web analytics

Simon Bridges is seeking to join the Labour Party

Written By: - Date published: 6:30 am, April 1st, 2019 - 32 comments
Categories: national, Politics, Simon Bridges, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

The Standard understands from two reliable sources that Simon Bridges has applied for membership of the Labour Party.

More news as it comes to hand …

32 comments on “Simon Bridges is seeking to join the Labour Party ”

  1. Rae 1

    Apparently he’s been given the bum’s rush and is currently in talks with John Tamihere

  2. WeTheBleeple 2

    Ardern states that this is a perfect opportunity to dissolve partisan barriers and come together as a new united New Zealand.


  3. Incognito 3

    Could be worse, it could be JC. She would be like a Trojan horse trying to destroy Labour from the inside. She’s poison, that woman. Simon OTOH needs mentorship and kindness. Sir Michael Cullen would be an excellent mentor for Simon IMHO and he might even teach him how to be a sharp wit instead of a slick git. Nah, I’m dreaming …

  4. peterh 4

    When the next prefered PM poll comes out he may want to hide under a rock

    • mac1 4.1

      I did feel for the guy when the crowd at the CHCH memorial service on Friday stood to honour Jacinda Ardern at the beginning of her speech.

      Meanwhile the sun is shining, the grapes are being harvested and I can celebrate 46 years membership of the NZLP- more years than Bridges has been alive!

    • Blacklist 4.2

      I think they already live under rocks.

  5. MEDIA RELEASE: National announce closure of their flagship Epsom store.

    Once the pride of the group, the Epsom franchise has performed poorly over recent years, with consumers saying it offers nothing different from National’s other stores.

    It’s offerings are seen as transparently thin and often so easily seen through they may as well be holograms.

    National’s leader, Simon Bridges, says he has been asked to take over the franchise in the wind down period as this idea worked really well when one of his predecessors, Ol’ Don Brash, was becoming embarrassing at work functions, complaining about the lack of corn beef sandwiches and stripping down to his singlet and challenging the cleaning staff to debates on free speech.

    Mr Bridges is ecstatic at his demotion, saying that “Simon Bridges has heard it said that Simon Bridges is the right man for the job, but until now, nobody knew what job. Choice, eh!

    Current store manager, David Seyless, was available for comment, but nobody wanted to hear from him. He was last heard muttering to himself about hate speech, specifically complaining about the 99% of voters who say they hate ACT and all it stands for.


  6. Ad 6

    You’ll also love the one with NZSUperFund taking over both light rail and City Rail Link.


  7. Ankerrawshark 7

    Trp lol

  8. patricia bremner 8

    Thanks TS for LOLS.

  9. cleangreen 9

    Happy April fool’s day folks.

    Plenty of jobs at Kiwi rail being offered here, but we wouldn’t trust Bridges there either!!!!!!.

    This article just shows how short sighted National and their errant ‘Minister of transport Steven Joyce’ was when he cut funding and forcing KiwiRails Management to sack all those engineers in 2016 by closing the most extensive rail engineering workshop in NZ ‘Hillside Workshops’. National are just trash.

    Labour are now left to clean up the mess now seeking more back again now ..!!


  10. Deep Purple – No One Came – YouTube

  11. Jess NZ 11

    Hope he’s not burning his Bridges 🙂

  12. Sacha 12

    Can they swap him for Nash?

  13. KJT 13

    Must be April 1st.

    I heard Richardson, on morning report, supporting leave for domestic violence victims!!!!

  14. Stuart Munro. 14

    …and in other news, Doc have suspended their 1080 program after NZ’s Cryptofascist Alliance declared war on possums. “Bloody Australian immigrants ruin everything,” an unnamed spokesman said, “We’re going to deal with them.”

  15. bwaghorn 15

    This post just turned up on my Google news feed . 1st time on my feed.

  16. SHG 16

    Just say no to stupid April 1 posts.

  17. WeTheBleeple 17

    My favorite April fools product:

    TDI Tattoo spell checker


    I imagined it different than they did. But they did come up with the idea.

    I thought of some dupe gets a tattoo then uses the app to check the spelling. 😀

  18. ken 18

    He could be Minister of Silly Talks.

  19. WeTheBleeple 19

    And the biggest joke of the day is a true story

    Fox News headline: Trump Cuts US Aid to 3 Mexican Countries.

  20. peterlepaysan 20

    Ah, ha. So now I know why acts of parliament become effective on 1st of April.

    Interesting coindence.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Tokelau Language Week reminds us to stay united and strong
    Staying strong in the face of challenges and being true to our heritage and languages are key to preserving our cultural identity and wellbeing, is the focus of the 2020 Tokelau Language Week. Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio, says this year’s theme, ‘Apoapo tau foe, i nā tāfea ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    23 hours ago
  • NZ announces a third P-3 deployment in support of UN sanctions
    The Government has deployed a Royal New Zealand Air Force P-3K2 Orion (P-3) maritime patrol aircraft to support the implementation of United Nations Security Council (UNSC) resolutions imposing sanctions against North Korea, announced Minister of Foreign Affairs Winston Peters and Minister of Defence Ron Mark. “New Zealand has long supported ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Pacific trade and development agreement a reality
    Pacific regional trade and development agreement PACER Plus will enter into force in 60 days now that the required eight countries have ratified it. Trade and Export Growth Minister David Parker welcomed the announcement that the Cook Islands is the eighth nation to ratify this landmark agreement. “The agreement represents ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Securing a pipeline of teachers
    The Government is changing its approach to teacher recruitment as COVID-19 travel restrictions continue, by boosting a range of initiatives to get more Kiwis into teaching. “When we came into Government, we were faced with a teacher supply crisis,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “Over the past three years, we ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Border exceptions for a small number of international students with visas
    The Government has established a new category that will allow 250 international PhD and postgraduate students to enter New Zealand and continue their studies, in the latest set of border exceptions. “The health, safety and wellbeing of people in New Zealand remains the Government’s top priority. Tight border restrictions remain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • First COVID-19 vaccine purchase agreement signed
    The Government has signed an agreement to purchase 1.5 million COVID-19 vaccines – enough for 750,000 people – from Pfizer and BioNTech, subject to the vaccine successfully completing all clinical trials and passing regulatory approvals in New Zealand, say Research, Science and Innovation Minister Megan Woods and Health Minister Chris Hipkins. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • International statement – End-to-end encryption and public safety
    We, the undersigned, support strong encryption, which plays a crucial role in protecting personal data, privacy, intellectual property, trade secrets and cyber security.  It also serves a vital purpose in repressive states to protect journalists, human rights defenders and other vulnerable people, as stated in the 2017 resolution of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ministry of Defence Biodefence Assessment released
    The Ministry of Defence has today released a Defence Assessment examining Defence’s role across the spectrum of biological hazards and threats facing New Zealand. Biodefence: Preparing for a New Era of Biological Hazards and Threats looks at how the NZDF supports other agencies’ biodefence activities, and considers the context of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020
    New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020 Hon David Parker’s response following Thomas Piketty and Esther Duflo. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, wherever in the world you might be. I first acknowledge the excellent thought provoking speeches of Thomas Piketty and Esther ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Kaipara Moana restoration takes next step
    A Memorandum of Understanding has been signed today at Waihāua Marae between the Crown, local iwi and councils to protect, restore and enhance the mauri of Kaipara Moana in Northland. Environment Minister David Parker signed the document on behalf of the Crown along with representatives from Ngā Maunga Whakahī, Ngāti ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand and Uruguay unite on reducing livestock production emissions
    Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor and Uruguayan Minister of Livestock, Agriculture and Fisheries Carlos María Uriarte have welcomed the launch of a three-year project that will underpin sustainable livestock production in Uruguay, Argentina, and Costa Rica.  The project called ‘Innovation for pasture management’ is led by Uruguay’s National Institute of Agricultural ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • 3100 jobs created through marae upgrades
    Hundreds of marae throughout the country will be upgraded through investments from the Provincial Growth Fund’s refocused post COVID-19 funding to create jobs and put money into the pockets of local tradespeople and businesses, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta have announced. “A total ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Health volunteers recognised in annual awards
    Health Minister Chris Hipkins has announced 9 teams and 14 individuals are the recipients of this year’s Minister of Health Volunteer Awards.  “The health volunteer awards celebrate and recognise the thousands of dedicated health sector volunteers who give many hours of their time to help other New Zealanders,” Mr Hipkins ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community COVID-19 Fund supports Pacific recovery
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says a total of 264 groups and individuals have successfully applied for the Pacific Aotearoa Community COVID-19 Recovery Fund, that will support Pacific communities drive their own COVID-19 recovery strategies, initiatives, and actions. “I am keen to see this Fund support Pacific ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community benefits from Māori apprenticeships
    Up to 50 Māori apprentices in Wellington will receive paid training to build houses for their local communities, thanks to a $2.75 million investment from the Māori Trades and Training Fund, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Ngāti Toa Rangatira Incorporated to provide its Ngā Kaimahi ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Training fund supports Māori jobseekers
    Rapidly growing sectors will benefit from a $990,000 Māori Trades and Training Fund investment which will see Wellington jobseekers supported into work, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Sapphire Consultants Ltd. to help up to 45 Māori jobseekers into paid training initiatives over two years through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ruakura Inland Port development vital infrastructure for Waikato
    The Government is investing $40 million to develop an inland port at Ruakura which will become a freight super-hub and a future business, research and residential development for the Waikato, Urban Development and Transport Minister Phil Twyford, and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta announced today. The funding has been has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Appointments made to Defence Expert Review Group
    Defence Minister Ron Mark announced today the establishment of an Expert Review Group to review a number of aspects of the New Zealand Defence Force’s (NZDF) structure, information management and record-keeping processes.  The Expert Review Group’s work arises out of the first recommendation from the Report of the Government’s Inquiry ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • No active community cases of COVID-19
    There are no active community cases of COVID-19 remaining in the country after the last people from the recent outbreak have recovered from the virus, Health Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “This is a big milestone. New Zealanders have once again through their collective actions squashed the virus. The systems ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Clean energy upgrade for more public buildings
    More public buildings will be supported by the Government to upgrade to run on clean energy, the Minister for Climate Change James Shaw announced today. Minister Shaw announced that Lincoln and Auckland universities will receive support through the Clean-Powered Public Service Fund to replace fossil fuel boilers. Southern, Taranaki, and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Schools back donations scheme for the second year
    More schools have opted in to the donations scheme for 2021, compared to 2020 when the scheme was introduced. “The families of more than 447,000 students will be better off next year, with 94% of eligible schools and kura opting into the scheme,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “This is ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Ruapehu cycle trails gets PGF boost
    The spectacular Mountains to Sea cycle trail in Ruapehu District will receive $4.6 million in funding from the Provincial Growth Fund for two additional trails, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones announced today. “This is an exciting development for the local community, and one that will provide significant economic opportunities ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago