To be fair they probably don’t have much experience with spades

Written By: - Date published: 1:23 pm, November 24th, 2016 - 87 comments
Categories: humour, Minister for Photo-ops - Tags: , ,


Later: “We look like a bunch of muppets.” Key unhappy the holes weren’t pre-dug at Mangawhai Heads.

87 comments on “To be fair they probably don’t have much experience with spades”

  1. ianmac 1

    A bit Un-kiwi to not be able to thrust a spade into soil? That’s the trouble with professional politicians. Fairyland.

  2. Nick 2

    Trying to discover a good policy….. Can’t.

  3. Rosemary McDonald 4


    Not being turned, or not turning?

  4. dv 5

    Where a hammer when i need it.

  5. BM 6

    They look like cheap shitty warehouse spades .

    Bet the soils like concrete too.

    • Andre 6.1

      Oh the irony of those budget-cutters getting shown up as muppets by cheap and nasty tools not up to the task.

      • BM 6.1.1

        A decent spade has to be sharp, have a decent amount of weight and the blade has to have a bit of thickness to it.

        A lot of guys actually chop off about a 1/3 of the blade off to cut down on on the amount of flex.

        • Clump_AKA Sam

          Head never goes infront of the hips. And if you get tired and your head slumps forward, you’re doing it wrong

          • BM

            I remember talking to this fencing contractor, he made his own spades.

            He’d go around the second hand shops finding the old spades because they’re a bit thicker than the new ones, cut about as third off the blade, chop the handle off and then weld on about a 2 metre bit of pipe to give to some serious weight.

            He gave me a demonstration, all you had to do was throw it at the ground like a spear and it could cut through the some seriously hard ground with very little effort.

            I upgraded after that.

            • Kevin

              Who cares?

              Your hero is shit on the end of a spade, amongst other things.

              End of story.

              • Clump_AKA Sam

                The correct tool for the PMs ability is a pick axe, add a nail gun and guid wire. Who ever organises this clown show should be quietly congratulated

              • North

                Oh Kevin…….approaching retirement I find BM’s contribution quite interesting. Can’t see myself on “Last of the Summer Wine” terms with the bloke though……..were it to be I know whom he’d be. Hint: cheesecutter in tweed.

            • Red Hand

              The brand ?

        • Macro

          Exactly I still have my dads spade which he used as a linesman in the ’30’s in those days they dug the poles in by hand.
          I used it for fencing – especially good for strainers.

    • Yep you’d struggle mate

      • BM 6.2.1

        Fuck off, I spent years on a spade, I know how to use one.

        You on the other hand would be a complete and utter soft cock who’d fade after 5 mins or would pack it in because your hands got a bit tender..

        • McFlock

          What’s the old line? – if you don’t get blisters, you’re not working hard enough. If you do get blisters, this is the first work you’ve done in your life, lol

          • BM

            Yeah something like that.

            Having said that I don’t consider manual work to be “real work”, big problem in NZ is the little value people put on any work that involves using your brain.

            • marty mars

              Thats your problem right there – digging is good honest hard work and anyone who says different just doesnt get it. For instance when diggibg a trench i often contemplate the people who went to war and had to dig them to survive!

            • McFlock

              It’s never “real work” until you find someone who can do it really well, or you find someone who fucks it up badly, lol.

              applies to everything from manual labour to lawyering. 90% of the time everything potters along okay, but then one suddenly discovers the value of having someone decent at the job either through cockup or suprising brilliance.

            • esoteric pineapples

              Good point. Years ago I watched an episode of Neighbours (one of the few times I ever have) and there was that guy with the long curly blond hair (who was in the show forever) who was standing there holding a broom and thinking, and another guy with him who said something like “Come on, let’s get working”. The blonde guy said “I am working”.

            • Red Hand

              Try working in a massage parlour !

          • Robert Guyton

            At the age of 15, on my first day in the pine forests on the blunt end of a slasher, I developed 13 blisters on my hands – I remember clearly, and had to dig deep to keep going the next day, and the next, and the next. First seriously physical job, that. BM’s got it right about spades – the old metal is weighted right, takes and keeps an edge. I too grind the blade down and sharpen with a file and a stone. Razor-on-a-stick, mind your toes!

            • BM

              Surprising how many people don’t realise you need to keep your spade sharp for it to be effective.

              I’d say those spades Key and co were given had about as much sharpness as a mango slice.

              • Colonial Viper

                Sharpened entrenching tools were a favourite during WWII.

              • esoteric pineapples

                Thanks for the tip. I’d never thought of that. All politics aside, you really do seem to know what you are talking about when it comes to using a spade.

        • marty mars

          Actually I’d make you look like a kid when i started shovelling or spadeing. I am expert and still do it while you rest on past glories.

          • ropata

            Shovelling bullsh*t ya mean!? 😉

            Sorry couldn’t resist

            • marty mars

              Lol only on here. Gravel is my favorite, but dirt is good. Hardpack not so much fun.

              • Draco T Bastard

                Gravel is easy to shovel. Hard pack is where you need the spade to break it up so that you can then shovel it.

                Never dig with a spade.

                • BM

                  Grubber or pick axe, then a wide mouth shovel.

                  • Lol thanks lads good to know you know, you know.

                    • ropata

                      Ever tried to dig out Scoria by hand? That was a waste of time… pickaxe made a few dents but I quit after a day of it. Builder should have hired a digger

                  • Andrea

                    “grubber or pick axe”

                    Depends what you’re digging for, doesn’t it? Sometimes a long crow bar (using the pointy end) is a lot safer, with more control, than flailing away with a grubber or pick axe.

                    Of course, if you don’t mind repairing the holes in the alkathene, or explaining to the lines company just how you blew everyone’s power – no probs, eh?

                    Slow and steady and – brain on.

        • mauī

          Yep, expert at digging virtual holes on blog sites.

        • Macro

          Ok so now were are spinning the “bullshit”.
          Has anyone else dug a grave by hand?
          I mean 6ft by 3ft and 6ft down.

          • BM

            Never dug a grave but I used to do paving work which involved a lot of hand dig outs.

            I remember one job, 80m2 dug out by hand over 10 cubic meters then followed by another 6m2 of pap 5 brought back in to form the base course, couple more cube of sand then the pavers.

            I was quite a bit fitter back then.

            • Macro

              I only did it the once during a university vacation job. They gave an extra grave digger’s allowance 🙂

          • Draco T Bastard

            Never dug a grave. Dug plenty of pits for working in about that size though. Always a PITA digging around the cables.

          • marty mars

            Never dug a grave – big job. We sometimes name the gold holes – the swimming pool, the crater and so on – moving a bit, of cubic metres by hand, usually and often rocky with gravel and the beautiful sound of the river and scrunch of the shovel, ahhhh I love my hobby.

            • joe90

              You ain’t lived until you’ve been out in the hills digging holes. On site at seven, fed by eight and set out with shovel, digging bar, litres of water frozen in plastic milk bottles and a radio to listen to the cricket.

              Depending on terrain, pole size, and span each gang member had x number of holes to dig and because poles were helicoptered in and erected by hand a tight fit was required so holes were usually 6/800mm2 + step x 1.8 – 2 metres deep.

              Oddly enough for such laborious work, unlike bog standard town jobs and trenching, time flew and you’d be done by three and after a swim on the way, home by five.

              • Cricklewood

                I’ve done mountains of hand digging, in order of difficulty hard to go past the volcanic stuff around mount eden, rotten rock in welly and lastly river flats around Upper Hutt where there is 20cm of silt then layer after layer of river boulder.
                Give me clay any day.
                I’ve got half a dozen old spades I’ve customized with different sized heads and handles each suited to a slightly.different job and a couple of newer fencing spades which are strong enough to use as levers.
                Something strangely cathartic about digging a large hole wit the right tool…

        • Red Hand

          You were the one being used I reckon.

  6. National’s weak grip on the levers of power.

  7. There’s a sod needs turning.

  8. “They look like cheap shitty warehouse spades .”

    They do. The tools they have in their hands look cheap too.

  9. Key and his pals, failing to dig the dirt on anything, let alone Labour.

  10. ianmac 11

    Note that Key is Left footed. A great indicator of mistrust?

    • mac1 11.1

      Hadn’t noticed that- I am a right foot kicker but I dig with the left leg, right handed but I chop left handed and fight as a southpaw- really untrustworthy……..

      Anyway, I’m very happy with a shovel in my hand, preparing for potatoes. I put it down to the Irish heritage.

      At university I had a holiday job as a coal trimmer- used to empty three 12 ton wagons in a shift. The bad days were when, luckily rarely, the hopper feed system failed and an entire tyre factory depended upon the steam generated by my ability to throw coal from a barrow 3 metres up into the hopper of the furnace.

      Norm Kirk used to be a stationary engine driver in the same boiler house, but before my time.

  11. greywarshark 12

    That’s what we need in NZ some active people doing sod-turning.

    • North 12.1

      “Sod-turning!”. That’s the ugly hysteria much disseminated by loonies at the time of homosexual law reform. How wrong they were ! And they’ve never apologised. Just rushed off to their next dirty thought !

  12. Pete 13

    I heard that a sod was being turned up North but neither the coverage on tv and here doesn’t show him turning at all.

  13. North 15

    Love the one max two lines comments. Shows how lampoonable is the faux of them.

  14. Macro 16

    3 sods turn up for a photo shoot.

  15. The Chairman 17

    “To be fair they probably don’t have much experience with spades”

    With the amount of shit they shovel one would expect they are well experienced.

  16. Thinkerr 18

    “This Sod’s not for turning…”
    (apologies to the late Dame Thatcher)

  17. doc 19


  18. ropata 20

    john key comes around for a working bee on the farm do you give him
    5% … a hammer
    5% … a spade
    16% … a chainsaw
    74% … put him in the tea room
    — Morgan Godfery (@MorganGodfery) November 23, 2016

    • mosa 20.1

      A National PM with a chainsaw…its like giving the arsonist a can of petrol and a lighter.

      • ropata 20.1.1

        Key is more likely to hurt himself with a chainsaw than anybody else.

        Safer for the country if he’s busy doing that rather than selling public assets or doing sly deals with big corporations

  19. Ffloyd 22

    Should have given me a shovel. Can release more crap with one of those.

  20. mosa 23

    I was hoping they had begun to dig their way to China and upon arriving stay there.

  21. r0b 24

    I think the best part is the pretty blue ribbons.

  22. I have to say I have been heartened and impressed by the good commenters on this post describing how they shovel and spade. BLOODY GOOD

  23. I have to say I have been heartened and impressed by the good commenters on this post describing how they shovel and spade. BLOODY GOOD!!! I say (even you BM and your ability to be baited), this gives me a lot of hope for the future – thank you everyone especially dickheadkey showing what a non he is.

  24. I wonder what the late but great Mabel Howard would have said regrading these plonkers and her belief that”all workers are skilled’

  25. I wonder what the late but great Mabel Howard would have said regarding these plonkers ,who believed that “all workers are skilled.”

  26. philj 29

    “We look like a bunch of muppets.”
    Finally I agree with the PM!

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