Press Release: Bob Jones offers help to police

In an interesting turn of events, Bob Jones has joined the Police efforts in Hawkes Bay to search for the man who assaulted an elderly woman.

Bob who recently wrote two enlightening articles for the NZ Herald, entitled “ Men can’t help but rape if women wear sexy clothes and hang out in dark places” and “Women must not be allowed behind the wheels of a car, because, well they do dumb things at roundabouts”.

Police have called on Bob’s expertise to establish if the crime actually happened, because as we now all know thanks to Bob’s article; that women don’t get raped unless they are attractive, dress sexy and go out beyond their front gate at night.

Bob has said if such a crime did occur, it must have been done by a male, because if it was a female, she would have been seen by other motorists driving “hopelessly and holding up traffic particularly at roundabouts as she tried to leave the scene of the crime .“ He told police to keep an open mind, because a cunning female offender might have realized that they would be detected driving badly, so might leave the scene of the crime on foot.

Police Minister Anne Tolley has commended Bob Jones for his community spirit in coming forward to help the police, given what appears to be gross incompetence “to say the least” in the recent West Auckland Roast Busters case.

Witnesses later overheard Judith Collins saying “ frankly I wouldn’t trust Tolley or the West Auckland police to run a bath”

 

Susan Nact

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