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Who do you want answering the phone?

Written By: - Date published: 3:41 pm, April 30th, 2008 - 71 comments
Categories: election 2008, humour, youtube - Tags: , , , ,

Just received this parody of Hillary Clinton’s 3am ad, but with a New Zealand twist. Very funny.

71 comments on “Who do you want answering the phone? ”

  1. Sam Dixon 1


    but seriously, the guy would be a disaster in a crisis.

  2. outofbed 2

    er em er its 3am in Hawaii, what time is it in New Zealand ?

  3. Steve Pierson 3

    awesome oob.

  4. Benodic 4

    He was talking about Australian 3am

  5. Mr English 5

    John Key is turning into a ditherer.

  6. Good to see the personal Key attacks are paying such dividends for you guys in the polls.

    Maybe try something new. Seriously, a new prime minister/finance minister may make you look less snide, arrogant, complacent and out of touch.

  7. Ha! it’s not “snide” you idiot, it’s “tired” – you can’t even do National party lines properly! Fool.

  8. Tane 8

    He forgot ‘bereft of ideas’ too.

    Seriously Prat, you need to work on your party lines. Cos seeing as you can’t recognise a joke when you see it, it’s pretty much all you’ve got.

  9. Snide, tired, hypocritical, lame duck, it’s all interchangeable, luckily though our internal polls (at HQ), are telling us these adjectives are hitting the right spot with the swinging voter. You guys really need to re visit your tactics. Could be H2 has got this one wrong!

    Also I got the joke, it just isn’t funny.

  10. I like answering the phone.

  11. BTP – I think you’ll find “snide” tends to put people off as it is a little elitist. I like the way you use the phrase “our internal polls” though. It’s almost like your do more than make the coffee and laugh at the jokes at the wrong time…

  12. r0b 12

    You guys really need to re visit your tactics. Could be H2 has got this one wrong!

    Our (Labour’s) tactics are competent government and policies that work for the good of New Zealanders. There’s no plan to revisit them. If they are the “wrong” tactics, well, so be it.

  13. mike 13

    “Our (Labour’s) tactics are competent government and policies that work for the good of New Zealanders”

    🙂 lol I got that one…

  14. Actually sod, was just being a bit playful as you had referred to “party lines”.

    Never voted National in my life. Don’t intend to.

    Use to vote Labour, 90, 93, even 96. Liberterianz and/or ACT since then. So really no friend of Labour Lite Key.

    I’m just making the point you fellas can parody Key all you like and it won’t make a bean of difference.

    rOb……”policies that work for the good of New Zealandeders”

    Clearly you don’t have a mortgage, have to buy food, use the health system or engage in public education? So what does that make you?

    Ahhh, either a cashed up single civil servant or a cabinet minister.

  15. reltih_a 15

    Ring Ring
    Hello, who is it?
    Heres the phone Helen.
    Thank you Judith.

  16. To quote y’self BTP – “I got the joke, it just isn’t funny.”

    Oh and in case anyone didn’t realise it “reltih_a” is Dad (I’ve got a sixth sense for him) – Hi Dad.

  17. reltih_a 17

    Hi son.

  18. You do know you’re banned for life don’t you, dad? I stuck up for you at teh time.

  19. r0b 19

    Mike: lol I got that one

    You’re a funny guy mike. I now see that you must have been joking in the Judith Collins thread when you said “the underclass that dear leader said didn’t exist” – and then couldn’t back it up. Hah hah mike, hah hah.

    BTP: Clearly you don’t have a mortgage, have to buy food, use the health system or engage in public education? So what does that make you? Ahhh, either a cashed up single civil servant or a cabinet minister.

    I’m just someone who remembers the 90s, and can read the statistics.

  20. simon coffey 20

    that’s funny, really funny, i’m sure even john would laugh at it, well i hope he would…

  21. rOb……..”I’m just someone who remembers the 90s, and can read the statistics.”

    Are those stats the ones that refer to the government (in the 90’s) reversing the deception of the previous labour government with regards to overall government debt. You know the one were Richardson enforced a policies to save us from economic annhilation, cuts which have NEVER, been reversed. And the basic tenet of a balanced budget has been EMBRACED by the B grade history teacher, Reserve Bank act etc etc.

    Also despite a global recession, the then government reduced interest rates and unemployment over that perioid.

    And now you (Labour) even give a big big hug to asset sales r.e Vector, have fucked the health system and fucked the education system and are now emabarking on your own little winter of discontent with respect to insustraial relations. ……….Hypocrites!

    Isn’t it funny how when things are rosy in the economy you credit Labour, but when reality bites, the NZ First/Shipley government is responsible.

    Thats the problem rOb, people are sick of the “oh they were worse line”….keep it up.

    In fact I really hope you are part of a Labour party re election committee. Actually I hope you have the insight and tact of Mike “confused” Williams. If so, you numpties are looking at sub 30% on the list and even you (as an insider), know how dire it is going to turn out in the electorates.

    Facing oblivion and all you got is a phone joke……..pathetic

  22. randal 22

    wow I really feel like I have been elevated to a higher plane after reading all that crap

  23. Censorship at the Standard in force again I see. They dont like it up em, the fuzzie wuzzies!

  24. “You do know you’re banned for life don’t you, dad? I stuck up for you at teh time.”

    Oh well robinsod that makes here, kiwiblog, public address and poneke.
    Oh well who cares, as getting sick of blogging.

  25. Billy 25

    “Oh well who cares, as getting sick of blogging.”

    Frankly, Dad, that might be for the best.

  26. Frankly, Billy, that might not be for the best.

  27. I’ve gotta say Dad I agree with you. I still think the best blog comment I’ve ever seen was one of yours. I don’t think many people see your project for what it is but I want you to know that it is certainly appreciated by me.

  28. Judging from last week, if it’s 3am John Key will be at the Matterhorn. Where’s Helen?

  29. Cheers robinsod.Thank you mate.

  30. deemac 30

    can’t wait for D4J’s take on the Austrian basement…

  31. r0b 31

    BoomTownPrat, that little monologue was a pretty disturbing stream of semi-consciousness. I think you need to get out more, get some fresh air every now and then.

    If you’d made any substantive points about social and economic indicators of the 90’s vs today then I could have replied to them, but you didn’t, so I can’t.

    All I can do is wish you most sincerely the very best of luck in your future endeavours. Have a lovely life.

  32. deemac, I cannot reply to petal’s malicious comment on kiwiblog, as I cannot log in ? I am a spammer with far to many comments.

    Feel free to back stab as many enjoy reading it on kiwiblog.

  33. Matthew Pilott 34

    BTP – did Act get Ansell to whip that up? It’s on a par with the Free Speech Coalition billboards, quality/intelligence wise…

  34. Tane 35

    Censorship at the Standard in force again I see. They dont like it up em, the fuzzie wuzzies!

    What on earth are you on about now?

  35. rOb

    “If you’d made any substantive points about social and economic indicators of the 90’s vs today then I could have replied to them, but you didn’t, so I can’t.”

    look mate which part of “balanced budget”, don’t you get?

    Thats what Richardson did. That led to lower inflation, economic growth and the platform which said B grade history teacher has squandred.

    I’ll give you stats…..10% interest rates, 26% food inflation, unaffordable housing, record sickness benefits, economic ruin as a result of Kyoto.

    What happened to top half of OECD, closing the gaps, carbon neutrality.
    As I said before, this is becoming a like the “dead parrot sketch”

  36. I see Cameron still can’t even manage basic HTML. When Drupal makes it so easy he’s really got no excuse…

    Oh and Deemac? Give the dad-bashing a break.

  37. r0b 38

    They dont like it up em, the fuzzie wuzzies!

    What on earth are you on about now?

    Tane, BPT is channelling Corporal Jones: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dad's_Army

  38. Tane 39

    Prat – Just saw the video you posted from that friend of yours who photoshops children’s heads onto gay porn. Pretty weak, I gotta say.

    I mean, it was an obvious response to the video posted here, but wasn’t in the slightest bit funny, and it had to lie about what Clark was laughing about to make its point.

    Here’s a hint mate – she wasn’t laughing at struggling Kiwis, she was laughing at John Key’s ineptitude as a leader. I mean, you gotta admit, that “why are they being so mean to me?” whingeing was hardly the sign of a strong leader.

  39. r0b 40

    <em. Give the dad-bashing a break.

    I always suspected you were a softie at heart ‘Sod. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with us…

  40. Tane 41

    Oh and Dad, by the way, you’re still banned. Please respect this.

    Captcha: powerboat Unionists – I wish.

  41. AncientGeek 42

    That video is cruel, probably unjust, and wonderfully funny.

    Makes me wish that we had some of those wonderful political comics from days gone by. Imagine John Clarke and co in this election. There are so many more targets under MMP.

  42. r0b 43

    look mate which part of “balanced budget’, don’t you get?

    The relevance part.

    Thats what Richardson did.

    Richardson attacked the poorest people in NZ, those least able to defend themselves. She had other options to deal with the financial situation. Options like raising taxes. But she’s a Tory, she did what Tories have done, and what they’ll likely do again if we give them a chance.

    I’ll give you stats ..10% interest rates, 26% food inflation, unaffordable housing, record sickness benefits, economic ruin as a result of Kyoto.

    Interest rates have positive and negative effects. Food inflation is a serious issue, but largely derived from international events that are well beyond Government control (the Government needs to take what action it can though). Sickness benefits are slightly up with the ageing population, overall working age benefits are well down and still falling. Kyoto remains to be seen.

    And let’s keep in mind: unemployment down do 30 year lows, crime down, numbers on benefits down, economy growing, Working for Families, KiwiSaver, superannuation increases, minimum wage raised every year, four weeks leave, 20 hours free early childhood education, fair rents, interest free loans for students, cheaper doctors vists, and employment law which stopped the widening wage gap with Australia. Oh – and an independent and sane foreign policy while we’re at it. Etc etc etc. Thanks Labour!

  43. Sorry Tane, hate to employ a cliche…..but


  44. Tane 45

    You know, when you get past the spit and the bile there really isn’t much behind the likes of Whaleoil and BoomTownPrat. Just anger and an overinflated sense of Tory privelige.

  45. Tane……

    “Tory Privelige”

    ha fuckin ha

    Is that the same “Tory Charity” that MC has adopted….or the same tax cuts that MC…..has adopted…………or the same balanced budget that MC has adopted?

    Flip/Flop Slippery Cullen…..and the budget will confirm it?

    And just to rub it in Tane, have you looked at the detail and comments by cullen and clark re 1999 election that are about to be be “reversed” on billboards far and wide. Take a guess at the content.

  46. Tane 47

    Prat, if your comments were even vaguely coherent I’d respond, but I suspect you’re drunk. Are you capable of saying anything substantive?.

    Anyway, I’m off to bed. Have a good one.

  47. reltih_a 48

    Hi all

    Tane, look at my mame backwards:
    See, I always had a son, just like the papers say. Tane, you are my son from a French whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    [Tane: And that’s you banned for life]

  48. Tane, not drunk, just pissed(off), that you lot still unashamedly and without critic justify this disaster of an administration.

    Funny in it?

  49. Draco TB 50

    And the basic tenet of a balanced budget has been EMBRACED by the B grade history teacher, Reserve Bank act etc etc.

    You, of course, refer to the legislation that requires a balanced budget. The one that National wants to get rid of.

  50. Craig Ranapia 51

    Seriously Prat, you need to work on your party lines. Cos seeing as you can’t recognise a joke when you see it, it’s pretty much all you’ve got.

    Seriously, Tane, if you can’t come up with a better funny than a lame rip off of a profoundly dishonest anti-Obama ad that Karl Rove probably cooked up in his sleep, I’m laughing. Just at you, not with you.

    It doesn’t seem to be working in the US, and I don’t see why it would work here.

  51. Felix 52

    Is the umming and ahhing from Mr Key taken from the interview where he couldn’t remember how he felt about the springbok tour? Or is it one of his many other “mental focus group” moments?

  52. Tane 53

    Craig, it’s a lighthearted joke sent in by a reader, not a bloody campaign ad! I know it must be hard trying to keep up that pompous facade, but do try to see the funny side.

  53. Craig Ranapia 54


    Well, fair enough up to a point. This is your house, and you can post what you like. But I don’t really buy the ‘it’s just a joke’ defence when we’re talking abour right wingnuts who think ‘Hullen Klark’ and ‘Liarbore’ is a direct hit on the punny bone. Guess humour, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder but in this case, I seriously think you need contacts.

    I certainly don’t think we need to be importing the dishonest politics of fear on display in that ad, thanks. If that makes me a humourless prat, I’m quite happy to plead guilty as charged.

  54. Craig – the politics of fear are being sent up here. I suggest if you are so keen on stopping the dishonest politics of fear you take the National Party to task for its lies about crime rates. Now that is fear-mongering for political gain.


  55. higherstandard 56

    Lies about crime rates ??

    How about the Minister fronting that the P epidemic is out of control.


    Has she signed up with as you put it “National’s dishonest politics of fear ?”

  56. Uhmm hate to rain on your deluded parade Tāne, but under the law which you so enthusiastially supported the video is indeed a campaign ad, along with several more that you have posted since Jan 1, all without authorisation, all under the user name of thestandardnz on Youtube.

    You see the law is so broad and your understanding of it so woeful that like your sponsors you continue to break the law that you supported.

    Inconvenient the truth may be, it is the truth nonetheless and there are two words that describe such continual law breakers, they are “criminals” and “hypocrites”

  57. djp 58

    actually that video is quite funny 🙂

  58. lprent 59

    Whale: Personally I don’t read the act that way. I think you’re spreading it on with too wide a brush.

    So follow the process. Send a complaint in and get the electoral commission to make a ruling. It has worked for you so far.

    captcha: end flaming – I don’t believe it classic captcha

  59. Steve Pierson 60


    We haven’t produced this ad, nor published it via Youtube. tane has simply posted it, linking to the youtube vid.

    How about this, rather than trying to find every petty breach of the EFA and spending the rest of your time making gay porn involving teenage boys, why don’t you try to become a constructive part of political debate? Our offsiders at the Hive would be a good example to emulate. I just fear you don’t have the depth or poltiical nous to do so.

  60. ghostwhowalks 61

    Where was whaleoils authorisation for his video promo for Absolute Power

  61. I also promoted the video promo for Absolute Power.

  62. What would Cameron know about the law? He can’t even run a business without it going insolvent and having auditors on his back. Eh Cameron?

    And bro, you never answered my question – did you settle with your creditors?

  63. Craig Ranapia 64


    I’d be quite happy to take up a collection to provide every MP, public service spinster and hack with a copy of Daryl Huff’s excellent and highly accessible short book ‘How to Lie with Statistics’ — fifty four years after it was first published, it’s still as pertinent as ever. Bugger. Any suggestions how to force the sods to read it? Hell, I’d be satisfied if a few more people got the distinction between correlation and causation.

  64. Craig – you could start by heading over to Kiwiblog and pointing out the statistical inconsistencies DPF employs in National’s political interests. As a longstanding rightwing voice in the blogosphere you may have the authority to get David to listen to sense.

    I look forward to watching your campaign.

  65. Whaleoil 66

    Steve and Lynn, It doesn’t really matter how you like to describe it. thestandardnz is your userid to Youtube, hosting location is immaterial to the law, redistributing it is, causing it to be viewed is and whether or not you authored it or not it is your site, your userid being used, therefore it is you broadcasting the election advertisement.

    Again it may be inconvenient but the facts are the facts, that you continue to flaunt the law you passed show how out of touch you and your sponsor party are.

    Robinsod, keep up the slander, unless you are in full command of the facts I suggest you shut your mouth, how about the Standard authors place some moderation on slanderous and arguably defaming comments.

  66. Felix 67

    Moderation on slanderous and arguably defaming comments?

    You realise you’d probably never get another comment published, don’t you whaleoil?

  67. Matthew Pilott 68

    Heh, Whale is blubbering about “your sponsor party” AND mentions slander (proving he’s none too sharp) in the same breath.

    Whale, if you want to have a wee cry (because let’s be honest, mentioning slander and defamation is nothing but a wimp’s way of talking tough) try to get your terms correct. Slander is spoken, libel is printed.

  68. Robinsod, keep up the slander, unless you are in full command of the facts I suggest you shut your mouth, how about the Standard authors place some moderation on slanderous and arguably defaming comments.

    I have a copy of the auditor’s report Cameron. It is a public record and I am asking you questions based on reasonable assumptions drawn from it and from further investigations. If you have any concerns about the nature of the conclusions I have drawn you can address them by answering my questions. This is, after all, a free forum for response. I note you repeatedly choose not to. Shame that.

    Oh and Cameron? “Slander” is spoken defamation and “libel” is written defamation. You cannot claim I am slandering you because my comments are written and if you claim I am libeling you you are claiming I am defaming you not “arguably defaming” you. Either way you don’t have a legal leg to stand on fool. Perhaps you should just HTFU instead you poor wee man…

  69. Sa Paullo 70

    Dear Craig,

    are you sure you’re a National party supporter? you seem to be articulate, coherent and have principles, as well as engage constructively in debates.

    be careful- you sound suspiciously like the Katherine Rich, Bill English part of the party that has problems telling porkies and bashing on single mothers, Maori etc just in order to get power, or to put policies in their mouths they simply don’t genuinely believe.

    have to say I think the video would have been a lot funnier if a cockroach answered the phone…or maybe even a giant weta…they’re about the same right?

    but hey this is politics…and we don’t have the daily show or the cnnn in New Zealand…but we could f*&^%^ do with it…though some of our blubbery friends may not get the jokes…

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    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Speech releasing the Digital Council's report 'Towards Trustworthy and Trusted Automated D...
    CHECK AGAINST DELIVERY  E ngā mana, e ngā reo, e ngā karanga maha o te wa, tēnā koutou, tēna koutou, tēna tātou katoa. Ki ngā mana whenua, ko Ngāi Tahu, ko Waitaha, ko Kāti Māmoe  anō nei aku mihi ki a koutou. Nōku te hōnore kia haere mai ki te ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Green light for 10 minute e-bus to Auckland Airport
    Transport Minister Michael Wood today marked the completion of upgrades to State Highway 20B which will give Aucklanders quick electric bus trips to and from the airport. The State Highway 20B Early Improvements project has added new lanes in each direction between Pukaki Creek Bridge and SH20 for buses and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    7 days ago
  • Review into greyhound racing announced
    The Government is putting in place a review of the work being done on animal welfare and safety in the greyhound racing industry, Grant Robertson announced today. “While Greyhound Racing NZ has reported some progress in implementing the recommendations of the Hansen Report, recent incidents show the industry still has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Road safety boosted by increased penalty for mobile use while driving
    The infringement fee for using a mobile phone while driving will increase from $80 to $150 from 30 April 2021 to encourage safer driving, Transport Minister Michael Wood announced today. Michael Wood said too many people are still picking up the phone while driving. “Police issued over 40,000 infringement notices ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Pacific mental wellbeing supported across Auckland and Wellington
    Pacific people in New Zealand will be better supported with new mental health and addiction services rolling out across the Auckland and Wellington regions, says Aupito William Sio.  “One size does not fit all when it comes to supporting the mental wellbeing of our Pacific peoples. We need a by ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Fresh approach proposed to Smokefree 2025
    New measures are being proposed to accelerate progress towards becoming a smokefree nation by 2025, Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall announced. “Smoking or exposure to second-hand smoke kills around 12 people a day in New Zealand. Recent data tells us New Zealand’s smoking rates continue to decrease, but ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Govt expands Mana Ake to provide more school-based mental wellbeing support
    More children will be able to access mental wellbeing support with the Government expansion of Mana Ake services to five new District Health Board areas, Health Minister Andrew Little says. The Health Minister made the announcement while visiting Homai School in Counties Manukau alongside Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Associate ...
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    1 week ago
  • Record Number of People Move Into Work
    The Government’s COVID-19 response has meant a record number of people moved off a Benefit and into employment in the March Quarter, with 32,880 moving into work in the first three months of 2021. “More people moved into work last quarter than any time since the Ministry of Social Development ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Significant global progress made under Christchurch Call
    A stocktake undertaken by France and New Zealand shows significant global progress under the Christchurch Call towards its goal to eliminate terrorist and violent extremist content online.  The findings of the report released today reinforce the importance of a multi-stakeholder approach, with countries, companies and civil society working together to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New chair of interim TAB NZ Board appointed
    Racing Minister Grant Robertson has announced he is appointing Elizabeth Dawson (Liz) as the Chair of the interim TAB NZ Board. Liz Dawson is an existing Board Director of the interim TAB NZ Board and Chair of the TAB NZ Board Selection Panel and will continue in her role as ...
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    1 week ago
  • Government to phase out live exports by sea
    The Government has announced that the export of livestock by sea will cease following a transition period of up to two years, said Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor. “At the heart of our decision is upholding New Zealand’s reputation for high standards of animal welfare. We must stay ahead of the ...
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    1 week ago
  • Workshop on Lethal Autonomous Weapons Systems – opening remarks
    WORKSHOP ON LETHAL AUTONOMOUS WEAPONS SYSTEMS Wednesday 14 April 2021 MINISTER FOR DISARMAMENT AND ARMS CONTROL OPENING REMARKS Good morning, I am so pleased to be able to join you for part of this workshop, which I’m confident will help us along the path to developing New Zealand’s national policy on ...
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    1 week ago
  • Inter-prison kapa haka competition launched
    For the first time, all 18 prisons in New Zealand will be invited to participate in an inter-prison kapa haka competition, Corrections Minister Kelvin Davis announced today. The 2021 Hōkai Rangi Whakataetae Kapa Haka will see groups prepare and perform kapa haka for experienced judges who visit each prison and ...
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    1 week ago
  • Government takes step forward on counter terrorism laws
    The Government has introduced the Counter-Terrorism Legislation Bill, designed to boost New Zealand's ability to respond to a wider range of terrorist activities. The Bill strengthens New Zealand’s counter-terrorism legislation and ensures that the right legislative tools are available to intervene early and prevent harm. “This is the Government’s first ...
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    1 week ago
  • Carbon neutral government a step closer
    Coal boiler replacements at a further ten schools, saving an estimated 7,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide over the next ten years Fossil fuel boiler replacements at Southern Institute of Technology and Taranaki DHB, saving nearly 14,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide over the next ten years Projects to achieve a total ...
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    1 week ago