For a guy whose god had two dads, Colin Craig seems pretty worked up about gays. He’s raised the spectre of marriage equality leading to polygamous marriage. I’m not sure what’s meant to be so scary about that. Polygamous relationships are legal. But Craig seems fascinated by it. It’s often those things we like least in ourselves that we criticise in others.
Maybe Craig’s outbursts and his obsession with adult relationships beyond his own with his wife are a secret cry for help. Maybe Craig should be allowed to marry as many people as he needs to.
Then, there’s Professor Frink impersonator and failed candidate for the leadership of ACT, Stephen Franks. He says ‘I love my dog but that doesn’t mean I should be able to marry it.”
I say, why not, Stephen? I won’t get in your way.
Oh, wait. I know one reason. Marriage is a form of contract. Contracts can only be agreed by parties that have the power to consent to them. Animals don’t have the legal ability to consent to contracts. If they did, I would be seeking damages from my cat for the mess she left when she brought that dead rat into the house the other week, not proposing to the dog.
Finally, Colin King. He reckons “what my wife and I have enjoyed over 42 years, I don’t think anyone of the same sex could enjoy”. Well, in a strictly physical sense, Colin, you’re right, different combinations of equipment and all that – but what things are they enjoying that you can only wonder at as you lie awake in the early hours?
Or maybe King is saying that his marriage is so beyond compare to any possible same-sex relationship that for them to marry would be like appointing a badger as admiral – they simply couldn’t make use of the role the way that King and Mrs King do. That implies that King, who remains a complete unknown after three elections and has been demoted on National’s list each time, must have some serious hidden talents if his marriage beats all the same-sex relationships in all the world to the extent that allowing same-sex couples to marry would be a waste of time. I don’t know what’s in the crayfish down at Kaikoura but, if King’s uber-marriage puts all others into the shade, they ought to be bottling it.
The Right seems to be a collection of polygamy-curious, animal-loving, uber-lovers. And good on them (apart from the bestiality). But I’m still not sure why any of the Right’s secret fetishes leads to them thinking that two consenting adults who want to marry oughtn’t be allowed to do so.