- Date published:
9:39 am, December 17th, 2017 - 211 comments
Categories: making shit up, same old national, Satire, spin - Tags: attack language, attempted humour, crosby textor, national, social justice, wedge politics
I don’t often admit that there is anything that the right do better than the left, but, credit where it’s due, there are a few things. Chief amongst them are dog whistling and wedge politics. These are calculated political silencing tactics that use language to belittle the left and make us appear alienated from the ‘mainstream’.
In all honesty though, the biggest problem I have with it is trying to keep up! The language keeps shifting from one week to the next. One minute I’m a bleeding heart pinko, the next I’m a do-gooder, and now apparently I’m something called a ‘Social Justice Warrior’ – SJW for short. Don’t get me wrong, I like a snappy acronym, but I would love to know who’s making all the calls in this movable feast so I can send them an invoice for constantly having to reprint my business cards.
In the meantime I thought, as a service for all Standard readers out there who don’t have time to swat up on the latest lingo, I’d do a bit of research and come up with a handy glossary for you to bookmark and use whenever your radio dial gets accidentally stuck on Newstalk ZB.
So here goes…
Social Justice Warrior (SJW) – A favourite amongst Trump supporters in the US, it appears to have found its way here and been picked up by people who would never admit they like Mr Orange but don’t mind using his tactics. It means someone who advocates for a just society. Apparently you don’t get a cape with it though. Sad.
Virtue signalling – Another one that appears to have originated in the US. It’s used to describe SJWs (see above) who try to encourage others to act to achieve a just society. Unfortunately it appears to be nothing like bat signalling. It should be though.
Other people’s money – This one’s a doozy. It stems from a Libertarian principle that all tax is theft, borrowed by the centre right to do a little virtue signalling (see above) of their own. They make it sound like they are far more responsible custodians of the treasury than the left because they take less of ‘your money’ than those nasty socialists who just like spending other people’s money. Of course it’s crap. The tax I pay – as my contribution to having a state to educate me, keep me safe, and treat me when I’m sick – does not belong to me any more than my mortgage repayments that keep a roof over my head do. I wonder how far I’ll get, next time the bank puts my interest rate up, telling them that they can’t because I know better how to spend my money than their communist Australian shareholders do.
Choice – When you present two crappy alternatives and let people pick which one they hate the least. Like the blue/black Kyle Lockwood flag vs the Union Jack.
Freedom of speech – A right everyone enjoys unless the speech in question happens to be in, or contain traces of, te reo.
Politically Correct (PC) – Language and actions that SJWs (see above) use and take whenever they want to virtue signal (see above) that they care about other people. Apparently caring about other people’s feelings is a jackbooted tyrannical trend sweeping the globe, oppressing non-PC types by denying them their fundamental human right to be assholes.
Proper job – Often used in contexts such as “Labour MPs don’t know what they are talking about because they’ve never had a proper job.” What they mean is they think working in Parliament is terrible preparation for being an MP. How could working in politics ever hope to prepare you for a career in politics?? Preposterous.
Bludgers – People who want something for nothing – but only if they predominantly vote Labour. Those who vote National and, for example, dodge tax while still expecting to drive on the roads the rest of us pay for, and call the cops the rest of us pay for when they get burgled, are known by a different term – ‘enterprising kiwi battlers’.
Dependency – The notion that Bludgers (see above) are are stuck on welfare because they are onto such a winner. Apparently they have discovered a get rich quick scheme so cunning that even the enterprising kiwi battlers (see above) haven’t thought of it yet. All you have to do is pop out lots of kids, then viola! The state gives you a Rolls, tennis court and swimming pool.
Cindy (Socialist Cindy) – The right’s pet name for Jacinda Ardern that has unfortunately been bought into by some on the left as well – it’s meant to belittle the PM by associating her with a Sindy doll. At least our pet names for National leaders have class. Like DonKey. Ahem… Moving right along…
Spaghetti of entitlements – A brand new term used by National during the mini-budget debate last week. Too soon to be absolutely sure, but given they appear to love tinned spaghetti on pizza so much I assume it roughly translates as “bloody awesome entitlements.”
Hard working New Zealanders deserve… – As opposed to non-hard working New Zealanders (e.g. beneficiaries, pensioners, Todd Barklay) who apparently don’t deserve anything. (See bludgers above)
Socialists – The concept that anyone to the left of Maggie Barry is basically Joseph Stalin. Most Nats are leading experts on the finer points of socialism having studied extensively on the topic via the great works of major contemporary theorists such as David Bennett, and can lecture you at great length on why the Soviet Union failed. Spoiler alert: It’s because socialism doesn’t work!
$11.7 billion hole – The dark cavern between Steven Joyce’s ears.
Anti-democratic – “Wah wah we lost! How is that possible? It’s an outrage. Nobody told us you have to get 61 seats!! That was need-to-know info, dangnabbit!!”
Biggest opposition ever – “We really mean it, give us our Beehive back!”
Shambolic management of the House – A manifestation of anti-democratic (see above) and biggest opposition ever (see above). A natural behaviour particularly prevalent in the male of the species Bastardis pettytoryis – they filibuster, flood the government with written questions, go back on deals, break parliamentary conventions then blame Labour for the mess. It’s basically the adult equivalent of punching your brother in the sandpit then bursting into tears and telling mum that he hit you.
They think they know how to spend your money better than you do – An extension of other people’s money (see above). They are asking you to accept that a $20 per week tax cut for the wealthy would be more effective spending than using the $8.4 billion worth of revenue it equates to for some virtue signalling (see above) SJW (see above) cause like lifting 88,000 kids out of poverty.
What New Zealanders really want is… – Turns out it’s actually they who think they know how to spend your money better than you do.
That’s enough from me for the time being, but perhaps, in true socialist style, you could work collaboratively on making this list as comprehensive as possible by commenting with all your favourites that I have missed out?