Why did the chicken cross the road?

Written By: - Date published: 9:58 pm, September 21st, 2021 - 26 comments
Categories: covid-19, health, vaccines - Tags:

Us Kiwis have finally solved the age-old mystery that even confused the Babylonians. The answer is not 42, as some suspected, but it is because there’s a KFC on the other side. No pandemic, it seems, can keep Kiwis away from their beloved takeaways; the poor old Dodo never stood a chance, that much is obvious.

As devotees of the free market, the criminal circuit has got wind of this demand and under-supply of KFC and although it is possibly almost as harmful as drugs it may even be profitable enough to run the risk of being caught at a border check-point with a car boot full of KFC. We can be sure that because of this major crackdown of the black market supply chain the NZ Police will enjoy in increase in funding in Budget-2022, which should be aptly labelled the KFC Budget 2022 after the Wellbeing Budget 2021.

Please make no mistake, the malcontents are only interested in making money and profits. They’ll try to get their unwitting victims hooked and then addicted to Class A junk food from E-grade outlets. Bring back Peter Dunne, I say, and get junk food testing in place ASAP, especially of synthetic junk food so that the consumers at least know what they’re eating and don’t get unexpected food poisoning.

I have to admit that I feel sorry for the chicken because if was fairly safely cooped up in its bubble. However, there are forces at work that we all should fear. For example, the Leader of the main Death Squad in NZ has declared that ICU beds are the way to National salvation. I don’t know about you, but I prefer my own bed at home, partly because there’s a much higher chance that I will wake up still alive the next morning; I take a bad hangover or morning mood over Covid death any day. In any case, the quasi-hypocritical and pseudo-obese Leader of the main Death Squad may want to suggest extra ICU beds in South Auckland where they will be needed most because of larger proportion of Māori and Pasifika people living there. So, Talofa! We recognise authentic kindness from the heart when we can see the eyebrows.

The Government is doing a 13-dimensional juggling act on a high rope without a political safety net. One slight misstep and it could be all over. The pundits and pollsters below are barking and drooling below in anticipation of fresh fodder for their nefarious blog sites. Sampling their drool and testing their saliva might reveal the presence of nasty underlying attitudes towards others who are not as fortunate as they are or that they are as crazy as an oily bat out of hell, no offence to Meat Loaf.

According to some who cannot tell the difference between elimination and ejaculation, Government has all but eliminated the elimination strategy. The irony is that Government actually never eliminated a thing, it just showed a way to the Team of Five Million on how to do it. And they went for it and came out on top of the World. The current Delta dragon is harder to slay, but Government believes that the A-Team can do it again, although the whispering B-grade voices have become louder, more numerous, and more desperate, teaming up with a Groundswell of deniers, unbelievers, and self-anointed false prophets – the irony is immense. The conviction of the A-Team is under siege and the lure of KFC is strong. There’s no try; do or do not.

We must not despair, we must not judge, but we must do our bit in this drama for which there’s no playbook and no rulebook; we are building the plane as we are trying to keep it in the air although we can learn, but not copy or imitate, from some crashes overseas. If we make the right choices chances are that we can all enjoy our KFC by Christmas with friends and family.

This should give me enough time to book in a complete makeover because I have let standards slip somewhat in lockdown (and before …) and I don’t pretend to keep up the appearances no longer. I am starting to look and feel profoundly Palaeolithic and it is starting to scare me – I can’t even see my eyebrows anymore in the mirror – and nowadays I only use audio for those never-ending Teams and Zoom meetings because a black box with my name on their screens is easier on the eye, I reckon.

We are told that one of the right choices we can make right now is to get jabbed with a very fine needle containing 0.3 mL of a watery salty solution with a bit of fat (lipids) and sugar (sucrose) and containing 30 micrograms of the key ingredient called messenger RNA (mRNA), which is 15 times less than the weight of an unfed female flea.

Once inside our own cells, the mRNA gets read by the cells to make the spike protein that elicits the immune response; the message (mRNA) is destructed after a short time, as is the case with all mRNA. It is a nifty way to prime to body against any future invasions of the real virus. However, as always, prevention is better than cure and we are also told that personal hygiene, social distancing, and wearing mask protection are effective measures to keep the villainous virus out.

Unfortunately, for me personally, there is no meaningful difference between Lockdown Level 4 and Restrict Level 3. Even Reduce Level 2 is no picnic in the park for me either, but it is not all about me, is it? If Kiwis want to eat their KFC in the park then I’ll do my bit to make that possible. It is that simple.

26 comments on “Why did the chicken cross the road? ”

  • Comments are now closed

  1. Kiwijoker 1
    21 September 2021 at 11:05 pm

    A head less traveled perhaps?

  2. Gezza 2
    22 September 2021 at 3:15 am

    As the Covid-19 crisis began in 2020, NZME chief executive Michael Boggs wrote a letter to all New Zealanders. It promised the company’s publications and radio stations would uphold the “highest standards of journalism” during the pandemic.

    https://www.rnz.co.nz/assets/news_crops/99236/eight_col_HoskingTakes1610.jpg

    Many of the company’s workers have done so, imparting information on how the virus spread, documenting its effects on low-paid workers, and delivering Q&As with experts.

    But its most popular, high-profile employee has struggled to live up to Boggs’ edict. Despite being hailed as a source of vital information, Newstalk ZB’s Mike Hosking seems to have used the pandemic to see how fast he can oscillate from opinion to contradictory opinion.

    These are the positions the morning talkback host has taken, in chronological order:

    1. We need to stop overreacting to coronavirus
    Hosking entered March 2020 thinking coronavirus is no big deal. On March 6, he argued Covid-19 isn’t a “killer virus” but merely a “virus that can kill” under the headline ‘Coronavirus hysteria is out of control’.
    2. The government shouldn’t be too quick to intervene in the economy
    Around the same time, Hosking was arguing the government shouldn’t be too quick about delivering stimulus to deal with the economic fallout from the pandemic. Under the headline ‘No need for coronavirus economic panic’, he wrote “these are tough, uncertain days, but they're still early days. Holding your nerve is a skill, hopefully not missing in this government.”
    3. The government should have been quicker to intervene in the economy
    Just over a week later, the man who urged the government to hold its nerve had vanished, replaced by one who couldn’t understand why it hadn’t acted faster. “The fact it isn't is yet another example of a government that has been caught in too many meetings, and doesn’t know how to be bold. You don't close your country on Saturday and tell us to wait three days to be told how the economic gaps are to be filled," Hosking wrote.
    4. We need to shut the country down
    After saying the response to Covid-19 amounted to “hysteria” on March 6, on March 23 Hosking called for the government to put the country into lockdown to deal with the spread of the virus.
    5. We didn’t need to shut the country down
    On April 1, Hosking returned to his original point: our fears over coronavirus are overblown. Despite criticising the government for not pushing the country into lockdown fast enough, he went back to saying it was an overreaction to put the country into lockdown.

    After an interview with Auckland University epidemiologist Simon Thornley, Hosking downplayed the danger posed by Covid-19, saying most of the people it kills are sick or elderly and may have died anyway of different causes
    … … … …

    Strangely, Hosking doesn’t appear to have ever acknowledged his views changed so much over the course of the month of March 2020, and might not even know they did. It’s possible that he exists in an eternal present where the past is eradicated every morning, just in time for Mike’s Minute to begin.

    Another possibility is that Hosking is more concerned with criticising the government than being consistent. That kind of oppositionality can have its place. But it’s arguably not appropriate during a public health crisis where getting people timely, accurate information can save lives.

    One of Newstalk ZB’s promotions for Hosking’s show reads ‘the vital news you need to know, here and now’. It would be nice if it lived up to that promise – at least for the length of the Covid-19 crisis.

    *Shamelessly plagiarised from an RNZ op ed at: https://www.rnz.co.nz/national/programmes/mediawatch/audio/2018741210/mike-hosking-s-many-contradictory-takes-on-covid-19

    • Chris 2.1
      22 September 2021 at 8:59 am

      This should've been the post, and the author's piece a comment (if they'd felt the need).

      • Gezza 2.1.1
        22 September 2021 at 9:28 am

        Um. Thanks … I think?

        I remembered reading this OP last year, & The Hosk has been irritating me on his intemperate soap box of late. So I googled it, & did a bit of judicious editing.

        The pic in the link's a hoot too. On another blog, at another time, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to joke about him wearing his wife's jackets in his Mike's Minute rants.

        And I called him Jihadi Mike, becos of that scruffy beard. Altho after the LynnMall stabbing attack I won't be doing that any more.

        That OP sure sums Hosking up tho, imo. A talking head man, too fond of the sound of his own voice, & with plastic principles.

  3. Gezza 3
    22 September 2021 at 3:35 am

    “Unfortunately, for me personally, there is no meaningful difference between Lockdown Level 4 and Restrict Level 3. Even Reduce Level 2 is no picnic in the park for me either, but it is not all about me, is it?
    … … … …

    Ae. Much the same here. Reckon I’m gonna be hand-washing, scanning in, social distancing, & masking up until there’s absolutely so many people 2x vaxed in NZ that there’s no NEED to continue ALL of these measures.
    … … … …

    “If Kiwis want to eat their KFC in the park then I’ll do my bit to make that possible. It is that simple.”
    … … … …

    Yup. 👍🏼

    • Maurice 3.1
      22 September 2021 at 4:40 am

      2X vaxing will not remove the need for hand-washing, scanning in, social distancing, & masking up as it (the vax) does not prevent the spread of the virus but just reduces the severity of illness until it reduces in effect – the better option is apparently so called "natural immunity" obtained by exposure to the virus (something which the opening up will eventually expose us all to).

      Then there is the Mu variation already endemic in numerous US States and sure to arrive here in the future. Not to mention any variants produced by mutated virus surviving from the vaccinated here which may also arise.

      The whole paradigm has changed and we are not even aware of the unintended consequences.

      • Gezza 3.1.1
        22 September 2021 at 5:12 am

        Good points.

        I won't be making any changes to what I'm doing now until the official medical advice is to change.

        Haven't heard much about the Mu variant yet. You?

        When I first heard it mentioned a month or two ago they were saying it wasn't known yet how infectious it was compared to Delta – nor how severe symptoms were for those infected with it.

      • weka 3.1.2
        22 September 2021 at 9:01 am

        This from National Geographic 9/9/21 suggests the Mu is not necessarily worse than delta, and hasn’t become a dominant variant in the US.

        https://archive.is/L32AF

        looks complex to me, the virus adapting but also human response eg tracking. NZ is in a fairly unique situation, I agree we should be thinking about the long term strategies including *us adapting around new variants. Biggest threat to our ability to adapt as a society is fear, stress and mental health. This is why dirty politics and trumpian politics is so dangerous now.

  4. bwaghorn 4
    22 September 2021 at 7:01 am

    Getting caught with KFC is a cunning ploy by the the underworld, as the police will destroy the evidence 1 finger licking piece at a time, they will soon be to fat to run down the crooks !!

    • Gezza 4.1
      22 September 2021 at 7:23 am

      You've reminded me of when I was working as a public servant in a building behind Parliament a couple of decades back.

      Can't remember what the relevant issue was, but there was a major protest called for outside Parliament & the Police were clearly expecting it to be so big that a couple of us, out on a work errand, witnessed a whole troop of young policepersons (possibly recruits from the Porirua Police Training College) walking down a back pathway from Hill Street, coming to take up positions to keep protestors from ascending Parliament's front steps univited.

      And every one of them had a box of KFC in their hand. Their K(FC)-rations, obviously. 😀

  5. gsays 5
    22 September 2021 at 10:00 am

    South Park touches on this in the 'Medicinal Fried Chicken episode.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bmjrTErn4bc

    Because of the health impacts of fried food, the local KFC is closed and a medicinal cannabis dispensary opens.

    This has Cartman running chicken over state lines and Stan’s dad trying to get testicular cancer so he can partake in the ganja.

  6. Tricledrown 6
    22 September 2021 at 10:43 am

    Localised lockdowns should be used instead of locking down whole cities.

    With these localised lockdowns high testing rates with plenty of testing sites as well as vaccination sites.

    The govt should give food vouchers petrol vouchers.and have drop off food parcels to those affected in localised lockdown areas.

    Our testing rates are very low compared to NSW.

    Vaccination vouchers for food could be given to everyone who gets immunised to speed up vaccination rates.

  7. Tricledrown 7
    22 September 2021 at 11:02 am

    A third gang a hells angels associate has tested positive for covid .These gangs could be the straw that break the camels back. As they don't follow authority maybe the person who sneaked into hospital while unknowingly having covid is a sign of things to come.

    We need to Vaccinate not sounding like a Dalek.

    Some people just refuse to follow societies rules and Covid sneaks through.

  8. Jenny how to get there 8
    22 September 2021 at 11:19 am

    ‘
    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Because the there was no traffic on the road due to Level 4 lockdown.

    It's the same reason that covid infection rates went down.

    Could the chicken safely cross the road under Level 3.?????

    Probably not.

    Could covid infection rates go down under Level 3.????

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPlQGcWvCx8&t=2s

  9. Stuart Munro 9
    22 September 2021 at 11:46 am

    I heard that the chicken crossed the road because it was too long to go around it.

    It does seem an obvious inducement for the jab shy though – there being more flies caught with honey than vinegar.

  10. Maurice 10
    22 September 2021 at 12:06 pm

    One test not being done here is anti-body testing to ensure either vaxed response or natural immunity – Indeed this type of testing is simply not allowed here for when requested with routine blood tests one it told that this test is "not allowed".

    If we do not have data here for antibodies we do not have any idea about the level and status of immune response.

    Far more "scientific" to base lowered lock down levels upon high percentage society anti-body levels than just mere historic "jab" levels. This would also indicate if further booster jabs became needed to keep a plateau of immune response … in my inconsequential opinion!

  11. Muttonbird 11
    22 September 2021 at 6:26 pm

    Good to see Aucklanders quickly adapting to level 1 today.

    indecision

    • Drowsy M. Kram 11.1
      22 September 2021 at 7:41 pm

      NZ could adapt to rising daily case numbers by testing less. Eliminating COVID-19 has been really great – hope Kiwis don’t find out just how lucky we’ve been.

      Trump downplays spike in COVID-19 cases, blames media, increased testing for high numbers [24Oct2020]

      120,579 new cases and 1,927 new deaths in the United States [21Sept2021]

      • DukeEll 11.1.1
        23 September 2021 at 11:05 am

        lets aspire to be completely isolated from our friends and family as well the world. As long as there is zero covid, we are the greatest and it's un-kiwi to think otherwise

        • Drowsy M. Kram 11.1.1.1
          23 September 2021 at 11:30 am

          Agreed, "zero covid" is aspirational, achievable (in NZ), and has saved Kiwi lives – a fantastic result. Some people are OK with giving up the fight and living with COVID, and that's fine too – any number of countries went down that path early, and the results are plain for all to see.

          https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/

          NZ will follow eventually, that’s for sure, but for now we’re still (just) in the enviable position of having a choice – when it comes to uncontained COVID outbreaks NZ shouldn't aspire to be a 'fast follower', imho.

          Unite against COVID-19
          https://covid19.govt.nz

    • Jimmy 11.2
      23 September 2021 at 2:20 pm

      Right through the level 4 lockdown, it was always level 1 at Okahu Bay with van loads of people turning up and hugging each other.

  12. esoteric pineapples 12
    23 September 2021 at 11:16 am

    No intelligent chicken would cross the road to visit a Kentucky Fried Chicken for obvious reasons

    • Maurice 12.1
      23 September 2021 at 12:20 pm

      How ever many, many unintelligent chickens do end up crossing that road and end up quite tasty ….. though that may be down to the secret herbs and spices

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