RAW SHARK……THE CAFE, (a new t.v. pilot series) Episode One – “Shark Off”
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10:04 pm, September 28th, 2014 - 6 comments
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After TV Two’s successful series of ‘allo, allo, allo, allo based at the Whale Oil Cafe, a pilot series “Raw Shark – the Cafe” will be screening on TV Two in October. Written by cadet reporter, Tracy Whatshite each episode stars two left wing celebrities who are the staff of the day at Raw Shark.
This weeks special guest stars are Robyn Malcolm and Matt McCarten.
It is early morning in the Raw Shark Cafe and Robyn and Matt are drinking coffee and remembering when the Raw Shark Cafe first opened in mid August and business was booming. Lately the only trade the cafe has seen is a group of Japanese tourists, mistakenly thinking that the cafe serves raw shark and Russell Norman on route by foot from Auckland Airport into the city.
MATT: ”What has happened to this cafe… When it first opened it was the busiest cafe this side of the Harbour Bridge. We had all the journalists coming here. TV3, TV1, the Herald, the Dom Post. What’s gone wrong?”
ROBYN: “I am afraid they have all gone back to Whale Oil Cafe, the greasy spoon cafe in K’Rd. It seems they didn’t like the taste of the food at Raw Shark. They found it very bitter to swallow and it left them feeling nauseous and frightened. Apparently the food at Whale Oil Cafe is more to their taste. Greasy and for most of them guilt free. It apparently has the endorsement of Katherine Rich.”
MATT: “God what are we to do! I may be out of a job soon. We have got to bring the punters in.”
ROBYN: “ Relax. We are hosting a special luncheon today. Its a campaign pitch to help Labour win in 2017.”
MATT; “Cunliffe, Robertson and Shearer to launch their leadership campaign? Here at Raw Shark?”
ROBYN: “No its not the Labour Party. It’s a PR company who a holding a focus group with the media. They are testing their campaign ideas.”
MATT: “So the media are coming back to Raw Shark!”
ROBYN: “Yes but not to eat from the Raw Shark menu……………..anyway, we better go and shift some crates of champagne.” Gets up and exits to the back room to begin putting the champagne on ice.
Later on that day a group of tv breakfast hosts sit around the cafe sipping champagne. The door to the cafe opens and in walks……………….Susanah and Trinny! The group breaks into spontaneous applause.
SUSANNAH: “It’s good to be here down under. Many of you are likely expecting an episode of What not to Wear. And in a way that’s what we are here for. We are here to make over The Labour Party so they win in 2017.”
TRINNY: “Yes we feel it time for a change for Labour. For although red can be sexy, its just not pulling the right people. Our plan is to dumb Labour down so we can pull more voters from the right and guarantee victory for Labour in 2017.
SUSANNAH: “We will appeal to various demographics but in particular, men, youth and people interested in fashion. It hinges on the election of a new leader and a new campaign slogan.”
SUSANAH: “I can now announce the name of Labour’s campaign 2017 will be (clicks onto the first slide)……….”Vote Selfie-ish“. We think it captures the motivation of many on the right and is likely to capture those pesky centre right voters.”
Breakfast t.v. presenters applause!
SUSANNAH: “And given this, the Labour politician most likely to appeal is” clicks new slide .…………….”Jacinda Ardern. We believe she is someone we can really make over to have mass appeal to the New Zealand voting public. Trinny and I will fly in to do a What not to Wear special with her.”
TRINNY: ” It will of course feature Susannah telling Jacinda what fabulous anatomy she has and how she needs to accentuate it in Prada.”
SUSANNAH: “Viewers will be invited to text vote for Jacinda’s best look. The show will culminate with a comparison of “who wore it best”, Jacinda or Kate the Duchess of Cambridge.”
TRINNY: “We then hand Jacinda over to be the star in what will be a New Zealand first, a series of the “The Bachelorette”. The show will run for the 150 weeks up till the next election. 150 men will vie for the possibility of becoming Mr Jacinda Ardern. Each week Jacinda will go on dates with these men and present a red rose to those who aren’t voted off. The bachelors will include a contingent from rural Middlemarch, with the aim of increasing the rural vote.”
TRINNY: “And we can now announce that “The Bachelorette” will be hosted by local Journalist…………….Debra Cone-Hill”
Wild rapturous applause ensues
SUSANNAH: “But wait there’s more! We will have Jacinda attend a range of events such as fashion week and tour with the All Blacks during the Rugby World Cup in 2016”.
Further rapturous applause!
TRINNY: “And we have a very special announcement to make about the 2017 campaign launch. Jacinda will to fly to Los Vegas where she will meet with Kim Kardasian to launch her own line of handbags and jewellery, called Jaz.”
Wild rapturous applause and standing ovation!
SUSANNAH: “We are convinced with this strategy, Jacinda will get more selfies than John Key. Even the All Blacks will begin to think of a selfie with John Key as embarrassing and well frankly something to be ashamed of!”
MATT: “But what about changing labour laws, improving the minimum wage and strengthening unions?”
SUSANAH: “Our market research shows it is best not to mention policy to New Zealand voters. It seems it is too deep for them to comprehend.”
ROBYN M: But what about the environment?”
TRINNY: “I am glad you mentioned that. We have planned for Seven Sharp to film Jacinda swimming with whales in the latest Moontide swimsuits in the week leading up to the election. We believe this will capture some National voters who might have voted Green.”
SUSANNAH: “So everyone! What do you think?”
MATT: “Shark Off!”
Disclaimer: Senior Journalist Susan Nact would like to distance herself from the sexism in this article, which was mostly penned by cadet reporter Tracy Whatsite. The article is not intended at all to be a reflection on Ms Ardern’s skills and professionalism but a total reflection of the sophistication of the New Zealand voter. Our apologies to Ms Ardern if any offence has been given.
Susan Nact would also like it to be known that she has organised a feminist consciousness raising group for Tracy Whatshite.
6 comments on “RAW SHARK……THE CAFE, (a new t.v. pilot series) Episode One – “Shark Off” ”
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- Release: Labour calls for New Zealand to recognise PalestineThe Labour Party has called for the New Zealand Government to recognise Palestine, as a material step towards progressing the two-State solution needed to achieve a lasting peace in the region. ...2 days ago
- Release: Three strikes law political posturing of worst kindThe Government is bringing back a law that has little evidential backing just to look tough, Labour justice spokesperson Duncan Webb said. ...2 days ago
- Release: Government cuts unbelievably target child exploitation, violent extremism, ports and airpor...Some of our country’s most important work, stopping the sexual exploitation of children and violent extremism could go along with staff on the frontline at ports and airports. ...2 days ago
- Three strikes has failed before and will fail againResurrecting the archaic three-strikes legislation is an unwelcome return to a failed American-style approach to justice. ...2 days ago
- Release: Environmental protection vital, not ‘onerous’The Government’s Fast Track Approvals Bill will give projects such as new coal mines a ‘get out of jail free’ card to wreak havoc on the environment, Labour Leader Chris Hipkins said today. ...3 days ago
- Release: Govt cuts doctors and nurses in hiring freezeCuts to frontline hospital staff are not only a broken election promise, it shows the reckless tax cuts have well and truly hit the frontline of the health system, says Labour Health spokesperson Ayesha Verrall. ...5 days ago
- Fast-track submissions period must be extendedThe Green Party has joined the call for public submissions on the fast-track legislation to be extended after the Ombudsman forced the Government to release the list of organisations invited to apply just hours before submissions close. ...5 days ago
- Release: Progress on climate will be undone by GovtNew Zealand’s good work at reducing climate emissions for three years in a row will be undone by the National government’s lack of ambition and scrapping programmes that were making a difference, Labour Party climate spokesperson Megan Woods said today. ...5 days ago
- Release: Dark day for Kiwi kids as a third of Govt cuts affect themNews that 1000 jobs at the Ministry of Education and Oranga Tamariki could go is devastating for future generations of New Zealanders. ...1 week ago
- Release: Alarm as Government signals further blow to school lunchesMore essential jobs could be on the chopping block, this time Ministry of Education staff on the school lunches team are set to find out whether they're in line to lose their jobs. ...1 week ago
- Release: Quick, submit – stop Govt’s dodgy approvals billThe Government is trying to bring in a law that will allow Ministers to cut corners and kill off native species, Labour environment spokesperson Rachel Brooking said. ...1 week ago
- Government throws coal on the climate crisis fireThe Government’s policy announced today to ease consenting for coal mining will have a lasting impact across generations. ...1 week ago
- Release: Public transport costs to double as National looks at unaffordable roading project insteadCancelling urgently needed new Cook Strait ferries and hiking the cost of public transport for many Kiwis so that National can announce the prospect of another tunnel for Wellington is not making good choices, Labour Transport Spokesperson Tangi Utikere said. ...1 week ago
- Release: Cost of living in Auckland still not a priorityA laundry list of additional costs for Tāmaki Makarau Auckland shows the Minister for the city is not delivering for the people who live there, says Labour Auckland Issues spokesperson Shanan Halbert. ...1 week ago
- Greens look to fast-track submissions on harmful lawThe Green Party has today launched a step-by-step guide to help New Zealanders make their voice heard on the Government’s democracy dodging and anti-environment fast track legislation. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Govt should stop making people’s lives harder and build more homesThe National Government’s proposed changes to the Residential Tenancies Act will mean tenants can be turfed from their homes by landlords with little notice, Labour housing spokesperson Kieran McAnulty said. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Melissa Lee missing in action on mediaThe action Melissa Lee promised to protect democracy and the media sector is missing, Media and Communications spokesperson Willie Jackson said. ...2 weeks ago
- Landlord Government leaves little hope for rentersThe Government’s announcement on tenancy rules prove that it does not care about renters. ...2 weeks ago
- Opportunity to build a more sustainable economyGreen Party co-leader Marama Davidson is calling on all parties to support a common-sense change that’s great for the planet and great for consumers after her member’s bill was drawn from the ballot today. ...2 weeks ago
- Significant step forward in fixing cruel and unjust pastA significant milestone has been reached in the fight to strike an anti-Pasifika and unfair law from the country’s books after Teanau Tuiono’s members’ bill passed its first reading. ...2 weeks ago
- Missed opportunity but NZ will surely one day recognise the right to a sustainable environmentNew Zealand has today missed the opportunity to uphold the right to a clean, healthy, and sustainable environment, says James Shaw after his member’s bill was voted down in its first reading. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Don’t cut our lunches – clear message sent to GovernmentTens of thousands of people are demanding the Government commits to fully funding free and healthy school lunches. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Govt makes U-turn on Suicide Prevention OfficeLabour welcomes the Government’s U-turn on the closure of the Suicide Prevention Office, says Labour Mental Health spokesperson Ingrid Leary. ...2 weeks ago
- CCC issues warning over further climate delayToday’s advice from the Climate Change Commission paints a sobering reality of the challenge we face in combating climate change, especially in light of recent Government policy announcements. ...2 weeks ago
- Luxon targets lame and lousy example of leadershipIf talk is cheap, Chris Luxon’s “targets” are bankrupt. ...2 weeks ago
- Luxon targets are lousy example of leadershipIf talk is cheap, Chris Luxon’s “targets” are bankrupt. ...2 weeks ago
- Release: Commitment to disability communities missing from Govt prioritiesMinister for Disability Issues Penny Simmonds appears to have delayed a report back to Cabinet on the progress New Zealand is making against international obligations for disabled New Zealanders. ...2 weeks ago
- Methane target review is dangerous duplicationThe Government’s newly announced review of methane emissions reduction targets hints at its desire to delay Aotearoa New Zealand’s urgent transition to a climate safe future, the Green Party said. ...3 weeks ago
- Release: Government must commit to school building project for disabled studentsThe Government must commit to the Maitai School building project for students with high and complex needs, to ensure disabled students from the top of the South Island have somewhere to learn. ...3 weeks ago
- Release: National must take mental health seriouslyMental Health Minister Matt Doocey and his Government colleagues have made a meal of their mental health commitments, showing how flimsy their efforts to champion the issue truly are, says Labour Mental Health spokesperson Ingrid Leary. ...3 weeks ago
- PM announces changes to portfolios
Paul Goldsmith will take on responsibility for the Media and Communications portfolio, while Louise Upston will pick up the Disability Issues portfolio, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon announced today. “Our Government is relentlessly focused on getting New Zealand back on track. As issues change in prominence, I plan to adjust Ministerial ...14 hours ago - New catch limits for unique fishery areasRecreational catch limits will be reduced in areas of Fiordland and the Chatham Islands to help keep those fisheries healthy and sustainable, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones says. The lower recreational daily catch limits for a range of finfish and shellfish species caught in the Fiordland Marine Area and ...17 hours ago
- Minister welcomes hydrogen milestoneEnergy Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed an important milestone in New Zealand’s hydrogen future, with the opening of the country’s first network of hydrogen refuelling stations in Wiri. “I want to congratulate the team at Hiringa Energy and its partners K one W one (K1W1), Mitsui & Co New Zealand ...1 day ago
- Urgent changes to system through first RMA Amendment BillThe coalition Government is delivering on its commitment to improve resource management laws and give greater certainty to consent applicants, with a Bill to amend the Resource Management Act (RMA) expected to be introduced to Parliament next month. RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop has today outlined the first RMA Amendment ...2 days ago
- Overseas decommissioning models consideredOverseas models for regulating the oil and gas sector, including their decommissioning regimes, are being carefully scrutinised as a potential template for New Zealand’s own sector, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. The Coalition Government is focused on rebuilding investor confidence in New Zealand’s energy sector as it looks to strengthen ...2 days ago
- Release of North Island Severe Weather Event InquiryEmergency Management and Recovery Minister Mark Mitchell has today released the Report of the Government Inquiry into the response to the North Island Severe Weather Events. “The report shows that New Zealand’s emergency management system is not fit-for-purpose and there are some significant gaps we need to address,” Mr Mitchell ...2 days ago
- Justice Minister to attend Human Rights CouncilJustice Minister Paul Goldsmith is today travelling to Europe where he’ll update the United Nations Human Rights Council on the Government’s work to restore law and order. “Attending the Universal Periodic Review in Geneva provides us with an opportunity to present New Zealand’s human rights progress, priorities, and challenges, while ...2 days ago
- Patterson reopens world’s largest wool scouring facilityAssociate Agriculture Minister, Mark Patterson, formally reopened the world’s largest wool processing facility today in Awatoto, Napier, following a $50 million rebuild and refurbishment project. “The reopening of this facility will significantly lift the economic opportunities available to New Zealand’s wool sector, which already accounts for 20 per cent of ...2 days ago
- Speech to the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective Summit, 18 April 2024Hon Andrew Bayly, Minister for Small Business and Manufacturing At the Southland Otago Regional Engineering Collective (SOREC) Summit, 18 April, Dunedin Ngā mihi nui, Ko Andrew Bayly aho, Ko Whanganui aho Good Afternoon and thank you for inviting me to open your summit today. I am delighted ...3 days ago
- Government to introduce revised Three Strikes lawThe Government is delivering on its commitment to bring back the Three Strikes legislation, Associate Justice Minister Nicole McKee announced today. “Our Government is committed to restoring law and order and enforcing appropriate consequences on criminals. We are making it clear that repeat serious violent or sexual offending is not ...3 days ago
- New diplomatic appointmentsForeign Minister Winston Peters has today announced four new diplomatic appointments for New Zealand’s overseas missions. “Our diplomats have a vital role in maintaining and protecting New Zealand’s interests around the world,” Mr Peters says. “I am pleased to announce the appointment of these senior diplomats from the ...3 days ago
- Humanitarian support for Ethiopia and SomaliaNew Zealand is contributing NZ$7 million to support communities affected by severe food insecurity and other urgent humanitarian needs in Ethiopia and Somalia, Foreign Minister Rt Hon Winston Peters announced today. “Over 21 million people are in need of humanitarian assistance across Ethiopia, with a further 6.9 million people ...3 days ago
- Arts Minister congratulates Mataaho CollectiveMinister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Paul Goldsmith is congratulating Mataaho Collective for winning the Golden Lion for best participant in the main exhibition at the Venice Biennale. "Congratulations to the Mataaho Collective for winning one of the world's most prestigious art prizes at the Venice Biennale. “It is good ...4 days ago
- Supporting better financial outcomes for KiwisThe Government is reforming financial services to improve access to home loans and other lending, and strengthen customer protections, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly and Housing Minister Chris Bishop announced today. “Our coalition Government is committed to rebuilding the economy and making life simpler by cutting red tape. We are ...4 days ago
- Trade relationship with China remains strong“China remains a strong commercial opportunity for Kiwi exporters as Chinese businesses and consumers continue to value our high-quality safe produce,” Trade and Agriculture Minister Todd McClay says. Mr McClay has returned to New Zealand following visits to Beijing, Harbin and Shanghai where he met ministers, governors and mayors and engaged in trade and agricultural events with the New ...4 days ago
- PM’s South East Asia mission does the businessPrime Minister Christopher Luxon has completed a successful trip to Singapore, Thailand and the Philippines, deepening relationships and capitalising on opportunities. Mr Luxon was accompanied by a business delegation and says the choice of countries represents the priority the New Zealand Government places on South East Asia, and our relationships in ...5 days ago
- $41m to support clean energy in South East AsiaNew Zealand is demonstrating its commitment to reducing global greenhouse emissions, and supporting clean energy transition in South East Asia, through a contribution of NZ$41 million (US$25 million) in climate finance to the Asian Development Bank (ADB)-led Energy Transition Mechanism (ETM). Prime Minister Christopher Luxon and Climate Change Minister Simon Watts announced ...5 days ago
- Minister releases Fast-track stakeholder listThe Government is today releasing a list of organisations who received letters about the Fast-track applications process, says RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop. “Recently Ministers and agencies have received a series of OIA requests for a list of organisations to whom I wrote with information on applying to have a ...6 days ago
- Judicial appointments announcedAttorney-General Judith Collins today announced the appointment of Wellington Barrister David Jonathan Boldt as a Judge of the High Court, and the Honourable Justice Matthew Palmer as a Judge of the Court of Appeal. Justice Boldt graduated with an LLB from Victoria University of Wellington in 1990, and also holds ...6 days ago
- Education Minister heads to major teaching summit in SingaporeEducation Minister Erica Stanford will lead the New Zealand delegation at the 2024 International Summit on the Teaching Profession (ISTP) held in Singapore. The delegation includes representatives from the Post Primary Teachers’ Association (PPTA) Te Wehengarua and the New Zealand Educational Institute (NZEI) Te Riu Roa. The summit is co-hosted ...6 days ago
- Value of stopbank project proven during cycloneA stopbank upgrade project in Tairawhiti partly funded by the Government has increased flood resilience for around 7000ha of residential and horticultural land so far, Regional Development Minister Shane Jones says. Mr Jones today attended a dawn service in Gisborne to mark the end of the first stage of the ...6 days ago
- Anzac commemorations, Türkiye relationship focus of visitForeign Affairs Minister Winston Peters will represent the Government at Anzac Day commemorations on the Gallipoli Peninsula next week and engage with senior representatives of the Turkish government in Istanbul. “The Gallipoli campaign is a defining event in our history. It will be a privilege to share the occasion ...6 days ago
- Minister to Europe for OECD meeting, Anzac DayScience, Innovation and Technology and Defence Minister Judith Collins will next week attend the OECD Science and Technology Ministerial conference in Paris and Anzac Day commemorations in Belgium. “Science, innovation and technology have a major role to play in rebuilding our economy and achieving better health, environmental and social outcomes ...6 days ago
- Comprehensive Partnership the goal for NZ and the PhilippinesPrime Minister Christopher Luxon held a bilateral meeting today with the President of the Philippines, Ferdinand Marcos Jr. The Prime Minister was accompanied by MP Paulo Garcia, the first Filipino to be elected to a legislature outside the Philippines. During today’s meeting, Prime Minister Luxon and President Marcos Jr discussed opportunities to ...6 days ago
- Government commits $20m to Westport flood protectionThe Government has announced that $20 million in funding will be made available to Westport to fund much needed flood protection around the town. This measure will significantly improve the resilience of the community, says Local Government Minister Simeon Brown. “The Westport community has already been allocated almost $3 million ...6 days ago
- Taupō takes pole positionThe Government is proud to support the first ever Repco Supercars Championship event in Taupō as up to 70,000 motorsport fans attend the Taupō International Motorsport Park this weekend, says Economic Development Minister Melissa Lee. “Anticipation for the ITM Taupō Super400 is huge, with tickets and accommodation selling out weeks ...6 days ago
- Cost of living support for low-income homeownersLocal Government Minister Simeon Brown has announced an increase to the Rates Rebate Scheme, putting money back into the pockets of low-income homeowners. “The coalition Government is committed to bringing down the cost of living for New Zealanders. That includes targeted support for those Kiwis who are doing things tough, such ...7 days ago
- Government backing mussel spat projectThe Coalition Government is investing in a project to boost survival rates of New Zealand mussels and grow the industry, Oceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones has announced. “This project seeks to increase the resilience of our mussels and significantly boost the sector’s productivity,” Mr Jones says. “The project - ...7 days ago
- Government focused on getting people into workBenefit figures released today underscore the importance of the Government’s plan to rebuild the economy and have 50,000 fewer people on Jobseeker Support, Social Development and Employment Minister Louise Upston says. “Benefit numbers are still significantly higher than when National was last in government, when there was about 70,000 fewer ...7 days ago
- Clean energy key driver to reducing emissionsThe Government’s commitment to doubling New Zealand’s renewable energy capacity is backed by new data showing that clean energy has helped the country reach its lowest annual gross emissions since 1999, Climate Change Minister Simon Watts says. New Zealand’s latest Greenhouse Gas Inventory (1990-2022) published today, shows gross emissions fell ...7 days ago
- Earthquake-prone buildings review brought forwardThe Government is bringing the earthquake-prone building review forward, with work to start immediately, and extending the deadline for remediations by four years, Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk says. “Our Government is focused on rebuilding the economy. A key part of our plan is to cut red tape that ...7 days ago
- Thailand and NZ to agree to Strategic PartnershipPrime Minister Christopher Luxon and his Thai counterpart, Prime Minister Srettha Thavisin, have today agreed that New Zealand and the Kingdom of Thailand will upgrade the bilateral relationship to a Strategic Partnership by 2026. “New Zealand and Thailand have a lot to offer each other. We have a strong mutual desire to build ...1 week ago
- Government consults on extending coastal permits for portsRMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop and Transport Minister Simeon Brown have today announced the Coalition Government’s intention to extend port coastal permits for a further 20 years, providing port operators with certainty to continue their operations. “The introduction of the Resource Management Act in 1991 required ports to obtain coastal ...1 week ago
- Inflation coming down, but more work to doToday’s announcement that inflation is down to 4 per cent is encouraging news for Kiwis, but there is more work to be done - underlining the importance of the Government’s plan to get the economy back on track, acting Finance Minister Chris Bishop says. “Inflation is now at 4 per ...1 week ago
- School attendance restored as a priority in health adviceRefreshed health guidance released today will help parents and schools make informed decisions about whether their child needs to be in school, addressing one of the key issues affecting school attendance, says Associate Education Minister David Seymour. In recent years, consistently across all school terms, short-term illness or medical reasons ...1 week ago
- Unnecessary bureaucracy cut in oceans sectorOceans and Fisheries Minister Shane Jones is streamlining high-level oceans management while maintaining a focus on supporting the sector’s role in the export-led recovery of the economy. “I am working to realise the untapped potential of our fishing and aquaculture sector. To achieve that we need to be smarter with ...1 week ago
- Patterson promoting NZ’s wool sector at International CongressAssociate Agriculture Minister Mark Patterson is speaking at the International Wool Textile Organisation Congress in Adelaide, promoting New Zealand wool, and outlining the coalition Government’s support for the revitalisation the sector. "New Zealand’s wool exports reached $400 million in the year to 30 June 2023, and the coalition Government ...1 week ago
- Removing red tape to help early learners thriveThe Government is making legislative changes to make it easier for new early learning services to be established, and for existing services to operate, Associate Education Minister David Seymour says. The changes involve repealing the network approval provisions that apply when someone wants to establish a new early learning service, ...1 week ago
- RMA changes to cut coal mining consent red tapeChanges to the Resource Management Act will align consenting for coal mining to other forms of mining to reduce barriers that are holding back economic development, Resources Minister Shane Jones says. “The inconsistent treatment of coal mining compared with other extractive activities is burdensome red tape that fails to acknowledge ...1 week ago
- McClay reaffirms strong NZ-China trade relationshipTrade, Agriculture and Forestry Minister Todd McClay has concluded productive discussions with ministerial counterparts in Beijing today, in support of the New Zealand-China trade and economic relationship. “My meeting with Commerce Minister Wang Wentao reaffirmed the complementary nature of the bilateral trade relationship, with our Free Trade Agreement at its ...1 week ago
- High Court overturns Waitangi Tribunal summons to Minister for Children Karen Chhour
The minister was due to give evidence on Friday regarding the government's plans to repeal section 7AA of the Oranga Tamariki Act ...5 hours ago - Sydney University students set up Gaza solidarity camp as war marks 200 days
Asia Pacific Report Students and activist staff at Australia’s University of Sydney (USyd) have set up a Gaza solidarity encampment in support of Palestinians and similar student-led protests in the United States. The camp was pitched as mass graves, crippled hospitals, thousands of civilian deaths and the near-total destruction of ...6 hours ago - Most bees don’t die after stinging – and other surprising bee factsSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By James B. Dorey, Lecturer in Biological Sciences, University of Wollongong Australian teddy bear bees are cute and fluffy, but get a look at that massive (unbarbed) stinger! James Dorey Photography Most of us have been stung by a bee and we ...7 hours ago
- How Anzac deaths changed the way we mourn to this daySource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jen Roberts, Senior Lecturer, School of Humanities and Social Inquiry, University of Wollongong Aussie~mobs/Flickr Victor Farr, a private in the 1st Infantry Battalion, was among the first to land at Anzac Cove just before dawn on April 25 1915. Victor Farr ...7 hours ago
- Sugar gums have a reputation as risky branch-droppers but they’re important to bees, parrots and p...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Gregory Moore, Senior Research Associate, School of Ecosystem and Forest Sciences, The University of Melbourne Gregory Moore I had the good fortune to care for the sugar gum at The University of Melbourne’s Burnley Gardens in Victoria where I worked for ...7 hours ago
- Inflation is slowly falling, while student debt is climbing: 6 graphs that explain today’s CPISource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By John Hawkins, Senior Lecturer, Canberra School of Politics, Economics and Society, University of Canberra BagzhanSadvakassov/Upsplash, CC BY-SA Australia’s inflation rate has fallen for the fifth successive quarter, and it’s now less than half of what it was back in late 2022. ...7 hours ago
- Our housing system is broken and the poorest Australians are being hardest hitSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Rachel Ong ViforJ, ARC Future Fellow & Professor of Economics, Curtin University Just when we think the price of rentals could not get any worse, this week’s Rental Affordability Snapshot by Anglicare has revealed low-income Australians are facing a housing crisis like ...7 hours ago
- ‘It bucked our lads up wonderfully’: the lightning-quick WWI battle that marked the birth of the...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Meighen McCrae, Associate Professor of Strategic & Defence Studies, Australian National University American and Australian stretcher bearers working together near the front line during the Battle of Hamel in 1918. Australian War Memorial While the AUKUS alliance is new, the Australian-American partnership ...7 hours ago
- Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Tracey Holmes, Professorial Fellow in Sport, University of Canberra When the news broke last weekend that 23 Chinese swimmers had tested positive to a banned drug in early 2021 and were allowed to compete at the Tokyo Olympic Games six months later ...7 hours ago
- First Nations Anzacs sacrificed life and limb for Country. Why aren’t their stories shown onscreen...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Cally Jetta, Senior Lecturer and Academic Lead; College for First Nations, University of Southern Queensland Australian War Memorial Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander readers are advised this article contains names and images of deceased people, as well as sensitive historical information ...7 hours ago
- NZ’s Media Minister Melissa Lee demoted after Newshub crisisRNZ News Melissa Lee has been ousted from New Zealand’s coalition cabinet and stripped of the Media portfolio, and Penny Simmonds has lost the Disability Issues portfolio in a reshuffle. Climate Change and Revenue Minister Simon Watts will take Lee’s spot in cabinet. Simmonds was a minister outside of cabinet. ...7 hours ago
- Our tall, wet forests were not open and park-like when colonists arrived – and we shouldn’t be b...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By David Lindenmayer, Professor, Fenner School of Environment and Society, Australian National University laurello/Shutterstock Some reports and popular books, such as Bill Gammage’s Biggest Estate on Earth, have argued that extensive areas of Australia’s forests were kept open through frequent burning by ...8 hours ago
- Aces in their places: Luxon plays coy over ministers' competenceAnalysis - Christopher Luxon framing the demotion of two ministers as the portfolios getting "too complex" is a charitable way of saying they weren't up to the job. ...8 hours ago
- Politics with Michelle Grattan: Economist Chris Richardson on an ‘ugly’ inflation result and the...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Michelle Grattan, Professorial Fellow, University of Canberra With Jim Chalmers’s third budget on May 14, Australians will be looking for some more cost-of-living relief – beyond the tax cuts – although they have been warned extra measures will be modest. As ...8 hours ago
- Melissa Lee’s media Hail Mary comes up short
Analysis: Melissa Lee has lost the media portfolio and her spot in Cabinet after multiple failed attempts to find solutions for a media industry in crisis. On Wednesday, the Prime Minister announced Lee would be losing her spot in Cabinet along with her media and communications ministerial portfolio. The job ...8 hours ago - Northland council continues four-year Māori ward fight in face of government changesA council that played a key role in getting Māori ward polling removed is now lobbying against government plans to reinstate binding referendums. ...8 hours ago
- Education Ministry cuts: Roles providing support for disabled kids among those proposed to be axedLeaked documents show which divisions will bear the brunt of hundreds of proposed job cuts at the Ministry of Education. ...9 hours ago
- Land Information New Zealand proposes 57 job cutsIt is the latest department to announce job cuts as part of the government's cost-cutting measures. ...9 hours ago
- Watch: Government's 'wheels are falling off already', Hipkins says, after ministers d...The Labour leader says the demotion of two ministers today shows the PM "didn't have particularly good judgement". ...10 hours ago
- The stories of Australia’s Muslim Anzacs have long been forgotten. It’s time we honour themSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Simon Wilmot, Senior Lecturer, Film, Deakin University Among the many Australian who served during the second world war, there is a small group of people whose stories remain largely untold. These are the Muslim men and women who, while small in number, ...10 hours ago
- National emergency response facing 26 separate inquiries: What have we learnedThe country's emergency response is besieged by inquiries, despite years of reviews and efforts to make laws that deliver. ...10 hours ago
- Sexual assault victims give evidence in court, but alleged perpetrators don’t have to. Bruce Lehrm...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Kelly Saunders, PhD Candidate, University of Canberra There has been much analysis and praise of Justice Michael Lee’s recent judgement in Bruce Lehrmann’s defamation case against Channel Ten. Many people were openly relieved to read Lee’s “forensic” and “nuanced” application of law ...11 hours ago
- What’s the difference between ADD and ADHD?Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Kathy Gibbs, Program Director for the Bachelor of Education, Griffith University zEdward_Indy/Shutterstock Around one in 20 people has attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). It’s one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders in childhood and often continues into adulthood. ADHD is diagnosed ...11 hours ago
- Watch: Government's 'wheels are falling off already', Hipkins says, after minsters de...The Labour leader says the demotion of two ministers today shows the PM "didn't have particularly good judgement". ...11 hours ago
- Anti-Poverty Groups Urge New Minister For Disability Issues To Reverse Funding Cuts
The Fairer Future coalition of anti-poverty groups say Whaikaha must be properly funded going forward, and that to argue that poor financial management of the new Ministry is a red herring by the Prime Minister. ...12 hours ago - New Media Minister Must Rule Out State Intervention In Private MediaThe Taxpayers’ Union is today congratulating Hon. Paul Goldsmith on his appointment as Minister for Media and Communications and urges him to rule out state intervention in the private media sector. ...12 hours ago
- OPM leader’s open letter condemns Australia’s ‘treachery’ over PapuaAsia Pacific Report The West Papuan resistance OPM leader has condemned Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and US President Joe Biden, accusing their countries of “six decades of treachery” over Papuan independence. The open letter was released today by OPM chairman Jeffrey P Bomanak on the eve of ANZAC Day ...12 hours ago
- ‘Emily Dickinson made me into a writer’: Lauren Groff on the power of reading
Welcome to The Spinoff Books Confessional, in which we get to know the reading habits and quirks of New Zealanders at large. This week: writer and one of Time Magazine’s 100 most influential people of 2024, Lauren Groff. The book I wish I’d written If I wish I’d written a ...12 hours ago - Watch live: Chris Hipkins speaks after ministers Melissa Lee, Penny Simmonds lose portfoliosThe Labour leader speaks from Parliament after the prime minister's sudden Cabinet reshuffle. ...12 hours ago
- What kind of diner are you? 6 types of diners who avoid plant-based meat dishesSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By David Fechner, Research Fellow, Social Marketing, Griffith University mavo/Shutterstock Imagine having dinner at a restaurant. The menu offers plant-based meat alternatives made mostly from vegetables, mushrooms, legumes and wheat that mimic meat in taste, texture and smell. Despite being given that ...12 hours ago
- Auckland University Criminologist Slams ‘Racist’ Three Strikes Law“Three Strikes is a dead-end policy proposed by a dead-end government. The Three Strikes law ignores the causes of crime, instead just brutalising people already crushed by the cost of living.” ...13 hours ago
- Australia-born judge facing potential deportation from KiribatiBy Don Wiseman, RNZ Pacific senior journalist An Australian-born judge in Kiribati could well face deportation later this week after a tribunal ruling that he should be removed from his post. The tribunal’s report has just been tabled in the Kiribati Parliament and is due to be debated by MPs ...13 hours ago
- Can Body-Worn Cameras Work In Australia And New Zealand? Lessons From Milestone’s Denmark SurveyWith its clear mandate for police use, political nuances, and nuanced public trust, Denmark's insights provide valuable considerations for Australia and New Zealand. ...13 hours ago
- Media Minister Melissa Lee demoted from Cabinet, Penny Simmonds stripped of portfolioMelissa Lee has been stripped of the Media portfolio, while Penny Simmonds has lost the Disability Issues role. Follow as the PM explains. ...13 hours ago
- Climate change and human rights: how a landmark legal victory in Europe could affect NZSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Vernon Rive, Associate Professor of Law, University of Auckland, Waipapa Taumata Rau Getty Images A seven-year campaign by a group of over 2,000 Swiss women – average age 73 – recently ended with a European Court of Human Rights decision variously ...14 hours ago
- Page-turning rural gothic: Ash by Louise Wallace, reviewedBooks editor Claire Mabey reviews poet Louise Wallace’s debut novel. A famous poet once said to me that he’s always suspicious when a poet publishes a novel. I never really understood why but maybe it’s something to do with cheating on your first form. Louise Wallace is a poet. She’s ...14 hours ago
- Lower catch limits in force for Fiordland, Chatham IslandsNew catch limits in Fiordland mean recreational fishers will only be able to take much smaller bags of finfish and shellfish. ...14 hours ago
- New emergency management legislation delayed after bill pulled by GovernmentThe bill was introduced by the previous government in June last year. ...15 hours ago
- ‘It was my Eras tour’: Meet the world’s biggest TrueBliss fansFor a few months at the turn of the millennium, TrueBliss burned bright as the biggest pop stars in the country. Alex Casey chats to two superfans who still hold the flame. During a humble backyard wedding in Nelson, 1999, one of the cordially invited guests had to excuse themselves ...16 hours ago
- No more Census forms? Stats NZ mulls form of future surveysThe traditional Census form could become a thing of the past, as Stats NZ starts to rely more heavily on administrative data. ...16 hours ago
- The voices that vanish in a decimated newsroom How will the recent wave of job cuts impact ethnic diversity in the media? In November last year, I was working a very busy day in the newsroom of a large online news site, interviewing whānau about their concerns over the imminent closure of one of the few puna reo ...17 hours ago
- Half our colleagues suffer pain and discomfort from periods. But they’re still a taboo subject at ...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Ruth Knight, Researcher, Queensland University of Technology Have you ever felt sick at work? Perhaps you had food poisoning or the flu. Your belly hurt, or you felt tired, making it hard to concentrate and be productive. How likely would you be ...17 hours ago
- 'We're going to be banning gang patches' – Police Minister adamantDespite heavy criticism and an ongoing select committee process, the Police Minister says the Government will forge ahead with a ban on gang patches. ...18 hours ago
- Is it possible to ‘objectively’ judge music? We asked 5 expertsSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Sam Whiting, Lecturer – Creative Industries, University of South Australia Shutterstock Everyone has a favourite band, or a favourite composer, or a favourite song. There is some music which speaks to you, deeply; and other music which might be the current ...18 hours ago
- Gloomy vibe from infrastructure sector as RMA changes unveiledA new survey says ‘outlook not great’ for those charged with building infrastructure, while RMA changes delight farmers and depress environmentalists, writes Anna Rawhiti-Connell in this excerpt from The Bulletin, The Spinoff’s morning news round-up. To receive The Bulletin in full each weekday, sign up here. First RMA changes announced ...18 hours ago
- From Gallipoli to Gaza: remembering the Anzacs not as a ‘coming of age’ tale but as a lesson for...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Olli Hellmann, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Waikato Getty Images When New Zealanders commemorate Anzac Day on April 25, it’s not only to honour the soldiers who lost their lives in World War I and subsequent conflicts, but also ...18 hours ago
- The end of the Census? Stats NZ to look at whether survey is still neededThe traditional Census survey could become a thing of the past as Stats NZ starts to rely more heavily on administrative data. ...18 hours ago
- Leaked document reveals millions of dollars of cuts at Te Whatu OraA leaked document shows the Canterbury/Waitaha arm of health agency Te Whatu Ora is scurrying to save $13.3 million by July. The “financial sustainability target”, which was “allocated” to Waitaha, is consistent with what’s happening in other districts, says Sarah Dalton, executive director of the Association of Salaried Medical Specialists. ...20 hours ago
- Hiring freeze leaves Oranga Tamariki with no lawyers in Gisborne or SouthlandThe ministry's lawyers work with vulnerable children across the country, often in the youth and family courts. ...20 hours ago
- Is KiwiBuild finally on its last legs?A look at the state of the previous government’s affordable housing scheme, and what could come next. Remind me: What’s KiwiBuild again? First announced in 2012, KiwiBuild was a flagship policy of the Labour Party heading into both its 2014 and 2017 election campaigns. With Jacinda Ardern as prime minister, ...21 hours ago
- Labour has forgotten it was in governmentLabour in opposition will be shocked to learn which party had six years in power but squandered any chance to make real change. Grant Robertson’s valedictory speech was a predictably entertaining trip down memory lane. The acid-tongued incoming Otago University chancellor administered a sick burn to the coalition government. He ...21 hours ago
- Can social investment shift the dial on welfare and wellbeing?Exploring the arguments for and against a social investment approach The post Can social investment shift the dial on welfare and wellbeing? appeared first on Newsroom. ...21 hours ago
- Lessons identified must become lessons learned for emergency preparednessOpinion: It cost too much, apparently, to implement a ‘common operational picture’ The post Lessons identified must become lessons learned for emergency preparedness appeared first on Newsroom. ...21 hours ago
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- Quake rules in for a shake-upThere’s relief for building owners bending under the weight of earthquake strengthening rules – and costs – that came into force seven years ago. Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk has announced a scheduled 2027 review of the earthquake-prone building regulations will now start this year. Owners will also get ...21 hours ago
- Kiwis are learning how to fight climate change – pollsBucking a common misconception, NZers no longer say recycling is the most effective action they can take to reduce climate pollution The post Kiwis are learning how to fight climate change – polls appeared first on Newsroom. ...21 hours ago
- Daily crossword, Wednesday 24 AprilThe post Daily crossword, Wednesday 24 April appeared first on Newsroom. ...21 hours ago
- Child protection decimation a ‘callous razor gang response’Opinion: It has been announced that nine percent of roles at Oranga Tamariki will be disestablished, presumably to help fund the tax cuts promised by the coalition Government. I am reminded of the graphics used to illustrate pandemic events, where five thousand people are standing in a field and then ...21 hours ago
- ‘Lesser Spotted Kiwi’ survives one of world’s toughest racesAfter more than two sleepless days, running through savage terrain, Greig Hamilton didn’t know if he was going to finish one of the most gruelling psychological assaults in sport. He was metres away from the finish line, a yellow gate made famous in a Netflix documentary; a race he’d dreamed ...21 hours ago
- Newsroom daily quiz, Wednesday 24 AprilLoading…(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){var ql=document.querySelectorAll('A[quiz],DIV[quiz],A[data-quiz],DIV[data-quiz]'); if(ql){if(ql.length){for(var k=0;k<ql.length;k++){ql[k].id='quiz-embed-'+k;ql[k].href="javascript:var i=document.getElementById('quiz-embed-"+k+"');try{qz.startQuiz(i)}catch(e){i.start=1;i.style.cursor='wait';i.style.opacity='0.5'};void(0);"}}};i['QP']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){(i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o),m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m)})(window,document,'script','https://take.quiz-maker.com/3012/CDN/quiz-embed-v1.js','qp'); Got a good quiz question? Send Newsroom your questions. The post Newsroom daily quiz, Wednesday 24 April appeared first on Newsroom. ...21 hours ago
- ‘I was in awe of Germaine Greer’s face, her neck, her hands’The following interview with former Green Party MP Sue Kedgley came about because she features in the new memoir Hine Toa by activist Ngāhuia te Awekōtuku; the two knew each other at the University of Auckland in the early 70s, when they were both took on leadership roles in the ...21 hours ago
- Murray Horton: Get tough on Israel – we’ve done it before over spiesCOMMENTARY: By Murray Horton New Zealand needs to get tough with Israel. It’s not as if we haven’t done so before. When NZ authorities busted a Mossad operation in Auckland 20 years ago, the government didn’t say: “Oh well, Israel has the right to defend itself.” No, it arrested, prosecuted, ...1 day ago
- Fiji journalism – starting with the people and ending with the peopleNEWSMAKERS: By Vijay Narayan, news director of FijiVillage Blessed to be part of the University of Fiji (UniFiji) faculty to continue to teach and mentor those who want to join our noble profession, and to stand for truth and justice for the people of the country. I was privileged to ...1 day ago
- Beyond the spin, beyond the handouts, here’s how to get a handle on what’s really happening on b...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Peter Martin, Visiting Fellow, Crawford School of Public Policy, Australian National University Three weeks from now, some of us will be presented with a mountain of budget papers, and just about all of us will get to hear about them on radio, ...1 day ago
- West Antarctica’s ice sheet was smaller thousands of years ago – here’s why this matters todaySource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Dan Lowry, Ice Sheet & Climate Modeller, GNS Science Hugh Chittock/Antarctica New Zealand, CC BY-SA As the climate warms and Antarctica’s glaciers and ice sheets melt, the resulting rise in sea level has the potential to displace hundreds of millions of ...1 day ago
- 'We can't forget those people': Public sector job cuts not just impacting WellingtonAt least 400 of the thousands of jobs on the line so far are outside Wellington, according to the Public Service Association. ...1 day ago
- 'There's no evidence that three strikes reduces crime' – lawyersThe government's plan to reintroduce a three strikes regime is being strongly opposed by lawyers, who argue there is no evidence it reduces crime or helps people rehabilitate. ...1 day ago
- Elon Musk vs Australia: global content take-down orders can harm the internet if adopted widelySource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Dan Jerker B. Svantesson, Professor specialising in Internet law, Bond University Do Australian courts have the right to decide what foreign citizens, located overseas, view online on a foreign-owned platform? Anyone inclined to answer “yes” to this question should perhaps also ask ...1 day ago
- Elon Musk says ‘disc replacement’ worked for him. But evidence this surgery helps chronic pain i...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Giovanni E Ferreira, NHMRC Emerging Leader Research Fellow, Institute of Musculoskeletal Health, University of Sydney Last week in a post on X, owner of the platform Elon Musk recommended people look into disc replacement if they’re experiencing severe neck or back pain. ...1 day ago
- The NSW treasurer says a slashed share of GST will cost his state $11.9 billion. But where did he ge...Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By David Hayward, Emeritus Professor of Public Policy, RMIT University anek.soowannaphoom/Shutterstock NSW Treasurer Daniel Mookhey caught the headlines yesterday, courtesy of a blistering speech condemning the latest GST carve-up. New South Wales, he claimed, would be A$11.9 billion worse off over the ...1 day ago
- Anti-gang laws face heavy criticism at select committeeWhile police are "broadly in favour", the government's proposed anti-gang laws are facing pushback from lawyers, rights groups and former gang members. ...1 day ago
- Anti-gang laws faces heavy criticism at select committeeWhile police are "broadly in favour", the government's proposed anti-gang laws are facing pushback from lawyers, rights groups and former gang members. ...1 day ago
- PNG’s PM Marape to ‘give hand to his bro’ Albanese on Kokoda TrailBy Miriam Zarriga in Port Moresby Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has arrived at Kokoda Station, Northern province, at the start of his state visit to Papua New Guinea. Both Albanese and Prime Minister James Marape will meet with the locals and the Northern Provincial government before they begin their ...1 day ago
- Ministry of Social Development accepts 200 voluntary redundancies – PSAThe Public Service Association says further job cuts are likely. ...1 day ago
- Many Australians face losing their homes right now. Here’s how the government should helpSource: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Chris Wallace, Professor, School of Politics Economics & Society, Faculty of Business Government & Law, University of Canberra Shutterstock An important principle was invoked by Prime Minister Anthony Albanese last week in defence of the government’s Future Made in Australia industry ...1 day ago
Brilliant!
😀 Lolz! Great start to the morning. Trinny and Susanah, gold.
Perfick! with me Earl Grey cuppa.
The most obvious satirical piece was “Russell Norman on route by foot from Auckland Airport into the city”.
I guess some people will laugh at any thing!
Can someone please point out the funny?