Written By:
BLiP - Date published:
11:56 am, April 11th, 2016 - 72 comments
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https://player.vimeo.com/api/player.jsKatherine Mansfield left New Zealand when she was 19 years old and died at the age of 34.In her short life she became our most famous short story writer, acquiring an international reputation for her stories, poetry, letters, journals and reviews. Biographies on Mansfield have been translated into 51 ...
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“My Public believe me.”
“My Public me whatever I do.”
“Well Lynton said I can do anything and say anything and they still believe me, even when I outright lie”
“Me too.”
Do you smell pork?
And then I told them we would have a “fool” make an “independent” Inquiry ! snigger snigger.
Who cares what two white Tory scum are doing,
really, who cares?
‘
Well, they are the leaders of their respective nations both exposed as participants in massive international tax avoidance. But, really, with this particular little exercise, turning them into objects of mockery is the main interest.
Interesting!
So much anger, adam. You should address that or it will eat you.
hahahahahahahahhahahah. Did you read the header The Gormless Fool formerly known as Oleolebiscuitbarrell, have you not seen these before?
Seriously serious much.
Just out of interest if it where a photo of Mugabe and Zuma would you call them black scum?
Political Correctness gone mad b waghorn? Or just feeling sensitive today?
You didnt offend me i assure you ,it just amuses me how further lefties in nz have this white man hate, when there is plenty of proof that the colour of skin isn’t linked to ones scum level.
No, but Tory scum generally are white though.
My trust is bigger than your trust and more well hidden.
It’s your turn so you eat the soggy biscuit.
Oh no you don’t, you were the last to release your tax returns so you eat it!.
JK – I’ve always looked up to you Dave
Pigs head you say, I can only a kiwi. Oh an Maltese
edit: you know, those cute little…..those cameras are ackshelly werking,,, chocolate balls lovely.
JK to DC
Hahaha you got caught Im still in the clear. Better start moving out Dave ,I could take your place for a while .Ive already run a small country to the ground a big ones more of a challenge
Looks like tax dodging trust fund trouble is about to come knocking
“…and then you say ‘Open Sesame’ and you get to share out the loot with your Forty Thieves…”
$17,000, what a paltry amount. Lucky I own a small country and the SIS and have so many friends in the US intelligence to make sure my money is safely hidden.
I hid my money in Panama, John. Where did you hide yours?
“I couldn’t believe my luck when Corbyn was elected leader”
“Really, you should try going up against this Little bloke. I can’t lose!”
“The funny thing is Dave, that while your defence is that you cannot be blamed for the sins of your father and your supporters are shouting it, back home the Socialists are having such a problem with the Lange period. You see we can sheet almost everything back to them as it is all their fault. And the public are swallowing it…”
I see a black door and I want to paint it red,
No colors anymore, I want them to turn red.
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes.
You’ve got a trust fund well we’ve all got one of those.
Haven’t we John.
From the people who bought you “Pony Tail Summer Camp” & “The boys from Bullingdon ”
Starring “Call me Dave” Cameron and Big John ” Shon” Key in this summers financial scandal/nothing to see here hit ….
” Makin Bacon”
This is good. Makes me miss the Neetflux posters.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
No,no Dave, it wasn’t me trying to remove the Union Jack, it was LLaybar akshuly..,(he then makes that sucking in air sound like he’s toking on a joint)
The door knocking scene from Labyrinth now has new meaning.
“What do you think Ludo, which do we choose out of these two ugly characters?”
J: Trust? Moi? Never…. at least not that I can remember. Anyway if the crap hits the fan I always scuttle off to Planet Key and leave my cronies to mop up my messes.
D: I tried that and the peasants got up a petition to ban my return… revolting oiks.
3 knocks and you are in, no strings and tax. You want to go first John?
Left Door Knocker: It’s very rude to stare!
Sarah: Oh! I’m sorry, I was just wondering which door to choose.
Left Door Knocker: HUH?
Right Door Knocker: [muffled] It’s no good asking him, he’s deaf as a post!
Left Door Knocker: Don’t talk with your mouth full!
Right Door Knocker: [muffled] I’m not talking with my mouth full, I…
Sarah: Wait, wait, I can’t understand you.
[she takes the ring out of his mouth]
Right Door Knocker: Ah! Mm. Oh, oh, it is so good to get that thing out.
Sarah: What were you saying?
Right Door Knocker: I said, it’s no good talking to him, he’s deaf as a post.
Left Door Knocker: Mumble mumble mumble! You’re a wonderful conversational companion!
Right Door Knocker: You can talk, all you do is moan!
Left Door Knocker: No good! Can’t hear you!
Sarah: What’s behind these doors?
Left Door Knocker: WHAT?
Right Door Knocker: Search me. We’re just the knockers!
[laughs]
Sarah: Oh.
[she goes to the left door, pushes on it]
Sarah: How do I get through?
Left Door Knocker: HUH?
Right Door Knocker: Knock, and the door will open!
Sarah: Oh.
Ludo: [with the ring in his mouth] Hmmph?
Sarah: [amused] Ludo!
[she takes the ring from Ludo, holds it out to the Right Door Knocker]
Right Door Knocker: Hey! I don’t want that thing back in my mouth!
Sarah: C’mon, I want to knock!
Right Door Knocker: MM-MM!
“The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”
Final words of Animal Farm – George Orwell.
“Panamanian fun seekers, John? Don’t know what you mean.”
Two Heads of State and one brain scan revealing a huge moral cavity.
Still crushing the opposition in the polls? You bet Dave.
We even look alike, I can’t believe how clever Crosby Textor are!
Is that a piggy in the middle?
JK: “Haha I just sold off NZ’s power companies & state housing, raised GST, signed the TPPA, and turned NZ into a tax haven for international tax crime!”
DC: “Thanks for that, Daddy has already set me up with a nice tax free trust. And I’m selling the NHS, cutting disability benefits, and buying lovely Trident missiles with the proceeds!”
JK: “OK you win this round, but I will be back!”
Cameron to Key:
No, no, you won’t be coming in to my Exclusive Club, you wait out here you oily little tick ! When I was at Eton we used to line up four or five of your sort, make em bend over and use em as a rack for toasting crumpets, you Grotty little working class man !!!
“You’re right it’s just fantastic, there’s no need to hide our money anymore; we can really show it.”
JK: “Dave, I read that someone called you and I slim eballs – what’s a slim eball?
DC: “Is that so Mr ‘Soap-on-the-shower-floor-Key? Well close the gap and you’ll find out”
JK: “aye? Ha, ha, I don’t think so Dave, I’m a soap-on-a-rope kinda guy, sorry.”
DC: “I didn’t think you’d get it”
“Actually, John, this photo will express to voters my understanding of Jean-Paul Sartre’s 1944 play “Huis Clos” and how I will apply it into any future investigations into tax evasion.”
“Was he the bloke who said “Seek and you find? Knock and the door shall be opened to you?” That didn’t apply to tax collectors, did it?”
OK John, I will Knock 3 times and then we run ok? and try to keep up this time!
DC to JK “Who the **** are you?”
The Lion, The Two Witches, No wardrobe
DC: Man i am in deep got caught out on tax havens
JK: Don’t fret I get away with it all the time, just set up a flag referendum, they will never know
Two New Inexperienced Bouncers, employed at The Lynton Crosby Ball
Oh I see you use the same tailor as I do John,
Yes David,,I always get the deep pockets added to my suits.
Really….why is that John?
Well it comes in handy when there’s a pissing competition…
I fecking tried open sesame,,,now wheres the fecking key…u what? u lost it?
DC: I see your still persisting withe comb over….by the way, i think u may need some head and shoulders.
Profile shots of the beloved leaders taken for the new mint of one pound coins….selling for tuppence
DC: Sorry JK, you cant buy it, i just sold this door offshore for a handsome non taxable profit,,,,yet mums the world ok?
JK: Bloody Hell, you actually provide free food banks in your country?
….Isnt that a tad generous?
DC: I have had to invite you outside to demand satisfaction……..
That’s was my wife, how dare you pull her ponytail!
Their eyes meet across the front door step………………………………..it was instantaneous.
Of all the front door steps…… in all the world you found mine.
.
DC: Right when you go inside, don’t mention anything about President Trumps lovely hair…
JK: No Probs
DC: I have no idea, usually one of my servants do it….
JK: I haven’t a clue either, one of my bodyguards opens the doors for me
And its good night from him and its good night from him.
dc and jk arrive at Hells gate…Perfect timing!!!
Two for the price of one.
knock knock knocking on uber tax havens door.
DC: If you rub this Caymen island snake oil into your scalp you will have a full head of hair by the morning!…..that will be 1000 $ Us please, paid into my not very secret account….
JK: Done!
JK: Last time i visited you had two knockers, i am sure of it..
DC: Austerity cuts into everything, so we out sourced the other knocker
JK: You should see the knockers i have back home in Wellington!
DC & JK both wait to enter room 101, to face their greatest fear……their tax returns
It’s the room where Winston was interrogated………………..mind the rats!
JK: Well I dint invite him!
DC: I dint invite him either!:
JK: Well we will just have to stay here till he stops talking cak and leaves
DC: That could be a while, its freezing out here:
JK: I wonder how the hell that right wing apologist Pete George got his hands on an invite?
Rentokill’s, New Lion Rat deterrence, didn’t seem to be working….
In fact it seem to attract them!
No 10 Fancy Dress Party…..Oh you came as a swine too!
lol…you wanna hear a good piggy joke?…it is about the piggy and his goods and services taxes
we really must get tougher on tax evasion
my left hand does not know what my right hand is doing…compartmentalization is the way to go
….and one rule for the rich and another for the poor
…i see we have an understanding
It’s so damn hard to pick a winner from the wit displayed here. Give me a minute…. OKAY I choooooose Colonial Viper again!
Short, sharp and succinct yet not giving away the fact he would be happy to be piggy in the middle of a Key / Cameron sandwich.
The rest of you need to up your game. You only evinced moderate chuckles, not great gasping belly laughs. Toodles 🙂