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The weather sucks

Written By: - Date published: 10:39 am, January 9th, 2023 - 48 comments

I’m back at work at my home office desk today and the weather sucked in Auckland and the north of the North Island over my break. Waiting for Luxon and minons blaming the government for not controlling La Niña – now in the third year of her current reign.It seems like all that National can do these days – blame the government for external events.

Surviving the apocalypse of the Great Twit

Written By: - Date published: 12:34 am, November 22nd, 2022 - 15 comments

The Great Twit at Twitter has been cauterising off staff in excess. I suspect that the platform is going to go down the toilet for that (amongst other reasons). My concern here has been to preserve the embedded tweets in posts and comments on this site if the idiot engineer manages to destroy the platform through simple stupidity.

Bruce’s Reckons: The increased speculation about Chris Luxon quitting

Written By: - Date published: 8:45 pm, October 25th, 2022 - 109 comments

Leader of the Opposition Christopher Luxon turned up to Parliament today and his media spin doctors will be hoping for some good photo opportunities to lift his popularity. But they will be asking a lot.

Australien Government Ad: Election 2020

Written By: - Date published: 1:31 pm, May 13th, 2022 - 13 comments

JuiceMedia have done their high quality opinionated but fact based satire Honest Government Ad describing the lowlights of the current Aussie shitshow. If you haven’t seen it yet, then be my guest.

Just how gross can a anti-vaccine enema be?

Written By: - Date published: 12:22 pm, April 16th, 2022 - 38 comments

Everything has been too serious recently and kind of gross.
Lets keep the gross and but go for the satirical.
Enemas! Pimples!

Will John Key stand for National in Tauranga

Written By: - Date published: 7:44 am, April 1st, 2022 - 32 comments

The Standard has learned from a normally reliable source that John Key is considering seeking the National Party nomination for the Tauranga seat.

Who will be National’s Tauranga candidate

Written By: - Date published: 8:18 am, March 29th, 2022 - 66 comments

National is opening up nominations for the Tauranga by election today.  The Standard reviews some potential candidates for the seat.

Wanted: a new Leader of the Opposition

Written By: - Date published: 7:12 am, November 30th, 2021 - 70 comments

National needs a new leader of the opposition.  The Standard has been leaked a list of the necessary qualifications …

Advice from Oz for the anti-China media

Written By: - Date published: 11:44 am, August 10th, 2021 - 23 comments

There’s so many of them here – Guyon Espiner, Anna Fifield, Lucy Craymer, Sam Sachdeva, Laura Walters, John Daniell, Emile Donovan, Paula Penfold, reef fish with the same few sources. Australian Paul Strutynski provides the textbook in his “Guide for budding foreign policy journalists wanting to work for the Nine Network or Newscorp.”

Taxpayer’s Union comrades celebrate glorious Socialist revolution

Written By: - Date published: 9:58 am, May 22nd, 2021 - 31 comments

It is good to see our comrades in the Taxpayers Union celebrate the glorious Socialist revolution that is currently engulfing Aotearoa.

Donald Trump’s letter to Joe Biden

Written By: - Date published: 8:53 am, November 8th, 2020 - 19 comments

It is customary for outgoing Presidents to leave for the incoming President a short letter of introduction. The Standard has managed to obtain a early draft copy of Donald Trump’s letter to Joe Biden drafted while he was playing golf.

The Trump Covid game

Written By: - Date published: 2:17 pm, October 6th, 2020 - 10 comments

Let’s imagine a scenario where you are the President of the United States and it is in the middle of a pandemic.  You then contract the virus yourself.  How would you rate compared to Donald Trump?

Taxpayers’ Union promoting Green Party policy

Written By: - Date published: 6:10 am, August 4th, 2020 - 26 comments

Learning to love the tax.

Tick Tock Tik-Tok

Written By: - Date published: 5:37 pm, August 2nd, 2020 - 5 comments

Trump has announced he will ban Tik-Tok from the United States. It’s Chinese-owned so there. Or maybe he will force it to be sold to Americans.Don’t think security is the issue; kids used it to stuff up his Tulsa rally. And it is good for mockery, as clips about Trump and Pompeo show. Don’t think that will stop if Americans own it.

National’s next Auckland Central candidate?

Written By: - Date published: 7:58 am, July 17th, 2020 - 38 comments

With Nikki Kaye’s shock retirement announcement National urgently needs a new candidate.  One name springs to mind.

Sacha Baron Cohen Trolls Neo-Nazis

Written By: - Date published: 6:07 pm, June 28th, 2020 - 27 comments

Nazis Punked; Fucked Off!

Protesters Say Statue Tripped, Fell Into Water

Written By: - Date published: 9:09 am, June 9th, 2020 - 100 comments

The toppling of a statute of former slave trader Edward Coulson has led to conjecture that the statute may have tripped and fallen rather than forcibly removed and deposited in Bristol Harbour.

National Has Found a Moral Compass

Written By: - Date published: 3:46 pm, June 6th, 2020 - 34 comments

National has embarked on a moral crusade to not lose the Election.

Mark Richardson for National leader!

Written By: - Date published: 11:08 am, May 19th, 2020 - 27 comments

Michelle Boag thinks that Mark Richardson should be the next National leader after Simon Bridges.  Here at the Standard we wish to endorse this proposal.

Covid-19: Important… satire

Written By: - Date published: 3:05 pm, May 2nd, 2020 - 8 comments

The latest status 

Discuss…

It is a bit of a problem when this was often more accurate than the statements from many governments.

BREAKING NEWS: Simon Bridges Calls on Simon Bridges to Stand Down

Written By: - Date published: 6:30 pm, February 18th, 2020 - 5 comments

BREAKING NEWS: Simon Bridges calls on the leader of the opposition to stand down while the SFO case is before the courts.

The demise of single use plastic bags and the limp vege problem

Written By: - Date published: 8:16 am, February 14th, 2020 - 80 comments

The rapid demise of the single use plastic bag has just left one hole in my life. I haven’t (so far) been able to replace the one and only second life use that I ever found for them. They were great at keeping the broccoli and carrots from going limp in the fridge. 

RIP Terry Jones

Written By: - Date published: 8:47 am, January 23rd, 2020 - 16 comments

Sad overnight news with the death of Terry Jones being announced.

Still not sure what anything National says means?

Written By: - Date published: 7:01 am, September 28th, 2019 - 13 comments

Gerry Brownlee clarifies.

Civilian offers a bleak look at our future.

Written By: - Date published: 8:41 am, September 26th, 2019 - 13 comments

The Civilian ‘reports’ in “Trump repeatedly asked Ardern if New Zealand gives asylum very often”. Oh shit! We need to reverse National’s large donation policy and proactively and preemptively pass a law against bolthole refugees.

Trump it up

Written By: - Date published: 3:22 pm, September 12th, 2019 - Comments Off on Trump it up

Found on facebook and featuring the work of an anonymous genius …

The Civilian has a fish-hook

Written By: - Date published: 9:37 am, September 6th, 2019 - 2 comments

The Civilian is New Zealand’s pre-eminent source of online news, and indeed the purest form of news that you can consume without having an apoplectic seizure. Today they detail the course of a vaccination on live TV. Please put your hot drinks down before reading.

Simon Bridges wants a new Digital Media advisor

Written By: - Date published: 7:43 am, August 6th, 2019 - 21 comments

A slight rewrite of an ad currently on Parliament’s careers website.

Memo from Crosby Textor – fake news

Written By: - Date published: 9:06 am, August 2nd, 2019 - 19 comments

The Standard has obtained an internal memo from CTF Partners (formerly Crosby Textor) where it responds to allegations that it is a kindergarden for the rich children of Conservative Party donors, has engaged in misogynist behavior and ran anti and pro cycle astroturf campaigns to get a cycleway moved from near a client’s business premises to near an opponent’s premises.

Aussies – utterly predictable right down to the last words.

Written By: - Date published: 11:01 am, July 14th, 2019 - 30 comments

It isn’t often that I read a sports story. My view was that if you aren’t doing a sport, then what is the point in watching others doing it? Work on something that you can do. However a title on an aussie ABC article caught me – “New Zealand earn genuine respect”. Now that was unusual…

 

Clever visual satire on a millionaire beggar

Written By: - Date published: 10:15 am, July 6th, 2019 - 15 comments

Scott Marsh does a great depiction of Israel Folau’s essential ethics. Check out some of Scott’s other art as well.

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