In a bold and exciting move Labour MP David Shearer stood down at today’s Labour conference and handed the reins to mild mannered media commentator Josie Pagani. Shearer said it became clear he had too much parliamentary experience for the role and the public was calling for someone ‘less like a politician’ than he was. ‘I accept now that my slick media interviews, passionate leftwing appeals and extensive knowledge of parliamentary process was not what the public was after. Hence we have supported Josie to take on the leadership role from outside of parliament.’
Audrey Young was said to be thrilled that the part she played in laying the groundwork for Josie’s ascent was so successful. ‘I just knew when I saw Josie in the pages of Truth that she was the person Labour needed to lead them to victory in 2014. David Farrar thinks so too. I’m just so glad her lovely husband organised that interview for me so I could help her explain all those misunderstandings about bludgers and stuff.’ Young could be seen giving Josie the thumbs up as Josie rode her horse up to the podium for her acceptance speech.
When John Key was approached for comment on the leadership change he was almost too excited about Pagani’s celebrity connections to speak ‘Sam Neil?’ he questioned ‘Jeremy Irons? Squeeeeee!!!’ Key was rumoured to be negotiating for the National government to step aside early in exchange for a meeting with Neil and Irons.
Pagani was looking forward to getting down to business in her new role and had already set the wheels in motion for John Tamihere to join her after the next election. ‘We need to be representative of real New Zealanders and Tamihere is a vital part of that. I look forward to welcoming him as my deputy leader in the near future.’ Tamihere was also pleased to have an ally in the new leader although he did mutter ‘give her a limp, fish breath and a gay red shirt and she’ll be perfect’.
The rabid left wing blog, known for being full of vacant angry ex Labour members, The Standard, could not be reached for comment.
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lprent: For a different take, Try Dim-Post with “Audrey Young trolls the left-wing blogosphere“
Why do so many see Josie Pagani as New Zealand’s answer to a ‘Fox News Democrat’? (ie, someone who provides the illusion of balance by advocating for a left-wing party, but is incapable of making a robust argument or articulating left wing values?). You can’t go past the impressive triple negative opening line of her debut opinion column in Cameron Slater’s Truth:
People who say there’s no such thing as unaffordable housing are out of touch
Now how could anyone not on the left not fail to struggle to not disagree with that?
Ouch…. Read both statements closely and parse out their meaning. If I wrote code like that I’d have to spend all of my time translating boolean illogics. It seems like she needs a better class of editor.