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Trouble? No! Look at Nice Mr Key

Written By: - Date published: 4:05 pm, June 12th, 2012 - 26 comments
Categories: john key - Tags:

National have not had a great year, but the class size fiasco last week has raised the bar on their awful. Worse: the nice man Mr Shearer first raised their stupidity on class sizes, and their poll ratings have dropped noticeably.

So it’s time to roll out their big gun again: a charm offensive from the nice man Mr Key.

So on Sunday we had prominent stories about his nice holiday with his family, visiting the Queen. It may seem creepy at first sharing all your personal photos of your family from your iPhone with any passing reporter, but I guess you get used to it.

It’s lovely that he gets to catch up with his family on European holidays, and that they can afford to pay personally for Bronagh to accompany him on official visits, but I’m not sure why I’m hearing about it. But then I’m not sure why the media thinks I want to know Britney’s inner-leg measurement either.

To follow that up, we have today’s Stuff live chat.

It covers all the important topics:

Yup, as well as having Pixie Kevin type that he isn’t a clone, Pixie Kevin also picks some favourite bands:

But some topics aren’t so easy:

And the moderators obviously weren’t thinking about his new watch-ad style promo photo:

Unfortunately JK hasn’t seen our GINI recently (by which I mean, since the 80s):

Still, it’s nice he prizes our egalitarianism – now maybe he’d like to do something about us being one of the least equal developed countries?

But, ignore my letting facts get in the way of a good story, and, ah, see now isn’t that better? Now you’ve read all about that nice man Mr Key, you’ve almost forgotten about class sizes, asset sales, Nick Smith, ACC, picking the pockets of paperboys, unaffordable tax cuts, high unemployment, RONS, lower real wages than 2008, pokies for convention centres, TVNZ7, everyone leaving for Australia, the impending Super problem or even that Bill English exists.

Just close your eyes and think of John, and all National’s troubles will go away…

26 comments on “Trouble? No! Look at Nice Mr Key ”

  1. Maui 1

    I was intrigued that the teacher cuts were revoked while Key was away.

    Joyce is the current National Party strategist.

    Does this mean that Key’s credibility is crumbling within National Party caucus

    .. not to mention the public ?

    • Lanthanide 1.1

      “I was intrigued that the teacher cuts were revoked while Key was away.”

      Hooten said that Key got polling numbers on Wednesday morning while he was in London.

      They had a conference call where, according to Key, the “minister put forward several options” and collectively the senior ministers present (Key named himself, English, Parata and “other senior ministers”) chose the option of dropping the proposed changes. In reality it was more likely Key telling Parata that she had to front to drop it (after she was told to front the original proposal: does anyone seriously believe Parata came up with this all by herself?).

      • Maui 1.1.1

        Ka Pai / Thanks !

        • bbfloyd

          i wouldn’t be taking every assumptive statement made on here as gospel maui… that way lies confusion….especially when it comes from tory sympathisers….

          • Lanthanide

            Haha, I’m a tory sympathiser? Funny.

            There’s no ‘assumptions’ in my comment at all, except my final bracketed sentence.

            It all comes from interviews done last Thursday or Friday on National Radio Morning Report: interviews with Hooten and John Key about what happened. That’s it.

            I guess you could be calling Hooten a tory sympathiser and that the assumptions come from him. I don’t know how he operates – does he make statements like that on National Radio if he doesn’t have any backing for them?

    • bbfloyd 1.2

      Key…..credibility??? what the hell is that? even blinky bill thinks he’s just a “cloud hopper”…has done for the whole time he’s been in parliament..

      I think the only people who refuse to accept that he is more mannequin than man are those poor fools who think calling people names in a snappy fashion is what passes for political debate…..

  2. lostinsuburbia 2

    Damn, I wanted to know how moonbeam is.

  3. Dr Terry 3

    Well, he is not giving up easily, Key is still trying on the “charm trick” which fooled so many people much of the time”. Question is, are the people for ever going to “buy it”? All of National’s troubles might “go away”, but regrettably, OUR troubles are but beginning (only 7 months since election).

  4. fatty 4

    A desperate attempt to preserve a personality that never existed…

  5. BernyD 5

    I doubt they’d understand what the word “Credibility” really means.

    If it means “Gushing crap untill no one’s listening”, then yup it’s crumbling.

    “Everyones still listening to us, And they want answers…. Damn 🙁 “

  6. gobsmacked 6

    This kind of drivel worked in 2008 and 2011. But it’s not going to work for the next three years. Diminishing returns.

    The lesson for the opposition is: “Don’t be like generals fighting the last war”. Don’t copy what was working for Key, when it’s no longer working. We don’t want to know that Shearer also likes Hayley Westenra and has a cat. We want to know about jobs and wages and schools … about our real lives.

    Here’s No Right Turn, in an excellent post today, on lower turnouts.

    “Those giving up on voting and political engagement are self-identified Labour voters.” That’s based on hard evidence, not a half-baked stunt pulled out of a “party strategist’s” arse.

    Food for thought.

  7. Carol 7

    And Blinglish has just been spinning so hard, in the Budget debate, his brain must be bouncing off the inside of his skull.

    NAct and Bennet have improved the welfare system and show they care about people when, according to Blinglish, Labour (and to a lesser extent the Greens) talk about caring about people, but have nothing to offer.

    These National MPs couldn’t lie straight in an alien cocoon.

    • felix 7.1

      I heard that, and imagined his friends trying to stop him entering the house.

      “Come on Bill, you’ve had a few. You don’t want to go back in there tonight.”

      “Fuck that, they’re all in there laughing at me and my budget. Laughing.

      “Let it go Bill, they’ll still be there tomorrow. Let’s get a curry, we’ll take it back to Dipton and… oh crap he’s gone in.”

  8. joe90 8

    Posted on twitter.


  9. Bryan 9


    have a look at nice Mr Key’s grey roots. Obviously when he was busy hobnobbing with Lil’beth-R
    Angela M, David C et cetera he forgot to rinse through the anti-grey.
    I do hope this is not another u-turn abandoning the colour that Crosby Textor ordered him to use daily.
    Oh I misheard or did he mis-speak – he is actually in favour of grey marriage.

  10. True Freedom is Self-Governance 10

    That we ‘were’ an egalitarian society dont you mean, John? You must be so proud to have been part of converting it to just another state of your neoliberal religion.

  11. North 11

    Just have a look at this little prick’s demeanour lately……..very unsmiling eyes, very unwaving persona…….. clearly niggled, sort of disgruntled when he’s taxed about something he doesn’t want to address. Almost like he’s an inch away from doing a Piggy Muldoon and storming out.

    I reckon the cheapie little people in the media are starting to sniff blood…….no easy ride from here on in John Boy ! Oh, with the exception of Tracey What?Kins……..that slavish sycophant will stay true forever.

    Soon we’ll probably see a pretty little piece about John and Bronagh’s awesome array of the finest Royal Family collectibles. Can’t wait !

  12. tracey 12

    When he is in nz he warns that if we do this or that werisk being like greece but when in europe he crows about how far from being greece we are…

  13. felix 13

    Pixies? When did he stop calling them muppets?

  14. Adam 14

    A quick look around the sites indicates Cartier and Brietling watches both start at about $4000. Man of the people.

  15. Maui 15

    Such unanimity on this blog ! It’s getting boring.

    I’d like to be contrarian .. but .. can’t think of anything.

  16. vto 16

    It seems some of us Chch folk have been sent a letter from Key outlining some quake stuff. Trouble is, he comes across as poorly in writing as he does when he speaks, and that speaks to something about the man …

    Try this… “Repairing over 15,500 homes and 12,000 sqm of road ….. and demolishing over 80 per sent of unsafe buildings.”

    1. 12,000sqm of road is nothing. A brain check would have revealed it is likely 12,000sqkm, not sqm.

    2. What about the remaining 20 per cent of unsafe buildings? Do they remain standing?

    Pedantics perhaps, but it does speak to the quality of thinking and analysis and checking if such dismal letters can be written. Maybe he is a gen y x’er and says things like “the All Blacks have never loosed to Ireland”

    Bloody goober with sloppy thinking is what the man is

    • Maui 16.1

      Nah, just a money
      trader who was in the right place at the right time.

      Take him away from that and he is another accountant … but wait – don’t they deal with numbers ?

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