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Numbers I pulled out of my arse show Brown unhurt by Nat smears

Written By: - Date published: 1:40 pm, June 19th, 2010 - 24 comments
Categories: auckland supercity, polls, Satire - Tags: , ,

My new poll shows Len Brown will get 90% of the vote.

Even though the survey is unscientific and consisted of a self-selected group most of whom think like me, it provides an interesting take on the two weeks of intense political and media scrutiny of Mr Brown’s credit card expenses.

When readers were asked who they would vote for as Super City mayor, Mr Brown got 90 per cent support, well ahead of Mr Banks on 2.9 per cent. A further 1.3 per cent said they would vote for another candidate and 5.8 per cent did not know.

Last month, a scientific Herald-DigiPoll survey showed Mr Brown with 48.4 per cent support to Mr Banks’ 37 per cent in a head-to-head match-up.

I acknowledge my poll is as scientific as getting the numbers by throwing darts at dartboard while blindfolded. But I will still pretend it shows something. Can be compared to a scientific poll.

I will publish the comparison as if it’s actual news. Politically convenient that I do so.

So, I conclude a fortnight of National smears has backfired on Banks.


Now. Read this. Tell me which is the satire of journalism.

24 comments on “Numbers I pulled out of my arse show Brown unhurt by Nat smears ”

  1. Zaphod Beeblebrox 1

    Doubt this will escape the attention of ‘Editing teh Herald’. Awful, awful journalism.

  2. Bro,
    I think it would be more like 92% I think your figures are out .

    You may have a right wing arse, what else can you find?

    Also Mr Brown has been rorting the system, with 2 cups of free tea a day at council. He paid for on the credit card 2 large samwidges for the Prime minister of United Kingdom. The Mayor may have collected some flybuys points on these.

  3. Buster 3

    The Herald’s headline should’ve been titled “Banks fails to deliver knockout”. Because after two weeks of negative headlines for Brown, and unrelenting smears from his opponents, he still leads Banks in an unscientific poll of Herald readers – readers that are predominantly white, upper-middle class and live in the Eastern suburbs or on the North Shore and are motivated enough to respond to an online survey. Banks should be shitting himself.

  4. Rooooooorrrrting
    Rort snort make a fort.
    The ship comes to the port.

    Wart taught, get those bums of the street.

    Brown, Brown don’t frown. Kicks some arse and go to town.
    Polls goals, world cup and moles.

  5. Stacktwo 5

    “Click here,” says the Herald, “For the idiot’s guide to the Super City.”

    Who wants to be guided by an idiot??

    (Anti-spam: sad !)

  6. Zaphod Beeblebrox 6

    Was a good story for a day or two, then len made it better with a passionate show of regret and bringing in the Auditor General. The Herald are resorting to overkill now however and displeasure will quickly turn onto the messengers. The C & R candidates in the coming council election are in for a hard time.

  7. Scoop scoop
    The man took the rats out with a flute.
    Dupe dupe,

    Lets make Len jump through a hoop.

    Herald herald, thanks for the fish and chips wrapper.

    Dupe and snoop find some poop.

  8. Lazy Susan 8

    Hey Z. I’ll be pulling some numbers out of my arse next Wednesday. It’ll be interesting to see if my figures show a trend.

    Apparently the right’s got some shocking revelations that Len’s been going over quota on his bog roll allocation at council. Guess he’ll have to order in a couple of extra copies of the Herald.

    Me thinks Granny’s having a wee panic attack.

  9. zesty 9

    A headline I would like to see ..

    “Smiling Assassin goes for Lazarus”

  10. ianmac 10

    I am afraid that your 90% was way out Zedetic. My survey came out with 100% support for Mr Brown and no one asked had any doubt. I can prove my results and survey had a margin of error rate of 0%. When interviewed I was able to confirm my finding and would like to thank Ianmac for being available for this one man survey.

  11. Irascible 11

    The Neilsen poll commissioned by the Herald did not ask any questions about the public perception of Banks as a candidate. All questions were framed to generate a response to Len Brown and the Quax-Lee-Ross (NACT) attack over the credit card repayment “scandal”.
    It was not an unbiased survey. It hinted at the angle the Herald was going to take on any article it wrote on Len Brown and his campaign to unseat their favoured contender.
    How do I know? I received the survey. I note that my unsolicited comments re the connection between Banks, Hide & Key and the destruction of local body democracy weren’t part of the story.

  12. I’d rather pull something out of my arse and smear Banks with it instead…

    …the guy shits me to even look at him

  13. Anthony 13

    For the record I’m am a stauch Act supporter, and member.

    This not a Labour Vs National debate please.

    • I dreamed a dream 13.1

      Hey Anthony, are you the Anthony who made the following comments in the Herald? If you are, you have my respect, even though you and I are on different sides of the political fence 🙂 I may not agree with all the details, but I like how you try to take a balanced view of things.

      Anthony (New Zealand)
      02:22PM Wednesday, 16 Jun 2010
      I reckon Auckland rocks, I think we have an excellent city and a great country. There is so much which is nice about Auckland. There are some smart people here also.

      I hope we all remember how great Auckland is when we vote, and make our vote one of pro, one on pride for our city, on respect for the people.

      I have been a member and stanch supporter of the Act party, and I think I understand capitalism.

      I say that Len Brown is the man we want for this next election in Auckland. Why?
      many many reasons.

      We need an inclusive mayor for this super-city.
      Right-wing works well at a central level and pro-capitalism in a National level.
      I believe for a super city mayor some left wing ideas are important.
      I also respect the herald and in the past it has done a nice service to Auckland. I would ask they keep there standards up with this regard.

      For my fellow right-wingers (free -marketalists) Len could be a moderate and responsible Mayor, the new does not give him huge spending powers.

      A mayor with the enthusiasm for arts, holding the CCOs accountable, and understanding transport issues could make our city a better place. A happier city.

      • Zaphod Beeblebrox 13.1.1

        I think what he is saying is that ideology has no place in local government. Auckland is great because of its communities and you can’t promote that using a free-market mentality. How can you say- we will help you by getting rid of your library or your parks?
        At the same time you have local businesses and community groups. They could not care less about the ‘class struggle’- they just want affordable services, good administration and some creative ways of promoting town centres. Others want clean parks and rivers, some people simply want everything to work.
        So regardless of their background, I think you will find the elected councillors will behave nothing like the groupings they supposedly represent- as ideology will be meanlingless in the new council. There’s no way groups like C and R will be able to promote any caucus unity. You will also find many people who normally vote left will be supporting many supposedly right candidates and vice-versa.
        This of course is bad news for John Banks as lareg numbers of people in the North Shore Rodney and Franklin don’t want the council controlled from Remeura.

  14. geoff 14

    Anthonys mate

    Get out of your bedrooms and blog sites and take a deep breath,the air is good outside.who cares what these monkeys are up too. enjoy life what ever it hands to you.


    PS you talk to much.

  15. handle 15

    Of course there will be party unity among the new super councillors, Zaphod. There are only twenty of them and only two campaigns being run. The local boards do not have any real power so it doesn’t matter who wins those.

    The current Auckland city council shows exactly what people will get if they vote for more of the same Citizens and Ratepayers local National party that has been in charge for decades: Pet projects that benefit certain suburbs or interested parties; Under-spending on basic maintainence of drains and footpaths – penny wise, pound foolish; Selling major assets at below fair price; More spent on roads and less on public transport; Beaches in wealthy areas expensively re-sanded while poor suburbs get told they can’t have a swimming pool built; Jacking up user pays fees including water charges.

    All of that to keep rates bills down now for the rich at the expense of poor people, future generations and the quality of our city. Very much what we see from the right at a national level: transfer of benefits, assets and wealth from the poor to the rich. That qualifies as an ideology, doesn’t it?

    Local elections do not have MMP, so only a crazy person would vote for a right wing candidate if that is not the type of Council they want.

    • Zaphod Beeblebrox 15.1

      Do you anyone outside Kohi, Remeura and Epsom would be stupid enough to vote for that? I guess we will see in October.

  16. sean14 16

    Brown misused his credit card. As did Heatley, Carter, Groser, Jones et al. What’s the smear?

    • Zaphod Beeblebrox 16.1

      Key buys a couple of $100 bottles of wine in Hawaii (possibly within the rules) and Len Brown buys a few cups of coffee (also within the rules), who do you think the NZ Herald would be interested in?
      I won’t even get started on Groser.

      • sean14 16.1.1

        I’m not interested in the Herald.

        Brown’s difficulties were a bit more than cups of coffee, weren’t they? Personal stereos, lost invoices and repeated refusals to comply with the rules.

        Where’s the smear?

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