The real conspiracy facing New Zealand

Written By: - Date published: 8:00 am, May 3rd, 2018 - 55 comments
Categories: International, jacinda ardern, labour, Media, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, you couldn't make this shit up, youtube - Tags: ,

Rhys Darby has discovered the real conspiracy facing New Zealand by judicious use of the Internet.  And Clarke Gayford does not feature.

The real conspiracy is not a bunch of right wing twitter trolls trying to persuade us that Clarke had been prosecuted even though the police said categorically he had not been.

The real conspiracy is this …

As you read this Matthew Hooton is busy drafting tweets to suggest that the release of this video is a tax payer funded deep state attempt to divert attention from the real story that he has confirmed repeatedly is not true.  And don’t ask what the the alt right believe …

55 comments on “The real conspiracy facing New Zealand”

  1. tracey 1

    It made me laugh… but am uneasy about our PM being in this kind of stuff, just as I was with Key’s antics.

    “Somethink”?

    • Rosemary McDonald 1.1

      Yes…somethink definitely grates.

      I’m more than uneasy about our PMs seeming to think these kind of publicity stunts are part of their job. Involving himself in this type of crap media stunt was one of Key’s worst practices.

      Along the lines of fiddling while yet another family settles into sleeping in their car….

      Back on task, please.

      • Siobhan 1.1.1

        Agreed. I’m waiting to see what this Government does in regard to the poor wages and conditions in Tourism. It would seem to be another glitzy part of our economy that relies on the exploitation of cheap local and imported labour, highly disposable workers. And I wonder how many people employed in tourism sleep in cars and on couches while living on a steady diet of instant noodles?

        Here’s the stats we should be worried about:

        “adjusted for inflation, the average hourly wage in the sector peaked at $22.12 in 1979. In the same year (also adjusted for inflation), the average all-industry hourly wage was $27.07 and the minimum wage was $11.32.

        Since then wages in the sector have failed to keep up with the national average.

        While the hospitality sector paid almost twice the minimum wage in 1979, at $18.90 it’s now just 20 percent ahead of the bottom rung.

        It has also fallen to about 63 percent of the average wage ($29.96), from 85 percent in 1979.”

        https://www.newsroom.co.nz/2017/05/30/31378/is-the-tourism-industry-heading-for-trouble

    • lprent 1.2

      stats on tourism

      Tourism is an industry that is worth about the same as dairy in revenue terms and vastly exceeds it in terms of profit. Especially when you consider the handful of people working directly or even indirectly for the dairy industry compared to those who do the same for tourism.

      We had more than half a million guests arrive in NZ in December last year. That is a *lot* of profit. One that pays for a lot of roads and houses through the direct and indirect tax take.

      Our PMs (for better of for worse) have been the most visible representatives of the country, so this kind of light weight humor travels. And this particular example is way better than things like the tonight show fiasco that John Key did.

      I’m in Singapore at present and what is interesting to me is just how much NZ is perceived as a tourist destination (to be precise, the relief in taxi drivers voices when they find out you aren’t an aussie is usually followed with a babble of facts about NZ and their holiday there). It was the same last year in the iconoclastic southern Italy. But this kind of humorous video which seems to be targeted at the providers of tourists from the overseas travel agents to the providers of our tourist facilities travels widely on the net.

      I’m comfortable with it, especially when it is of this kind of production value, and is pretty damn funny.

      • lprent 1.2.1

        I’d also point out that our current minister of tourism is Kelvin Davis….

        I can’t imagine a video of Kelvin (as much as I liked him the few times I have met him) flying very far offshore. Or even onshore

        Just try picturing a internet feature of Kelvin Davis doing this in your head 🙂

        Whereas Jacinda definitely has presence offshore. Which one would you pick to spend money on…

      • Rosemary McDonald 1.2.2

        As you point out…tourists are flocking to New Zild, despite the ‘fact’ we’re omitted from any and every map that matters.

        Somehow, this endless tide of budget backpackers and elite rich pricks find us and arrive and truck around and put an inordinate strain on our infrastructure.

        We’re not doing a terrific job of managing the tourist invasion now…me, I’d be lobbying for us to be removed from a few more maps and encourage them to go somewhere else.

        • tracey 1.2.2.1

          Well said.

          I still think a PM is not a comedy act be it Key or Ardern.

          It is about respect for the offive instead of the constant dumbing down and celebritising of it

          • Puckish Rogue 1.2.2.1.1

            I haven’t seen what shes been up to with Rhys but if its funny and brings in some more tourists then good on her

          • Bevanjs 1.2.2.1.2

            I reckon Nats stayed in due to their celebrity head, and Labour’s fortunes changed dramatically once they found one. Many Kiwi voter’s priorities are ??able and sad.

        • AB 1.2.2.2

          If they had to pay for the real cost of their carbon emissions in getting here and then trekking round, the numbers would most likely drop. Instead they are racking up the cost to future generations of remediation and retreat in the face of CC. We’d better start planning for a post-tourism future sometime soon.

          • Graeme 1.2.2.2.1

            Around 50% of our tourist industry is domestic, and that’s at most levels apart from backpacker / freedom. Even the very top has a significant domestic market. Tourism is also highly cyclic inverse to the value of NZD, so when our dollar is worth less we get more international visitors and more New Zealanders holiday at home. So our industry is able to cater to both. And by having both we have a greater range and standard of products that both markets can enjoy.

            In a post CC world we will still have a tourist industry, but much more focused to domestic travellers and international visitors with either more money or time. The bit that will probably disappear is the budget short stay market.

            I see a good future for New Zealand tourism around CC and carbon charges / pricing, it will be very different and much more laid back, but it will still provide a livelihood for a lot of people, probably nearly as many as now. It’s a human need to have a break, and get away and re-create. New Zealand has had a strong tourist industry from it’s earliest days catering to this need.

            Maori used what is now Queenstown partly as a resort, the name Whakatipu could be literally translated as “where you go to grow, or gain strength”, which pretty much describes it’s current use as a tourist resort and desirable place to live.

          • cleangreen 1.2.2.2.2

            AB 100%

            I rate this short but accurate concise post as the best of the day.

            Keep it up!

  2. Anne 2

    “Somethink”?

    Yes. That’s an error of pronunciation Jacinda regularly commits. She needs to get out of the habit – and fast.

    • Adrian 2.1

      Leave her alone, that’s authentic Murupara patois.

      • Anne 2.1.1

        She’s left Murupara. She’s centre stage nationally and internationally. She needs to leave her country girl ‘patois’ behind.

        • greywarshark 2.1.1.1

          Everyone in NZ is a critic. We spend so long worrying about doing everything right that we end up with some polished presentation that could be about anywhere. Just leave us alone all you middle class conformist cringers and let us be Noo Zillanders and be recognisable as a distinct culture. If that involves having little technical verbal lapses like somethink let it go. Just open our mouths and not mumble when we talk, then we can be understood, don’t talk like a male footie player. That’s my suggestion, go for practicality not precision. Kia kaha.

          • tracey 2.1.1.1.1

            It is not a lapse it is regular.

            You ok if she starts punctuating stuff with fuck? Cos just about everyone says that too.

            • greywarshark 2.1.1.1.1.1

              It’s hard to keep balance tracey. But to be able to prioritise what to be agitated about will be an important skill as society changes ever-faster. I think that your last example is OTT really.

        • KJT 2.1.1.2

          That’s authentic New Zealander. I say that to.
          Time we accepted we have our own Kiwi dialect.

          • tracey 2.1.1.2.1

            Dialect? It is mishearing and not being corrected.

          • Puckish Rogue 2.1.1.2.2

            So no problem with how Simon Bridges talks then because some posters on here seem to have an issue with his enunciation…

            • tracey 2.1.1.2.2.1

              I have frequently posted that I read somewhere he had a bad stutter as a vhild and hence he speaks in a particular way. Key sounded like he had a bag of marbles in his mouth when he became PM… we are all a work in progress but not all of us getting hours of media/speaking training. 😉

        • R.P Mcmurphy 2.1.1.3

          and become vulnable to priotised nationals party appropeeayshuns?

    • R.P Mcmurphy 2.2

      you are just carrying nationals party propaganda and sniping away at nothing but in the meantime exposing your own nastiness. as in I used to vote nationals but they got so greedy and rapacious that I switched to Labour.

    • mpledger 2.3

      Simon Bridges and John Key are comprehensible and yet Jacinda is admonished for “somethink”.

      Concern trolling at it’s most ironic.

      • Anne 2.3.1

        I have “admonished” both Key and Bridges on this site plenty of times for their poor speaking habits – Key in particular. I would also point out that some TS commenters use extremely derisive language towards Key and Bridges appropos their bad pronunciations but that’s apparently OK. The moment someone pulls up Jacinda (and I’m not the only one on this site) for repeatedly making a mistake in respect of a specific word, it’s time to wave hands in collective horror.

        I call that hypocritical concern trolling.

  3. dukeofurl 3

    When you do visit the alt right sites, its too crazy , I laugh, but of course others lap it up

    headlines such as ‘Is Taupo The Masonic Pedophile Capital of New Zealand? or is someone else ‘ selling Rothschild debt for a local bank’

  4. james 4

    OK – that was funny.

    #GetNZonTheMap

  5. Cinny 5

    Brilliant, thanks so much for posting

  6. Ad 6

    The Prime Minister is a whole bunch more assured at this kind of stunt than John Key – she manages to keep her aplomb while not losing the comedy.

    Will be very interesting to see how this trends on Youtube.

    • tracey 6.1

      I bet the nat and act supporters dont think so.

      • James 6.1.1

        It’s subjective. This we will disagree.

        But I think we can all agree Seymour on dancing with the stars is a disaster.

        • tracey 6.1.1.1

          Lol. And yet he will stay. Hide was awful too and stayed longer than better dancers.

          Ive already read nat/act people on facebook getting upset about magazine and other celebritising of our PM.

          • james 6.1.1.1.1

            Ive never watched it – but I saw a 30 second clip online and that was more than enough.

            • tracey 6.1.1.1.1.1

              Ive never watched either but this shit makes the news… which is why Hide and now Seymour participate

          • Pete 6.1.1.1.2

            French rugby series is on soon. You reckon they’ll be upset if she appears on the cover of ‘Rugby News”?

            • R.P Mcmurphy 6.1.1.1.2.1

              If key was still around he would be into the ‘DRESSINGROOM” quicksmart! hahahahaha.

            • james 6.1.1.1.2.2

              Nah – lefties dont like rugby …….. *popcorn comment*

          • Cinny 6.1.1.1.3

            “I’ve already read nat/act people on facebook getting upset about magazine and other celebritising of our PM.”

            Lmfao !!! pot, kettle, key bahahaha, funny as how they are upset.

        • Cinny 6.1.1.2

          seymour is no poker face on the dance floor either, the look of pride and relief when his routine had finished was epic.

    • McFlock 6.2

      She was pretty good, but there was a “somethingk” that made me wince lol.
      Too many years of nuns beating elocution into me 🙂

  7. ankerawshark 7

    Love it……..We had nine years of Key doing stuff along these lines and it kept him popular and in power……………………….while I don’t in theory like the idea of our PM being involved with this stuff, Jacinda’s accessibility in this way is going to help keep this govt in. It certainly isn’t dirty politics. And there is no rule than can stop it. So keep doing it Jacinda. I am wanting this govt to be more than a one term govt.

    And it is very funny.

  8. Chris T 8

    I’m a bit biased tbf as I have never found Rhys Darby funny

    He just has his one trick schtick

    With Ardern, I find both her things like this and Keys as tacky as each other

    There is a whole website about the map thing already btw so she is a bit of a stolen joke

    http://worldmapswithout.nz/

    • Graeme 8.1

      I think that meme goes back to a Conchords episode.

      The Conchords market was educated young to middle aged Americans, and they did pretty well as performers and projecting a New Zealand perspective to the world. I’ve met a lot of Americans who were influenced, in part, to visit New Zealand by the Conchords. This market is high spending, high profit, which is well distributed around the country and has lower impact and visibility than some other markets.

      So good on Tourism NZ for leveraging on Darby and Ardern’s talents and profiles to come up with a great campaign.

  9. millsy 9

    Can anyone tell me what these allegations are? Apparently they have the potential to bring down the government?

    • Anne 9.1

      After some online research millsy I gleaned sufficient to make an informed guess.

      The same old line they tried to pin on Helen Clark’s husband, Peter Davis. He was witnessed walking through Los Angeles airport with a young lad and out of that came the stories of sex with under-age boys etc. It transpired he had been sitting next to the lad in the plane and when he discovered the boy was travelling alone, he escorted him off the plane and stayed with him until the people who were meeting him had been located. The sort of thing any decent person would do in such circumstances.

      I gather Gayford has been subjected to the same sort of allegations – but more graphic in detail. That’s why I believe it was the same sordid group of creeps who were responsible for both – and they are linked to the National Party whether dear Audrey likes it or not.

  10. R.P Mcmurphy 10

    Hooton is the problem. After Karl Rove invented the permanent campaign for bush and the republicans hooton cottoned on and now the country is always in this permanent state of ninnieheaded nitwit anxiety over nothing.
    Its like the idiots who say the brain is only working at 10% so how can we make it go faster.
    well if you do then it will blow up but hooton and co and his exceltium cronies want the country at fever pitch at all times.
    well fuck him too and the horse he road in on

  11. patricia bremner 11

    Having woken to take meds for my hip, I decided to have a wee sqizz at TS.

    So pleased to see you are all as disgusted and disbelieving of the slurs against Clarke Gayford. It reeks of the type of nastiness of DP.

    These attacks are trying to spoil the natural charm and sheer class of this couple.

    The degree of bitterness and venom that drives this is alarming and indicates a lack of human decency.

    This stunning young couple are inspiring in their work ethic values and naturalness, coupled with their pleasant and open dispositions, they are a gift in this grimy world of politics.

    They have dealt with this rubbish with humility and grace.

    Those journalists complaining about the Police statement on Clarke, fail to understand it is a ‘Police clearance’, showing his lack of convictions and good character.

    So any journalist who writes saying ‘it will worsen the situation’, is pinning their own colours to the mast.

  12. cleangreen 12

    RE; ‘The real conspiracy facing New Zealand’

    Well in hindsight national MP’s after the 2017 Election defeat were bitter and just responded by saying they would sit back and enjoy their time with other issues now and I guess that means now they are engaging solidly in these ‘frivolous’ theatrical issues instead??????

  13. JohnSelway 13

    Tried watching this but failed. I can’t stand Rhys Darby at all.

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