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Was it a full moon?

Written By: - Date published: 1:02 pm, November 10th, 2011 - 61 comments
Categories: don brash, humour, john banks, john key, Satire - Tags: ,

Oh hell. My worst fears have been realized. John Key is a wereperson. He is morphing into an incantation of the countries biggest ever political disaster.

I realize that one shouldn’t judge by appearances. But like the youthful victims of today and the 1990’s, but I was a teen and young adult when National was screwing up the country and the economy for short-term gains to their constituents. Every time I see a picture of Muldoon, I feel the depression of the late 70’s and early 80’s closing over me. I think that images of John Key will do the same for today’s youth who are looking forward to an unemployed and debt-laden future under his tenure.

There must have been something going on over the last few days and nights in these campaigning forums. The pictures coming out of them clearly show this.The zombies were on the prowl as well. John Banks was wandering around clutching the hair of the decapitated (and obviously very dead) head of his party “leader” Don Brash. All we needed was the bloody knife – but presumably that has been left in the back of the body somewhere.

Damn, I’ve been forced to watch too much “True Blood”. The story of the Act disintegration and resurrection in the hands of two zombie politicians reads like a storyline from that rather vacuous show* rather than anything to do with real world politics.

But that photo of Don Brash is rather terrifying. I suspect that like a photo of Rob Muldoon (and John Key) above it will elicit an aversion response for anyone who lived through the days of Robert Muldoon. Quite simply Don Brash is a person whose time is in the past – trying (and failing) to capture the seat of East Coast Bays from a used car salesman from Social Credit.

John Banks isn’t much better. He was probably the most useless minister of police this country has ever had. And that is literally the only thing that I can remember about him during his years in National’s politics. During his two seperate periods as Mayor of Auckland city, the only thing I can remember about him was that he had the council designate a parking space outside the town hall for his car.

It really doesn’t say much for the man, that a person who follows politics can’t remember anything more about his political career than that. Hopefully Epsom voters will see that as well and vote for anyone else apart from John Banks. I’m not sure that having a political black hole as their representative in parliament is a particularly good look for them.

hattips: jaymam here and Greg Presland on facebook

61 comments on “Was it a full moon? ”

  1. Lindsey 1

    And he sold the Council housing. Fortunately we had a Labour led government which picked it up for HNZ and prevented the unlovely sight of a shrinking pool of Council tenants being bullied and heavied out of their homes.
    Oh, and it was an inside car park. The Mayoral car park outside 1 Greys Ave was not good enough for Hizzonour’s Bentley and he wanted an indoor one under the Town Hall.

    • lprent 1.1

      Ah. I’d forgotten about the council housing. It is pretty bad when all I can remember about a politicians decades long career is sweet 5/8th of FA.

      I seem to remember that Banks was a great admirer of Muldoon as well. I suppose it figures because Muldoon didn’t really tolerate effective people with ideas around him.

      • Tom Gould 1.1.1

        Banks has long maintained that Muldoon was his political mentor and role model. There is certainly something very strange going on here. Where is Muldoon, buried? Anyone checked lately?

        • McFlock 1.1.1.1

          “Banks has long maintained that Muldoon was his political mentor and role model. “

          lol – Banks was a lousy student, then! Muldoon had many faults, but he had to be pissed as a newt in order to lose an election. 🙂

          • felix 1.1.1.1.1

            “Banks has long maintained that Muldoon was his political mentor and role model.”

            Just like Key.

  2. I had to chuckle at this line from Johansson in the link:

    Dr Johansson said the apparent sidelining of Dr Brash in Epsom would be “peculiar” in any other political party, “but it seems completely orthodox in the Act Party”” 

    • lprent 2.1

      😈 I’m looking forward to reading the book from whichever ex-MP that writes the first unabridged book about the final Act parliamentary team.

    • In Vino Veritas 2.2

      Sort of like Clayton Cosgrove sidelining the Labour party from his advertising (and Mr Goff being sidelined from all Labour Party bill boards). Excellent.

      • Colonial Viper 2.2.1

        Sort of like nothing of the kind, dumbass.

      • felix 2.2.2

        What sort of party leader puts their own face on every local candidate’s billboard?

        • In Vino Veritas 2.2.2.1

          Helen Clark….. that’d be the airbrushed version as well. Hmm, has anyone noticed that the Prime Minister of NZ picture of Helen in parliament is the airbrushed version?

          • felix 2.2.2.1.1

            Not true, there were local Labour candidate’s billboards all over the country without Helen on them.

            You’re trying to rewrite history to make Key’s egomania (and National’s “one-man-party”) seem the norm.

          • The Voice of Reason 2.2.2.1.2

            Funnily enough, I don’t think HC’s face was on the local electorate billboards in the last election, either. Could it be that you are talking shit, IVV? Whale shit, at that!
             
            Re: Clayton Cosgrove, he has always downplayed the Labour logo in favour of promoting his own name in some parts of the electorate. It’s one of the reasons he keeps winning what should be a Tory seat. The blue rinsers in Papanui vote for him against their own instincts, so it’s rather clever politics on his part. The other and obviously related reason is he is a damn good electorate MP.
             
             
             
             

            • lprent 2.2.2.1.2.1

              It was left up to local electorates. You just order your corflute according to your reading of the electorate. Of course in Mt Albert we did have corflute with Helen in every election, but never more than 20-30%. The last time I can remember a enforced limit was in 1993 when we were required to put up some Mike Moore.

              This leader brown nosing by National this election is pretty unique in that he appears to be on every corflute I have seen so far. I think that the “Great Leader” insecurity has been imported directly from North Korea. You have to wonder what insecurities John Key has to need this type of reassurance?

        • fender 2.2.2.2

          Oh just your average MEGALOMANIAC

      • Puddleglum 2.2.3

        I think Banks’ sidelining of Brash is in quite another league altogether. Have a view of his interview with John Campbell.

        He completely avoided endorsing Brash (several times), giggled when Campbell asked about who will be leader of ACT after the election and completely talked up ‘brand Key’.

        If I was Brash, to have what Banks did in that interview called being ‘sidelined’ would be a real relief – it was far worse than that. Any real leader would have slapped Banks down – but Brash can’t.

  3. Draco T Bastard 3

    He is morphing into an incantation of the countries biggest ever disasters.

    I was going to pull you up on the use of the word incantation there until I read definition 5. Although, I still think you may have meant incarnation or possibly reincarnation.

    …the only thing I can remember about him was that he had the council designate a parking space outside the town hall for his car.

    I remember that he trebled Auckland Cities debt and that was before the Mr Hide make-over.

    • lprent 3.1

      I was actually thinking of incantation. To be precise it comes from playing far too much Diablo2 as a necromancer and raising the dead to fight for me. I was thinking of the way that John Key appears to have been created to be a shallow political copy of Rob Muldoon.

      Now the only real question is who is the necromancer doing the chanting of the incantations?

    • Hami Shearlie 3.2

      John Banks had a Mr Hide makeover? God help us, do you mean Rodney has been advising John Banks on his new “buy-botox-in-bulk” appearance, AKA “Rodney’s Revenge”? Mind you, it’s all starting to make sense now – – I wonder if Rodney can recycle the yellow-jacket for JB? FYI, in the U.S. a yellowjacket is a nasty and predatory wasp!!
      Wouldn’t it be much easier to just remove his battery-pack Rodney?

    • Akldnut 3.3

      He is morphing into an incantation

      Interestingly while I was at meet and greet the candidates last night I looked into Paula Bennetts eyes and they were red and dead looking.
      She looked as if she was about to morph into one of those True Blood vampires. Brrrrrrr chilling – must be contagious.
      She was trying to stare down all Labour supporters throughout the meeting.

  4. In Vino Veritas 4

    Interestingly enough, Lprent, you slag Muldoon off as a political disaster when his one massive failing was dogmatically maintaining the “cradle to grave” welfare state in volatile times and economic conditions. Something I would have thought the majority of your posters would have cheered enthusiastically for under a Labour government.

    • fender 4.1

      Perhaps you are right In Vino it’s Key who will be remembered as the most disastrous PM ever and not Muldoon, now thats an achievement! If it is it will be his first so far.

    • McFlock 4.2

      Keeping preschools, benefits and pensions was a “massive failing”, while the wage & price freeze and failing to float/devalue the dollar when (and I was pretty young then, so correct me if I’m wrong) it was obviously severely overvalued (thus leading to the fiscal crisis which gave Douglas the excuse to fuck up the economy beyond all reasonable doubt) were not?
       

      Beg to differ.

      • In Vino Veritas 4.2.1

        McFlock, as with the current Labour Party, Muldoon was an interventionist. I was young as well, mid twenties in fact, but I can shed some light. Rod Deane, who was either deputy or Governor of the Reserve Bank warned that the dollar was overvalued and any significant politcal event could cause a run. Marilyn Waring then said she’d cross the floor on the nuclear free legislation, snap election then caused run. Muldoon then still refused to devalue when instructed by the incoming government, citing the pain it would cause the poor.

        Whether Douglas “fucked up” the economy is a matter of opinion. Hindsight is always a wonderful thing.

        • McFlock 4.2.1.1

          I was just intrigued that of all his actions over the years, you regard that Muldoon’s “one massive failing” was to try and keep people in homes with food and warmth.
           
          I’d regard that as one of his good points (although I can’t think of too many others).

        • mik e 4.2.1.2

          Ivvy Leaguer Key and joyce motor ways -think big. bills english borrow and hope cook the books. Muldoons Light at the end of the tunnel – brighter future.Same policies different spin

    • lprent 4.3

      Nope. I slag him off because he borrowed mightily for ineffective ideological stupidity. In much the same way that John Key is doing now.

      In Muldoon’s case it was SMP’s (ie welfare for sheep farmers) and “Think Big” which was a case of trying the economic solutions of the 1950’s in the 1970’s and 80’s. Didn’t work and left us with a enormous pile of debt that Labour had to work hard to pay back from my taxes.

      In Key’s case it is tax cuts as economic stimulation and cuts to government services, which is a case of retrying the ideological stupidity of the 1990’s. Didn’t work then and left NZ mired in a long National induced recession. This time of course the government is borrowing hand over fist to pay for those unsustainable taxcuts rather than cutting welfare benefits.

      I suppose we have to be grateful that National has actually managed to recognize the ideological stupidity of cutting welfare and actually causing a decade long recession. It does show (again) that it is possible for the idiot ideologues to learn at least one lesson per decade of screwups.

      But they still haven’t realized the futility of raising an enormous pile of debt for reasons of the ideological stupidity of retrying the failures of the past to see if they might just work this time. But that does define the conservative mindset doesn’t it?

      • Lanthanide 4.3.1

        You know what first piqued my interest in politics?

        1st year chemistry at university. The lecturer was talking about Think Big projects and how they didn’t make any sense economically, but the government went ahead and ignored the chemists’ advice anyway. IIRC it was the synthetic petrol plant at Motunui that he was talking about.

        Actually reading about it on wikipedia makes me think that Muldoon was simply 30 years too early and National should have taken the same approach starting in 2009:

        Little doubt remains that the New Zealand economy reaped substantial benefits from economic activity during the construction period, but the basic justification for the projects, a permanently higher oil-price, did not happen.

        • KJT 4.3.1.1

          Actually. If the oil prices had continued to rise steeply, which was everyone’s expectation at the time, think big would have made Muldoon a hero.

          The problem was not his borrowing for infrastructure. The fortune private companies made out of most of the projects, after they were given away by the first ACT Government, showed they were not a bad idea.

          The problem was his borrowing for election bribes to National voters, superannuates and farmers.

          Though if he had not cancelled the super scheme, Douglas would have sold it anyway.

          A lot of us, at the time, were very wary of investment in super schemes, having been totally ripped of by those running the company schemes at the time. Like Kiwi saver now, the fund managers took most of the profits. They were only OK because most were subsidised by tax breaks and employer contributions.

          • lprent 4.3.1.1.1

            Actually. If the oil prices had continued to rise steeply, which was everyone’s expectation at the time, think big would have made Muldoon a hero.

            Nah. They were silly. Shifting vehicles to LPG or CNG was a far more effective use of the gas. We never required nitrogenous fertilizers at the levels we were attempting to make it (and there were better ways anyway – the ones we use now).

            The other projects – well the only one that made much sense was the 3rd pot line and that only because the hydro was so cheap down south (and so inefficient to ship north).

            Most of the profits made by companies were because the cost of the purchases was essentially zero and the feedstock and power practically given away.

            • KJT 4.3.1.1.1.1

              I was thinking more of the refinery and Maui.

              Tiwai point has always been a cost.

              Cheaper to shut it down and pay the locals 100k a year each to do nothing.

              • mik e

                Meridian energy just lost $100 million in derivatives insurance to Tiwai

              • lprent

                Those two were good. But how much gas did they plug through the g2g to produce the worlds most expensive gasoline?

                The marsden point upgrade was good, and maui was excellent – agreed

        • lprent 4.3.1.2

          Actually reading about it on wikipedia makes me think that Muldoon was simply 30 years too early and National should have taken the same approach starting in 2009:

          Even if they wanted to, they couldn’t. There isn’t the surplus electricity in the grid anymore (unless they turn the smelter off and ship the gas south). There isn’t the spare gas as a feedstock because our current production and reserves barely keeps up with out existing usage (and the CO2 byproducts are a pain). And the processes were intensely wasteful at every level.

          At the time that Think Big was going through I was working for Kamo Green, which was the local refractory manufacturer. I got to learn more than I cared to about the processes. Even whilst making money from the projects, I thought that they were totally nuts. I still think that they were/are. There are a much simpler processes. In the case of the gas, just using it as gas is a whole lot simpler.

          • Lanthanide 4.3.1.2.1

            My point is he had the right intentions: set the country up to better withstand high oil prices. The actual implementations seem boneheaded but were also hindered by the technology available at the time.

        • NickS 4.3.1.3

          The Iron sands one was also fucking stupid. As steel prices are likely never going to rise enough to make it worthwhile thanks to the processing and environmental costs, it made for a good high school chemistry class though 😛

      • In Vino Veritas 4.3.2

        Hmm, as I say, hindsight is a wonderful thing. It’s probably pertinent to point out that no definitive study has been undertaken regarding positive economic benefits and debt burden to the country.
        I assume you know that the Tiwai aliminium smelter provides around $3.5billion of economic benefit to NZ, the NZ Steel works at Glenbrook employ around 1,100 permanent staff and 200 contractors, the Clyde dam is still producing power for NZ consumers, the rail system between Te Rapa and Palmerston North is still working (and we know how much Labour love rail) and Marsden point is still operating.

        Given that they were such failures, you would have been happy to see the Lange led government sell off NZ Steel, Tiwai and Marsden point?

        • NickS 4.3.2.1

          You do realise that an irony singularity has been created by your post right? You being a libertarian n all.

          More so as you’ve cited only the situations where there was clear economic benefits, and utterly ignored the massive debts the government created that was passed onto the tax payer. And then there’s the rather pants-on-head retarded thinking behind aluminium ore being shipped here from overseas for refining then shipped out, which while it was profitable, margins would have been higher if we had significant aluminium ore deposits.

          • In Vino Veritas 4.3.2.1.1

            Sorry Nick, I only chose the biggest ones to comment on, but for the record there were:

            Methanol Plant in Waitara (closed 2004, reopened 2008)
            Ammonia\urea plant in Kapuni
            Synthetic petrol plant in Motunui (ceased production 2004 due to depletion of Maui field)

            “pants-on-head retarded thinking behind aluminium ore being shipped here from overseas for refining then shipped out, which while it was profitable, margins would have been higher if we had significant aluminium ore deposits.”

            I agree with your conclusion regarding higher margins if we’d had deposits of aluminium, but can’t agree with your pants on head thinking as to rejecting the project since it makes a lesser margin. There are all sorts of analysis that can be done to ensure a project is worthwhile proceeding, and it may just be that at the time, the projects were worth while. I guess looking at the background of oil shocks and the forecast rise in fuel costs was a major factor.

  5. McFlock 5

    Fatigue + worry.
      
    Excellent.

    • McFlock 5.1

      bugger – that was in response to the observation about Bennett.

      • Akldnut 5.1.1

        lol she really looked like crap but sprouted all the party lines and was quite good at it, mind you it was a very friendly audience.
        But it was clear that there is a format that is followed with regard to questioning and came out as if it was Key in a blue dress and different body but same old drivel. (Throw some big numbers out there and let them be astounded by it, hopefully no one will query it)

        • Hami Shearlie 5.1.1.1

          No, crap is the stuff that comes out of her porcine mouth – from what I’ve observed Paula sure ain’t no genius – She reminds one of Vicki Pollard, don’t you think? – Miss Yeah-Nah 2011! Hardly the kind of person we’d want representing us overseas!

          • prism 5.1.1.1.1

            HS – I am amazed at how good PB is. She is very fluent, she has an answer at her fingertips and sounds sincere and concerned. What laboratory made her? She is like a wonderful and frightening model out of Blade Runner. That’s what she reminds me of. Watch out, her kick is worse than her bite.

  6. Tiger Mountain 6

    Ah, pigs heads on sticks held by marchers trying to melt the wage freeze, those were the days. Muldoon took a swing in Auckland one night at protestor Roger Fowler (who more recently led kia ora Gaza convoy), and while such oafish behaviour went down well with a few kiwis, can anyone imagine ShonKey doing that for himself? Thats what he has the guys with the curly wires down their necks for.

    Banksie had some great (and bizarre) photos in the Herald when he was MP for Whangarei, one dressed in a tutu and one cradling a machine gun. As Mayor he was going to lay waste to Auckland’s ‘boy racers’ then changed his mind. Mind you Banksie is a bit of a petrol head himself. And gay friendly Banksie? That lasted as long as baroom toilet tryst and toot.

    Coup leader “15% er Brash” is even stranger. Just let it all play out perhaps and not jinx the demise of ACT.

  7. gnomic 7

    Was not Banksie’s greatest claim to fame never having lost in an election – until he finally did? Much of that of course was based on being the member for Whangarei where a donkey wearing a blue rosette would likely have been elected . . . er, come to think of it . . . .

    In his own mind he was blessed with a talent for ‘leadership’, perhaps even divinely appointed. He is at least nominally a god-botherer though debatable whether he is a good Christian. Hard to know exactly where he was leading, perhaps a world purged of everything that he found objectionable – at least until the new reasonable Banksie emerged after his first defeat for the Auckland mayoralty, an event which seems to have shocked him to the core.

    To give the man his due, he did amass a fortune by his own efforts having come from a disadvantaged background.

    I am not a psychiatrist, but his rantings on the radio at times left me thinking he was likely certifiable. Early one morning I was staggered to hear him say he regretted not having had his pistol with him to aid in resolving a road rage episode he had witnessed. Then there was the homophobia.

    ‘Reminded that he once referred to ‘six inches of barbed wire shoved up gay mens arses’ as ‘a waste of good barbed wire,’ Banks was questioned on the apparent hypocrisy of seeking gay votes for his unsuccessful mayoral bid in 2004, then continuing to demean gays as perverts and same sex intimacy as filthy . . . .’

    http://www.gaynz.com/articles/publish/2/article_4884.php

    Hmmm, definitely something not quite right there in Banksie world.

    Then there was the episode when he tried to bring a prosecution against Te Papa over the Virgin in a condom back in 1998.

    Enough Banksie. There is an interesting interview linked below which includes such pearlers as “I’m only going to live to 112. I don’t have time to associate with people that lower my self esteem. My life is very regimented. I get up at 4.15am every day. I go to bed at the same time every night, and I eat at the same time every day.”

    http://blog.livemygoals.com/Editor/articles/i-am-going-to-live-to-112.aspx

  8. lefty 8

    Actually watching beneficiary bashing become fashionable and a nasty National party riding high in the popularity stakes again brings back memories for me too.

    During the 1980s and 90s as unemployment soared because of the mad economic policies of the Labour and National governments of the time, the unemployed and other beneficiaries were systematically targnsibleeted by people like Douglas, Prebble, Goff, Bolger, Shipley and Richardson.

    Apparently in a few short years hundreds of thousands of New Zealanders had turned lazy and given up their well paid jobs for a life of luxury on the dole.

    The measures taken to humiliate the unemployed so they learned to change their attitude were many, varied and painful.

    Eventually so many people were touched by unemployment in some way that the myth of the welfare bludger was no longer sustainable.

    By the late 90s Labour had turned away from overt beneficiary bashing (though they still discriminated in a number of ways), but with National it is an article of faith and they have been chomping at the bit to get back into hammering beneficiaries since the last election.

    Enough people have now forgotten their history for the government to mount a new programme of hatred against the victims of their policies and win support for it.

    Last time around people like myself, who acted as beneficiary advocates and supplied services to those who had been hurt by government policies, were generous to those who had supported National and joined in the beneficiary bashing until they lost their own jobs.

    When they came crying to us in desperation because their families were suffering and they were being dumped on by the agencies that were supposed to help them we gave them all the support we could.

    I now see some of the same sorts of pricks doing the same thing.

    I don’t know that I would bother to help them again.

  9. Leopold 9

    You’re being rather unfair on Muldoon in comparison with the present 3 drongoes

  10. Craig Y 10

    Sorry, that’s insulting to lycanthropes, who are mostly nice people outside the full moon.

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