Caption competition (animated!)

Written By: - Date published: 4:01 pm, March 9th, 2015 - 115 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags: ,

Here, with thanks to Twitter – is our first ever animation for a caption competition!

https://twitter.com/sexnap/status/574435557536702464

115 comments on “Caption competition (animated!)”

  1. Hayden 1

    Knock knock

    Who’s there?

    Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock…

    John, let someone else do it.

  2. lprent 2

    Can’t nail that.

    Who’d trust anything from this builder?

  3. philj 3

    Hmmm … nail it or screw it? We’re ffff’d either way. Hmmmm. … I’ve an idea … Bridges! Bridges! Simply brulliant!

  4. bloody useless hammer

  5. les 5

    imagine this is the final nail…in Winstons…coffin!

  6. r0b 6

    Same way we hit all our targets.

  7. r0b 7

    Am I holding the right end?

  8. McFlock 8

    A nice photo-op of me nailing up a placard? Sure. If plebs can do it, how hard can it be?

    Not quite walking the plank, but another nail in the coffin of this government.

  9. wonderpup 9

    The thing about having a B. Com., is that I can manage someone who can actually do things, rather than having to know how to do them myself.

  10. McFlock 10

    Lots of noise, no results. Just how Crosby Textor tell me to run the government.

  11. Clemgeopin 11

    Dear John, you may try to stupidly nail Winston and Andrew, but that is all in vain, because you can’t keep two good strong men down.

    P.S :
    Don’t forget to revisit that hoarding on the eve of march 28 to remove your nails, including the bent ones, to use in further bi-elections during this term!

  12. McFlock 12

    In all seriousness, how did he manage to get the nail in the wood in the first place – was it already nailed in there for him to flail his hammer at it like a wet towel?

  13. I don’t like this hammer can you get me another.

  14. One Anonymous Bloke 14

    Move over, Winston’s brought a nail gun.

  15. Adrian 15

    ” What is this funny looking thing, and what’s that thing in the wood stuff….what ? hit it, this isn’t a proper job…there’s no desk of screens or phone”

  16. r0b 16

    Just pretend its a beneficiary and bash it!

  17. Fee 17

    Every time you see me that Hammer’s just so hype
    I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic
    Now why would I ever stop doing this
    With others makin’ records that just don’t hit
    I toured around the world from London to the bank
    It’s Hammer go Hammer
    It’s a Hammer yo Hammer and the rest go and play

  18. What I’d like to see a politician singing when wielding a hammer:
    If I had a hammer,
    I’d hammer in the morning
    I’d hammer in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d hammer out danger,
    I’d hammer out a warning,
    I’d hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    If I had a bell,
    I’d ring it in the morning,
    I’d ring it in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d ring out danger,
    I’d ring out a warning
    I’d ring out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    If I had a song,
    I’d sing it in the morning,
    I’d sing it in the evening,
    All over this land.

    I’d sing out danger,
    I’d sing out a warning
    I’d sing out love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    Well I got a hammer,
    And I got a bell,
    And I got a song to sing, all over this land.

    It’s the hammer of Justice,
    It’s the bell of Freedom,
    It’s the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land.

    It’s the hammer of Justice,
    It’s the bell of Freedom,
    It’s the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
    All over this land

    Youtube:Pete Seeger (Live 1956)

    • tricledrown 18.1

      Keys Keynsian vote buying.
      Keys Hammer ways are as bad as his
      Cyckle ways.

  19. felix 19

    You know that guy who promised to build us ten bridges? We haven’t signed anything yet, have we?

  20. Mike Smith 20

    Hits the nail on the head!

  21. vto 21

    That is the most useless effort I have seen with a hammer for a very long time. Looks like he’s never used one.

    podgy
    no muscles
    cant swing a hammer
    can only clip the ticket on money trading….

    I give you folks …………. the most useless man in the world!

  22. Paul Campbell 22

    Um, John, the placard we’re nailing on is up here

  23. With respect to Tony Orlando and Knock Three Times: (Sorry I don’t have the expertise to add a soundtrack, you’ll have to sing it yourself)

    Hey John, what ya doin’ down there?

    Bangin’ a nail all alone

    While we live right around you

    You can hear the votes a going
    We can hear the bribes a coming
    What will the next be
    We’re mates now you need us now you’re in poo

    Oh, my PM, knock three times

    On the nails if you want me

    You have the hype,

    Now you want my vote

    Oh, such crawling
    
After forgetting us always
    
So, tricks of that type

    Means you ain’t got a show.

  24. Chrys Berryman 24

    ………….If I was a money trader…and a little bit shady
    would you vote for me anyway…would you catch my corporate rabies
    apologies J.Cash and all carpenters

  25. felix 25

    “Ordinary kiwi bloke seeking work in the building industry. No 90 day trials please. Not much experience but have a cabinet full of tools.”

  26. Hayden 26

    If only there were someone in Cabinet who could teach turds how to swing a hammer.

  27. Sable 27

    The only real work I’ve done in the last six years…..

  28. Pasupial 28

    Key responds to criticism of his unhandiwork:

    “A builder may say that that’s not how you do the job – but that’s just one view, and like lawyers, I can provide you with another one that will give you a counterview.”

  29. joe90 29

    Dear leader hammers home his message…

  30. Sans Cle 30

    “Osborne!…..Get over here quick!……I understand you know how to get your nails done”

    • veutoviper 30.1

      LOL – but seriously, when I first saw Key’s attempts last night on TV3 News (I think) Osbourne was shown as coming in behind Key and nailing the (nail) in one almighty swing! So perhaps he has his uses/skills ……

      • veutoviper 30.1.1

        Yes – Osbourne does know how to swing a hammer, but still took him a few swings …. Just a couple of seconds in on this TV3 News video

        http://www.3news.co.nz/nznews/national-pulls-out-team-key-in-northland-2015030717?ref=video

        • Clemgeopin 30.1.1.1

          I found the equally funny part in that video was at about 1:40 when papa Key assures the nervous little Osborne telling him, ” Come here, you will be totally fine”! Nice daddy! That alone should secure Osborne a few sympathy votes out of pity.

          • veutoviper 30.1.1.1.1

            I had forgotten about that! Laughed when I saw it last night but only replayed the video tonight long enough to find Osborne doing a reasonably competent job nailing.

            I am too tired now, but I am now trying to recall whether this TV3 News video is also the one showing Osborne acting as a photographer for Key, taking photos of Key with admiring sychophants ….. rather than being the centre of attention as the Nat candidate.

            I actually feel a miniscule bit sorry for Osborne. He seems to be way out of his depth; but at the end of the day, he must take personal responsibility for making some bad life choices – eg. joining National and running as a Nat candidate.

            I also laughed when I saw the Key nailing video put up as a caption competition – this had not crossed my mind when I posted it on Open Mike earlier today.

            Yesterday I also found – and then lost – a wonderful photoshopped version of this photo of Steven Joyce ‘helping’ put up Osborne billboards on Saturday (retweeted by none other than Patrick Gower)


            ( The comments in this thread are well worth reading …)

            The photoshopped version,which I would love to refind but haven’t been able to,replaced the photo of Key with a photo of he who cannot be named but whose initials are M S.

  31. fender 31

    Wimp without guts can’t even accomplish what kids at kindy can do.

    Can’t wait to see him get thrown on his arse from the recoil when [r0b: slightly over the top] in Iraq.

  32. dan1 32

    Reminds me very much of Don Brash getting into the midget at Western Springs: totally gormless!

    • tricledrown 32.1

      Don’t Brash walking the Slippery plank the week he was stabbed in the back by Key.
      Now Keys support is planking.
      Can’t hold a hammer because to much ,……..g
      Karmas a bitch a bridge to far.
      Simple simon says.
      Trying to claw his way back up North.
      After decades of neglect by National
      Key misses the point that after Sabin National is unfashionable.

  33. Skinny 33

    “David are you sure your polling says there is ‘zero chance’ I can’t nail this.” 🙂

  34. philj 34

    John Key or John Keys Office shows how to miss hitting the nail on the head.He says it was his intention all along. John Armstrong agrees, ‘He’s not a professional, he’s an hammer chewer.”

  35. hoom 35

    Building is low skill.
    Builders made poor life choices.
    ‘I’ve spent years & years DIY building stuff around my various properties.’
    Bent as a nail.

  36. tricledrown 36

    A poor tradesman blames his tool.

  37. mac1 37

    “Tha needs a big hammer to bang in a big nail, lad.” Fred Trueman.

  38. tricledrown 38

    Key hammers away at the oposition fails to connect with voters.

  39. tricledrown 39

    Theirs a man who,s never done an honest days work.

  40. Skinny 40

    “What do you mean David your polling now tells you ‘zero chance’ I can nail this.”

  41. mac1 41

    John Key demonstrates why there are two prices for ten bridges. This is the $69 million model.

  42. mac1 42

    Ow! I can see why they’re called hammer hands!”

  43. Clemgeopin 43

    Tut, tut John, you were asked to screw it, not waste your time, effort and bribes trying to hammer a hopeless plank up !

  44. tricledrown 44

    You can’t touch this mc hammer.

  45. Ecosse_Maidy 45

    When I watched Bob The Builder do this he made it look so easy!
    How hard can this be!?!

    Ouchhhhh Ma Fucking ********** basttttt fucking, jesus h,,,, arghhhhhhhh…..call a private ambulance now!

  46. Ecosse_Maidy 46

    No Commander in Chief…the election is over….

    We are here to take the placard down….

    CEO: If I wanna hammer i shall, fook you!

  47. Ecosse_Maidy 47

    Hey, I knew when we all did some DIY Cosmetic Surgery on Paula, that hammering would come in handy in other ways!

  48. tricledrown 48

    John Key to slippery to hold on to hammer.

  49. Ecosse_Maidy 49

    Ok, which of you Fuckos is singing a 9 inch nail track???

  50. So, if Labour say I didn’t hit the nail, that’s just more proof of their dirty politics, ackshully. And when I said I’d resign if I couldn’t hit a large nail with a bloody big hammer, I didn’t mean this specific nail and and what’s a hammer really anyway?

    Look, what New Zullenders want to know is what would Andrew Little do different? Um, yes, I know he used to be head of the Engineers union, so he’d probably use a drill, which is typical of the left, always wasting taxpayers money by using the right tool for the job when a perfectly good hammer could do it for half the cost. Ha ha, missed again, wait, wait, I’ll get it this time. Osborne, stop shaking and hold that screw straight. No, I did not say screw, and if Hager says I did, he’ll be proved wrong again. Whoops, sorry Mark, that didn’t hurt did it?

  51. Ecosse_Maidy 51

    Take that placard! Feel My Wrath!
    Fruit Flies & IS,,Be warned…I am now armed!”

  52. Ecosse_Maidy 52

    Right if Labour aint gonna placard in Northland , I shall help put up some Labour placards…

  53. Ecosse_Maidy 53

    Phew, that was hard work!

    Is that the last of the Social Housing stock for Keys DIY Demolition?

  54. ankerawshark 54

    Umm……….John good for nothing Key.

  55. Ecosse_Maidy 55

    Are you absolutely sure, that if I hit this nail it will pierce Pgtricks brain cell?

  56. Ecosse_Maidy 56

    Easter time approaches….Keys decides to bring back Public Crucifixion for non National Voters….and in PR shot shows off his Crucifixion Nail Hitting Skills

  57. Ecosse_Maidy 57

    No PM Mrs Keys said knit one purl one….not hit nail purl one

  58. Ecosse_Maidy 58

    PM takes the orginal and does it his way…..”Iffffffffffff I had a nail sub machine gunnnnnnnnnnnnnnn , I would …..”

  59. McFlock 59

    Quoth the Craven politician
    (edited highlights, plagiarised from Poe. )

    Once upon a by-election dreary, while I pondered my vote, weak and weary,
    Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten promised law—
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
    As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
    “’Tis some pork-barreller,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
    Only this and nothing more.”

    […]
    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
    Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
    But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
    And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “About Sabin – you knew before??”
    This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Before!”—
    Merely this and nothing more.

    […]

    Much I marvelled this ungainly foulness to hear discourse plainly,
    Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
    For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
    Would have made him candidate, had they known before —
    Neither bird or beast upon the land would have asked the voters him adore,
    For fear the voters claim “Nevermore.”

  60. Ecosse_Maidy 60

    PM…? I really think you need to wear yr specs,,,,,That is not a nine iron and the placard isn’t Mr Obama”

  61. ankerawshark 61

    Adapted from the song “You’ve better Knock, knock, knock on wood”.

    I don’t want to lose here,
    This seat, to Winston P
    ‘Cause if I do, I will surely
    Surely lose my majority!

    ‘Cause winning , is better
    than any love I know
    It’s like thunder, lightning
    The power I crave is frightening
    You better knock, knock,
    on wood, baby, oooh ooh oooh oooh ooh, baby

    Read more: Amii Stewart – Knock On Wood Lyrics | MetroLyrics

  62. Ecosse_Maidy 62

    PM’s, penal extension, came in semi useful, at last

  63. Ecosse_Maidy 63

    Iffffffffffff i had a hammer, i would be looking for a sickleeeeeeeeeee
    ….doo bee dooo

  64. Ecosse_Maidy 64

    At last,,,that should keep her from going on and on and on……I have finaly put Mrs Keys shelves,,,right hammer time,,,last one to the pub…….is Pete George

  65. Ecosse_Maidy 65

    PM (LORD KEYS)
    “You are My war-club, My weapon of war; And with you I shatter nations, And with you I destroy kingdoms.

    aww Thanks for the hammer guys.

  66. Ecosse_Maidy 66

    PM, denies rebuilding of Christchurch is way behind schedule and under funded and pitches in himself…

  67. Tautoko Mangō Mata 67

    ..should have gone to Spec-Savers!

  68. tricledrown 68

    PimpKey hammering is as good as his memory.
    Hit and mis.

  69. b waghorn 69

    Why if I have lacky s like Seymour and Dunne do I still have to get my hands dirty?

  70. Neil 70

    I want to apologize for being a man.

  71. Tautoko Mangō Mata 71

    XKEYSCORE

  72. God issues recall on latest Noah

  73. Wynston 73

    Shit! Missed again! Not to worry though, I’ll just deny (it as usual) ..

  74. capn insano 74

    “Why couldn’t we just pay some poor person to do this for me?”

  75. Hateatea 75

    I better not lose my day job ‘cos I have no future in this one

  76. Clemgeopin 76

    “I know noticed my nails got bent but what worries me more is that the people of this country have started getting ready to hammer their final nail”

  77. tricledrown 77

    Key was to hammered to nail it.
    Key should be investigated by OSH
    Drunk in the workplace.
    Wearing his beer goggles .

  78. saveNZ 78

    John Key, never done a hard days work in his life.

  79. tricledrown 79

    Who the f put whaloil on my tool

  80. saveNZ 80

    No wonder there is a housing shortage in NZ!

  81. saveNZ 81

    My hands are too soft for manual labour….
    Years of currency speculation mean I can’t lift a finger….

  82. liarius obnoxinae – hammerhand snake

  83. Clemgeopin 83

    “Look, help me here. I can’t honestly recall. Which one is the hammer and which one is the nail?”

  84. Incognito 84

    Key is ten times better than the famous illusionist Uri Geller; he can bent and straighten a nail without even touching it but by just using sheer willpower and incessant chanting in a strange accent only known to the Old Druids from Middle Earth. What’s more is that he looks so relaxed and comfortable casting this mind-bending spell on the hapless viewer. I certainly had difficulty regaining my consciousness watching this clip ad infinitum but then again, I regularly pass out when watching Key.

  85. I wonder if this was going through the PM’s head …

  86. HumPrac 86

    John Key demonstrating some of the products for sale at his latest ‘asset sales convention’. The ‘asset sales convention’ is an event, for the rich, held annually by john Key on behalf of the National party. The aim of the convention is to sell the assets of New Zealanders. All of the big assets have been sold at prior conventions. Things like hammers, shoes, canned food, and kitchen utensils are still up for sale. The convention is in its seventh year of running.

  87. This is how I am building a brighter future for NZ

  88. Potato 88

    ‘This tool is hopeless’ …….said the hammer

  89. the pigman 89

    Hammer dreams plaintively of more adept user.

  90. NZJester 90

    John key puts the first nail in Nationals coffin…. I mean by-election sign.

  91. philj 91

    Where have the Key supporters gone? Makes one wonder… No pay for taking the mickey of their prime joker?

  92. rawshark-yeshe 92

    There you go Mike. Your Pandora’s box is safely nailed shut, at least for now.

  93. David 93

    It’s a very dynamic nail.

  94. Clemgeopin 94

    “You got mail? I got nail !”

  95. rod 95

    It’s not easy doing this when you are half pissed.

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    Today is a Member's day, and David Seymour's End of Life Choice Bill continues its slow crawl through its committee stage. They're spending the whole day on it today, though the first hour is likely to be spent on voting left over from last time. After that they'll move on ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    4 days ago
  • Flight to Los Angeles turned back after passengers decide they don’t want to go anymore
    An ambitious plan to fly to Los Angeles petered out into a brief sight-seeing trip and a desire to return home and get some sleep before work tomorrow. Air New Zealand has confirmed a flight to Los Angeles last night was turned back about a quarter of the way into ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    5 days ago
  • Indigenous Futures: defuturing and futuring – an analytical framework for policy development?
    There appears to be consensus – by omission – that the concept of indigenous futures should be accepted at face value. So I scavenged the internet to see if I could locate an academic descriptor or a framework around how we think about it as a concept, and whether it ...
    EllipsisterBy Ellipsister
    5 days ago
  • Cadbury rumoured to be releasing the Pineapple Trump
    Here’s another novelty chocolate to shove in your gob, New Zealand Cadbury could be seeking to make itself great again with a rumoured new release: Pineapple Trumps, a spin on its classic chocolate-encased pineapple treat and do-it-yourself tooth remover. The global confectionery manufacturer and bumbling “before” character in an infomercial, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    5 days ago
  • The coming resource war.
    During my time in the Pentagon I had the privilege of sitting down with military leaders and defence and security officials from a variety of Latin American nations. Sometimes I was present as a subordinate assistant to a senior US defence department official, sometimes as part of a delegation that ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    5 days ago
  • Māori Language Week with The Civilian
    Kia ora, Aotearoa. It’s that magical time of year. Te Wiki o te Reo Māori. In English, the week that frightens talk radio. As you probably know by now, all your favourite media outlets are participating, some more successfully than others. Stuff has changed its name to Puna for the ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    5 days ago
  • Will Horizons act on climate change?
    Local body elections are coming up next month. And it looks like all Palmerston North candidates for Horizons (the Manawatu-Whanganui Regional Council) want to take action on climate change:Climate change is set to be a key issue in Palmerston North for the next three years if those wanting to get ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • BORA reform is stalled
    Eighteen months ago, the government promised to strengthen the Bill of Rights Act, by explicitly affirming the power of the courts to issue declarations of inconsistency and requiring Parliament to formally respond to them. So how's that going? I was curious, so I asked for all advice about the proposal. ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • Corbyn and Brexit
    As the Brexit saga staggers on, the focus is naturally enough on the Prime Minister and his attempts to achieve Brexit “do or die”. But the role played by the Leader of the Opposition is of almost equal interest and complexity. The first problem for Jeremy Corbyn is that he ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    5 days ago
  • A ditch for him to die in
    Last week, English Prime Minister Boris Johnson boldly declared that he would rather die be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit. Unfortunately for him, the UK parliament accepted the challenge, and promptly dug one for him. The "rebellion bill" requires him to ask for and secure yet another temporary ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    5 days ago
  • Warning! Warning! Danger Jacinda Ardern! Danger Marama Davidson! Warning!
    Lost In Political Space: The most important takeaway from this latest Labour sexual assault scandal, which (if I may paraphrase Nixon’s White House counsel’s, John Dean’s, infamous description of Watergate) is “growing like a cancer” on the premiership, is the Labour Party organisation’s extraordinary professional paralysis in the face of ...
    6 days ago
  • Union solidarity with Ihumatao land occupation
    by Daphna Whitmore Every Sunday for the past two months unionists from First Union, with supporters from other unions, have set out to the Ihumatao land protest, put up gazebos and gas barbeques, and cooked food for a few hundred locals and supporters who have come from across the country. ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    6 days ago
  • Climate Change: The wrong kind of trees?
    Newsroom today has an excellent, in-depth article on pine trees as carbon sinks. The TL;DR is that pine is really good at soaking up carbon, but people prefer far-less efficient native forests instead. Which is understandable, but there's two problems: firstly, we've pissed about so long on this problem that ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    6 days ago
  • No freedom of speech in Turkey
    Canan Kaftancioglu is a Turkish politician and member of the opposition Republican People's Party (CHP). Like most modern politicians, she tweets, and uses the platform to criticise the Turkish government. She has criticised them over the death of a 14-year-old boy who was hit by a tear gas grenade during ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    6 days ago
  • Speaker: Tadhg Stopford: Why I’m standing for the ADHB
    Hi there, just call me Tim.We face tough problems, and I’d like to help, because there are solutions.An Auckand District Health Board member has nominated me for as a candidate for the ADHB, because her MS-related pain and fatigue is reduced with hemp products from Rotorua.  Nothing else helped her. If I ...
    6 days ago
  • Good little vassals
    The Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security has published their report on whether the SIS and GCSB had any complicity in American torture. And its damning. The pull quote is this:The Inquiry found both agencies, but to a much greater degree, the NZSIS, received many intelligence reports obtained from detainees who, ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    6 days ago
  • Who Shall We Turn To When God, And Uncle Sam, Cease To Defend New Zealand?
    Bewhiskered Cassandra? Professor Hugh White’s chilling suggestion, advanced to select collections of academic, military and diplomatic Kiwi experts over the course of the past week, is that the assumptions upon which Australia and New Zealand have built their foreign affairs and defence policies for practically their entire histories – are ...
    6 days ago
  • The Politics of Opposition
    For most of the time I was a British MP, my party was out of government – these were the Thatcher years, when it was hard for anyone else to get a look-in. As a front-bencher and shadow minister, I became familiar with the strategies required in a parliamentary democracy ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    6 days ago
  • More expert comments on the Canadian fluoride-IQ paper
    The Green et al (2019) fluoride/IQ is certainly controversial – as would be expected from its subject (see If at first you don’t succeed . . . statistical manipulation might help and Politics of science – making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear). Anti-fluoride campaigners have been actively promoting it ...
    1 week ago
  • The return to guerrilla war in Colombia
    by Gearóid Ó Loingsigh On August 29th a video in which veteran FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia) commander Iván Márquez announced that they had taken up arms again was released. There was no delay in the reaction to it, from longtime Liberal Party figure and former president Uribe, for ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    1 week ago
  • Air New Zealand identifies this enormous plot of unused land as possible second airport site
    Air New Zealand couldn’t believe its luck that this seemingly ideal piece of real estate had so far gone entirely unnoticed. Air New Zealand’s search for a site to build a second Auckland Airport may have made a breakthrough this afternoon, after employees scanning Google satellite imagery spotted a huge, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • Redline on the Labour Party
    No-one on the anti-capitalist left in this country today puts forward a case that Labour is on the side of the working class.  There are certainly people who call themselves ‘socialist’ who do, but they are essentially liberals with vested interests in Labourism – often for career reasons. Nevertheless, there ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    1 week ago
  • New Fisk
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Labour’s failure
    When National was in government and fucking over the poor for the benefit of the rich, foodbanks were a growth industry. And now Labour is in charge, nothing has changed: A huge demand for emergency food parcels means the Auckland City Mission is struggling to prepare for the impending arrival ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Ardern attempts to vaccinate Clarke Gayford live on television to prove that it’s safe
    Gayford, pictured here on The Project, before things got wildly out of control. A bold public relations move by the Government to encourage parents to vaccinate their children has gone horribly wrong. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern appeared on tonight’s episode of Three’s The Project, where the plan was for her ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • Has Mr. Whippy gone too far by parking on our front lawns?
    Mr. Whippy’s business model has driven it down a dark road of intimidation. Residents in major centres around the country are becoming disgruntled by the increasingly aggressive actions of purported ice cream company Mr. Whippy, who have taken to parking on people’s front lawns and doorsteps in a desperate attempt ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • Cleaning up the water
    Today the government released its Action Plan for Healthy Waterways, aimed at cleaning up our lakes and rivers. Its actually quite good. There will be protection for wetlands, better standards for swimming spots, a requirement for continuous improvement, and better standards for wastewater and stormwater. But most importantly, there's a ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Fronting up
    Today I appeared before the Environment Committee to give an oral submission on the Zero Carbon Bill. Over 1,500 people have asked to appear in person, so they've divided into subcommittees and are off touring the country, giving people a five minute slot each. The other submitters were a mixed ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Politics of science – making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear
    Anti-fluoride activists have some wealthy backers – they are erecting billboards misrepresenting the Canadian study on many New Zealand cities – and local authorities are ordering their removal because of their scaremongering. Many New Zealanders ...
    1 week ago
  • Democracy – I Don’t Think So
    So, those who “know best” have again done their worst. While constantly claiming to be the guardians of democracy and the constitution, and respecters of the 2016 referendum result, diehard Remainers (who have never brought themselves to believe that their advice could have been rejected) have striven might and main ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    1 week ago
  • Government says it will now build just one really nice home
    Following publication of this article, the Ministry has requested it to be noted that this supplied image is not necessarily representative of what the final house will look like, and it “probably won’t be that nice.” As part of today’s long-anticipated reset of the Government’s flagship KiwiBuild policy, Housing Minister ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Imperialism and your cup of coffee
    Over the next week or two we will be running three synopses of parts of the opening chapter of John Smith’s Imperialism in the 21st Century (New York, Monthly Review Press, 2016).  The synopsis and commentary below is written by Phil Duncan. Marx began Capital not with a sweeping historical ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Still juking the stats
    The State Services Commission and Ombudsman have released another batch of OIA statistics, covering the last six months. Request volumes are up, and the core public service is generally handling them within the legal timeframe, though this may be because they've learned to extend rather than just ignore things. And ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Hard News: Time for a New Deal: 25 years on
    In 1994, I was editing an ambitious street mag called Planet, from a fabled office at at 309 Karangahape Road. The thirteenth issue of the magazine was published in the winter of that year and its cover embodied a particularly ambitious goal: the end of cannabis prohibition.I wanted to do ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Not impressed
    KiwiBuild was one of the Ardern government's core policies. The government would end the housing crisis and make housing affordable again by building 100,000 new homes. Of course, it didn't work out like that: targets weren't met, the houses they did build were in the wrong place, and the whole ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Solar beats coal
    As the climate crisis escalates, it is now obvious that we need to radically decarbonise our economy. The good news is that its looking easy and profitable for the energy sector. Wind is already cheaper than fossil fuels, and now solar is too:The levellised cost of solar PV has fallen ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • A Step Too Far.
    A Crown Asset? For reasons relating to its own political convenience, the Crown pretends to believe that “No one owns the water.” To say otherwise would re-vivify the promises contained in the Treaty of Waitangi – most particularly those pertaining to the power of the chiefs and their proprietary rights ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Where Money Comes From
    Most people would say, no doubt, that they have a pretty good idea of what money is. They live with the reality of money every day. It is what is needed to buy the necessities of life and to maintain a decent standard of living. You get money, they would ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    2 weeks ago
  • Banned by the Green Party leadership: Jill Abigail on women’s rights and trans rights
    The article below was an opinion piece that appeared in the Spring 2019 issue of Te Awa (the NZ Green Party’s newsletter) and on the Greens website.  In keeping with their policy of hostility to women defending women’s right to female-only spaces, Green bureaucrats have since removed the opinion piece.  ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    2 weeks ago
  • The fallacy of the proximity argument.
    Longer term readers may remember my complaining that, as a political scientist, it is burdensome to have non-political scientists wanting to engage me about politics. No layperson would think to approach an astrophysicist and lecture him/her on the finer details of quarks and black holes, but everybody with an opinion ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    2 weeks ago
  • Where We Stood: Chris Trotter Replies To Stevan Eldred-Grigg.
    Joining The Fight: Stevan Eldred-Grigg's argument for New Zealand staying out of the Second World War fails not only on the hard-headed grounds of preserving the country’s strategic and economic interests; and not just on the soft-hearted grounds of duty and loyalty to the nation that had given New Zealand ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Universities back the climate strike
    On September 27, School Strike 4 Climate will be striking for a future to pressure the government for meaningful climate action. This time, they've asked adults to join them. And now, Lincoln University and Victoria University of Wellington have signed on:Victoria University of Wellington has joined Lincoln University in endorsing ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Another constitutional outrage
    Another day, another constitutional outrage in the UK. This time, the government is saying that if parliament passes a law to stop Brexit before being prorogued, they may just ignore it:A senior cabinet minister has suggested Boris Johnson could defy legislation to prevent a no-deal Brexit if it is forced ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Ending dairy in Canterbury
    Environment Canterbury has finally proposed nitrogen limits to stop dairy farmers from poisoning Christchurch's water supply. And naturally, farmers are whining about it:A proposed move by Environment Canterbury (ECan) to protect Christchurch's drinking water by setting tough – some would say, draconian – nitrate reductions in the decades ahead and ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Is National the party of climate arson?
    The Zero Carbon Bill is currently before select committee. While its targets are weak, its a generally sensible bill that promises to establish a long-term framework to guide emissions reductions. But National hasn't made up its mind on whether it will support it - and according to Andrea Vance in ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Experts warn Harold the Giraffe “well past” typical giraffe life expectancy, may not have long
    Dum-de-doo. Children across New Zealand have known him for generations as the lovable giraffe who tells them to exercise, hydrate and not to shove lit cigarettes up their nostrils. But a world renowned giraffe expert says we shouldn’t be getting attached to Life Education’s Harold the Giraffe, as he is ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • August ’19 – NZ blogs sitemeter ranking
    Image credit: 22 BLOGGERS WITH ADVICE FOR RESEARCHERS AND EVALUATORS, ILLUSTRATED I notice a few regulars no longer allow public access to the site counters. This may happen accidentally when the blog format is altered. If your ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Bye, bye to the collusion lie
    Sums it up, really. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Opinion: Treat your car by buying extra petrol to snack on while you aren’t driving
    By Mike Hosking. Yesterday morning, I waltzed into work, and as I walked past the drones aggressively typing out news on the computers I’ve repeatedly asked to be moved further away from, I caught a glimpse of the words “climate change”, and noticed that suspiciously they weren’t in condescending quotation ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago

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