    ‘You ain’t nothing but a hound dog…’

  3. swimmer 3

    I remember when Mike King called Paul Holmes a cheeky whitie. 🙂

  4. smhead 5

    Oh nice one. Finally another party for David “Make Fun of Chinese Accents” Cunliffe to join.

    • Marty G 5.1

      hey, smhead. Maybe you can fill me in on this one. How come Pansy Wong says ‘Ministry of Woman Affair’ and then uses the plural ‘s’ perfectly competently with other words? I know that the plural ‘s’ can be tricky for many Asian speakers of English as a second language but Wong isn’t one of them. So why does she pretend when it comes to the name of her department?

      • smhead 5.1.1

        Why don’t you write a post about it Marty and claim that Pansy Wong deliberately mispronounces words to make her sound Chinese. Go on because you know that’s what you’re really saying.

        I can’t believe your bigotry. I have seen a lot of racist bigotry before Marty but it is one thing to decry bigotry everywhere you see it (as the Standard authors do and I agree with every move to target bigotry) but you really take the cake for hypocrisy.

        Shame on you and I hope the left wing commenters pull you up on it.

        Non native speakers of other languages frequently are inconsistent in their pronunciation. Go and learn Chinese, perfect it until you can pronounce everything consistently and then come back and harass others for the way they speak.

        What an idiot.

        • Marty G 5.1.1.1

          see my comment below.

          To be racist, a comment has to allege an ethnic trait and allege it is bad. I’m not alleging that it’s ‘bad’ to have trouble with the plural ‘s’. I’m saying Wong doesn’t.

          • Colonial Viper 5.1.1.1.1

            I’m still amazed that so many NZ’ers don’t seem to recognise actual ‘racism’ when it appears, say compared to just talking funny shit. What are they waiting for? The Grand Nagus to appear with his band of hooded torch and shotgun carrying denizens?

            Worrying.

        • bbfloyd 5.1.1.2

          Smhead(job)… are we ever going to read anything from you that doesn’t involve you frothing at the mouth when you write it? i think they have picked up your political leanings in outer mongolia by now. there really is no need to convince anyone here of your intellectual pedigree. you are obviously smarter than the average pitbull.. phase two should have started by now… that’s the one where you become informative.. you do plan to say something soon,.. don’t you?

          it’s been fun to laugh at the idiocy so far, but there has to be more than comic relief or your ratings will go down.

          • Colonial Viper 5.1.1.2.1

            it’s been fun to laugh at the idiocy so far, but there has to be more than comic relief or your ratings will go down.

            Well, this plan *was* working well for Paul Henry.

  5. hateatea 6

    The sad thing is, were such an organisation to really exist, some of those named, if not all, would be pounding on the door for admission.

    • smhead 6.1

      The most prominent name not on the list is Winston Peters. I wonder why. Maybe Zetetic doesn’t want a reminder that the Labour Party formed a government with him last time and Phil Goff has never criticised him since, which by Zetetic’s standards makes the Labour Party a bunch of “no darkies enablers”.

      • Marty G 6.1.1

        presume Peters wouldn’t be allowed in.

        • hateatea 6.1.1.1

          Nah, he’s a mallowpuff. They might make him an ‘honorary white’ ala apartheid South Africa!

        • smhead 6.1.1.2

          Probably because none of the others would dare be associated with his bigotry, unlike the Labour Party who cuddled up to him and defended him.

          • the sprout 6.1.1.2.1

            Odd then that Key and Co seem so relaxed about being associated with Paul Henry’s bigotry.

            • Murray 6.1.1.2.1.1

              reading some of these posts it looks as if many of Paul Henrys supporters may be from the left

              • felix

                Care to point to one in particular so you can have the opportunity to back up that statement?

                Or would you prefer it just sit there, confused and irrelevant, with nothing to say and no-one to say it to?

          • Daveosaurus 6.1.1.2.2

            Meanwhile, back in the real world, Maurice Williamson was part of a government that was perfectly happy to bend over backwards to accommodate Peters into a coalition; and Micael Laws even went to the extent of joining the Peters Party.

            • felix 6.1.1.2.2.1

              psssst! We don’t talk about that. Peters sprang from the ground fully formed in 2005, k?

  6. Frederick 7

    Oh lets have a go at Pansy now – hope it makes you feel better.Why would she deliberately get it wrong – just to annoy readers of the standard.

    As she was born in Shanghai and lived there for 19 years I would speculate that english is her second language. If you are counting she also says “MP” instead of “MP’s” when referring to more than one MP.

    I know many Asian persons including my girl friend who is from Singapore and has spoken english all her life. She and most Asian speakers I know frequently get their plurals wrong, sometimes adding an S when not necessary and dropping the S when one is required …my girlfriend also says “”MP when it should be “MP’s”.

    So somehow I don’t think its deliberate. Thats just the way it is.

    • Marty G 7.1

      yeah, like I say, Fredrick. It’s perfectly normal for many Asian speakers of English to not use the plural ‘s’ because it’s not a feature of many Asian languages. Most English speakers have trouble with gender in the definite article for the same reason. It doesn’t make you a bad person to have trouble with the odd parts of a different language.

      However, Wong does not find it difficult. Listen to her speak and she uses the plural ‘s’ correctly nearly all the time, apart from in the name of her department. That suggests to me she’s doing it intentionally.

      I’ve heard her drop out of what she calls ‘Pansy-speak’ from time to time.

      I mean, she can speak how she likes. But it seems to me she’s actually making a mockery of people who genuinely have difficulty with the plural ‘s’.

      • smhead 7.1.1

        Stop trying to justify your racist bullshit with bullshit justification Marty. You slurred Pansy because she’s a Nat and used her English as a second language to do it. That is shameful and is exactly what this post is about, exposing bigots. You sir have been exposed.

        • Murray 7.1.1.1

          Stop trying to justify your racist bullshit with bullshit justification Marty. You slurred Pansy because she’s a Nat and used her English as a second language to do it. That is shameful and is exactly what this post is about, exposing bigots. You sir have been exposed.

          I agree I think these type of posts illustrate the illogical paranoia and fear the left have towards
          John Key and the Nact govt

          • bbfloyd 7.1.1.1.1

            wow…you got all those words perfect! are you guys in a band or something? or is it that you can’t do more than make echo’s?

            meanwhile, back on planet earth, we.ve noticed that marty’s post has more than one paragraph. did he make a mistake making it so long that your collective attention spans were stretched too far? or are you guys getting so desperate that any little excuse brings on an attack of the rabies syndrome?

            i feel soiled just reading that stuff.

        • felix 7.1.1.2

          smhead (and Murray).

          Marty actually explained his comments very clearly at the time he first wrote them. The explanation only had to be expanded on later because you were both too thick to understand it.

          And it appears that is still the case.

      • J Mex 7.1.2

        But it seems to me she’s actually making a mockery of people who genuinely have difficulty with the plural ‘s’.

        Are you serious? Pansy Wong is taking the piss out of the Chinese by mocking their mispronunciation? Current subscribers to that theory – 1 (let’s see if anyone else will join you on it)

        As far as I am aware there has been only one MP that has tried to mock the Chinese accent in the house. That would be one David Cunliffe.

  7. Nick C 8

    If this post proves one thing, its that the left arent funny.

  8. Descendant Of Smith 9

    Marty G’s comment is in my view quite silly and unwarranted.

    Sometimes however it must be said homophobia is in the eye of the right wing recipient:

    Tighty

    .

    • bbfloyd 9.1

      DOS…you must be joking. the fact that it took you all night to respond tells me someone did a little research to squirm out of a tight little box they had crawled into.

      by the way, hypocrisy is ugly. especially when it is combined with arrogance.

      • Descendant Of Smith 9.1.1

        Your response is as silly as Tighty’s.

        I work during the day and responded while cooking tea for the family after I got home..

        “hypocrisy is ugly. especially when it is combined with arrogance.”

        Totally agree with your statement and you are certainly arrogant to not only disbelieve what I have said but to then suggest that what I said was made up, researched or a falsehood.

        If I was so wrong about something I’d simply say so and apologise.

        Not only can Mr Righty not do that you are now here to defend him.

        What I found interesting about his response is how quickly he resorted to obscenity and vitriol – there’s obviously not a very big distance for some of you between disagreement and hatred.

  9. Mac1 10

    Inventory2, your reference to Tinkerbell is a Wikipedia article which states nothing about Tinkerbell as a homphobic taunt, but does say this, “Though sometimes ill-tempered and vindictive (getting the Lost Boys to shoot arrows at Wendy), at other times she is helpful and kind to Peter. The extremes in her personality are explained in-story by the fact that a fairy’s size prevents her from holding more than one feeling at a time, so when she is angry she has no counterbalancing compassion.”

    Could Trevor Mallard’s chipping of an interrrupting Finlayson as a Tinkerbell not be a reference to Finlayson’s ‘ill-temper’ or ‘lack of compassion when angry’? Mallard himself denied the homophobic nature of the taunt on Kiwi Blog, BTW.

  10. Auckland_Southie 11

    Wait… is this story real, or bullshit?

  11. Does this party accept white trash or out of luck honkies?

    • Pascal's bookie 12.1

      Cash, mastercard, diners, and american express. They are bit suspect about VISAs so don’t even ask.

Links to post

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Government and horticulture sector target $12b in exports by 2035
    A new Government and industry strategy launched today has its sights on growing the value of New Zealand’s horticultural production to $12 billion by 2035, Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor said. “Our food and fibre exports are vital to New Zealand’s economic security. We’re focussed on long-term strategies that build on ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    13 hours ago
  • Cost of living support extended for families and businesses
    25 cents per litre petrol excise duty cut extended to 30 June 2023 – reducing an average 60 litre tank of petrol by $17.25 Road User Charge discount will be re-introduced and continue through until 30 June Half price public transport fares extended to the end of June 2023 saving ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    15 hours ago
  • More Kiwis in work as rising wages match inflation
    The strong economy has attracted more people into the workforce, with a record number of New Zealanders in paid work and wages rising to help with cost of living pressures. “The Government’s economic plan is delivering on more better-paid jobs, growing wages and creating more opportunities for more New Zealanders,” ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    15 hours ago
  • Government boosts fund for Auckland flooding
    The Government is providing a further $1 million to the Mayoral Relief Fund to help communities in Auckland following flooding, Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty announced today. “Cabinet today agreed that, given the severity of the event, a further $1 million contribution be made. Cabinet wishes to be proactive ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • New Cabinet focused on bread and butter issues
    The new Cabinet will be focused on core bread and butter issues like the cost of living, education, health, housing and keeping communities and businesses safe, Prime Minister Chris Hipkins has announced. “We need a greater focus on what’s in front of New Zealanders right now. The new Cabinet line ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Prime Minister to meet with PM Albanese
    Prime Minister Chris Hipkins will travel to Canberra next week for an in person meeting with Australian Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese. “The trans-Tasman relationship is New Zealand’s closest and most important, and it was crucial to me that my first overseas trip as Prime Minister was to Australia,” Chris Hipkins ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Government makes first payment to Auckland Flooding fund
    The Government is providing establishment funding of $100,000 to the Mayoral Relief Fund to help communities in Auckland following flooding, Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty announced. “We moved quickly to make available this funding to support Aucklanders while the full extent of the damage is being assessed,” Kieran McAnulty ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Government steps up to assist Auckland during flooding
    As the Mayor of Auckland has announced a state of emergency, the Government, through NEMA, is able to step up support for those affected by flooding in Auckland. “I’d urge people to follow the advice of authorities and check Auckland Emergency Management for the latest information. As always, the Government ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Poroporoaki: Titewhai Te Huia Hinewhare Harawira
    Ka papā te whatitiri, Hikohiko ana te uira, wāhi rua mai ana rā runga mai o Huruiki maunga Kua hinga te māreikura o te Nota, a Titewhai Harawira Nā reira, e te kahurangi, takoto, e moe Ka mōwai koa a Whakapara, kua uhia te Tai Tokerau e te kapua pōuri ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Enhanced Task Force Green Approved following Cyclone Hale
    Carmel Sepuloni, Minister for Social Development and Employment, has activated Enhanced Taskforce Green (ETFG) in response to flooding and damaged caused by Cyclone Hale in the Tairāwhiti region. Up to $500,000 will be made available to employ job seekers to support the clean-up. We are still investigating whether other parts ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • General Election to be held on 14 October 2023
    The 2023 General Election will be held on Saturday 14 October 2023, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announced today. “Announcing the election date early in the year provides New Zealanders with certainty and has become the practice of this Government and the previous one, and I believe is best practice,” Jacinda ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announces resignation
    Jacinda Ardern has announced she will step down as Prime Minister and Leader of the Labour Party. Her resignation will take effect on the appointment of a new Prime Minister. A caucus vote to elect a new Party Leader will occur in 3 days’ time on Sunday the 22nd of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Trade and Agriculture Minister to attend World Economic Forum and Global Forum for Food and Agricult...
    The Government is maintaining its strong trade focus in 2023 with Trade and Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor visiting Europe this week to discuss the role of agricultural trade in climate change and food security, WTO reform and New Zealand agricultural innovation. Damien O’Connor will travel tomorrow to Switzerland to attend the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Government funding relief for flood-affected Wairarapa farmers and growers
    The Government has extended its medium-scale classification of Cyclone Hale to the Wairarapa after assessing storm damage to the eastern coastline of the region. “We’re making up to $80,000 available to the East Coast Rural Support Trust to help farmers and growers recover from the significant damage in the region,” ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Government provides support to flooded Tairāwhiti communities
    The Government is making an initial contribution of $150,000 to the Mayoral Relief Fund to help communities in Tairāwhiti following ex-Tropical Cyclone Hale, Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty announced. “While Cyclone Hale has caused widespread heavy rain, flooding and high winds across many parts of the North Island, Tairāwhiti ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Government support for flood-affected Gisborne Tairāwhiti farmers and growers
    Rural Communities Minister Damien O’Connor has classified this week’s Cyclone Hale that caused significant flood damage across the Tairāwhiti/Gisborne District as a medium-scale adverse event, unlocking Government support for farmers and growers. “We’re making up to $100,000 available to help coordinate efforts as farmers and growers recover from the heavy ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago