web analytics

ACC killed Kennedy says Smith

Written By: - Date published: 6:39 pm, March 14th, 2009 - 18 comments
Categories: ACC, humour - Tags:

Fresh on the heels of allegations ACC has blown-out and is likely to decimate New Zealand’s credit rating, Accident Compensation Minister Nick Smith has revealed he has evidence of the public insurance scheme’s involvement in the assassination of loved American President John F. Kennedy.

The revelations were announced by Smith in select committee late this afternoon and followed his chloroforming of ACC Chief Executive Jan White – a move Labour described as “an unusual interpretation of select committee traditions.”

According to Smith independent sources have confirmed the compensation scheme was present on the grassy knoll at the time of Kennedy’s shooting and was likely to be the culprit. “There is substantial evidence that it was in fact ACC that fired the fatal shot.”

Asked to provide evidence of ACC’s involvement in the Kennedy assassination Smith responded “look, you didn’t ask for evidence when we said our tax package would benefit middle New Zealand, why are you being picky now? Quick! Look over there! John’s hanging out with a bollywood star!”

Labour shadow minister David Parker described the claim as “simply another attempt to undermine ACC”. However Smith rejected the allegation as “sour grapes”. “Look this is just sour grapes. The last government knew all about ACC’s participation in this assassination and did nothing to prevent it. Nobody but a bitter and absurd conspiracy theorist would claim I was attempting to undermine ACC. Sour grapes, did I say that already?”

“I am a great supporter of the Woodhouse principles of ACC,” stated Smith, “and if we need to sell the whole system to McDonalds to achieve those participles then so be it.”

When asked to explain the Woodhouse principles Smith declined comment.

18 comments on “ACC killed Kennedy says Smith ”

  1. brilliant headline IB

  2. IB: While I don’t always agree with your politics, there is nothing wrong with your sense of humour!

    Brilliant Mate

    XChequer
    http://thenzhomeoffice.blogspot.com/

  3. lprent 3

    If it wasn’t a case of art imitating reality…

    NZ Herald Gatecrasher Smith puts meeting in spin

    A gatecrashing by ACC Minister Nick Smith yesterday quickly turned an otherwise routine meeting into another scene in the ongoing political imbroglio over the scheme.

    Dr Smith turned up unannounced at a select committee hearing on ACC and then talked over its chief executive, leading to accusations of “bizarre behaviour”, “bullying” and “gagging” from Labour.

    The transport and industrial relations select committee was meeting for ACC’s financial review and was to be addressed by its chief executive, Jan White, and new chairman John Judge, appointed only on Monday after Dr Smith sacked Ross Wilson.

    Mr Judge could not make the meeting but instead of being replaced by another of the board’s members, Dr Smith decided to stand in, even though he was not minister during the 2007-08 year in question.

    Dr Smith has already been accused of gagging the board, but he went further at yesterday’s meeting by interrupting Dr White as Labour MPs tried to question her about ACC’s financial position.

    This guy is totally nuts. Essentially he wanted to try and control the debate so much that he has started to try to override parliament. Mind you that is in the now strong anti-democratic tradition of the NACT government.

    Also peek at

    Tumeke Daddy State gags ACC by gatecrashing select committee

    No Right Turn A manufactured “crisis”

  4. Nick C 4

    Wow, dont quit you day job (if you have one) to go into satire is all i can say.

    • IrishBill 4.1

      I don’t intend to. That said, didn’t I ban you?

    • Tim Ellis 4.2

      You might not have laughed Nick, but I did, and so did most of the commenters here by the looks of it. Top stuff IB.

  5. Ianmac 5

    A Mr Smith was later seen on a street corner crying hysterically ” The coming of the end is near! Repent all those who use ACC! Repent you sinners, who would deny the wrath of the Minister! Repent for I knoweth and I will taketh. Repent I say!”
    When asked which Smith was he, his eyes bulged, his face reddened and he vanished in a puff of smoke.

  6. CMR 6

    Socialism killed Kennedy!

  7. DeeDub 7

    Don’t we all wish THIS Mr. Smith would fuck off to Washington? Or anywhere actually…

  8. Tane 8

    Brilliant bro, brilliant.

  9. BLiP 9

    Did anyone spot the deliberate mistake on Page 3 in today’s Herald?

    ACC’s outstanding claims liability was to some extent a theoretical figure as the Government-owned agency was not a commercial insurer and not required to return a profit.

    I guess as far as APN is concerned it’s all a done deal.

  10. Paul Robeson 10

    sometimes I feel like a motherless child…do we have to wait this time until everything is hoicked on the cheap to overseas before people get wise to this shit?

    • the sprout 10.1

      well people sure aren’t going to get very wise to National listening to the msm

  11. SeaJay 11

    Paul Robeson, this is just the beginning, give these Men as much rope as they ask for as they weigh our anchor. IB – better satire than the dimpast, ACC – death by a thousand Nicks?
    captcha: porters cuban, sounds yummy

  12. Paul Robeson 12

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/sunday-star-times/business/2262350/Rod-Oram-ACC-the-political-claims-and-the-reality

    How is the rest of the media not picking up on this?

    “All the information in this column comes from widely available sources, including ACC’s briefing to the incoming minister, dated November 2008.”

    and looking at where this is sitting in the posts there is so much going on that the vandalism is being buried.

Links to post

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Twenty highlights of 2020
    As we welcome in the new year, our focus is on continuing to keep New Zealanders safe and moving forward with our economic recovery. There’s a lot to get on with, but before we say a final goodbye to 2020, here’s a quick look back at some of the milestones ...
    2 weeks ago

  • Cook Islanders to resume travel to New Zealand
    The Prime Minister of New Zealand Jacinda Ardern and the Prime Minister of the Cook Islands Mark Brown have announced passengers from the Cook Islands can resume quarantine-free travel into New Zealand from 21 January, enabling access to essential services such as health. “Following confirmation of the Cook Islands’ COVID ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Supporting communities and landowners to grow employment opportunities
    Jobs for Nature funding is being made available to conservation groups and landowners to employ staff and contractors in a move aimed at boosting local biodiversity-focused projects, Conservation Minister Kiritapu Allan has announced. It is estimated some 400-plus jobs will be created with employment opportunities in ecology, restoration, trapping, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Border exception for some returning international tertiary students
    The Government has approved an exception class for 1000 international tertiary students, degree level and above, who began their study in New Zealand but were caught offshore when border restrictions began. The exception will allow students to return to New Zealand in stages from April 2021. “Our top priority continues ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Tiwai deal gives time for managed transition
    Today’s deal between Meridian and Rio Tinto for the Tiwai smelter to remain open another four years provides time for a managed transition for Southland. “The deal provides welcome certainty to the Southland community by protecting jobs and incomes as the region plans for the future. The Government is committed ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • New member for APEC Business Advisory Council
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has appointed Anna Curzon to the APEC Business Advisory Council (ABAC). The leader of each APEC economy appoints three private sector representatives to ABAC. ABAC provides advice to leaders annually on business priorities. “ABAC helps ensure that APEC’s work programme is informed by business community perspectives ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Govt’s careful economic management recognised
    The Government’s prudent fiscal management and strong policy programme in the face of the COVID-19 global pandemic have been acknowledged by the credit rating agency Fitch. Fitch has today affirmed New Zealand’s local currency rating at AA+ with a stable outlook and foreign currency rating at AA with a positive ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Additional actions to keep COVID-19 out of NZ
    The Government is putting in place a suite of additional actions to protect New Zealand from COVID-19, including new emerging variants, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “Given the high rates of infection in many countries and evidence of the global spread of more transmissible variants, it’s clear that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • 19 projects will clean up and protect waterways
    $36 million of Government funding alongside councils and others for 19 projects Investment will clean up and protect waterways and create local jobs Boots on the ground expected in Q2 of 2021 Funding part of the Jobs for Nature policy package A package of 19 projects will help clean up ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Zealand Government acknowledges 175th anniversary of Battle of Ruapekapeka
    The commemoration of the 175th anniversary of the Battle of Ruapekapeka represents an opportunity for all New Zealanders to reflect on the role these conflicts have had in creating our modern nation, says Associate Minister for Arts, Culture and Heritage Kiri Allan. “The Battle at Te Ruapekapeka Pā, which took ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Better care for babies with tongue-tie
    Babies born with tongue-tie will be assessed and treated consistently under new guidelines released by the Ministry of Health, Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall announced today. Around 5% to 10% of babies are born with a tongue-tie, or ankyloglossia, in New Zealand each year. At least half can ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Prisoner disorder event at Waikeria Prison over
    The prisoner disorder event at Waikeria Prison is over, with all remaining prisoners now safely and securely detained, Corrections Minister Kelvin Davis says. The majority of those involved in the event are members of the Mongols and Comancheros. Five of the men are deportees from Australia, with three subject to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Pre-departure COVID-19 test for travellers from the UK and the US from 15 January
    Travellers from the United Kingdom or the United States bound for New Zealand will be required to get a negative test result for COVID-19 before departing, and work is underway to extend the requirement to other long haul flights to New Zealand, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins confirmed today. “The new PCR test requirement, foreshadowed last ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • PM congratulates New Year Honour recipients
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has added her warm congratulations to the New Zealanders recognised for their contributions to their communities and the country in the New Year 2021 Honours List. “The past year has been one that few of us could have imagined. In spite of all the things that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • David Parker congratulates New Year 2021 Honours recipients
    Attorney-General and Minister for the Environment David Parker has congratulated two retired judges who have had their contributions to the country and their communities recognised in the New Year 2021 Honours list. The Hon Tony Randerson QC has been appointed a Companion of the New Zealand Order of Merit for ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Year’s Honours highlights outstanding Pacific leadership through challenging year
    Minister for Pacific Peoples Aupito William Sio says the New Year’s Honours List 2021 highlights again the outstanding contribution made by Pacific people across Aotearoa. “We are acknowledging the work of 13 Pacific leaders in the New Year’s Honours, representing a number of sectors including health, education, community, sports, the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Supporting seniors to embrace technology
    The Government’s investment in digital literacy training for seniors has led to more than 250 people participating so far, helping them stay connected. “COVID-19 has meant older New Zealanders are showing more interest in learning how to use technology like Zoom and Skype so they can to keep in touch ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago