The Benefit Arrives

Written By: - Date published: 7:32 pm, July 31st, 2018 - 38 comments
Categories: benefits, Simon Bridges, uncategorized, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags: , ,

It’s been a naff week for Simon Bridges (you know the guy, current National leader, eyes like the last puppy in the pet shop). Last weekend’s National party conference tried to put the me into meh and predictably failed to ignite the nation.

Bridges looks out of his depth and fresh out of ideas.

Today, in a Parliamentary stand up, he called his deputy Paula Benefit.

“Winston Peters spends a huge amount of time on me, on Paula Ben, Benefit, Bennett,” Simon says.

Then dribbles “Let’s start that again.” Which is a probably a sentiment shared by many in National’s caucus. Barbie anyone?

But … I know what you’re thinking. Is Bridges really that hopeless? Really?

I think not. It’s actually a superb defensive move, shifting attention onto the only person more likely than himself to get sacked.

As Winston noted the other day, the jackals go for the weak first.

And accidentally on purpose making Bennett look like a chump might be a sign of a strategic genius. If a sacrificial lamb is needed, better Bennett than Bridges.

Well, that’s what Simon will be thinking if he actually is a tactical titan.

Of course, he might just be an accident prone doofus.

It’s so hard to tell. So very hard.

Jacinda Ardern is back in a couple of days and Winston Peters has not been the least bit bothered by Bridges, who bizarrely chose to spend the last few weeks as far away from people as he could get. Ignore the rumour that he’s been away interviewing for the vacant role as TOP’s leader. They’re not that desperate.

Oh, well, here’s a tune that nicely describes how Soimon must currently feel.

Doledrums, by the Chills.

The benefit arrives and life goes on and on …

 

 

 

38 comments on “The Benefit Arrives”

  1. Kevin 1

    Dead man walking. Counting the days now.

    • Ken 1.1

      It’ll be sad to see him go.
      Mark Mitchell you reckon?
      He will be fun too.

      • AB 1.1.1

        Mitchell could be a good trial run for Judith.
        If the electorate has a taste for barely suppressed hostility and violence, Marky could get traction and pave the way for Judith who is the real deal on that score.

  2. MJ 2

    Deliberate?

    A dig at Paula, knowing that she’s not going to be the leader, even though his own chances of surviving to the next election are tanking, and the Nats know it.

    There isn’t anyone in the front bench that will be accepted by the populace, which suggests they’ll be in the mire for the next 10 years if they don’t deal with it soon.

    • Anne 2.1

      Should have heard Michelle Boag extolling the virtues of Soimon on The Panel today. According to her he was a tremendous hit at the conference and… all the delegates are so thrilled with his leadership. Not a sound from Mike Williams who I’m sure was having to concentrate hard on NOT bursting into gales of laughter.

      As an aside, she also went into a mad rant about Charter Schools claiming that… this govt. closed them all down and the poor kids had no school to go to. Williams tried to point out the government didn’t close the schools down. It was the end of the year and the schools closed for the holidays and opened again when the new term started. She shouted him down and told him he was wrong. The schools were closed down. Jim Mora had to stop the debate before she went into a complete melt down.

      • Rosemary McDonald 2.1.1

        ” Jim Mora had to stop the debate before she went into a complete melt down.”

        Silly Jim.

        He should have allowed the meltdown to run its natural course and simply scooped up the residue. A quick flick with a mop, and voilà, sorted.

        I have come to the conclusion that some of Jim’s guests are there solely for the entertainment value.

        A bit cruel isn’t it? And poor broadcasting ethics. Putting someone in front of a microphone knowing full well they will make a complete and utter twat of themselves.

        • Wensleydale 2.1.1.1

          You’re right, and Boag should be given sufficient rope with which to hang herself at every possible opportunity. She’s a swivel-eyed loon at the best of times, and like Matthew Hooten, believes that screeching like a tree frog in a microwave is an entirely valid debating strategy.

          • greywarshark 2.1.1.1.1

            Pardon W-dqale
            I am a Greenie and don’t approve of such light=hearted torturing of tree frogs up high or in boiling water for that matter. Boag is a force of nature herself and doesn’t need or can be, compared with any other living or dead animal.

        • AB 2.1.1.2

          Agreed – watching mad, old Tory dames explode with apoplexy should be the only legal blood sport.

      • JC 2.1.2

        And/or Jim!

      • Siobhan 2.1.3

        Mike Williams specialises in ‘not making a sound’ around Right Wingers.
        Mainly because he seems to think they raise valid arguments.
        Mike Williams thought Judith Collins was the best choice for National Party Leadership.
        To quote..”If I had a vote I’d support Judith Collins who I’ve met on several occasions and who I believe is the best Corrections Minister we’ve had in a long time.”…so if he was stifling a laugh it was only because he thinks Simon’s accent is too strong, and that he stole the crown from the loverly Judith.

        “The other clear winner was Judith Collins. The National Party’s immediate response to the Budget was so weak and misguided that the party will be reviewing its leadership.
        Simon Bridges responded to the Budget speech with a spluttering address unrelated to what he’d just heard. It was delivered in some unfathomable accent.
        National’s finance spokeswoman, Amy Adams, gabbled something equally incomprehensible at a camera.

        Judith Collins’ moment just drew a little closer.”

        https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12054158

    • JC 2.2

      Keep it Coming!

  3. Blazer 3

    Long may Bridges remain Nationals leader.
    The guy is a lightweight ,would be Key clone.
    Has no negotiating skills at all.Proven with his stupid Anadarko deal=40% of profits for NZ.
    Every 3rd world country saw through this scam,years ago.

    • MJ 3.1

      I was going to suggest that he was a poor man’s John Key, but that would just be taking the p!ss on too many levels.

  4. SaveNZ 4

    Bridges has performed even poorer than expected. His only line of honesty is to call Paula on her more fitting name.

  5. When Bridges had ‘that’ interview with John Campbell whereby Bridges devolved into an abusive , boorish rant , I thought at the time I have never seen such an insecure opinionated and aggressive squeaky voiced MP for a very long time…

    I thought if he ever became leader it would be an eternal gift to the center left / left… as there was talk of that happening when Key left. But alas, I also got the feeling that ‘gift’ would only be temporary… and that Bridges is only there as an interim ‘ leader’. Then it was confirmed by Winston Peters himself recently … basically the same thing I had thought,… so with that , I wish to include a tribute for Simon and possibly Paula…

    Mary Hopkin – Those Were The Days – 1968 – YouTube

  6. Puckish Rogue 8

    Shes coming…

  7. mary_a 9

    Simon, the Bridges to nowhere man, will be gone within the next six months. He failed to ignite at the Natz conference and is looking weaker every day.

    I’m picking the two main contestants for little Simon’s job will be Natz MPs … Judith Collins and Mark Mitchell. Collins is well known for her vicious sniping tongue and abusing her former government position in the Orivida fiasco. While Mitchell is a former mercenary.

    Yep these two sum up the Natz culture perfectly.

  8. AsleepWhileWalking 10

    They can’t afford to cannibalise their ministers. This is just Bridges being himself.

    I think “The Benefit” is a fitting name for her

    • No no … “Bene Basher”, she made life almost impossible for the ill disabled and others.

      She killed all roads out of poverty and introduced “charges” for help, which has left many homeless worse off.

      This woman single handedly wrecked lives, by lowering benefits to a lowest common denominator, ruining income levels, just as Bill Birch of “Contracts Act” infamy did.

      Then the lying duplicity practised by Key, when found out, “He didn’t remember”.

      Where does the National Party dig up these creeps???

      Oh from Michelle Boag. Seems fitting she is promoting Bridges!! She promoted Key!!

      • Liberal Realist 10.1.1

        This woman single handedly wrecked lives, by lowering benefits to a lowest common denominator, ruining income levels, just as Bill Birch of “Contracts Act” infamy did.

        Indeed – Paula is one awful specimen that’s for sure and rightly deserves the moniker.

        Having experienced some level of insecurity (and poverty? idk) in her life as a solo parent and receiving government support at that time, Paula Benefit took it upon herself not just pull up the proverbial ladder, she torched the fucking ladder causing a likely unquantifiable amount of abject human misery. IMO this wasn’t just due to ideology, but an engrained deliberate expression of the nastiest type of narcissism.

        One has to hope that Paula ‘bene basher’ Benefit eventually gets the dose of karma she soooooo deserves, whatever that might be.

  9. In Vino 11

    TRP – Typo.
    I think the Romans used to say ‘Cui bono’, not ‘Qui’. For some reason they shifted to a ‘c’ fpr the dative and genitive cases. It all makes one wonder…

  10. Chris T 12

    Just looking at the Standards front page lately

    Like for instance now.

    Currently it seems the last 30 articles at least are either slagging off someone or the daily things.

    With zero highlighting anything Labour are doing.

    Just saying

    • Robert Guyton 12.1

      Fun, eh!
      Simon is providing us with such a rich vein of humour that we’d be fools to let the moments pass without comment. Sit back and enjoy, ChrisT.

    • Good point, Chris.

      Most posts are either news related or opinion pieces about what could be done better. So, to an extent, TS reflects the source material, which can often be negative. For example, there’s little positive to be said about Canadian proto-fascists, Wikileaks or Simon Bridges (just to use my own recent output as an example).

      However, we recently missed publicising the world leading legislation that allows the victims of domestic violence to take time off work. That’s a shame, because it’s such a progressive step and should have got wider coverage here at TS. No doubt there’s other positive things we’ve missed.

      And, of course, TS authors are volunteers and choose their own subjects. More authors, with different ideas, would be very welcome!

      And then, there’s this:

      https://qz.com/307214/heres-what-happened-when-a-news-site-only-reported-good-news-for-a-day/

  11. Tiger Mountain 13

    alt spelling…“Soymun”

    surely a placeholder in a Harcourts suit, until the nat factions sort themselves out, beware drummers–well known passive aggressive tendencies…

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