Leak: Key’s next big plan revealed

Written By: - Date published: 4:10 am, July 15th, 2009 - 19 comments
Categories: economy, humour, john key - Tags:

Today Key is giving a major speech on the economy. He told Oliver Driver on Sunrise yesterday that it would be “pretty high level”, and he wasn’t joking.

092005-md1_rollercoasterThe Sir Peter Blake Awesome Stratosphere Rollercoaster will rise from Queen’s Wharf, circle the Sky tower, rise to a height of 1500m, and do a twisting loop before plunging back to the start. According to papers Key will distribute at his speech, it will be “the largest, hightiest, choicest rollercoaster in the world”.

According to speech notes, Key hopes it will be finished in time to add some “real buzz” to the Rugby World Cup’s “party central” at Queens Wharf, an exposed, outdoor venue, where tourists will apparently want to hang out in the middle of winter.

In the speech, Key concedes “no official costing, cost-benefit ratio or even basic engineering work has been overtly done on the proposal” but he has “a sunny, optimistic and sunny outlook about this project and so should you be”.

The Prime Minister claims the project will create “a gajillion jobs” and bring in “tonnes and heaps of tourists”. He estimates the project will cost “about a couple of hundred grand” based on the cost of a similar project he constructed the other afternoon playing Rollercoaster Tycoon on his office computer.

John Armstrong and Fran O’Sullivan have been given a sneak-peek of the project and will run pieces this morning. Armstrong will report the project has ‘seized the imagination of all New Zealanders, even the ones I haven’t had a chance to ask yet’. O’Sullivan will be more circumspect, backing the project only as long as Key also sells Solid Energy to the Chinese.

19 comments on “Leak: Key’s next big plan revealed ”

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  1. So Bored 1
    15 July 2009 at 6:55 am

    Ha ha Eddie, splendid concept, add a cycle lane and intrepid cyclists can come off the top and free wheel the first 50 ks south. More seriously wonder what nonsense he will really come up with?

    • Paul 1.1
      15 July 2009 at 12:58 pm

      not quite – it will have a cycle lane attached and will be attached to the national cycleway – those who can pedal fast enough coming off the harbour bridge will just be able to make it …..

      It will be closed during the first year after a steady stream of germans and swiss coming in from the airport start to die attempting the big loop backwards …

  2. lprent 2
    15 July 2009 at 8:40 am

    Tell me this isn’t so. Another uncosted white elephant with no cost benefit analysis. He hasn’t even started the last one. No ground has been broken on the cycleways, and John Key wants to start another white elephant.

    Who were the clowns who voted for this maniac? We have unemployment going through the roof. Does he even know how to govern?

    • Marty G 2.1
      15 July 2009 at 8:53 am

      lynn? humour tag?

      maybe you’re also taking the piss.

      so confusing

      • lprent 2.1.1
        15 July 2009 at 9:51 am

        I was taking the piss.

        But the real problem is that this bozo makes this kind of post believable. That was my first impression. You get the idea that he never finishes what he starts

    • Huckleberry Finn 2.2
      15 July 2009 at 9:16 am

      Oh no, what a mix up. This blog’s really losing it now. Stories like this ain’t really helping the cause.

      • snoozer 2.2.1
        15 July 2009 at 9:56 am

        I think they’re just having a laugh with each other huckles. You sound a bit upset to hear your hero mocked. Well, don’t read the actual speech then – it reads like a self-inflicted pisstake.

  3. Pete 3
    15 July 2009 at 8:51 am

    Nice one.

    It’s great that someone is taking the lead on getting those roller coaster designers and engineers employed. There are a few less than a gazillion in Niu Zild though, so is there a roller coaster training fund/subsidy being established at the local roller coaster training course provider? That’s the question I’d ask if I was in the MSM – you know, one of those ‘need to know’ questions that reflects exactly what ‘middle-New-Zealand’ is thinking.

    Real finger on the pulse stuff though. Kudos.

  4. Ianmac 4
    15 July 2009 at 9:36 am

    And as a special feature, Air New Zealand could fly incoming tourists through the hoop!

  5. Tom Semmens 5
    15 July 2009 at 10:52 am

    Actually anyone who follows this government can see what they are building up to. Bill English has a tax review panel stacked with neo-liberal hardliners, Key talks of a “world class tax system”, English vows to respond to any tax changes in Australia.

    National is tied down by election promises not to privatise. So what they are planning is an all-out wealth transfer from poor to rich by trying to emplace a hard-right tax structure. Mark my words.

    • Pat 5.1
      15 July 2009 at 11:02 am

      Come! Join Tom and his band of Merry Men in Nottingham Forrest!

      • Derek 5.1.1
        15 July 2009 at 11:05 am

        Actually Bill English is on record saying he wants to reduce the top tax rate to 30% in the medium term. That’s a huge transfer of wealth from the poor and middle class to the rich.

  6. the sprout 6
    15 July 2009 at 11:06 am

    excellent Eddie 🙂

  7. Loco Burro 7
    15 July 2009 at 5:01 pm

    Yeah it has been obvious National want to overhaul the tax system since May when I posted this
    Interesting that the review has no terms of reference, they can investigate whatever they want. Bill English’s wildest dreams come true. Shambles ahead.

  8. Rex Widerstrom 8
    15 July 2009 at 6:25 pm

    Asked if Act would back the proposal, Leader Rodney Hide said he was in favour of anything that made more people vomit than did David Garrett.

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