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Pagani to lead Labour to victory!

Written By: - Date published: 1:20 pm, November 14th, 2012 - 20 comments
Categories: humour, political alternatives, Satire - Tags: ,

In a bold and exciting move Labour MP David Shearer stood down at today’s Labour conference and handed the reins to mild mannered media commentator Josie Pagani. Shearer said it became clear he had too much parliamentary experience for the role and the public was calling for someone ‘less like a politician’ than he was. ‘I accept now that my slick media interviews, passionate leftwing appeals and extensive knowledge of parliamentary process was not what the public was after. Hence we have supported Josie to take on the leadership role from outside of parliament.’

Audrey Young was said to be thrilled that the part she played in laying the groundwork for Josie’s ascent was so successful. ‘I just knew when I saw Josie in the pages of Truth that she was the person Labour needed to lead them to victory in 2014. David Farrar thinks so too. I’m just so glad her lovely husband organised that interview for me so I could help her explain all those misunderstandings about bludgers and stuff.’ Young could be seen giving Josie the thumbs up as Josie rode her horse up to the podium for her acceptance speech.

When John Key was approached for comment on the leadership change he was almost too excited about Pagani’s celebrity connections to speak ‘Sam Neil?’ he questioned ‘Jeremy Irons? Squeeeeee!!!’ Key was rumoured to be negotiating for the National government to step aside early in exchange for a meeting with Neil and Irons.

Pagani was looking forward to getting down to business in her new role and had already set the wheels in motion for John Tamihere to join her after the next election. ‘We need to be representative of real New Zealanders and Tamihere is a vital part of that. I look forward to welcoming him as my deputy leader in the near future.’ Tamihere was also pleased to have an ally in the new leader although he did mutter ‘give her a limp, fish breath and a gay red shirt and she’ll be perfect’.

The rabid left wing blog, known for being full of vacant angry ex Labour members, The Standard, could not be reached for comment.

A future horror as inspired by audrey young


lprent: For a different take, Try Dim-Post with “Audrey Young trolls the left-wing blogosphere

Why do so many see Josie Pagani as New Zealand’s answer to a ‘Fox News Democrat’? (ie, someone who provides the illusion of balance by advocating for a left-wing party, but is incapable of making a robust argument or articulating left wing values?). You can’t go past the impressive triple negative opening line of her debut opinion column in Cameron Slater’s Truth:

People who say there’s no such thing as unaffordable housing are out of touch

Now how could anyone not on the left not fail to struggle to not disagree with that?

Ouch…. Read both statements closely and parse out their meaning. If I wrote code like that I’d have to spend all of my time translating boolean illogics. It seems like she needs a better class of editor.


20 comments on “Pagani to lead Labour to victory!”

  1. tracey 1


  2. Tom Gould 2

    Hell has no fury like a lefty scorned. Get over yourselves.

    • PlanetOrphan 2.1

      Yeah U Guest Poster U
      What r they meant to get over Tommy Boy!

    • prism 2.2

      Tom G
      Good one. Keep blogging like this. It makes us feel superior even when our writing reads like chicken scratchings.

      This Josie P item is very amusing. Ground-breaking stuff. And organised so quietly and quickly. What’s she got on Shearer? Do tell.

    • PlanetOrphan 2.3

      “Hell has no fury like a lefty scorned”

      Where did you plagarise that from Tommy Boy! …..
      Sounds like you’ve never even been to HELL M8!

    • Tim G 2.4

      Maybe you’re right Tom, but those lefties (with online/blogging presence) should not have been scorned by their party in the first place.

  3. burt 3

    Shearer said it became clear he had too much parliamentary experience for the role and the public was calling for someone ‘less like a politician’ than he was.

    That’s the real funny bit ! …..

  4. It is hardly surprising that the NZ Herald is getting in the left-wing attack mode, it isn’t even New Zealand owned, just like most of the other papers it is part of a foreign owned news monopoly ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/APN_News_%26_Media#New_Zealand_publishing ):
    ‘The group’s largest shareholder, with a stake of approximately 14.9% is Gina Rinehart, the world’s wealthiest woman. In mid 2012 it was reported that Rinehart had appointed Bell Potter Brokerage to increase her total share to 19.99 percent, the maximum allowed before a takeover offer must be made.[5] However due to provisions in the Fairfax Media insurance policy denying cover for directors holding an ownership interest of greater than 15%, Ms Rinehart was forced to sell down to 14.99%.[6]” *cough* Need another reason to toss the Dominion Post in the recycling? 😉

  5. millsy 5

    As I said from the housing thread (raise your hand if you think MW is a cow..)

    The Standard should invite Josie Pagani on to guest post about what her vision of social democracy/socialism is, and what policies she would implement if she became PM? (And if she would oppose homosexuality like her mate JT).

    What changes would she make to the welfare system?
    Does she support the building of more state housing?
    Does she support privatisation and contracting out?
    What changes will she make to our health and education system?

    So far I have heard meaningless Blairite rhetoric from her but nothing about actually policies she supports (whining “I support free education and healthcare” doesnt cut it darling).

    Come on Pagani? What do you stand for?

    What would **YOU** do?

  6. Rogue Trooper 6

    I thought the description of Josie Pagani that was in the MSM did her no favours at all; all those literary and arty types are often quite out of touch with the realities of the “aspirants” who frequently idolise their “successes”.

  7. Stuart Nash 7

    Josie Pagani: someone who knows what she stands for and is not afraid to articulate ideas while criticising the government, defends social democracy and pragmatic policies and her staunch belief in a better way, is articulate and intelligent – a thinker. Ferments debate. Offers alternative solutions – and all the while using her own name and not hiding behind a pseudonym. Imagine.

    • just saying 7.1

      Josie Pagani, a woman who, for personal gain, and from a position of relative power and privilege viciously attacks people who have neither, and then claims victim status for herself when people respond (with remarkable temperance under the circumstances), while completely avoiding ever answering the substance of opposing views, and denying the reality of the suffering hate speech causes to those whose daily reality she can’t even begin to know. And all the while hiding behind the security settings of her pampered lifestyle, and the patronage of the rich and powerful tories she claims to oppose. Imagine.

      And Stuart if you had any idea of the realities of genuine dissent, or life for those at the bottom of the heap, you’d know that being able to use your real name is a privilege not everyone is able to enjoy.
      Like tobacco, unacknowleged privilege causes blindness.

    • fatty 7.2

      “Offers alternative solutions – and all the while using her own name and not hiding behind a pseudonym. Imagine.”

      If she used a pseudonym, her ideas would be just as useless. I think rather than fermenting debate, thirdway ideology has shut down debate, well it has for a decade, but now resistance is growing towards it. The left is disillusioned by it, and too many people are suffering. It didn’t seem so bad when Aunty Helen was in charge and the economy was humming, but its proved to be little more than neoliberalism.
      Pagani can spout on about her failed ideology for all I care, but when she gets represented as the voice of the left, she must expect to get hammered for it. Admittedly, she may not present herself as the voice of the left, but the left have only one way of distancing themselves from her…that is to attack her.
      As long as she keeps whistling at dogs, she will be attacked, that is the reality. Having third way promoters is fine by me, I expect people with a silver spoon in their mouth to grit their teeth at all costs, even in the face of facts and logic.
      Good luck to her…the fact she is surprised that she is despised just shows how blinded she is by her ideology.
      Wake me up when the left get a voice.

    • rosy 7.3

      So someone who works within a political and journalist milieu, gets paid for it and has an inner circle supportive of it uses her own name to do her job. Well done! impressive self-promotion there.

      Offers alternative solutions? All the while I’m noticing her ‘alternative solutions’ are not being criticised by those she apparently opposes. Which suggests they are not alternatives. At best they are different ways of producing the same outcome.

    • the sprout 7.4

      “Ferments [sic] debate. Offers alternative solutions”

      lol Stuart.
      I think the word you’re looking for is ‘foment’ – unless you mean she turns debates to vinegar – which is I suppose a fairly accurate, reality-based description and therefore not what you meant to say.

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