Caption contest
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11:59 am, July 29th, 2018 - 76 comments
Categories: caption contest, john key, Simon Bridges, uncategorized -
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- Dance Magic
Well, I've been there, sitting in that same chairWhispering that same prayer half a million timesIt's a lie, though buried in disciplesOne page of the Bible isn't worth a lifeThere's nothing wrong with youIt's true, it's trueThere's something wrong with the villageWith the villageSomething wrong with the villageSongwriters: Andrew Jackson ...10 hours ago - Government Forces Universities to Enforce “Free Speech” While Limiting Universities̵...
ACT would like to dictate what universities can and can’t say. We knew it was coming. It was outlined in the coalition agreement and has become part of Seymour’s strategy of “emphasising public funding” to prevent people from opposing him and his views—something he also uses to try and de-platform ...11 hours ago - Fact brief – Are we heading into an ‘ice age’?
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The Natural Choice: As a starter for ten percent of the Party Vote, “saving the planet” is a very respectable objective. Young voters, in particular, raised on the dire (if unheeded) warnings of climate scientists, and the irrefutable evidence of devastating weather events linked to global warming, vote Green. After ...1 day ago - Bernard’s last Saturday Soliloquy for 2024
The Government cancelled 60% of Kāinga Ora’s new builds next year, even though the land for them was already bought, the consents were consented and there are builders unemployed all over the place. Photo: Lynn Grieveson / The KākāMōrena. Long stories short, the six things that mattered in Aotearoa’s political ...1 day ago - Bernard’s Picks ‘n’ Mixes for Saturday, December 21
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- ZB’s Power Couple
I don't knowHow to say what's got to be saidI don't know if it's black or whiteThere's others see it redI don't get the answers rightI'll leave that to youIs this love out of fashionOr is it the time of yearAre these words distraction?To the words you want to hearSongwriters: ...2 days ago - Austerity thumps GDP most since 1991
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AUSTERITYText within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedMy spreadsheet insists This pain leads straight to glory (File not found) Read more ...5 days ago - Minimum wage ‘increase’ is an effective cut
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Iain Rennie, CNZMSecretary and Chief Executive to the TreasuryDear Secretary, Undue restrictions on restricted briefings This week, the Treasury barred representatives from four organisations, including the New Zealand Council of Trade Unions Te Kauae Kaimahi, from attending the restricted briefing for the Half-Year Economic and Fiscal Update. We had been ...6 days ago
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- Thank You
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Returning to the model that was failing for most polytechnics and Institutes of Technology is not the answer. ...2 days ago
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The economy shrank 1% this quarter and New Zealand has tumbled into the depths of a recession of Nicola Willis’ making. ...3 days ago
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Working people are going backwards while company directors are being given huge pay hikes. ...4 days ago
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A Bill to modernise the role of Justices of the Peace (JP), ensuring they remain active in their communities and connected with other JPs, has been put into the ballot. ...4 days ago
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Labour will continue to fight unsustainable and destructive projects that are able to leap-frog environment protection under National’s Fast-track Approvals Bill. ...5 days ago
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The Green Party has warned that a Green Government will revoke the consents of companies who override environmental protections as part of Fast-Track legislation being passed today. ...5 days ago
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With more debt and a larger deficit, Nicola Willis’ reputation is in tatters after her failure to return the Government’s books to surplus. ...5 days ago
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For the second year running, the government has effectively cut wages for the lowest paid workers in New Zealand. ...5 days ago
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The Government’s announcement today of a 1.5 per cent increase to minimum wage is another blow for workers, with inflation projected to exceed the increase, meaning it’s a real terms pay reduction for many. ...5 days ago
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The Government has used its final post-Cabinet press conference of the year to punch down on local government without offering any credible solutions to the issues our councils are facing. ...6 days ago
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The Government has failed to keep its promise to ‘super charge’ the EV network, delivering just 292 chargers - less than half of the 670 chargers needed to meet its target. ...6 days ago
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The Green Party is appalled with the Government’s new child poverty targets that are based on a new ‘persistent poverty’ measure that could be met even with an increase in child poverty. ...1 week ago
- Release: Four weeks annual leave under threat
The Government’s attack on workers continues with news it is scrapping work on the Holidays Act. ...1 week ago
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New independent analysis has revealed that the Government’s Emissions Reduction Plan (ERP) will reduce emissions by a measly 1 per cent by 2030, failing to set us up for the future and meeting upcoming targets. ...1 week ago
- Greens stand in solidarity with Whakaata Māori on sad day
The loss of 27 kaimahi at Whakaata Māori and the end of its daily news bulletin is a sad day for Māori media and another step backwards for Te Tiriti o Waitangi justice. ...1 week ago
- Sanctions regime to create more hardship for families
Yesterday the Government passed cruel legislation through first reading to establish a new beneficiary sanction regime that will ultimately mean more households cannot afford the basic essentials. ...1 week ago
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Today's passing of the Government's Residential Tenancies Amendment Bill–which allows landlords to end tenancies with no reason–ignores the voice of the people and leaves renters in limbo ahead of the festive season. ...1 week ago
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Labour is urging the Prime Minister to walk the talk and support legislation combating modern slavery. ...2 weeks ago
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The Speaker of the New Zealand Parliament made an unprecedented decision on the government amendment to the Fast Track Approvals Bill last night. ...2 weeks ago
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Today’s announcement from the Government on its plan for new ferries throws more uncertainty on the future of the country’s rail network. ...2 weeks ago
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After wasting a year, Nicola Willis has delivered a worse deal for the Cook Strait ferries that will end up being more expensive and take longer to arrive. ...2 weeks ago
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Green Party co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick has today launched a Member’s Bill to sanction Israel for its unlawful presence in the Occupied Palestinian Territory, as the All Out For Gaza rally reaches Parliament. ...2 weeks ago
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The Government has done the right thing in moving to ban greyhound racing. ...2 weeks ago
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Say cheese. Then the meltdown and you are all toast.
You can see the petroleum on their breath.
The Gree Dees – greatest hits – how deep is your depravity, tragedy part 43, staying a slime, im really a joke, and of course the big favorite – lonely dazed, lonely tight when am I gonna get my money…
The Elders having a good laugh at Simon.
“The Protocols of the Elders of Simon”? Think I saw that in a conspiracy nutter’s bookcase once.
Of Zion, rather. No, no link to that whatsoever.
When you don’t get the joke, you are the joke.
Simon photobombs selfie.
The Goof, the Bad, and the Ugly.
You b….
I was going to do that one:
The Goon, the Bad and the Ugly.
I take no credit and make no apologies except to say that it was too obviously easy 😉
It was rather….
I donate to you The Goon Show Australasia.
A sneak of weasels
(What is the collective noun for weasels)
The Rat Pack.
Slytherin House prefects.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Pack
Thank you Robert. Good to learn something so appropriate.
A boogle, gang, confusion or pack of weasels.
Thank you David Mac for that contortion of lovely adjectives.
“Thanks to the vile necromantic arts of John Key and his young apprentice Simon Bridges, the National Party Conference was graced by the reanimated corpse of John Howard.”
The moment Simon realises he’s taken far too much acid…
So, Simon’s sugar rushing.
https://static.petersofkensington.com.au/images/ProductImages/636617-Zoom.jpg
Don’t you mean not enough acid? That’s his bloody problem.
Blue-green anyone?
Send in the clowns
Green as in snakeskin
Fuck your flag Winston
We want New Zealanders living in cars and under bridges.
Under Bridges – that sounds sleazy.
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Simon and da Finkels
sack, back and crack
🤣🤣
Sag, bag, and crap. [all verbs]
The goon, the gone and the going aka the hirsute, the bald and the pony tail.
Nice one!
The Goof, the Bald, and the Smugly.
Simon, Deagol and Smeagol.
The top cast for Sir Peter’s next movie has been decided with the approval of the Actors Guild? Not so much need for Weta Studios this time 😉
I will probably get condemned here – and there – but this poster on Your NZ (or rather someone in their house) nailed it in one with this (slightly abbreviated) playing on Bridges’ tweet of this photo plus “Me and two Johns”:
Simon and two Johns = three Dicks
h/t Duperez – https://yournz.org/2018/07/29/at-least-bridges-is-getting-some-publicity/#comment-294598
OMG, the resurrection of Larry, Moe and Curly. Sad the lengths Natz will go to make itself seem a viable alternative to government!
The long term beneficiary, the war criminal and the White collar fraudster.
The exclusive brethren
That’s really funny, Tricledown!
What!? Just noticed it’s “drown”, not “down”.
Apologies.
Going, Gone, and Gone.
Or – Going, Gone and Gonzo!
The Three Stooges reboot has finally beencast.
Blood Sucking Zombies from Hell….Now playing in a country near you…even one little taste of the housing market will turn into one of their mindless minions!
The Prosecutor, the Solicitor, the Banker.
walked into a bar…
… the Banker
horses aroundgets the attention of the barmaid ……she tucks her pony-tail into her collar as the 2 Johns slide their bottoms across the soft leather of a booth. Simon shakes hands with a ‘Say Cheese’ smile, orders a Shandy for himself and cocktails for the right pair of Johns. Mr Howard ordered a ‘Snowball in Hell’ and Key asked Simon to get him an Inspiration Wasteland on the rocks.’
A gallon of eau de vie, three straws and quick now we have finished the speeches schmoozing the punters.
The barmaid thanked Simon for his tip and slid the coin into the video jukebox. A fan of early Clint Eastwood movies and choral music she selected the theme/trailer of an old movie called Kelly’s Heroes.
Key casts a dark glance at his conspiracy fellows, checks for hidden mikes in the pepper & salt shakers, and opens the conversation: “I’ve got some dirt in my top drawer that will change our fortunes. What I’m saying is that with a bit of help from our friends in the MSM we’re on the brink of something exceptional”. Simon lets escape a deep sigh of relief that sounds more like rumbling flatulence, which attracts the attention of some other dodgy characters hidden in the dark shadows of the bar: “Thank you Sir John, I was getting a little concerned about my lack of popularity”. Key, making a throat slitting gesture, hushes Simon “Zip it sweetie, John and I are having a conversation. You need to learn to respect your elders”.
Simon leaned in and said “I think Grant Robertson fiddles with another man’s thing.”
It says “[k]eep it seemly …” at the top of the post so here goes:
Key, after a long gulp from his Inspiration Wasteland and lowering his voice with a slight slurring of his words: “I have it on good authority that all Ministers of Finance fiddle while Rome burns. Tell me, have you fed your chickens lately? It is a question that every PM and aspiring PM gets asked. You’ll need to be prepared with a wise-cracking answer or you’re gone by lunch time. Don will see to it.” Simon lets rip an even louder sigh of relief that unsettles other punters in the shadows and some rustling noises can be heard. John and John smile at each other, knowingly, and nod; the GCSB is in the bar doing important reconnaissance work on unsuspecting innocent law-abiding citizens minding their own business and trying to have a quiet beer in the bar.
What an “ashpirational” group.
The Three Little Pigs
Howard’s End remake flounders.
The reverse works better….
Howard’s End remake secures funding.
Cheesy grins and hidden hands….. things that make you go hmmmmmmmm…
Rough as guts, blood and guts, get some guts
No such thing as poverty! SMILE!!
The Three Muppeteers: one for us, all for us!
Rough as guts, blood and guts, get some guts
Introducing “National” the stage show. Bringing to life past elections wins that never existed – 1817, 1917 and 2017.
What the critics say,
“Jesus Christ Superstar meets dead Cats”
Yeah, nah, yeah…
Spot the idiot.
“No. Simon, that’s not what ‘a meeting in camera’ means!”
So a seat warmer, a racist and, a has been walk into a bar.
They all hit their heads on it and fall over as that bar was their moral bar and it was extremely low.
Gog, Magog and the Progeny
Well two people thought it was a good idea to bring him over
Jail bait
meat and two vege
Drongo, Dingo. and Dorkey.
First I’ll build 10 bridges, then I’ll lower class size then I’ll …