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Who will be National’s Tauranga candidate

Written By: - Date published: 8:18 am, March 29th, 2022 - 66 comments
Categories: by-election, humour, national, nick smith, Satire, Simon Bridges - Tags:

National opens up nominations for the Tauranga seat by election today and I am sure there will be a slew of candidates seeking the position.  After all last election it was one of National’s safest seats with Simon Bridges enjoying a thumping majority of 1,856 over Labour’s Jan Tinetti.

Times have changed however and National’s relentless negativity and the fact it has stopped disemboweling itself in public every week has seen its fortunes improve.

So I expect National to win the seat without any major issues unless the candidate does something really stupid.  Given the calibre of recent selections there is a chance this could occur.

But who will the candidate be?

Will it be don’t you know who I am Aaron Gilmore?

Or a younger candidate with a particular skill of taping conversations of Parliamentary Staffers without their knowledge or consent and go for  Todd Barclay?

Or will they go for the white supremacist youth vote and pick William Wood?

Or will they go full racist and select former MP Hamish Walker who memorially claimed last election that Indian, Pakistani and Korean Covid sufferers were ready to invade Queenstown?

Or how about this guy and his ability to reach out to teenagers using social media?

They could go for experience and select Nick Smith who has particular skills in worker relations, particularly with his own staff.

How about Jake Bezzant and his particular skills in the writing of fantasy curriculum vitaes?

Or how about this guy who has publicly stated that he wants to become a National MP and has been bitter and twisted ever since Ardern has become leader?

But if they want someone with national prominence who day in and day out sticks to National talking points and who does his best to make sure that National is returned to its rightful position as the ruler of all the plebs there can be only one candidate.

Will this person be National’s Tauranga candidate?

66 comments on “Who will be National’s Tauranga candidate ”

  1. Byd0nz 1

    Hopefully none of the above, but who really cares.

    • Blade 1.1

      No one cares. National would never pick Mikey. His value as an armour piercing shell that cuts through Jacinda's bs media utterances is far to valuable.

    • rod 1.2

      What about Batman Mark Richardson, he is busting to become Tory mp.

  2. Pataua4life 2

    Jacinda has already thrown in the towel.

    Told you she won't show. She must be protected.


    • mickysavage 2.1

      Only a fool would think that Labour has a chance. Unless the National candidate self destructs.

      • Incognito 2.1.1

        Sometimes it is a fine line between being a fool or a dreamer.

      • Pataua4life 2.1.2

        Why the post then?

        Maybe Labour could nominate this guy. He fits right in to the party culture.


        • Ad

          To keep expectations nice and low. Labour should sit this one out, so it wouldn't turn into a referendum on the government.

          I seriously pity the people of Tauranga. Everything about our 5th largest city is just a ruin with no guidance or government.

        • Scotty

          What ever happened to Mike Sabin ?

          You'll know Pataua – you keep tabs on such things

        • Blade

          Given the wackos the Left produce, I'm at a loss why Mickey would open himself up to body shots by posting a rogues gallery of feral Righties.

          • Incognito

            So, you found the Post confronting?

            • Blade

              No, I found it very funny, especially the picture of Willy Wood.

              Only a sycophantic Rightie would find that post confronting.

              I mean, what else should anyone expect on a Left leaning blog?

              • Incognito

                Phew! That’s a relief!

                For a moment I thought Micky’s Post needed a warning similar to yours (https://thestandard.org.nz/open-mike-19-03-2022/#comment-1876642) for people such as you, but you’re were never at any risk by a long shot cheeky

                Warning. The following post may be confronting for people who have an IQ higher than 98. Reader discretion is advised.

              • Ross

                what else should anyone expect on a Left leaning blog?

                Some expectations of the Labour candidate? Positive comments about the Government? Why Three Waters is essential? The importance of free speech? The list goes on…

                • Peter

                  Yeah, and every book in the library should be a sober tome, with no pictures or colour or humour. And no talking in there thank you.

          • Louis

            "What wackos the left produce"?

            • Blade

              1-The present Labour government.

              2-Kevin Davis, who is DPM, and still doesn't know perception is everything, especially when using a word like ''Grizzling.''

              3-David Benson-Pope.

              4-Anna Lorck.

              5- Dover Samuels.

              6-Clair Curran.

              7- Special mention- Trevor Mallard

              Of course, there is much more scandal around sex and naughty stuff from both Labour and National that will never make the headlines.

            • Drowsy M. Kram

              Some fear-filled righties believe "wackos" lurk around every left turn.
              They should get out more smiley

              • Phil

                Sounds just like some of the commenters here believing that everyone to the right of Jacinda is secretly a full blown Nazi.

                • Drowsy M. Kram

                  Phil, do you really believe "some of the commentators here" believe "that everyone to the right of Jacinda is secretly a full blown Nazi" – really and truly?

                  Sure, some of them righties are pretty woeful, but “full blown Nazi? Not seeing it, but happy to be put right.

                  P.S. First mention of “Nazi” in/on this post/page is yours!!
                  Doesn’t that qualify you for some sort of award?

                • Blade

                  ''Commenters here believing that everyone to the right of Jacinda is secretly a full blown Nazi.''

                  Phil, that's the funniest line on this thread so far.


                  • Drowsy M. Kram

                    yes The idea that "some of the commenters here" believe "that everyone to the right of Jacinda is secretly a full blown Nazi" is laughable.

                    • gsays

                      Yes, after all, the Wellington Protest posts ended when the protest was disbanded.

                    • Drowsy M. Kram

                      @gsays (5:53 am)

                      Wellington Protest posts ended when the protest was disbanded.

                      All things (good, bad, and meh) must end – protests, protest posts, vaccine mandates and passes, prudent public health restrictions on gatherings, travel etc. – even pandemics.

                      Imho the idea that many, if any commenters here think "that everyone to the right of Jacinda is secretly a full blown Nazi" defies belief – it’s just fanciful.

                      35 deaths recorded yesterday. Still masking up (because I don't want to be infected with the Omicron variant of COVID-19), and scanning in at every opportunity, for example my dentist. Just trying to maintain good public health habits (my way of living with COVID-19) until this latest wave is done – the tail may be long if Australia (60,000 new cases and rising, plus 29 deaths yesterday) is anything to go by.


                      Be well.

        • Louis

          "Former MP Darren Hughes says he has paid a high price for the sex complaint dismissed by police today"

          "In a statement Hughes said he had been falsely accused of a serious crime he did not commit and it had been "one of the most challenging experiences in my life"


      • James Simpson 2.1.3

        I agree.

        It will be as uneventful as the 2017 Mt Albert by-election when Jacinda romped in.

        If I was Labour, I wouldn't allow the Nats to treat this as some kind of victory over the government and would therefore not put up a candidate and essentially ignore it. Don't give them any oxygen.

        • Mike the Lefty

          I agree and argued this in an earlier post.

          If Labour doesn't stand a candidate, but rather endorses another such as as Greens or even Winston! (I'm being serious) then the Nats' victory will be a kind of hollow one for them. (Hollow – Hollow Men – Get it?).

          Of course they will play the "Labour is too gutless to stand a candidate because…." argument but Labour should simply just ignore that. When you have an overall majority in parliament you don't have to respond every time you get called out.

          If Labour stands a candidate (probably Tinetti) they won't win, but a big loss could be bad for the party's morale.

          Let your political enemies bump their heads together. Why risk putting your head in the way when it won't gain you anything?

          But at the end of the day I think Labour will nominate Tinetti to stand because they won't be able to resist.

    • Louis 2.2

      Not about throwing in the towel, more like reality. "Asked if Labour had a shot of winning the seat, Ardern noted it had not done so since 1935"

      • Phil 2.2.1

        In 2020 Labour won more party votes than National in Tauranga. Last time they beat national head-to-head on party vote was 2002.

        Not standing a candidate in the by-election would be a massive 'fuck you' to the 18 and a half thousand people who party voted Labour last time around.

        • Louis

          Yes and Labour won the party vote in 71 out of the 72 electorates in 2020. I don't know whether Labour will stand a candidate or not, usually they do though.

  3. My expectation is that Woodhouse's mystery homeless man will be the candidate, and will be chosen to show the absolute inadequacies of our MIQ system that kept us so safe for so long.

    He was a Natz supporter all along, you see!

  4. Tiger Mountain 4

    Micky has provided a timely reminder of the full glory of Nashnull’s motley crew–“don’t you know who I am…”–many tories project that, but few have been captured on record saying it!–classically, to a worker in a waiting role. Pony puller Sirkey of course targeted a young female service worker for his unwanted attentions also.

    “Towelronga” is a cultural and intellectual desert of the NZ provincial kind with dysfunctional local Govt. and significantly run on National Superannuation and other pension fund income.

    • Pataua4life 4.1

      You could play this game with any Party. Please see link above.

      I just don't think the post brings anything intelligent to the site or the writer.

        • Pataua4life

          I must be damn funny then wink

        • mac1

          Bob Jones alleged that Lefties had no sense of humour. Surveys show that Lefties are more intelligent than Righties. So, where does that put Righties' sense of humour? Either Bob was making it up or Righties are really grumpy….. it’s all quite hilarious.

          • Incognito

            I’ve got two left hands and two left feet and my humour is out of left field when I feel right. There’s nothing left to say, right? Let’s go back to those clowns in National.

            • mac1

              Be careful, incognito, when giving directions to a car driver, when telling them to go left, right?

              As for National clowns, they have made a basic mistake in trying to alleviate their poor candidate selection. Luxon has suggested Candidate 101 as a compulsory course but the problem goes back to the personal qualities of the candidates themselves.

              At its worst end of the spectrum, can you teach someone to get past sociopathic personality traits and become an empathetic, wise, considerate, true servant of the people?

              This is why this topic of candidate selection is so important, even when it involves the opposition. I don't want to be governed by sociopaths.

              History and current events both teach this. Has National, for example, learnt from its recent history? Does its basic culture and values allow otherwise?

              Are business values and behaviour a good basis for empathetic political leadership? Business has more than its fair share of middle management sociopaths, after all.

              Will it put up a decent (in the sense of personal qualities) candidate? National will return to government at some stage. We need them to be well chosen before that.

          • Blade

            Yes, I perused one of those surveys written by the Wheel Tappers And Shunters Union Of Aotearoa. All I can say is the survey lacked intellectual rigour.

            • mac1

              "Eee, lad, but it's knowing where to tap them. that's the thing….."

              • Blade

                Aye, comrade. By gum, I just had a piffiny.. where are them trains these chaps are meant to be tappin and shunting?

  5. Blazer 5

    Someone with a …'big brain'….will need to step…forward!laugh

  6. AB 6

    New National candidates are always interesting and absorbing. I really like it when one crops up who is repellent in an entirely new way, or in an unusual combination of existing ways.

    • Drowsy M. Kram 6.1

      New National candidates are always interesting and absorbing.

      Sponges (spongers?) are absorbing, but they don't have very big brains.

  7. Macro 7

    But who will the candidate be?

    All of the above.

  8. Reality 8

    Perhaps Michelle Boag has served her time on the naughty chair and can be brought back to give PR advice and media training and a quick rundown on ethics as well.

  9. Binders full of women 9

    Maybe Louisa Wall will stand??

    • Pataua4life 9.1

      You could do a lot worse.

      I don't agree with her politics but a women of real integrity. Parliament is worse off without her.

      • Westykev 9.1.1

        Agree about her ethics and morals, we need many more MP's of that calibre. Pity that she was too left wing for Labour

      • mac1 9.1.2

        That's the issue which lies behind who should be National's candidate for Tauranga- integrity, good ethics and morals.

        As for all public office.

        That person will most likely become an MP.

        I hope that all commenters here, from whatever party allegiance we might have, will at least do our darndest to bring forward our best people to be our candidates.

        Tonight I am a candidate for an electorate chair. This next year will be spent in finding and supporting a candidate to prepare for the 2023 election.

        It's why we should all be involved in political parties. Be there to help get the best candidates and policies.

        • Shanreagh

          These are really important points mac1.

          There is a thought about choir singing that the sum of all the different voices is a sublime voice floating above/from with no individual voices able to be discerned. While not totally applicable the idea in politics is to get those best voices and meld them together for the best results, sometimes across a party sometimes across the whole of parliament.

          So saying, this is why I am so astounded at the klutzy selections from the Nats in recent times.

          Obviously we do want/need soloists from time to time.

          In this spirit above I wish to say how disappointed/sad I am about the resignation of Louisa Wall.

          • mac1

            People at the meeting tonight felt the same. She got some good legislation through the House.

  10. David Farrar

    Cam "WhaleOil" Slater

  11. Hunter Thompson II 11

    Natz will likely stand some ex-cop and let him/her sleepwalk to victory. Pushing the buttons on gangs and law and order should be enough, with a nod to Greypower.

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