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Key: Obama’s my pen pal

Written By: - Date published: 12:33 pm, September 1st, 2010 - 14 comments
Categories: john key, Satire - Tags:

Key says his personal relationship with Obama (met the guy twice) means he can call him. Don’t think it’s your winning grin mate. Think it’s because you’re PM of New Zealand.

Anyway, this ain’t a game of collecting phone numbers, John. You’ve got to deliver something concrete. How’s that free trade deal coming?

How do you reckon their phone calls go? Like this?

14 comments on “Key: Obama’s my pen pal ”

  1. Tigger 1

    Key’s need to be liked, his need for approval, especially from men in power, borders on the psychopathic. Daddy complex – it’s not just for girls anymore…

  2. BLiP 2

    John Key has confused the role of Prime Minister with that of CEO.

  3. gobsmacked 3

    “Hello, White House, how may I help you?”

    “Yeah, look, coupla things, it’s the Right Honourable John Key here, yeah, take a step back, balanced approach, can I talk to Barack, please?”

    “I’m sorry, the President is not available, would you like me to transfer you to the Group Tours and Official Souvenirs Department?”

    “Er, no, look, coupla things, it’s me, John, and Baz said I could call him any time. From New Zealand!”

    “New Jersey? Let me transfer you to our Newark office …”

    “No, New Zealand. You know, nuclear-free, and … and the rest! All Blacks!”

    “Arrest all blacks? Sir, I must inform you that calls to the White House switchboard are automatically recorded, and the FBI will seriously investigate any incitement to racial hatred, thank you for calling, y’all have a nice day now …”

    “But, but … it’s John!”

    (line goes dead …)

  4. BLiP 4

    This could be a fun game. My turn:

    “Putting you through now . . . ”

    whirrr – click

    “Hello, John”

    “Baaaazzzzzaaaaaaaaaargh . . . sssup, G?”

    “John?”

    “Heh – yeah, ‘smee – I bin at Porrrrua gettin’ down with the brown. I heard you pupple all call each other ‘G’, or ‘bro’, used to be ‘cuz’ here but we’re movin’ closer to youse every day, good, eh?”

    “That’s . . . interesting. How’s the family, Bronagh’s well?”

    “Oh, yeah, you mean ‘The Hobbit’ – that was a laugh, eh? ‘Member that, when I called her a Hobbit cos yor wif’s so big . . . hahahahaha, totly had to spind the wik in the spare rum for that one, I can tell ya . . . hahahaha . . . still, good times, eh?”

    “Yes, indeed, John, a most memorable occasion, certainly. So, is there a particular reason for your call, I’m just a bit busy at the moment.”

    “Nah, no’rilly, jez culled fer a catch-up . . . oh, yeah, also wanna say thanks for the tip on the bailouts, work a treat dun they? Flung a billion into the big pot plus managed to score a quick hundy thanks to me mates at Torchlight, yeah, we poured it on in the last six munths of the dil. Little beauty it was, so thanks, mate.”

    “Oh-kay. Well nice to hear from you.”

    “Yeah, an you too mate. Hey, ya know that Prince I had a few beers with when he came out here not so long ago? Well, his mum just invited me over to her place in Englund. She’s the Queen. I’ll be staying at her place, you know, staying in a castle and everything.”

    “That’s great, John. Best be off.”

    “Yeah. You want me to say gidday to the Queen for you, Bazza? I’ve got her phone number . . . hello . . . hello . . .”

  5. ak 5

    “Fill in the caller ID wouldya Dolores – New Cylinder nutjob – and find out how they got this number”

  6. Gloria 7

    Hey Labour co National conpirators in search and surveillance. Who would want to know Obama anyway. He’s not a real democrat. He’s a corporate plant.

    Here’s a little quote from Obama’s foreign policy advisor and mentor “Zbigniew Brzezinski” which I’m sure you’ve seen and won’t share with the rest of NZ.

    The Technotronic era involves the gradual appearance of a more controlled society. Such a society would be dominated by an elite, unrestrained by traditional values. Soon it will be possible to assert almost continuous surveillance over every citizen and maintain up-to-date complete files containing even the most personal information about the citizen. These files will be subject to instantaneous retrieval by the authorities.

    Both National and Labour are selling us out with the Nats being better at doing it.

    And don’t pretend you don’t know whats going down and that you won’t sell us all out just like is happening in the UK, Canada, Australia etc.

    We’ll see if you dare to publish this comment.

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