Press release, New Zealand Government
Prime Minister John Key explained today that there are two Paula Bennetts and he is unsure which one is Minister of Social Development. The two are easily confused.
The first Paula Bennett is a solo mum who relied on the DPB while bringing up her daughter alone. The second Paula Bennett has attacked DPB mums and forced them to seek work.
The first Paula Bennett made use of the Training Incentive Allowance to get a qualification to help her off the DPB. The second Paula Bennett scrapped the Training Incentive Allowance and publicly attacked DPB mums for daring to complain by releasing their private information.
The first Paula Bennett said in her maiden speech:
“when we hear of someone, currently working, who becomes pregnant, one of our first questions is: ‘How long will she be taking off work?’ There is a subtle—and sometimes not so subtle—push for women to return to the workforce as soon as possible. But I ask members not to misunderstand me. I advocate for choice—for women to work part time or full time in paid work, or not at all, or to stay at home and raise their children.”
The second Paula Bennett removed that choice for women and has undertaken a media campaign to paint beneficiaries as bludgers.
The first Paula Bennett, when Massey University Student Association President, wrote:
“Fees suck and fee increases just piss me off. Damn the Nat’s who bring cuts to our education system, make us pay for them out of student loans that will take many people decades to pay off. In my own case, I will probably still be paying off my student loan when my daughter gets to university age; her future looks promising!”…”don’t vote for f**k wits.”
The second Paula Bennett has made tertiary education more expensive for people trying to get off a benefit.
The first Paula Bennett is a Taupo girl. The second Paula Bennett puts on a persona based on a caricature of Westies.
“I don’t get why she pretends to be like that, is she mocking her electorate?” said the perplexed PM, “She acts like a bit character that was rejected from Outrageous Fortune as too implausible”.
The Prime Minister vowed to get to the bottom of which Paula Bennett is Minister for Social Development just as soon as he gets back from his next photo op.
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