Little Mr Key, the spider & the sunny day

Written By: - Date published: 7:25 pm, October 7th, 2010 - 11 comments
Categories: humour, john key - Tags:

Once upon a time there was a little man called John Key. He told everyone that if they trusted him he would lead them to a brighter future. Some of the people said he was lying to get power. More people said that they liked that nice man, Mr Key, and wanted the brighter future he promised.

So Mr Key became Prime Minister. He was very happy and very relaxed at the same time. He used to bounce from cloud to cloud and make jokes about Maori eating him. The people liked how happy Mr Key was. He didn’t really do anything but when he was so happy it kind of made them happy too.

One day, the people came to him and asked when they would get to the brighter future. They said that they didn’t have jobs. So Mr Key said the recovery would be aggressive. Then he made it harder for people to get help when they couldn’t find a job.

Mr Key was talking to people about how nice he was one day when he heard yelling outside. There were lots of people who were saying bad things about Mr Key. He told them that they were making him sad by saying mean things. They sad he was making them sad by cutting their healthcare. That made Mr Key angry. So he cut education too.

Later, the people came back and said that the recovery wasn’t aggressive. There still weren’t any jobs and the economy was shrinking. Mr Key said that it would all be OK now that summer is coming. The people were confused about why sunny days would make more jobs.

Then, one day Mr Key got to play with a hairy spider. It was lots of fun, Mr Key had thought he would be scared of the hairy spider but actually it wasn’t scary at all.

While he was playing with the spider, some people told Mr Key that for every $20 people were earning when he became Prime Minister they were now earning only $19. They told him there were still no jobs. They said pay was going down and prices were going up. They said this didn’t seem like a very bright future. They said it wasn’t fair that he was making it harder to get help if you didn’t have a job, and harder to get a pay rise, and harder to get education for the children.

The people said they still liked how happy Mr Key was but they were sad that the future wasn’t brighter like he had promised.

Mr Key was angry at that. Mr Key said it wasn’t his job to make the future brighter. He just wanted to play with spiders. And so he did.

The people were sad and confused. Why was Mr Key playing with spiders while their future was getting darker? He had seemed so nice.

11 comments on “Little Mr Key, the spider & the sunny day”

  1. marsman 1

    Please,please will the spiders eat him?

  2. I will stick to calvin and hobbes thank you.

    • Zetetic 2.1

      always found the subtext of Calvin and Hobbes at bit dark.

      The lonely kid. Creates a fantasy world with his toy tiger. Even in that fantasy world he can’t win. Doesn’t fit with my optimistic nature.

      Not nearly as dark as Garfield though. Ever seen it with Garfield’s lines removed?

      when you consider that this is what Jon actually hears because Garfield’s lines are only thought. That’s some f*cked up stuff.

    • bbfloyd 2.2

      Sean…go away you moron.

  3. I think it has a nicer message. Every reasd it, bbfloyd?

    • bbfloyd 3.1

      Sean…of course. … actually i have always enjoyed it…. and which particular issue would be the one relevant to the subject matter in the above story? or are you attempting to make pithy comment without actually having a pith? or just trying to take the pith?

  4. Draco T Bastard 4

    One of things things is not like the other
    One of these things is not the same
    One of these is wearing a maniacal grin
    and the other is quite sane

  5. Jum 5

    No wonder Key likes the red-kneed Gertrude the tarantula – if they’re on their knees in NZ he won’t care what race or creed or skeletal frame they are.

  6. Vicky32 6

    Oh what trivia the news media live on!

  7. BLiP 7

    If he is afraid of spiders, our seemingly fearless leader wasn’t showing it.

    ‘Scuse . . . I’ve got to go vomit . . .

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