web analytics

Caption competition

Written By: - Date published: 12:00 pm, April 11th, 2015 - 86 comments
Categories: caption contest, humour, The Standard - Tags:

Mark Weedon John Key

86 comments on “Caption competition ”

  1. NZJester 1

    In a thought bubble above his head. (boy I’m nervous. I fell like the devil is behind me and breathing down my neck)

  2. mickysavage 2

    Luke I am your father …

  3. ropata 3

    TV3’s new soap: “Working For Satan”

    (stolen from https://twitter.com/Megapope/status/586696892278374400 )

    • weka 3.1

      Heh, was just about to suggest a competition on what Julie Christie’s new soap will be.

    • seeker 3.2

      “The Screwyou tape Letters” mini series for tv 3 (with apologies to C.S.Lewis).

  4. pohutukawakid 4

    The organ grinder and the monkey!
    Which is which?

  5. happynz 5

    What’s it with middle-aged slightly balding Kiwi blokes and the tousled hair look? Whaddya reckon he spent over $200 for that haircut?

  6. swordfish 6

    Weldon: “Mr Key usually has his hand up my arse as a precaution. But tonight he says he’s feeling confident enough to let me go solo.”

  7. Stickler 7

    When I said I’d watch his back, I didn’t mention I was looking for a place to stick the knife….

  8. Incognito 8

    John Key Mark I and Mark too.

  9. Clemgeopin 9

    “Quality doesn’t matter. It is all about the quantity. The bum does look big in there!”

  10. tracey 10

    “I want to run my hands through his gently wavy hair, while we swim in a pool of cash.”

  11. Penny Bright 11

    Look!

    A ‘no hands’ sock puppet!

    Penny Bright

    • burt 11.1

      If this guy lived in his own freehold house, paid no taxes and no rates while telling other wealthy people they should pay more tax – would he be a hero to you for acting just like you do ?

      • Tracey 11.1.1

        how much tax do you reckon Weldon pays?

        • burt 11.1.1.1

          Tracey

          If he has a freehold house in Auckland then he’d be wealthy by anyone’s measure. If he was wealthy and banging on that wealthy people should pay more tax while paying none himself then I’d call him a fraud – like I do with Penny ( I’m a hard core left who is wealthy and pay no tax ) Bright.

          • felix 11.1.1.1.1

            How do you know how much tax Penny pays?

            • burt 11.1.1.1.1.1

              She stated it when pressed in a blog post on kiwiblog. She actually went as far as mocking me saying I was jealous she had a freehold property while I was renting. She’s a class act lefty that one.

              • felix

                Stated what?

                • burt

                  Find out for yourself try this search in google;

                  ‘burt penny jealous freehold house site:www.kiwiblog.co.nz’

                  Vary them to include/exclude; tax, rates, government funded services, multi national banks, google, fraud of a lefty, freehold, occupy

                  and see what you can find.

                  Otherwise – ask her. On other blogs she’s readily admitted paying no tax and refusing to pay her rates. Perhaps on this blog Penny like to keep up her charade that she is a lefty rather than a wealthy individual contributing nothing while demanding others don’t act like she does.

                  • felix

                    Sorry burt, I thought you said you knew how much tax she paid. Now you want me to figure it out for you?

                    How much tax is she supposed to be paying anyway? And how would you know?

                    • burt

                      There is no point in me telling you – you’re going to ignore my information anyway. I’ve said she pays no tax, she’s got every right to argue that – I don’t see her denying it on this blog.

                      But just for you I’ll ask her every time I see her post on this blog and lets see if she can confirm or deny it for you. Best I can do given you’re so selective in what you believe that you aren’t even prepared to acknowledge your preferred political ideology has ended in tears every time its been tried in NZ for the last 50+ years.

                    • felix

                      I’m having trouble following that.

                      Are you saying you do know how much tax she’s supposed to be paying?

                      Or you don’t?

                    • burt

                      Sorry burt, I thought you said you knew how much tax she paid. Now you want me to figure it out for you?

                      You’re making shit up as you go now felix.

                      I said she pays no tax – you asked how I know. I told you. You didn’t want to listen and now you think I’m asking you to figure it out when I told you you could verify it with her yourself.

                      I picking you don’t care if she pays no tax and owns a freehold property because she supports the same failed ideology as you and the fact she behaves like a hard core capitalist is OK with you.

                    • felix

                      Yeah, I know you said she pays no tax.

                      I’ve been asking how you know how much tax she’s supposed to be paying.

                      Also I have no problem with people owning houses freehold and I can’t imagine why you would either.

                    • ropata

                      In burt-world, you can’t have assets and vote Left.
                      He seems to think that a dog-eat-dog society is the only option.
                      TINA

              • ropata

                burt,
                If you’re renting then a vote for National is a vote for worse housing affordability and worse rental conditions. Have you been following any news in the last 6 years or have you taken a few too many #teamkey enemas?

                Housing:

                National’s social housing policy in action

                Dollar Parity

                And here’s more on National’s priorities:

                $400 MILLION TO FEED NZ COWS "yes' …..$100 MILLION TO FEED NZ KIDS 'no" #TEAMKEY— André Hock (@transparency_a1) March 18, 2015

                #NotNational #Northland #DirtyPolitics #TeamKey pic.twitter.com/Tz2nLcHZsJ— Paul Le Comte (@five15design) March 19, 2015

                $1.5 billion to refit navy with new torpedoes and upgrading ammunition for their guns…… hungry Kids get a raincoat and an apple #teamkey— André Hock (@transparency_a1) March 18, 2015

          • weka 11.1.1.1.2

            “If he has a freehold house in Auckland then he’d be wealthy by anyone’s measure.”

            I have relatives in Auckland who have freehold houses. They’re middle class and no more wealthy than relatives who live elsewhere in NZ. They’re just old and bought and paid off their mortgage in a time when that was normal in that area. Please be careful about how you attach judgements.

  12. Penny Bright 12

    Mark – my words ….

    Penny Bright

  13. JanM 13

    If you’re not going to be nice to my little friend you can just go away, so there!

  14. ruup 14

    ‘…..and you can’t even see my lips moving….”

  15. emergency mike 15

    “I for one welcome our new NACToid overlords.”

  16. Only one thing missing in that photo.

    The door sign, Tosser Club In. Members Only.

  17. burt 17

    So those who want this leftard clap trap show and are prepared to put your own money behind it raise your hands ? anyone ? Anyone at all ?

    • ropata 17.1

      i dunno, do you think journalists should question the State or should they just be part of its PR machine?

      when will you stop licking keys butt burt?

      • burt 17.1.1

        Of course they should question the state. But I think you are confused. TV3 isn’t a state run monopoly where dear leader calls the shots. It’s a business and Campbell’s ratings are shit. See in your ideal lefty ( guaranteed to fail ideology ) there is no notion of questioning the state – lucky we don’t have your preferred political system fully implemented eh.

        • ropata 17.1.1.1

          Campbell isn’t “left” you fool, and my preferred political system is one that is accountable and honest, not a pack of capitalist bankster cronies selling off the future of NZ. Do you have a moral compass or is that for sale like everything else in the Nactoid universe?

          • burt 17.1.1.1.1

            Campbell isn’t “left” you fool…

            We’re not in Guatemala now ropata…

            … and my preferred political system is one that is accountable and honest, not a pack of capitalist bankster union cronies selling ripping off the future of NZ. workers to fund highly paid politicians.

            Are we having fun doing talking points yet ?

            But seriously – if Campbell isn’t the sweat heart of the left – why are only left wing blogs crying over his potential axing ?

            I guess it could be nothing to do with his political view other than he appears to join her majesties loyal (unthinking) opposition being against the nasty evil baby eating John Key.

            • ropata 17.1.1.1.1.1

              Your last sentence is surprisingly showing a glimmer of understanding.
              Campbell is one of the few TV journos not tarred by the Dirty Politics scandal.
              It’s not a left-vs-right thing, it’s about ethical journalism and reporting things that matter to Kiwis not the latest Beehive spin.

              I wouldn’t trust any journalist who just nods and goes along with whatever lines are spun from leaders like Bliar, Bush, or John P Key.

              As for why the right wing outlets aren’t complaining, you work it out.

            • North 17.1.1.1.1.2

              So succinct in your last paragraph Burt. Succinct most times means the guts of the matter. Thanks….

        • felix 17.1.1.2

          “See in your ideal lefty corporate ( guaranteed to fail already failing almost everybody ideology ) there is no notion of questioning the state gods of the market – lucky we don’t quite have your preferred political system fully implemented just yet eh.”

          Oh this is fun. retrospectively 😀 editing burt’s brainfarts.

        • North 17.1.1.3

          But of course Burt’s definition of that wonderful democratic institution the right “to question” is to go no further than this – once every two years slightly raise one eyebrow. And with the heel of a hand smash it back into line so no one will notice and report the ghastliness of it to The GodKey’s Top Drawer.

          ‘Cept sorry Burt…….the story is that nowadays no one’s reporting back. Anyone who might is too busy assessing his/her political odds in these days of impending George III. No shortage of cocktail party grimaces however, as per usual. Look for more fuck-ups. Not that the Theist Being and the inner–cabal would listen if they were told. It’s called third-termitis.

          There’s only sadness in this for you Burt. Macrame, as a suggestion…….?

  18. Clemgeopin 18

    “My work is almost done! I have destroyed state assets, destroyed privacy, destroyed state education, destroyed adult community education night classes, destroyed railways, destroyed ethics in government, destroyed truth and honesty, destroyed surplus, destroyed MMP and I have destroyed democracy among other things. I have one more thing to do before I bugger off to USA, Mark. I need you to help me here : Destroy that courageous caring journalist, the thorn on our side, that ‘little creep!”

  19. mary_a 19

    “Spin that bullshit boy and spin it good. Ya hear? “Ya ol’ pappy John is a watchin’ ya boy.”

  20. Kevin 20

    What’s the prize?

  21. mac1 21

    “Bling it on!” How to sit modestly whilst still showing off the matching gold cufflinks and watch.

  22. Ffloyd 22

    Another spineless sycophant under my spell. God they’re so easy. G’wan my son, make me proud. Don’t like you but you’re useful.

  23. Treetop 23

    Freedom of speech is not alive and well on Campbell Live.

    Campbell knows what poverty is, Key does not.

    The competition avoids the real John Key.

  24. Clemgeopin 24

    “You are a numbers man, John. What is the ‘number’ for Winston Peters to win the Northland buy election, John?”

    “Ah, that is easy! Zero! “

  25. joe90 25

    It’s the Chuck and Dave show.

  26. Trainman 26

    Hey Mark I didn’t like being called to account by Campbell so now sort it

  27. Anne 27

    People have been talking about current affairs lately. I want to categorically deny that I am having a current affair. Indeed I have not had one since I married.

  28. bernard 28

    I`ve got your back,Mark

  29. Michael 29

    They do make a lovely couple.

  30. Skinny 30

    Us rats must stick together too much anti MSM poison being sprayed. Did Campbell drink the 1080 cocktail we served him?

  31. Weepus beard 31

    That hair, Mark. Is it Regaine, or Advanced Hair?

  32. weldon – this is my sincere telling the truth face
    key – mine too

  33. “Ladies and gentlemen, I am just gonna state the obvious: we have a doppelgänger in our midst.”

  34. Incognito 34

    Dudes, I’m so ripped right now that I have a 6-pack on my forehead and John can’t see it!

  35. Rob 35

    The unsmiling assassin

  36. Incognito 36

    Let’s be clear, the Jono and Ben show is not a euphemism for John Key and Paula Bennett on the campaign trail in Northland.

  37. peterh 37

    I will be watching you, look after Paul, and try and get Mike on board

  38. Stuart Munro 38

    “My name is Mark, and I’ve been sober for about fifteen minutes…”

  39. ropata 39

    “And for my next trick, I am going to fart in your general direction!”

  40. cogito 40

    NEW FROM TV3:
    “The Two Piranhas”, NZ’s new **REAL** reality show, where the Two Piranhas unleash chaos and mayhem in the newsroom as they aim for total media control.

  41. b waghorn 41

    I’m so proud of my mini me right now I could just hug him to bits.
    ( thinks key)

  42. rod 42

    Some people may say that TV3’s News and Current Affairs will be fully controlled by the National Government and it’s lackey’s and puppets. I couldn’t possibly comment,

  43. North 43

    “Yeah well Wegewege called from Florida – near Cuba. Said John needed a hand so I came straight down. Oh he’s OK, don’t worry about it. He’s Just sulking. Winston called him a 13,000 vote epic-fail-fuckwit and it’s taking time……you know,…..expunge the facts.”

    “Anyway, let me introduce the Prime Minster Mr ShonKey Python…….fresh from Melbourne – near Northland.”

  44. Atiawa 44

    I’m the ‘block, he’s the butcher.

  45. Chrys Berryman 45

    “oh shit I don’t have a pulse,Mark help me here,I don’t have a pulse!!!….shit if I hav’nt got a pulse it means I don’t have a heart!!!!,god Mark this means I’m a heartless neo lib like you……

  46. cogito 46

    Weldon: “never mind the truth, count the money”

  47. freedom 47

    “I don’t even have a phone”

  48. Ecosse_Maidy 48

    Thank you I am honoured to have finished second in Bastard of The Year competition…

    Yet I can now reveal the winner is………………

  49. Ecosse_Maidy 49

    CEO Keys, What a fooking rank amateur,,,,,
    Just look at him, he ain’t no professional,,,,,
    ,Hes lying without the use of a auto cue….

    How damn demeaning to our profession!!!!

  50. Ecosse_Maidy 50

    Okdokey,,,,The Replacement for Jeremy Fartson is…..

  51. Ecosse_Maidy 51

    Keys thinking………………………….Hell calls himself a member of the conservative elite……There is no way that suit is anywhere near an Armani…….what cheap shit

  52. Ecosse_Maidy 52

    Thank you all for your good wishes,,,,,now John and I are going to enjoy our civil partnership, at your expense with a 2 week golfing honeymoon in Hawaii…

  53. Ecosse_Maidy 53

    Dunce Keys,,, ermm what that sign on his back,,,Kick Em? Ermmmm what is that? oh well it means nothing, i will do my usual nothing

  54. Ecosse_Maidy 54

    Clash Of The “Tie”tans……Yellow Or Blue,,Your Choice or A Referendum

  55. Ecosse_Maidy 55

    CEO Keys, Ha Talk all you like, I pull your strings, you upstart….!

    Ghostly Banker/Business/Elite, Figue Behind Genrillismo Keys,,,,

    Ha!!! Look Smug all you like, we pull your strings Keys…!

  56. Ecosse_Maidy 56

    Lynton Diahorrea Stains Crosby,,, makes rare public appearance behind Keys

Links to post

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • NZ announces a third P-3 deployment in support of UN sanctions
    The Government has deployed a Royal New Zealand Air Force P-3K2 Orion (P-3) maritime patrol aircraft to support the implementation of United Nations Security Council (UNSC) resolutions imposing sanctions against North Korea, announced Minister of Foreign Affairs Winston Peters and Minister of Defence Ron Mark. “New Zealand has long supported ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Pacific trade and development agreement a reality
    Pacific regional trade and development agreement PACER Plus will enter into force in 60 days now that the required eight countries have ratified it. Trade and Export Growth Minister David Parker welcomed the announcement that the Cook Islands is the eighth nation to ratify this landmark agreement. “The agreement represents ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Securing a pipeline of teachers
    The Government is changing its approach to teacher recruitment as COVID-19 travel restrictions continue, by boosting a range of initiatives to get more Kiwis into teaching. “When we came into Government, we were faced with a teacher supply crisis,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “Over the past three years, we ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Border exceptions for a small number of international students with visas
    The Government has established a new category that will allow 250 international PhD and postgraduate students to enter New Zealand and continue their studies, in the latest set of border exceptions. “The health, safety and wellbeing of people in New Zealand remains the Government’s top priority. Tight border restrictions remain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • First COVID-19 vaccine purchase agreement signed
    The Government has signed an agreement to purchase 1.5 million COVID-19 vaccines – enough for 750,000 people – from Pfizer and BioNTech, subject to the vaccine successfully completing all clinical trials and passing regulatory approvals in New Zealand, say Research, Science and Innovation Minister Megan Woods and Health Minister Chris Hipkins. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • International statement – End-to-end encryption and public safety
    We, the undersigned, support strong encryption, which plays a crucial role in protecting personal data, privacy, intellectual property, trade secrets and cyber security.  It also serves a vital purpose in repressive states to protect journalists, human rights defenders and other vulnerable people, as stated in the 2017 resolution of the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Ministry of Defence Biodefence Assessment released
    The Ministry of Defence has today released a Defence Assessment examining Defence’s role across the spectrum of biological hazards and threats facing New Zealand. Biodefence: Preparing for a New Era of Biological Hazards and Threats looks at how the NZDF supports other agencies’ biodefence activities, and considers the context of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020
    New Approaches to Economic Challenges: Confronting Planetary Emergencies: OECD 9 October 2020 Hon David Parker’s response following Thomas Piketty and Esther Duflo. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, wherever in the world you might be. I first acknowledge the excellent thought provoking speeches of Thomas Piketty and Esther ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Kaipara Moana restoration takes next step
    A Memorandum of Understanding has been signed today at Waihāua Marae between the Crown, local iwi and councils to protect, restore and enhance the mauri of Kaipara Moana in Northland. Environment Minister David Parker signed the document on behalf of the Crown along with representatives from Ngā Maunga Whakahī, Ngāti ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand and Uruguay unite on reducing livestock production emissions
    Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor and Uruguayan Minister of Livestock, Agriculture and Fisheries Carlos María Uriarte have welcomed the launch of a three-year project that will underpin sustainable livestock production in Uruguay, Argentina, and Costa Rica.  The project called ‘Innovation for pasture management’ is led by Uruguay’s National Institute of Agricultural ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • 3100 jobs created through marae upgrades
    Hundreds of marae throughout the country will be upgraded through investments from the Provincial Growth Fund’s refocused post COVID-19 funding to create jobs and put money into the pockets of local tradespeople and businesses, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta have announced. “A total ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Health volunteers recognised in annual awards
    Health Minister Chris Hipkins has announced 9 teams and 14 individuals are the recipients of this year’s Minister of Health Volunteer Awards.  “The health volunteer awards celebrate and recognise the thousands of dedicated health sector volunteers who give many hours of their time to help other New Zealanders,” Mr Hipkins ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community COVID-19 Fund supports Pacific recovery
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says a total of 264 groups and individuals have successfully applied for the Pacific Aotearoa Community COVID-19 Recovery Fund, that will support Pacific communities drive their own COVID-19 recovery strategies, initiatives, and actions. “I am keen to see this Fund support Pacific ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Community benefits from Māori apprenticeships
    Up to 50 Māori apprentices in Wellington will receive paid training to build houses for their local communities, thanks to a $2.75 million investment from the Māori Trades and Training Fund, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Ngāti Toa Rangatira Incorporated to provide its Ngā Kaimahi ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Training fund supports Māori jobseekers
    Rapidly growing sectors will benefit from a $990,000 Māori Trades and Training Fund investment which will see Wellington jobseekers supported into work, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “This funding will enable Sapphire Consultants Ltd. to help up to 45 Māori jobseekers into paid training initiatives over two years through ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ruakura Inland Port development vital infrastructure for Waikato
    The Government is investing $40 million to develop an inland port at Ruakura which will become a freight super-hub and a future business, research and residential development for the Waikato, Urban Development and Transport Minister Phil Twyford, and Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta announced today. The funding has been has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Appointments made to Defence Expert Review Group
    Defence Minister Ron Mark announced today the establishment of an Expert Review Group to review a number of aspects of the New Zealand Defence Force’s (NZDF) structure, information management and record-keeping processes.  The Expert Review Group’s work arises out of the first recommendation from the Report of the Government’s Inquiry ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • No active community cases of COVID-19
    There are no active community cases of COVID-19 remaining in the country after the last people from the recent outbreak have recovered from the virus, Health Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “This is a big milestone. New Zealanders have once again through their collective actions squashed the virus. The systems ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Clean energy upgrade for more public buildings
    More public buildings will be supported by the Government to upgrade to run on clean energy, the Minister for Climate Change James Shaw announced today. Minister Shaw announced that Lincoln and Auckland universities will receive support through the Clean-Powered Public Service Fund to replace fossil fuel boilers. Southern, Taranaki, and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Schools back donations scheme for the second year
    More schools have opted in to the donations scheme for 2021, compared to 2020 when the scheme was introduced. “The families of more than 447,000 students will be better off next year, with 94% of eligible schools and kura opting into the scheme,” Education Minister Chris Hipkins said. “This is ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Ruapehu cycle trails gets PGF boost
    The spectacular Mountains to Sea cycle trail in Ruapehu District will receive $4.6 million in funding from the Provincial Growth Fund for two additional trails, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones announced today. “This is an exciting development for the local community, and one that will provide significant economic opportunities ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Update to air border order strengthens crew requirements
    Additional measures coming into effect on Monday will boost our defence against COVID-19 entering New Zealand through the air border, Health Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “As part of our precautionary approach and strategy of constant review, we’re tightening the requirements around international aircrew,” Chris Hipkins said. The COVID-19 Public ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • A true picture of Māori business activity
    A better picture of the contribution Māori businesses make to the economy will be possible with changes to the way information is collected about companies and trading enterprises. Māori Development Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Small Business Minister Stuart Nash have announced a new option for Māori enterprises who are part ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • PGF funding for Taranaki projects
    The South Taranaki museum, a New Plymouth distillery and a Pasifika building firm will benefit from a Government investment totalling more than $1 million, Regional Economic Development Minister Shane Jones says. The $1.05m in grants and loans from the Provincial Growth Fund (PGF) will help the recipients expand and create ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Fijian Language Week 2020 inspires courage and strength during COVID-19 pandemic
    The Minister for Pacific Peoples, Aupito William Sio says the theme for the 2020 Fijian Language Week reflects the strong belief by Fijians that their language and culture inspires courage and strength that is strongly needed in times of emergencies, or through a significant challenge like the global COVID-19 pandemic ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Trades training builds on iwi aspirations
    An investment of $2.025 million from the Māori Trades and Training Fund will support Māori to learn new skills while making a positive difference for their communities, announced Employment Minister Willie Jackson today. “K3 Development Limited Partnership will receive $2,025,000 for its Takitimu Tuanui apprenticeship programme, which will support the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago