Worst Spin Ever

Written By: - Date published: 10:51 am, May 11th, 2012 - 34 comments
Categories: john key, spin, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

If you don’t know or don’t care about minor details like facts then the Nat spin machine looks like it works pretty well most of the time. But they really had an epic fail this week when trying to explain away the European election results:

Europe elections show Govt’s budget right – PM

Prime Minister John Key says his Government “totally” has the public’s support for a zero budget, particulary in light of the result in the French presidential election.

Key told TV ONE’s Breakfast elections in Europe show the Government is right in its austerity measures and is taking the correct action.

Socialist Francois Hollande has swept to victory in France’s presidential election in a swing to the left at the heart of Europe that could start a pushback against German-led austerity. …

Key said in Greece there has been a really big push back against austerity and as a result “they have really lost control of their own country”.

So let me get this straight. The French and Greek governments get chucked out for their misguided austerity measures – and that proves that the Nats’ austerity measures are popular and correct. Run that by me again John? You claim that the fact that two countries in Europe have swung massively to the Left is somehow support for your stalled, useless right-wing government. Who writes this stuff John?

I thought that was bad enough, but it got worse…

Unemployment rose last week by 0.3 percentage points to 6.7 per cent, higher than the 6.3 per cent economists had forecast.

Key said … “The number of people looking for work or in work is virtually a record in New Zealand, the second highest rate ever. What that shows you is that New Zealanders are more confident the economy is coming right and actually bothering to look for work. I know it sounds crazy.”

So now the lengthening unemployment queues are proof of people’s confidence in the economy? The 2,700 people who queued at a supermarket for 150 jobs are expressing their excitement and confidence in – what exactly? It’s bullshit. They’re lining up in thousands because they’re desperate for jobs that aren’t there. Your theory sounds crazy because it is John. Worst Spin Ever.

34 comments on “Worst Spin Ever”

  1. Roy 1

    Dear Jonkey, either you’re extremely stupid or you assume we are. Or maybe both.

    • Jim Nald 1.1

      mmm …… how does it go, John wannabe Gump, …..

      “Stupid is as stupid as stupid does”

    • Ee 1.2

      He’s in government, people voted for him. Lots of them, he’s very popular you know.
      Frankly, I think that’s reason enough to assume NZ voters are extremely stupid.

  2. Fred 2

    Perhaps Lusk, or Hoots, or ‘Cetacean oil’ can explain his logic in this public forum .. if you pay them enough.

  3. Michael Nelson (Mikenz) 3

    I would’nt grace this stuff from Key with the word “spin”. Mindless bullshit would be a more appropriate description

  4. Te Reo Putake 4

    Not just the French and the Greeks, either. The council elections in Italy have just deliverd the left its best results in a decade and Berlusconi’s party has lost just about every mayoralty it held. The tide is turning, but then again, the only tide Key cares about is the one lapping on the beach at Waikiki.

    • Nick 4.1

      And local government elections in the UK produced a big win for Labour and a rejection of the current coalition government’s austerity package that put the country back into recession.

    • rosy 4.2

      And the UK and Euro pollies, reserve bankers, and economists are talking about adding ‘growth’ to their ‘austerity’ measures (if that’s not spin, I don’t know what is)… and that’s even before Mr Hollande pops over to Germany for a visit.

      And the Irish are rejecting austerity too.

  5. Nick 5

    I simply couldn’t understand what he was on about recently with this nonsense though. Someone explained it as advocating a little austerity now is better than ignoring the problem until we need greater austerity measures and everyone gets pissed off.

    But first of all that’s not what he actually said (if he meant it he should say it) and second of all that’s like saying do it our way now or when we do it our way later things will be worse, without acknowledging that perhaps your way isn’t popular or even correct.

    He’s getting more weary, more arrogant and more out of touch, but we are stuck with him for now… thanks democracy.

  6. vto 6

    He has only ever been a lying snake oil salesman.

    Nothing more. Ever.

  7. Tom 7

    It’s simple. He’s lost it. Bring on the next one.

  8. Chris 8

    It’s the air of absolute authority with which he spouts his drivel that gets me.

  9. Chris 9

    It is better to keep one’s mouth shut and appear stupid ,than to open it and remove all doubt.

  10. Roy 10

    Terrible though the ideas and policies of Key’s hero Muldoon were, he at least cared about the job of being PM and cared about New Zealand, or his notion of New Zealand anyway. Key doesn’t even care. He’s only in it for his own ego gratification and when he doesn’t get enough of that, he loses interest.

  11. sooty 11

    Well it looks like a classic case of “the circus has left town, but the clown is still here

  12. Shona 12

    WTF ? did he get called on this BS by the interviewer?
    He should be hammered mercilessly and relentlessly by the media until he he resigns. ! this is a stunning level of incompetence. we are paying this useless prick over $400,000 a year for this!!

    • Colonial Viper 12.1

      Exactly. What the hell is wrong with our media these days. You might as well connect John Key up with a random number generator and the interviewers will keep nodding and smiling as if it all makes sense, somehow.

  13. marsman 13

    But the DomPost is still doing a nice job of putting his smarmy face on the front page, maybe they are getting a bit worried their hero is showing how full of shit he is.

    • fender 13.1

      The DomPost is the biggest load of propaganda bullshit in the country.

      Theres a great site here that explains what the DomPost is all about.

    • prism 13.2

      The DomPost – The other day the front page was taken up by a large picture of a soldier in white from the Star Wars – they had caught up with the joke about May the 4th be with you on the 8th.
      And there was something else but not front page stuff for anybody with a brain that’s sparking. I heard the figures the other day, we have I think, 12 billion neurons and some trillionx connections. What a shame we can’t utilise all this marvellous resource.

  14. ianmac 14

    Does it mean that if people were not looking for work, then the Government austerity plan is a Fail?

    “Socialist Francois Hollande has swept to victory in France’s presidential election in a swing to the left at the heart of Europe…”
    Therefore if Sarcozy had been returned then our program must be wrong?

  15. Shaz 15

    The John Key sellimg machine spends a lot of time managing messages and manipulating the way they will be received by uncritical listeners. “Stating the obvious”is one that allows listeners to agree and ‘bond’ with the nice Mr Key.. That’s why we hear such a lot from our PM of situational chat. Remember formulations like “Singapore has a dynamic economy. for example” or “Farming has always been vital to New Zealand’s prosperity” The aim is to build trust.

    Then there’s the language that implies that an issue is being addressed with an open mind or that an issue is being worked through to come up with a reasonable decision. That’s where the formulations like “comfortable with” “haven’t ruled out” “no decision has been made” “arguably” works it’s magic. The words are designed to stupefy listeners into unconcious agreement or uncritical acceptance.

    Then there are responses like this one – more salespersons patter – also manipulative and stupefying. Most people will receive it at face value. A micro-second of thought by the listener who understands what has just happened in Europe points up the dissonance – but only if you have assimilated enough information about what is actually going on. That’s why the Nats are so happy to be reducing our media to privatised entertainment, bread and circuses, casinos and Paul Holmes purporting to be current affairs.


  16. Uturn 16


    “”When asked why he did not extend an oar to help the man who drowned beside his fishing boat this afternoon, Key said,

    “The amount of thrashing around he was doing was a clear indication that he was confident of saving himself. I know it sounds crazy, but what else could it mean?”

    When asked if thrashing about could reveal desperation, the PM dismissed the suggestion,

    “It might be good for your readership if you join the dots and create wild conspiracy theories of desperation, but I can tell you, I simply don’t have time set these kind of situations up. I was at the other end of the dingy and the man who is now un-invigorated made bad choices about giving me all his beer in a free oceanplace. No one I know of has ever felt desperation. It’s a myth of the Left to cover up their perpetual infighting.””

    • McFlock 16.1


      • Uturn 16.1.1

        “Swimmers and Thrashers Union spokesperson, Paddles Nightly, said that the PM’s position emphasised the National government’s dangerous attitude of “any swim is a good swim”.

        “Aquatic activities in NZ have been consistently and consciously eroded by this National government.”

        He said the newest amendment to the Swimmers Relations Act restricted lifeguards from launching their boats until after a struggling swimmer had left a message on a national database answering machine. Tau Henare, Minister for Invigoration and Bait, said that he was only trying to give each visitor to the beach “an equal fighting chance” and to “pour sunlight” on processes.

        Un-invigoration has risen over the past quarter by 0.3%. At 6.7%, it is the second highest rate since Paula Bennet swamped the Freemans Bay area by swan diving from the highest board at Pt. Erin pools, in Auckland. “

    • ianmac 16.2

      Ha! True Uturn.

    • prism 16.3

      Uturn That link took me to the one about 2700 jobless applying for 150 jobs at supermarket and I couldn’t see a heading on the page for the Key story. Or is it satire?

  17. jacqui 17

    Key and that other silver-tongued clown Bob Parker both seem to be experts at talking BS. Maybe they have been groomed in the art of covert hypnosis or sleight of mouth; the ability to subtly communicate with another person’s unconscious mind without their noticing. As it often takes place in the course of a seemingly regular conversation, it is also known as conversational hypnosis.

  18. Dr Terry 18

    Some lovely comments here! Fortunately, not quite all New Zealanders are stupid, let alone as stupid as our PM. One of these days he will strike at the Dom. Post. Most media have been hit, possibly their turn next!

  19. Blue 19

    John churns it out because the media eat it up. Witness this stunner from John Hartevelt:


    Apparently, Key’s analysis is just more sophisticated than yours.

  20. I think execution ability is much important than a good idea.Because everyone has good ideas,but few people put them into practice…

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