Caption contest
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9:49 am, May 22nd, 2011 - 43 comments
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Ka nui te mihi kia koutou. Ka mihi ki te mana whenua ko NgÄti WhÄtua ĆrÄkei. Kia ora and good morning everyone. Thank you Fran and Simon for inviting me here today, and importantly your leadership of this forum over several years now. I want to acknowledge David Gehrenbeck, Deputy ...2 days ago
- Record number of submissions received on granny flat proposal
Nearly 2,000 submissions have been received on the Governmentâs proposals aimed at making it easier to build a granny flat of up to 60 square metres without a resource or building consent, RMA Reform Minister Chris Bishop and Building and Construction Minister Chris Penk say. âThis is the highest number ...2 days ago
- District Court Judge appointed
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- Driver safety screens to be installed on Auckland buses
Transport Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed news from the NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) that bus driver protection screens will be installed across Aucklandâs bus fleet by 2026.âThe Government is committed to improving the safety of working environments for bus drivers, and Budget 2024 allocated $15 million of Crown funding over ...2 days ago
- Government action provides Southland farmers more time to meet plan requirements
The Government is taking action to ensure Southland farmers and growers are not affected by unreasonable regional farm plan deadlines, Agriculture Minister Todd McClay, Environment Minister Penny Simmonds and Associate Environment Minister Andrew Hoggard say.âCabinet has agreed to provide more time for farmers and growers to comply with regional rules ...3 days ago
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People in Northland and Auckland will benefit from a new machine for cancer treatment installed at the Regional Cancer and Blood Service at Auckland City Hospital. The MV5 linear accelerator, or LINAC machine, officially opened today targets cancer tumours with pinpoint accuracy. Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says this new, ...3 days ago
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One of the ten young men selected to participate in the Military-Style Academy Pilot has allegedly reoffended. Childrenâs Minister Karen Chhour is disappointed but says it would be naĂŻve to think that none of these young men would reoffend. âIâm saddened that this young person has not taken this opportunity ...3 days ago
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TÄnÄ koutou katoa â it is a pleasure to be here today. I would like to begin by acknowledging the important leadership role you all play in ensuring a quality health system New Zealanders can trust. There is enormous clinical expertise in this room covering a wide range of disciplines. ...4 days ago
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TÄnÄ koutou katoa. Mr President, Excellencies, Delegates. New Zealand, and all nations represented here today, are already dealing with the impacts of climate change. Our households, businesses, and economies are bearing the costs of its effects. The choices we make now will shape the severity of these impacts for generations ...4 days ago
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The Government has revealed that over the past three years, the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA) has spent an eyewatering $786 million of taxpayersâ money on road cones and temporary traffic management (TTM), Transport Minister Simeon Brown says.âWhen I became Minister, I was surprised to learn that that NZTA did ...5 days ago
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Transport Minister Simeon Brown has welcomed news that the NZ Transport Agency (NZTA) Board has approved funding towards pre-implementation and early works on the State Highway 1 (SH1) Belfast to Pegasus Motorway and Woodend Bypass Road of National Significance (RoNS). âReaching this significant milestone is a reflection of our Governmentâs ...5 days ago
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Health Minister Dr Shane Reti says findings from the annual Health Survey highlight the need to continue driving better health outcomes for New Zealanders. The New Zealand Health Survey is an annual snapshot of key metrics measured from July 2023 â July 2024. Findings released this morning include: In 2023/24, ...5 days ago
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A renewed effort to get people to quit smoking will build on what has worked to date and target the groups who most need support, Associate Health Minister Casey Costello said today. âThe latest New Zealand Health Survey results show the daily smoking rate at 6.9 per cent and we ...5 days ago
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Foreign Affairs Minister Winston Peters has announced four new diplomatic appointments. âOur diplomats play an important role in ensuring New Zealandâs interests are maintained and enhanced across the world,â Mr Peters says. âIt is a pleasure to announce the appointment of these senior diplomats from the Ministry of Foreign ...5 days ago
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With the launch of Fraud Awareness Week, the Government is committing to new coordination efforts across industry and government to combat online scams, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly says. âOnline financial scams are a growing problem for New Zealand. New data released today shows that Kiwis lost nearly ...6 days ago
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Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Jacqueline Peel, Director, Melbourne Climate Futures, The University of Melbourne The petroleum-laden dust has settled on this yearâs United Nations climate summit, COP29, held over the past fortnight in Baku, Azerbaijan. Climate scientists, leaders, lobbyists and delegates are heading for home. ...1 hour ago - All Blacks end of year tour: What we learned
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While it is important to maintain strong alliances, it is equally crucial to uphold our Kiwi values of fairness and justice. New Zealand has always prided itself on its commitment to equality and human rights. ...21 hours ago
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By voting for the bill and allowing it to proceed to the select committee, the coalition parties are enabling ACTâan extremely unpopular party that received just 8.6 percent in the 2023 electionâto dominate political discourse, posturing as the party of ...23 hours ago
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Source: The Conversation (Au and NZ) – By Aaron J. Cavosie, Senior lecturer, School of Earth and Planetary Sciences, Curtin University JPL-Caltech/NASA Water is ubiquitous on Earth â about 70% of Earthâs surface is covered by the stuff. Water is in the air, on the surface and inside rocks. ...1 day ago
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“Is it a joke?”That’s what Bolivian diplomat Diego Balanza said on Wednesday in Baku, Azerbaijan, when asked by a reporter about the possibility of the new global climate finance goal (the NCQG) landing at just US$200 billion a year. Developing countries have been pushing for a number in the trillions, ...1 day ago
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Gordon was meant to be with him on that hike. It wasnât high mountain stuff, but it was rugged, and itâs always sensible to have a companion when that far into the back country. Theyâd planned to do it in two days and knew each otherâs capabilities. But Gordon got ...2 days ago
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“When they said the PM’s life was full of highlights, did they mean just speeches?”
Key: “Jesus, I’m such a Liar I could scratch my own eyes out ! In fact, I think I will.”
John Key: Drunk and in charge of a Budget.
170,000 …umm what was that again? My shares in TranzRail, or the number of new pixie jobs this Budget will create?
wasn’t that 170,000 new Hobbit positions.
Oh god! Steven has given me the words I have to say but I can’t read his handwriting. Beam me up Rapture maker!
LOL đ
Key studies Budget’s plausibility and implications.
I can’t bear to look at the results of my bankrupt policies.
Argh! Glare from Dune’s bouffant.
What IRD figures…
Nooo! My reptilian eyes!
Double facepalm…What does it mean ?
đ
Treasury’s figures back up everything I say !
S..t I’m sick of all this budget ‘blathering’. I’m getting a migraine. Call my plane I’m off to Hawaii.
Oh no! The world hasn’t ended after all.
Oh fuck I have read the wrong speech
This speech admits my guilt re the attack on the NZ $ in the 1980’s
Hope no-one was listening
Playing hide and seek with the budget.
I’m see no poverty, Bill is hear no poverty, and Joycie is … well a bit of a tosser!
“Your kidding me, Labour actually thinks they are going to win the election?”
“D- ?!??
But I worked so hard on this paper!”
A few seconds later, John realised his mistake: using a highlighter pen as eyeliner could cause nasty burns.
“Oh Shit!! I’ve been caught out not remembering the Crosby Textor script again. It looks like Don will be using this in a hostile takeover bid soon.” This was John Key’s reaction on being given a transcript of the statements he made while giving a press conference in which his honesty was questioned. He had previously stated that he didn’t know what he’d said as he hadn’t seen the programme yet.
When I open my eyes, please tell me that Brash has finally gone away and stopped bothering me…
Oh bollocks, this botox doesn’t seem to be working this time.
“When thse liftists make funof mispich, they dn tundistand thit mireal diffcultyis thit I cannot read CrsbyTxtor’s hindrittin- remember I read whatispit infrintiv me. It miks micry simtims.”
‘Oh shit, that journalist is about to me ask a question about the snip again. He wants to know what I meant when, through an off the cuff (I thought I was being smart at the time) slip of the tongue statement I said in that press conference “All I can say is it’s been highly successful but anyway we won’t get into that either.” That was a year ago now. I thought they had let it pass.’
http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/3759801/I-ve-had-a-vasectomy-John-Key-blurts-out
John Key Uses Charades To Explain National Economic Policy
NZs finest mime or meme artist?
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
I can’t hear you
For fuck sakes Bill, don’t you remember me telling you not to contract Harold Camping as a consultant for the Budget?
Hey! When I look through my fingers like this, Bill does look like a fence post!
Oh no! I just saw Anne Tolley Naked, make the image go away. Make it go away. Oh please make it go away.
IF I KEEP THIS UP THEY MIGHT JUST GO AWAY
Can’t remeber if I’m the prim minster, havn’t watched the progam yet.
Oh fuck! The drugs are givin me hendous flashbacks O pissin in da bottle.
If I pretend that I can’t see poor people, I’m pretty sure that they can’t see me.
I think its Key thinking yet again that he’s back at kindy.
The use of a yellow highlight pen was a sure giveaway that the speech notes were written by Don Brash.
Seeing the destruction he’s wrought on New Zealand Key commences to gouge out his own eyes before flying to Hawai’Ă to do the plutonium tango.
John Key bitterly regrets taking Joan River’s advice to have his upper and lower lids done.
“Ah!!! Actual statistical calculations and hard data!!! Stop it, stop it!!! I’m meltinnnnggggg…” [Key, after a stray gust of wind whipped a Labour Party policy costing into his face…]