Caption competition

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, April 11th, 2015 - 86 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour, The Standard - Tags:

Mark Weedon John Key

86 comments on “Caption competition ”

  • Comments are now closed

  1. NZJester 1
    11 April 2015 at 1:12 pm

    In a thought bubble above his head. (boy I’m nervous. I fell like the devil is behind me and breathing down my neck)

  2. mickysavage 2
    11 April 2015 at 1:26 pm

    Luke I am your father …

  3. ropata 3
    11 April 2015 at 1:33 pm

    TV3’s new soap: “Working For Satan”

    (stolen from https://twitter.com/Megapope/status/586696892278374400 )

    • weka 3.1
      11 April 2015 at 1:51 pm

      Heh, was just about to suggest a competition on what Julie Christie’s new soap will be.

    • seeker 3.2
      11 April 2015 at 3:26 pm

      “The Screwyou tape Letters” mini series for tv 3 (with apologies to C.S.Lewis).

  4. pohutukawakid 4
    11 April 2015 at 1:39 pm

    The organ grinder and the monkey!
    Which is which?

  5. happynz 5
    11 April 2015 at 2:00 pm

    What’s it with middle-aged slightly balding Kiwi blokes and the tousled hair look? Whaddya reckon he spent over $200 for that haircut?

  6. swordfish 6
    11 April 2015 at 2:01 pm

    Weldon: “Mr Key usually has his hand up my arse as a precaution. But tonight he says he’s feeling confident enough to let me go solo.”

  7. Stickler 7
    11 April 2015 at 2:03 pm

    When I said I’d watch his back, I didn’t mention I was looking for a place to stick the knife….

  8. Incognito 8
    11 April 2015 at 2:18 pm

    John Key Mark I and Mark too.

  9. Clemgeopin 9
    11 April 2015 at 2:18 pm

    “Quality doesn’t matter. It is all about the quantity. The bum does look big in there!”

  10. tracey 10
    11 April 2015 at 2:31 pm

    “I want to run my hands through his gently wavy hair, while we swim in a pool of cash.”

  11. Penny Bright 11
    11 April 2015 at 3:02 pm

    Look!

    A ‘no hands’ sock puppet!

    Penny Bright

    • burt 11.1
      11 April 2015 at 4:26 pm

      If this guy lived in his own freehold house, paid no taxes and no rates while telling other wealthy people they should pay more tax – would he be a hero to you for acting just like you do ?

      • Tracey 11.1.1
        11 April 2015 at 4:55 pm

        how much tax do you reckon Weldon pays?

        • burt 11.1.1.1
          12 April 2015 at 9:04 am

          Tracey

          If he has a freehold house in Auckland then he’d be wealthy by anyone’s measure. If he was wealthy and banging on that wealthy people should pay more tax while paying none himself then I’d call him a fraud – like I do with Penny ( I’m a hard core left who is wealthy and pay no tax ) Bright.

          • felix 11.1.1.1.1
            12 April 2015 at 9:12 am

            How do you know how much tax Penny pays?

            • burt 11.1.1.1.1.1
              12 April 2015 at 9:32 am

              She stated it when pressed in a blog post on kiwiblog. She actually went as far as mocking me saying I was jealous she had a freehold property while I was renting. She’s a class act lefty that one.

              • felix …
                12 April 2015 at 11:21 am

                Stated what?

                • burt …
                  12 April 2015 at 1:01 pm

                  Find out for yourself try this search in google;

                  ‘burt penny jealous freehold house site:www.kiwiblog.co.nz’

                  Vary them to include/exclude; tax, rates, government funded services, multi national banks, google, fraud of a lefty, freehold, occupy

                  and see what you can find.

                  Otherwise – ask her. On other blogs she’s readily admitted paying no tax and refusing to pay her rates. Perhaps on this blog Penny like to keep up her charade that she is a lefty rather than a wealthy individual contributing nothing while demanding others don’t act like she does.

                  • felix …
                    12 April 2015 at 1:40 pm

                    Sorry burt, I thought you said you knew how much tax she paid. Now you want me to figure it out for you?

                    How much tax is she supposed to be paying anyway? And how would you know?

                    • burt …
                      12 April 2015 at 1:44 pm

                      There is no point in me telling you – you’re going to ignore my information anyway. I’ve said she pays no tax, she’s got every right to argue that – I don’t see her denying it on this blog.

                      But just for you I’ll ask her every time I see her post on this blog and lets see if she can confirm or deny it for you. Best I can do given you’re so selective in what you believe that you aren’t even prepared to acknowledge your preferred political ideology has ended in tears every time its been tried in NZ for the last 50+ years.

                    • felix …
                      12 April 2015 at 2:06 pm

                      I’m having trouble following that.

                      Are you saying you do know how much tax she’s supposed to be paying?

                      Or you don’t?

                    • burt …
                      12 April 2015 at 3:10 pm

                      Sorry burt, I thought you said you knew how much tax she paid. Now you want me to figure it out for you?

                      You’re making shit up as you go now felix.

                      I said she pays no tax – you asked how I know. I told you. You didn’t want to listen and now you think I’m asking you to figure it out when I told you you could verify it with her yourself.

                      I picking you don’t care if she pays no tax and owns a freehold property because she supports the same failed ideology as you and the fact she behaves like a hard core capitalist is OK with you.

                    • felix …
                      12 April 2015 at 4:09 pm

                      Yeah, I know you said she pays no tax.

                      I’ve been asking how you know how much tax she’s supposed to be paying.

                      Also I have no problem with people owning houses freehold and I can’t imagine why you would either.

                    • ropata …
                      12 April 2015 at 4:18 pm

                      In burt-world, you can’t have assets and vote Left.
                      He seems to think that a dog-eat-dog society is the only option.
                      TINA

              • ropata …
                12 April 2015 at 12:30 pm

                burt,
                If you’re renting then a vote for National is a vote for worse housing affordability and worse rental conditions. Have you been following any news in the last 6 years or have you taken a few too many #teamkey enemas?

                Housing:
                http://thestandard.org.nz/nationals-social-housing-policy-in-action/
                http://thestandard.org.nz/dollar-parity/#comment-996869

                And here’s more on National’s priorities:

                $400 MILLION TO FEED NZ COWS "yes' …..$100 MILLION TO FEED NZ KIDS 'no" #TEAMKEY— André Hock (@transparency_a1) March 18, 2015

                #NotNational #Northland #DirtyPolitics #TeamKey pic.twitter.com/Tz2nLcHZsJ— Paul Le Comte (@five15design) March 19, 2015

                $1.5 billion to refit navy with new torpedoes and upgrading ammunition for their guns…… hungry Kids get a raincoat and an apple #teamkey— André Hock (@transparency_a1) March 18, 2015

          • weka 11.1.1.1.2
            12 April 2015 at 2:15 pm

            “If he has a freehold house in Auckland then he’d be wealthy by anyone’s measure.”

            I have relatives in Auckland who have freehold houses. They’re middle class and no more wealthy than relatives who live elsewhere in NZ. They’re just old and bought and paid off their mortgage in a time when that was normal in that area. Please be careful about how you attach judgements.

  12. Penny Bright 12
    11 April 2015 at 3:03 pm

    Mark – my words ….

    Penny Bright

  13. JanM 13
    11 April 2015 at 3:03 pm

    If you’re not going to be nice to my little friend you can just go away, so there!

  14. ruup 14
    11 April 2015 at 3:39 pm

    ‘…..and you can’t even see my lips moving….”

  15. emergency mike 15
    11 April 2015 at 3:59 pm

    “I for one welcome our new NACToid overlords.”

  16. Simple Simon 16
    11 April 2015 at 4:06 pm

    Only one thing missing in that photo.

    The door sign, Tosser Club In. Members Only.

  17. burt 17
    11 April 2015 at 4:24 pm

    So those who want this leftard clap trap show and are prepared to put your own money behind it raise your hands ? anyone ? Anyone at all ?

    • ropata 17.1
      11 April 2015 at 9:44 pm

      i dunno, do you think journalists should question the State or should they just be part of its PR machine?

      when will you stop licking keys butt burt?

      • burt 17.1.1
        12 April 2015 at 8:34 am

        Of course they should question the state. But I think you are confused. TV3 isn’t a state run monopoly where dear leader calls the shots. It’s a business and Campbell’s ratings are shit. See in your ideal lefty ( guaranteed to fail ideology ) there is no notion of questioning the state – lucky we don’t have your preferred political system fully implemented eh.

        • ropata 17.1.1.1
          12 April 2015 at 12:00 pm

          Campbell isn’t “left” you fool, and my preferred political system is one that is accountable and honest, not a pack of capitalist bankster cronies selling off the future of NZ. Do you have a moral compass or is that for sale like everything else in the Nactoid universe?

          • burt 17.1.1.1.1
            12 April 2015 at 1:41 pm

            Campbell isn’t “left” you fool…

            We’re not in Guatemala now ropata…

            … and my preferred political system is one that is accountable and honest, not a pack of capitalist bankster union cronies selling ripping off the future of NZ. workers to fund highly paid politicians.

            Are we having fun doing talking points yet ?

            But seriously – if Campbell isn’t the sweat heart of the left – why are only left wing blogs crying over his potential axing ?

            I guess it could be nothing to do with his political view other than he appears to join her majesties loyal (unthinking) opposition being against the nasty evil baby eating John Key.

            • ropata 17.1.1.1.1.1
              12 April 2015 at 4:23 pm

              Your last sentence is surprisingly showing a glimmer of understanding.
              Campbell is one of the few TV journos not tarred by the Dirty Politics scandal.
              It’s not a left-vs-right thing, it’s about ethical journalism and reporting things that matter to Kiwis not the latest Beehive spin.

              I wouldn’t trust any journalist who just nods and goes along with whatever lines are spun from leaders like Bliar, Bush, or John P Key.

              As for why the right wing outlets aren’t complaining, you work it out.

            • North 17.1.1.1.1.2
              12 April 2015 at 5:17 pm

              So succinct in your last paragraph Burt. Succinct most times means the guts of the matter. Thanks….

        • felix 17.1.1.2
          12 April 2015 at 1:59 pm

          “See in your ideal lefty corporate ( guaranteed to fail already failing almost everybody ideology ) there is no notion of questioning the state gods of the market – lucky we don’t quite have your preferred political system fully implemented just yet eh.”

          Oh this is fun. retrospectively 😀 editing burt’s brainfarts.

        • North 17.1.1.3
          12 April 2015 at 6:32 pm

          But of course Burt’s definition of that wonderful democratic institution the right “to question” is to go no further than this – once every two years slightly raise one eyebrow. And with the heel of a hand smash it back into line so no one will notice and report the ghastliness of it to The GodKey’s Top Drawer.

          ‘Cept sorry Burt…….the story is that nowadays no one’s reporting back. Anyone who might is too busy assessing his/her political odds in these days of impending George III. No shortage of cocktail party grimaces however, as per usual. Look for more fuck-ups. Not that the Theist Being and the inner–cabal would listen if they were told. It’s called third-termitis.

          There’s only sadness in this for you Burt. Macrame, as a suggestion…….?

  18. Clemgeopin 18
    11 April 2015 at 4:42 pm

    “My work is almost done! I have destroyed state assets, destroyed privacy, destroyed state education, destroyed adult community education night classes, destroyed railways, destroyed ethics in government, destroyed truth and honesty, destroyed surplus, destroyed MMP and I have destroyed democracy among other things. I have one more thing to do before I bugger off to USA, Mark. I need you to help me here : Destroy that courageous caring journalist, the thorn on our side, that ‘little creep!”

  19. mary_a 19
    11 April 2015 at 4:54 pm

    “Spin that bullshit boy and spin it good. Ya hear? “Ya ol’ pappy John is a watchin’ ya boy.”

  20. Kevin 20
    11 April 2015 at 5:18 pm

    What’s the prize?

  21. mac1 21
    11 April 2015 at 5:43 pm

    “Bling it on!” How to sit modestly whilst still showing off the matching gold cufflinks and watch.

  22. Ffloyd 22
    11 April 2015 at 5:58 pm

    Another spineless sycophant under my spell. God they’re so easy. G’wan my son, make me proud. Don’t like you but you’re useful.

  23. Treetop 23
    11 April 2015 at 5:59 pm

    Freedom of speech is not alive and well on Campbell Live.

    Campbell knows what poverty is, Key does not.

    The competition avoids the real John Key.

  24. Clemgeopin 24
    11 April 2015 at 6:31 pm

    “You are a numbers man, John. What is the ‘number’ for Winston Peters to win the Northland buy election, John?”

    “Ah, that is easy! Zero! “

  25. joe90 25
    11 April 2015 at 6:33 pm

    It’s the Chuck and Dave show.

  26. Trainman 26
    11 April 2015 at 6:40 pm

    Hey Mark I didn’t like being called to account by Campbell so now sort it

  27. Anne 27
    11 April 2015 at 6:45 pm

    People have been talking about current affairs lately. I want to categorically deny that I am having a current affair. Indeed I have not had one since I married.

  28. bernard 28
    11 April 2015 at 6:46 pm

    I`ve got your back,Mark

  29. Michael 29
    11 April 2015 at 8:03 pm

    They do make a lovely couple.

  30. Skinny 30
    11 April 2015 at 8:37 pm

    Us rats must stick together too much anti MSM poison being sprayed. Did Campbell drink the 1080 cocktail we served him?

  31. Weepus beard 31
    11 April 2015 at 8:54 pm

    That hair, Mark. Is it Regaine, or Advanced Hair?

  32. marty mars 32
    11 April 2015 at 9:12 pm

    weldon – this is my sincere telling the truth face
    key – mine too

  33. te reo putake 33
    11 April 2015 at 9:59 pm

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I am just gonna state the obvious: we have a doppelgänger in our midst.”

  34. Incognito 34
    11 April 2015 at 11:04 pm

    Dudes, I’m so ripped right now that I have a 6-pack on my forehead and John can’t see it!

  35. Rob 35
    11 April 2015 at 11:10 pm

    The unsmiling assassin

  36. Incognito 36
    11 April 2015 at 11:28 pm

    Let’s be clear, the Jono and Ben show is not a euphemism for John Key and Paula Bennett on the campaign trail in Northland.

  37. peterh 37
    12 April 2015 at 8:15 am

    I will be watching you, look after Paul, and try and get Mike on board

  38. Stuart Munro 38
    12 April 2015 at 11:25 am

    “My name is Mark, and I’ve been sober for about fifteen minutes…”

  39. ropata 39
    12 April 2015 at 4:28 pm

    “And for my next trick, I am going to fart in your general direction!”

  40. cogito 40
    12 April 2015 at 4:57 pm

    NEW FROM TV3:
    “The Two Piranhas”, NZ’s new **REAL** reality show, where the Two Piranhas unleash chaos and mayhem in the newsroom as they aim for total media control.

  41. b waghorn 41
    12 April 2015 at 4:57 pm

    I’m so proud of my mini me right now I could just hug him to bits.
    ( thinks key)

  42. rod 42
    12 April 2015 at 5:02 pm

    Some people may say that TV3’s News and Current Affairs will be fully controlled by the National Government and it’s lackey’s and puppets. I couldn’t possibly comment,

  43. North 43
    12 April 2015 at 5:13 pm

    “Yeah well Wegewege called from Florida – near Cuba. Said John needed a hand so I came straight down. Oh he’s OK, don’t worry about it. He’s Just sulking. Winston called him a 13,000 vote epic-fail-fuckwit and it’s taking time……you know,…..expunge the facts.”

    “Anyway, let me introduce the Prime Minster Mr ShonKey Python…….fresh from Melbourne – near Northland.”

  44. Atiawa 44
    12 April 2015 at 8:01 pm

    I’m the ‘block, he’s the butcher.

  45. Chrys Berryman 45
    12 April 2015 at 8:11 pm

    “oh shit I don’t have a pulse,Mark help me here,I don’t have a pulse!!!….shit if I hav’nt got a pulse it means I don’t have a heart!!!!,god Mark this means I’m a heartless neo lib like you……

  46. cogito 46
    12 April 2015 at 11:28 pm

    Weldon: “never mind the truth, count the money”

  47. freedom 47
    13 April 2015 at 2:25 pm

    “I don’t even have a phone”

  48. Ecosse_Maidy 48
    13 April 2015 at 6:02 pm

    Thank you I am honoured to have finished second in Bastard of The Year competition…

    Yet I can now reveal the winner is………………

  49. Ecosse_Maidy 49
    13 April 2015 at 6:05 pm

    CEO Keys, What a fooking rank amateur,,,,,
    Just look at him, he ain’t no professional,,,,,
    ,Hes lying without the use of a auto cue….

    How damn demeaning to our profession!!!!

  50. Ecosse_Maidy 50
    13 April 2015 at 6:05 pm

    Okdokey,,,,The Replacement for Jeremy Fartson is…..

  51. Ecosse_Maidy 51
    13 April 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Keys thinking………………………….Hell calls himself a member of the conservative elite……There is no way that suit is anywhere near an Armani…….what cheap shit

  52. Ecosse_Maidy 52
    13 April 2015 at 6:08 pm

    Thank you all for your good wishes,,,,,now John and I are going to enjoy our civil partnership, at your expense with a 2 week golfing honeymoon in Hawaii…

  53. Ecosse_Maidy 53
    13 April 2015 at 6:09 pm

    Dunce Keys,,, ermm what that sign on his back,,,Kick Em? Ermmmm what is that? oh well it means nothing, i will do my usual nothing

  54. Ecosse_Maidy 54
    13 April 2015 at 6:12 pm

    Clash Of The “Tie”tans……Yellow Or Blue,,Your Choice or A Referendum

  55. Ecosse_Maidy 55
    13 April 2015 at 6:22 pm

    CEO Keys, Ha Talk all you like, I pull your strings, you upstart….!

    Ghostly Banker/Business/Elite, Figue Behind Genrillismo Keys,,,,

    Ha!!! Look Smug all you like, we pull your strings Keys…!

  56. Ecosse_Maidy 56
    13 April 2015 at 6:24 pm

    Lynton Diahorrea Stains Crosby,,, makes rare public appearance behind Keys

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    2 days ago
  • A tougher line on “proactive release”?

    The Official Information Act has always been a battle between requesters seeking information, and governments seeking to control it. Information is power, so Ministers and government agencies want to manage what is released and when, for their own convenience, and legality and democracy be damned. Their most recent tactic for ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    3 days ago
  • 'Let's build a motorway costing $100 million per km, before emissions costs'

    TL;DR: The top six things I’ve noted around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy today are:Transport and Energy Minister Simeon Brown is accelerating plans to spend at least $10 billion through Public Private Partnerships (PPPs) to extend State Highway One as a four-lane ‘Expressway’ from Warkworth to Whangarei ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    3 days ago
  • Lester's Prescription – Positive Bleeding.

    I live my life (woo-ooh-ooh)With no control in my destinyYea-yeah, yea-yeah (woo-ooh-ooh)I can bleed when I want to bleedSo come on, come on (woo-ooh-ooh)You can bleed when you want to bleedYea-yeah, come on (woo-ooh-ooh)Everybody bleed when they want to bleedCome on and bleedGovernments face tough challenges. Selling unpopular decisions to ...
    Nick’s KōreroBy Nick Rockel
    3 days ago
  • Casey Costello gaslights Labour in the House

    Please note:To skip directly to the- parliamentary footage in the video, scroll to 1:21 To skip to audio please click on the headphone icon on the left hand side of the screenThis video / audio section is under development. ...
    Mountain TuiBy Mountain Tui
    3 days ago
  • Why is the Texas grid in such bad shape?

    This is a re-post from the Climate Brink by Andrew Dessler Headline from 2021 The Texas grid, run by ERCOT, has had a rough few years. In 2021, winter storm Uri blacked out much of the state for several days. About a week ago, Hurricane Beryl knocked out ...
    Skeptical Science
    3 days ago
  • Gordon Campbell on a textbook case of spending waste by the Luxon government

    Given the crackdown on wasteful government spending, it behooves me to point to a high profile example of spending by the Luxon government that looks like a big, fat waste of time and money. I’m talking about the deployment of NZDF personnel to support the US-led coalition in the Red ...
    WerewolfBy lyndon
    3 days ago
  • The Kākā’s Pick 'n' Mix for Wednesday, July 24

    TL;DR: My pick of the top six links elsewhere around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day or so to 7:40 am on Wednesday, July 24 are:Deep Dive: Chipping away at the housing crisis, including my comments RNZ/Newsroom’s The DetailNews: Government softens on asset sales, ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    3 days ago
  • LXR Takaanini

    As I reported about the city centre, Auckland’s rail network is also going through a difficult and disruptive period which is rapidly approaching a culmination, this will result in a significant upgrade to the whole network. Hallelujah. Also like the city centre this is an upgrade predicated on the City ...
    Greater AucklandBy Patrick Reynolds
    3 days ago
  • Four kilograms of pain

    Today, a 4 kilogram report will be delivered to Parliament. We know this is what the report of the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Abuse in State and Faith-based Care weighs, because our Prime Minister told us so.Some reporter had blindsided him by asking a question about something done by ...
    More Than A FeildingBy David Slack
    3 days ago
  • The Kākā’s Journal of Record for Wednesday, July 24

    TL;DR: As of 7:00 am on Wednesday, July 24, the top six announcements, speeches, reports and research around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day are:Beehive: Transport Minister Simeon Brown announced plans to use PPPs to fund, build and run a four-lane expressway between Auckland ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    3 days ago
  • Luxon gets caught out

    NewstalkZB host Mike Hosking, who can usually be relied on to give Prime Minister Christopher Luxon an easy run, did not do so yesterday when he interviewed him about the HealthNZ deficit. Luxon is trying to use a deficit reported last year by HealthNZ as yet another example of the ...
    PolitikBy Richard Harman
    3 days ago
  • A worrying sign

    Back in January a StatsNZ employee gave a speech at Rātana on behalf of tangata whenua in which he insulted and criticised the government. The speech clearly violated the principle of a neutral public service, and StatsNZ started an investigation. Part of that was getting an external consultant to examine ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    4 days ago
  • Are we fine with 47.9% home-ownership by 2048?

    Renting for life: Shared ownership initiatives are unlikely to slow the slide in home ownership by much. Photo: Lynn Grieveson / The KākāTL;DR: The top six things I’ve noted around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy today are:A Deloitte report for Westpac has projected Aotearoa’s home-ownership rate will ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    4 days ago
  • Let's Win This

    You're broken down and tiredOf living life on a merry go roundAnd you can't find the fighterBut I see it in you so we gonna walk it outAnd move mountainsWe gonna walk it outAnd move mountainsAnd I'll rise upI'll rise like the dayI'll rise upI'll rise unafraidI'll rise upAnd I'll ...
    Nick’s KōreroBy Nick Rockel
    4 days ago
  • Waimahara: The Singing Spirit of Water

    There’s been a change in Myers Park. Down the steps from St. Kevin’s Arcade, past the grassy slopes, the children’s playground, the benches and that goat statue, there has been a transformation. The underpass for Mayoral Drive has gone from a barren, grey, concrete tunnel, to a place that thrums ...
    Greater AucklandBy Connor Sharp
    4 days ago
  • A major milestone: Global climate pollution may have just peaked

    This is a re-post from Yale Climate Connections Global society may have finally slammed on the brakes for climate-warming pollution released by human fossil fuel combustion. According to the Carbon Monitor Project, the total global climate pollution released between February and May 2024 declined slightly from the amount released during the same ...
    Skeptical Science
    4 days ago
  • The Kākā’s Pick 'n' Mix for Tuesday, July 23

    TL;DR: My pick of the top six links elsewhere around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day or so to 7:00 am on Tuesday, July 23 are:Deep Dive: Penlink: where tolling rhetoric meets reality BusinessDesk-$$$’s Oliver LewisScoop: Te Pūkenga plans for regional polytechs leak out ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    4 days ago
  • The Kākā’s Journal of Record for Tuesday, July 23

    TL;DR: As of 6:00 am on Tuesday, July 23, the top six announcements, speeches, reports and research around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day are:Health: Shane Reti announced the Board of Te Whatu Ora- Health New Zealand was being replaced with Commissioner Lester Levy ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    4 days ago
  • HealthNZ and Luxon at cross purposes over budget blowout

    Health NZ warned the Government at the end of March that it was running over Budget. But the reasons it gave were very different to those offered by the Prime Minister yesterday. Prime Minister Christopher Luxon blamed the “botched merger” of the 20 District Health Boards (DHBs) to create Health ...
    PolitikBy Richard Harman
    4 days ago
  • 2500-3000 more healthcare staff expected to be fired, as Shane Reti blames Labour for a budget defic...

    Long ReadKey Summary: Although National increased the health budget by $1.4 billion in May, they used an old funding model to project health system costs, and never bothered to update their pre-election numbers. They were told during the Health Select Committees earlier in the year their budget amount was deficient, ...
    Mountain TuiBy Mountain Tui
    4 days ago
  • Might Kamala Harris be about to get a 'stardust' moment like Jacinda Ardern?

    As a momentous, historic weekend in US politics unfolded, analysts and commentators grasped for precedents and comparisons to help explain the significance and power of the choice Joe Biden had made. The 46th president had swept the Democratic party’s primaries but just over 100 days from the election had chosen ...
    PunditBy Tim Watkin
    5 days ago
  • Solutions Interview: Steven Hail on MMT & ecological economics

    TL;DR: I’m casting around for new ideas and ways of thinking about Aotearoa’s political economy to find a few solutions to our cascading and self-reinforcing housing, poverty and climate crises.Associate Professor runs an online masters degree in the economics of sustainability at Torrens University in Australia and is organising ...
    The KakaBy Steven Hail
    5 days ago
  • Reported back

    The Finance and Expenditure Committee has reported back on National's Local Government (Water Services Preliminary Arrangements) Bill. The bill sets up water for privatisation, and was introduced under urgency, then rammed through select committee with no time even for local councils to make a proper submission. Naturally, national's select committee ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • Vandrad the Viking, Christopher Coombes, and Literary Archaeology

    Some years ago, I bought a book at Dunedin’s Regent Booksale for $1.50. As one does. Vandrad the Viking (1898), by J. Storer Clouston, is an obscure book these days – I cannot find a proper online review – but soon it was sitting on my shelf, gathering dust alongside ...
    A Phuulish FellowBy strda221
    5 days ago
  • Gordon Campbell On The Biden Withdrawal

    History is not on the side of the centre-left, when Democratic presidents fall behind in the polls and choose not to run for re-election. On both previous occasions in the past 75 years (Harry Truman in 1952, Lyndon Johnson in 1968) the Democrats proceeded to then lose the White House ...
    WerewolfBy lyndon
    5 days ago
  • Joe Biden's withdrawal puts the spotlight back on Kamala and the USA's complicated relatio...

    This is a free articleCoverageThis morning, US President Joe Biden announced his withdrawal from the Presidential race. And that is genuinely newsworthy. Thanks for your service, President Biden, and all the best to you and yours.However, the media in New Zealand, particularly the 1News nightly bulletin, has been breathlessly covering ...
    Mountain TuiBy Mountain Tui
    5 days ago
  • Why we have to challenge our national fiscal assumptions

    A homeless person’s camp beside a blocked-off slipped damage walkway in Freeman’s Bay: we are chasing our tail on our worsening and inter-related housing, poverty and climate crises. Photo: Photo: Lynn Grieveson / The KākāTL;DR: The top six things I’ve noted around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    5 days ago
  • Existential Crisis and Damaged Brains

    What has happened to it all?Crazy, some'd sayWhere is the life that I recognise?(Gone away)But I won't cry for yesterdayThere's an ordinary worldSomehow I have to findAnd as I try to make my wayTo the ordinary worldYesterday morning began as many others - what to write about today? I began ...
    Nick’s KōreroBy Nick Rockel
    5 days ago
  • A speed limit is not a target, and yet…

    This is a guest post from longtime supporter Mr Plod, whose previous contributions include a proposal that Hamilton become New Zealand’s capital city, and that we should switch which side of the road we drive on. A recent Newsroom article, “Back to school for the Govt’s new speed limit policy“, ...
    Greater AucklandBy Guest Post
    5 days ago
  • The Kākā’s Pick 'n' Mix for Monday, July 22

    TL;DR: My pick of the top six links elsewhere around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day or so to 7:00 am on Monday, July 22 are:Today’s Must Read: Father and son live in a tent, and have done for four years, in a million ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    5 days ago
  • The Kākā’s Journal of Record for Monday, July 22

    TL;DR: As of 7:00 am on Monday, July 22, the top six announcements, speeches, reports and research around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day are:US President Joe Biden announced via X this morning he would not stand for a second term.Multinational professional services firm ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    5 days ago
  • 2024 SkS Weekly Climate Change & Global Warming News Roundup #29

    A listing of 32 news and opinion articles we found interesting and shared on social media during the past week: Sun, July 14, 2024 thru Sat, July 20, 2024. Story of the week As reflected by preponderance of coverage, our Story of the Week is Project 2025. Until now traveling ...
    Skeptical Science
    6 days ago
  • I'd like to share what I did this weekend

    This weekend, a friend pointed out someone who said they’d like to read my posts, but didn’t want to pay. And my first reaction was sympathy.I’ve already told folks that if they can’t comfortably subscribe, and would like to read, I’d be happy to offer free subscriptions. I don’t want ...
    Mountain TuiBy Mountain Tui
    6 days ago
  • For the children – Why mere sentiment can be a misleading force in our lives, and lead to unex...

    National: The Party of ‘Law and Order’ IntroductionThis weekend, the Government formally kicked off one of their flagship policy programs: a military style boot camp that New Zealand has experimented with over the past 50 years. Cartoon credit: Guy BodyIt’s very popular with the National Party’s Law and Order image, ...
    Mountain TuiBy Mountain Tui
    6 days ago
  • A friend in uncertain times

    Day one of the solo leg of my long journey home begins with my favourite sound: footfalls in an empty street. 5.00 am and it’s already light and already too warm, almost.If I can make the train that leaves Budapest later this hour I could be in Belgrade by nightfall; ...
    More Than A FeildingBy David Slack
    6 days ago
  • The Chaotic World of Male Diet Influencers

    Hi,We’ll get to the horrific world of male diet influencers (AKA Beefy Boys) shortly, but first you will be glad to know that since I sent out the Webworm explaining why the assassination attempt on Donald Trump was not a false flag operation, I’ve heard from a load of people ...
    David FarrierBy David Farrier
    6 days ago
  • It's Starting To Look A Lot Like… Y2K

    Do you remember Y2K, the threat that hung over humanity in the closing days of the twentieth century? Horror scenarios of planes falling from the sky, electronic payments failing and ATMs refusing to dispense cash. As for your VCR following instructions and recording your favourite show - forget about it.All ...
    Nick’s KōreroBy Nick Rockel
    1 week ago
  • Bernard’s Saturday Soliloquy for the week to July 20

    Climate Change Minister Simon Watts being questioned by The Kākā’s Bernard Hickey.TL;DR: My top six things to note around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the week to July 20 were:1. A strategy that fails Zero Carbon Act & Paris targetsThe National-ACT-NZ First Coalition Government finally unveiled ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    1 week ago
  • Pharmac Director, Climate Change Commissioner, Health NZ Directors – The latest to quit this m...

    Summary:As New Zealand loses at least 12 leaders in the public service space of health, climate, and pharmaceuticals, this month alone, directly in response to the Government’s policies and budget choices, what lies ahead may be darker than it appears. Tui examines some of those departures and draws a long ...
    Mountain TuiBy Mountain Tui
    1 week ago
  • Flooding Housing Policy

    The Minister of Housing’s ambition is to reduce markedly the ratio of house prices to household incomes. If his strategy works it would transform the housing market, dramatically changing the prospects of housing as an investment.Leaving aside the Minister’s metaphor of ‘flooding the market’ I do not see how the ...
    PunditBy Brian Easton
    1 week ago
  • A Voyage Among the Vandals: Accepted (Again!)

    As previously noted, my historical fantasy piece, set in the fifth-century Mediterranean, was accepted for a Pirate Horror anthology, only for the anthology to later fall through. But in a good bit of news, it turned out that the story could indeed be re-marketed as sword and sorcery. As of ...
    A Phuulish FellowBy strda221
    1 week ago
  • The Kākā's Chorus for Friday, July 19

    An employee of tobacco company Philip Morris International demonstrates a heated tobacco device. Photo: Getty ImagesTL;DR: The top six things I’ve noted around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy on Friday, July 19 are:At a time when the Coalition Government is cutting spending on health, infrastructure, education, housing ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    1 week ago
  • The Kākā’s Pick 'n' Mix for Friday, July 19

    TL;DR: My pick of the top six links elsewhere around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day or so to 8:30 am on Friday, July 19 are:Scoop: NZ First Minister Casey Costello orders 50% cut to excise tax on heated tobacco products. The minister has ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    1 week ago
  • Weekly Roundup 19-July-2024

    Kia ora, it’s time for another Friday roundup, in which we pull together some of the links and stories that caught our eye this week. Feel free to add more in the comments! Our header image this week shows a foggy day in Auckland town, captured by Patrick Reynolds. ...
    Greater AucklandBy Greater Auckland
    1 week ago
  • Weekly Climate Wrap: A market-led plan for failure

    TL;DR : Here’s the top six items climate news for Aotearoa this week, as selected by Bernard Hickey and The Kākā’s climate correspondent Cathrine Dyer. A discussion recorded yesterday is in the video above and the audio of that sent onto the podcast feed.The Government released its draft Emissions Reduction ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    1 week ago
  • Tobacco First

    Save some money, get rich and old, bring it back to Tobacco Road.Bring that dynamite and a crane, blow it up, start all over again.Roll up. Roll up. Or tailor made, if you prefer...Whether you’re selling ciggies, digging for gold, catching dolphins in your nets, or encouraging folks to flutter ...
    Nick’s KōreroBy Nick Rockel
    1 week ago
  • Trump’s Adopted Son.

    Waiting In The Wings: For truly, if Trump is America’s un-assassinated Caesar, then J.D. Vance is America’s Octavian, the Republic’s youthful undertaker – and its first Emperor.DONALD TRUMP’S SELECTION of James D. Vance as his running-mate bodes ill for the American republic. A fervent supporter of Viktor Orban, the “illiberal” prime ...
    Bowalley Road
    1 week ago
  • The Kākā’s Journal of Record for Friday, July 19

    TL;DR: As of 6:00 am on Friday, July 19, the top six announcements, speeches, reports and research around housing, climate and poverty in Aotearoa’s political economy in the last day are:The PSA announced the Employment Relations Authority (ERA) had ruled in the PSA’s favour in its case against the Ministry ...
    The KakaBy Bernard Hickey
    1 week ago

  • Joint statement from the Prime Ministers of Canada, Australia and New Zealand

    Australia, Canada and New Zealand today issued the following statement on the need for an urgent ceasefire in Gaza and the risk of expanded conflict between Hizballah and Israel. The situation in Gaza is catastrophic. The human suffering is unacceptable. It cannot continue.  We remain unequivocal in our condemnation of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    19 hours ago
  • AG reminds institutions of legal obligations

    Attorney-General Judith Collins today reminded all State and faith-based institutions of their legal obligation to preserve records relevant to the safety and wellbeing of those in its care. “The Abuse in Care Inquiry’s report has found cases where records of the most vulnerable people in State and faith‑based institutions were ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    21 hours ago
  • More young people learning about digital safety

    Minister of Internal Affairs Brooke van Velden says the Government’s online safety website for children and young people has reached one million page views.  “It is great to see so many young people and their families accessing the site Keep It Real Online to learn how to stay safe online, and manage ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    22 hours ago
  • Speech to the Conference for General Practice 2024

    Tēnā tātou katoa,  Ngā mihi te rangi, ngā mihi te whenua, ngā mihi ki a koutou, kia ora mai koutou. Thank you for the opportunity to be here and the invitation to speak at this 50th anniversary conference. I acknowledge all those who have gone before us and paved the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    24 hours ago
  • Employers and payroll providers ready for tax changes

    New Zealand’s payroll providers have successfully prepared to ensure 3.5 million individuals will, from Wednesday next week, be able to keep more of what they earn each pay, says Finance Minister Nicola Willis and Revenue Minister Simon Watts.  “The Government's tax policy changes are legally effective from Wednesday. Delivering this tax ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Experimental vineyard futureproofs wine industry

    An experimental vineyard which will help futureproof the wine sector has been opened in Blenheim by Associate Regional Development Minister Mark Patterson. The covered vineyard, based at the New Zealand Wine Centre – Te Pokapū Wāina o Aotearoa, enables controlled environmental conditions. “The research that will be produced at the Experimental ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Funding confirmed for regions affected by North Island Weather Events

    The Coalition Government has confirmed the indicative regional breakdown of North Island Weather Event (NIWE) funding for state highway recovery projects funded through Budget 2024, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “Regions in the North Island suffered extensive and devastating damage from Cyclone Gabrielle and the 2023 Auckland Anniversary Floods, and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Indonesian Foreign Minister to visit

    Indonesia’s Foreign Minister, Retno Marsudi, will visit New Zealand next week, Foreign Minister Winston Peters has announced.   “Indonesia is important to New Zealand’s security and economic interests and is our closest South East Asian neighbour,” says Mr Peters, who is currently in Laos to engage with South East Asian partners. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Strengthening partnership with Ngāti Maniapoto

    He aha te kai a te rangatira? He kōrero, he kōrero, he kōrero. The government has reaffirmed its commitment to supporting the aspirations of Ngāti Maniapoto, Minister for Māori Development Tama Potaka says. “My thanks to Te Nehenehenui Trust – Ngāti Maniapoto for bringing their important kōrero to a ministerial ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Transport Minister thanks outgoing CAA Chair

    Transport Minister Simeon Brown has thanked outgoing Chair of the Civil Aviation Authority, Janice Fredric, for her service to the board.“I have received Ms Fredric’s resignation from the role of Chair of the Civil Aviation Authority,” Mr Brown says.“On behalf of the Government, I want to thank Ms Fredric for ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Test for Customary Marine Title being restored

    The Government is proposing legislation to overturn a Court of Appeal decision and amend the Marine and Coastal Area Act in order to restore Parliament’s test for Customary Marine Title, Treaty Negotiations Minister Paul Goldsmith says.  “Section 58 required an applicant group to prove they have exclusively used and occupied ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Opposition united in bad faith over ECE sector review

    Regulation Minister David Seymour says that opposition parties have united in bad faith, opposing what they claim are ‘dangerous changes’ to the Early Childhood Education sector, despite no changes even being proposed yet.  “Issues with affordability and availability of early childhood education, and the complexity of its regulation, has led ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Kiwis having their say on first regulatory review

    After receiving more than 740 submissions in the first 20 days, Regulation Minister David Seymour is asking the Ministry for Regulation to extend engagement on the early childhood education regulation review by an extra two weeks.  “The level of interest has been very high, and from the conversations I’ve been ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Government upgrading Lower North Island commuter rail

    The Coalition Government is investing $802.9 million into the Wairarapa and Manawatū rail lines as part of a funding agreement with the NZ Transport Agency (NZTA), KiwiRail, and the Greater Wellington and Horizons Regional Councils to deliver more reliable services for commuters in the lower North Island, Transport Minister Simeon ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Government moves to ensure flood protection for Wairoa

    Local Government Minister Simeon Brown has announced his intention to appoint a Crown Manager to both Hawke’s Bay Regional and Wairoa District Councils to speed up the delivery of flood protection work in Wairoa."Recent severe weather events in Wairoa this year, combined with damage from Cyclone Gabrielle in 2023 have ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • PM speech to Parliament – Royal Commission of Inquiry’s Report into Abuse in Care

    Mr Speaker, this is a day that many New Zealanders who were abused in State care never thought would come. It’s the day that this Parliament accepts, with deep sorrow and regret, the Report of the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Abuse in Care.  At the heart of this report are the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Government acknowledges torture at Lake Alice

    For the first time, the Government is formally acknowledging some children and young people at Lake Alice Psychiatric Hospital experienced torture. The final report of the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Abuse in State and Faith-based Care “Whanaketia – through pain and trauma, from darkness to light,” was tabled in Parliament ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Government acknowledges courageous abuse survivors

    The Government has acknowledged the nearly 2,400 courageous survivors who shared their experiences during the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Historical Abuse in State and Faith-Based Care. The final report from the largest and most complex public inquiry ever held in New Zealand, the Royal Commission Inquiry “Whanaketia – through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Half a million people use tax calculator

    With a week to go before hard-working New Zealanders see personal income tax relief for the first time in fourteen years, 513,000 people have used the Budget tax calculator to see how much they will benefit, says Finance Minister Nicola Willis.  “Tax relief is long overdue. From next Wednesday, personal income ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Paid Parental Leave improvements pass first reading

    Workplace Relations and Safety Minister Brooke van Velden says a bill that has passed its first reading will improve parental leave settings and give non-biological parents more flexibility as primary carer for their child. The Regulatory Systems Amendment Bill (No3), passed its first reading this morning. “It includes a change ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Rebuilding the economy through better regulation

    Two Bills designed to improve regulation and make it easier to do business have passed their first reading in Parliament, says Economic Development Minister Melissa Lee. The Regulatory Systems (Economic Development) Amendment Bill and Regulatory Systems (Immigration and Workforce) Amendment Bill make key changes to legislation administered by the Ministry ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • ‘Open banking’ and ‘open electricity’ on the way

    New legislation paves the way for greater competition in sectors such as banking and electricity, Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Andrew Bayly says. “Competitive markets boost productivity, create employment opportunities and lift living standards. To support competition, we need good quality regulation but, unfortunately, a recent OECD report ranked New ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Charity lotteries to be permitted to operate online

    Minister of Internal Affairs Brooke van Velden says lotteries for charitable purposes, such as those run by the Heart Foundation, Coastguard NZ, and local hospices, will soon be allowed to operate online permanently. “Under current laws, these fundraising lotteries are only allowed to operate online until October 2024, after which ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Accelerating Northland Expressway

    The Coalition Government is accelerating work on the new four-lane expressway between Auckland and Whangārei as part of its Roads of National Significance programme, with an accelerated delivery model to deliver this project faster and more efficiently, Transport Minister Simeon Brown says. “For too long, the lack of resilient transport connections ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Sir Don to travel to Viet Nam as special envoy

    Sir Don McKinnon will travel to Viet Nam this week as a Special Envoy of the Government, Foreign Minister Winston Peters has announced.    “It is important that the Government give due recognition to the significant contributions that General Secretary Nguyen Phu Trong made to New Zealand-Viet Nam relations,” Mr ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Grant Illingworth KC appointed as transitional Commissioner to Royal Commission

    Minister of Internal Affairs Brooke van Velden says newly appointed Commissioner, Grant Illingworth KC, will help deliver the report for the first phase of the Royal Commission of Inquiry into COVID-19 Lessons, due on 28 November 2024.  “I am pleased to announce that Mr Illingworth will commence his appointment as ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • NZ to advance relationships with ASEAN partners

    Foreign Minister Winston Peters travels to Laos this week to participate in a series of Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN)-led Ministerial meetings in Vientiane.    “ASEAN plays an important role in supporting a peaceful, stable and prosperous Indo-Pacific,” Mr Peters says.   “This will be our third visit to ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Backing mental health services on the West Coast

    Construction of a new mental health facility at Te Nikau Grey Hospital in Greymouth is today one step closer, Mental Health Minister Matt Doocey says. “This $27 million facility shows this Government is delivering on its promise to boost mental health care and improve front line services,” Mr Doocey says. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • NZ support for sustainable Pacific fisheries

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