The Civilian Party

• notices and features
• 11 years ago
• Categories: humour, political parties
• Tags: the civilian, you know you want to

Useless parties die, new parties appear. Want to be in on the ground floor of the newest political party in NZ? Could be fun:

Why we’re registering a political party

To help us reach our goal of 500 members so that we can become officially registered as a political party,click here.

Tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa.

My name is Ben Uffindell, and for those of you who read the Marlborough Express, the above paragraph means “hello” in Maori. I am the editor of The Civilian, one of New Zealand’s most esteemed and longest-running newspapers, as well the country’s pre-eminent online newspaper.

Here at The Civilian, we take great pride in what we do, because we know no better.

For three months now, The Civilian has faithfully covered the news that matters to New Zealanders, as well as a substantial amount of the news that doesn’t. We have also opened a PO Box, and this made us feel pretty good about ourselves. …

But of all the events we’ve had the privilege of covering, none has saddened us quite so much as the one that transpired last week, when we were devastated to learn that beloved Revenue Minister Peter Dunne’s United Future party had been deregistered by the Electoral Commission on a petty technicality; that being that Mr. Dunne could not demonstrate with any credibility to anyone that his party had 500 members.  …

Today, on this, the Friday the 7th of the June, The Civilian is proud to announce that we will be registering an official political party, to be called The Civilian Party.

We’re not doing this to spite Peter Dunne. On the contrary, we’re doing it to help him. We want to give him some encouragement, and let him know that getting 500 members to form a political party isn’t actually that hard when you really put your mind to it. If we can show him that we can do it, then surely he can too.

But we’re not just doing this for Peter. We’re doing this because we believe that you deserve a voice. Just a small one; nothing too loud, or you’ll get annoying. But enough that you can help make the negative change we need in this country.  …

So if you’re ready to join us on this mythical journey, click here to learn how you can become a member of The Civilian Party and help us to reach the 500 members we need to become officially registered by the New Zealand Electoral Commission.

Ka nui tēnā māku. Kua ora au.

Let’s get some things change’d.