Satire

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Who will be National’s next leader?

Written By: - Date published: 7:57 am, February 14th, 2018 - 77 comments

Following Bill English’s resignation the question is who will be National’s next leaders.  The Standard authors have put their heads together and come up with some suggestions.

Sticking with Bill is the right move for National

Written By: - Date published: 1:37 pm, February 9th, 2018 - 15 comments

National knows what to expect with Bill.

Thought for the day

Written By: - Date published: 6:12 am, January 16th, 2018 - 14 comments

Satire vs bullying.

The Adventures of CosmoGuy: US Ambassador to New Zealand (and Samoa!)

Written By: - Date published: 1:35 pm, December 29th, 2017 - 3 comments

The alleged ‘thoughts’ of Scott Brown, the highly intelligent and very cool ambassador of the Partisan States of America to NooZiland. In an exposition of typical blinding intelligence, he tries to explain to his beloved Orange Lord what he is doing here (and in Samoa!).

Who is the white dude of the year?

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, December 28th, 2017 - 265 comments

Ben Torkington has proposed on twitter that there should be a white dude of the year competition.  Who should be the inaugural winner of this esteemed competition and why?

Tory Translation Service

Written By: - Date published: 9:39 am, December 17th, 2017 - 211 comments

  I don’t often admit that there is anything that the right do better than the left, but, credit where it’s due, there are a few things. Chief amongst them are dog whistling and wedge politics. These are calculated political silencing tactics that use language to belittle the left and make us appear alienated from […]

The Great Australian Bight honest Government ad

Written By: - Date published: 4:30 pm, October 25th, 2017 - 4 comments

The Australian Government just released this ad about the Great Australian Bight and it’s surprisingly honest and informative. 🌎🐋

US presidential campaign heats up along with the hurricanes

Written By: - Date published: 4:00 pm, September 12th, 2017 - 9 comments

The first contender has declared, albeit so far in a humorous manner. Less humorous has been the hurricanes that have been hitting southern states this season. You can understand why the oil industries anti-scientist Scott Pruitt that Trump put in charge of the EPA doesn’t want to talk about it.

Real video from National’s campaign launch

Written By: - Date published: 8:55 am, August 30th, 2017 - 8 comments

The Standard has received real video from National’s campaign launch

Bill English’s texts leaked

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, August 9th, 2017 - 21 comments

Some of Bill English’s texts have been released. And they are not what you might expect.

Breaking: calls for Paddy Gower’s resignation as MSM slips in its own bullshit

Written By: - Date published: 7:05 am, August 9th, 2017 - 24 comments

Last night all the excitement finally caught up with them, leading to calls for Paddy Gower to resign and for MSM organisations to delete their social media accounts.

The Doctor Who helpline

Written By: - Date published: 9:04 am, July 19th, 2017 - 51 comments

Lordy, what’s going on?

White Man Behind a Desk – Indigenous Rights

Written By: - Date published: 7:32 am, March 6th, 2017 - 6 comments

We no longer need the Waitangi Tribunal because everything’s fine now. Right?

Nick Smith becomes Minister of Government Information

Written By: - Date published: 9:05 am, February 24th, 2017 - 62 comments

The Government intends to change the definitions of various indicators in an effort to solve some of the country’s most serious problems.

1984

Written By: - Date published: 11:39 am, February 23rd, 2017 - 120 comments

That Orwell was ahead of his time.

The Standard is offering to the National Party leadership contenders guest post slots

Written By: - Date published: 12:15 pm, December 7th, 2016 - 128 comments

In the spirit of bi partisanship the Standard wishes to offer the candidates for leadership of the National caucus guest post slots and the ability to answer readers’ questions.

Racist Nats Attack Chinese Grannies Shock!

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, October 12th, 2016 - 67 comments

National have slammed the door shut on the parents of already settled migrants who wish to move to NZ to complete the family unit. Minister Michael Woodhouse accuses elderly Asians of bludging off the NZ taxpayer. You won’t believe the howls of outrage from the right!

Boris Johnson’s HQ as the EU referendum results came in …

Written By: - Date published: 1:11 pm, July 1st, 2016 - 3 comments

Rumoured to be satire …

John Oliver: Scientific studies (or why media are so useless at it)

Written By: - Date published: 11:35 pm, May 20th, 2016 - 6 comments

John Oliver takes a good solid swing at the media who suck up shit press releases designed by institutions to get funding and interest groups doing marketing for their products, and the idiotic consumers of schlock ‘facts’. Or John Key who apparently thinks that money magically changes physics.

Housing crisis solved!

Written By: - Date published: 4:10 pm, April 22nd, 2016 - 26 comments

I don’t like to boast, but I have solved the housing crisis.

Revealed – Standard bloggers paid by Labour

Written By: - Date published: 7:02 am, April 1st, 2016 - 50 comments

It is our hope that revealing this previously top-secret information will both contribute to an atmosphere of open and honest politics, and reduce the incidence of injury amongst dirty politics insiders.

Imperator Fish: John needs this too

Written By: - Date published: 10:30 am, March 9th, 2016 - 24 comments

Imperator Fish argues for a change in the New Zealand flag, sort of.

Imperator Fish: On that restaurant guy’s bid for mayor

Written By: - Date published: 7:30 am, March 2nd, 2016 - 19 comments

Imperator Fish analyses the implications of that restaurant guy’s announcement that he will also seek to become Auckland super city’s next mayor.

RIP NZ satire

Written By: - Date published: 8:15 am, February 18th, 2016 - 49 comments

oliver-joyce-dildo-flag

The official New Zealand COP21 negotiating guide

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, December 1st, 2015 - 13 comments

The Youth Delegation at COP 21 has secured a copy of the Government’s negotiation guide and has published it …

Allahu Quackbar!

Written By: - Date published: 10:55 pm, November 29th, 2015 - 70 comments

4chan bombs Isis. Now that’s the way to hurt them!

The comical farce of Cameron Slater et al

Written By: - Date published: 10:37 am, November 20th, 2015 - 42 comments

Cameron Slater and his associates are legal morans. This has been extensively investigated and judged on by the Court of Appeal in a judgement released yesterday. I have a wee look at it and the steaming heap of faecal matter that these idiots tried to get the judges to consume.

Imperator Fish: the Terrorist Test

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, November 19th, 2015 - 22 comments

Following from a tweet from Josie Pagani Imperator Fish has designed this handy quiz so that protesters can work out if they prefer ISIS to the TPP.

If journalists reported the real news

Written By: - Date published: 11:08 am, October 12th, 2015 - 13 comments

Journalist Jonathan Pie presents the real news.

National to extinguish private property rights!

Written By: - Date published: 3:23 pm, June 17th, 2015 - 41 comments

Shocking news I think you’ll agree.

Worst. Interview. Ever.

Written By: - Date published: 9:30 am, May 4th, 2015 - 85 comments

On Radio NZ this morning John Key gave an interview that was cringe-worthy, defensive and accidently hilarious. The man is a joke … and not even an original one.

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