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notices and features - Date published:
6:12 pm, December 20th, 2022 - 35 comments
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https://player.vimeo.com/api/player.jsKatherine Mansfield left New Zealand when she was 19 years old and died at the age of 34.In her short life she became our most famous short story writer, acquiring an international reputation for her stories, poetry, letters, journals and reviews. Biographies on Mansfield have been translated into 51 ...
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What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Comrade Santa I presume?
Oh please fill my stocking Santa. I've run out of bridges to sell
"Beard, red suit, kindness to all – commies like you make me sick!"
"Nice Labour Colours there Santa – working for them?"
"So, when do they stop believing in you?"
Chris: I promise a lot but never deliver.
Kris: I keep my promises and always deliver.
With apologies to the lyricist and in best Clitheroe Kid voice;
Everybody stops and stares at me
These curly little locks are gone as you can see
I don't know just who to blame for this catastrophe
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as can be
All I want for Christmas is my curly little locks
My curly little locks
See my curly little locks
Gee, if I could only have my curly little locks
Then I could wish you, "Merry Christmas"
Chris: I used to run an airline.
Kris: I run a toyline.
Chris "My Christmas wish? …
Can you make Jacinda resign?"
"Hi Santa, if you ever need a stand in, I'll be free next Christmas."
Yeah, nah I won't be voting for you egg head.
Misty eyed, Humpty Dumpty bit his lip, then said, "Santa you've got happen to your future – before its happens to you "
Chris : “I'm dreaming….of a white Christmas"
Hey Santa, how much methane do your hypersonic reindeer emit?
I bet it's a shit load. Right.
Have I got the scam for you. It worked very well for me at Air New Zealand.
I’ll cut you in. We can go halves on the commission.
It's called 'offsetting'.
What do you think?
https://edition.cnn.com/travel/article/airline-carbon-offsetting/index.html
Chris: I asked Santa for a tax cut.
Kris: do you still believe in tax cuts?
In your best Mariah Carey voice!!
All I want for Christmas is hair.
National launch new policy of under cover security guards for Michael Hill stores during Christmas period.
Luxon makes citizens arrest on man in disguise with large sack seen leaving jewelry store.
Hi Grant, remember to leave something so I can give some presents when I take over.
Hey Santa, if I controlled the Bottom Feeders in the North Pole I'd decimate their pay and conditions like I did at the Airline I ran for a short time.
(Luxon) : Santa, you don't have any political promises, but people believe in you. What's your secret!?
2 minutes later…
(Santa) : Thank goodness he's gone. Hmmm. Wonder what time it is? Damn, where's my watch? I'm sure I put it on my wrist this morning…
"Ouch. Stop pulling my beard!!!"
https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/coronavirus/300079861/woodhouses-isolation-homeless-mystery-man-claim-debunked
https://www.ompe.org/en/the-north-pole-swept-by-extreme-heat/
https://news.mongabay.com/2022/12/melting-ice-created-the-perfect-storm-for-a-rapidly-acidifying-arctic-ocean/
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/13/climate/arctic-climate-change.html
"What do you mean I can't sit on your knee? Just because shit flows from my mouth, it doesn't mean I'm a bottom feeder!"
Chris: people hate my guts.
Kris: Ho, ho, ho! People love my gut.
Kris: my brand is stronger than Macca’s
Chris: errrr …
Chris "I used to run an airline!"
Kris " Well I have my own air transport service which is not only carbon neutral but has the capability of visiting every country in the world in less than 24 hours – so beat that sucker."
“Yes of course it's very nice to meet you again young Christopher, but now that you're grown up I have to tell you I won't be bringing you any more presents, least of all tax cuts. It's your job to spread that goodwill to all men now, mine is more about personifying the idea.”
Balding man (who owns seven properties) and who shaves his scalp wants to be given a gift from a man with a fake beard and with delusions of ownership of a home where it is more affordable.
Tis the season to prepare for an election year.
Hello Santa, did you manage to get that book i wanted for Christmas. What was the name of the book again Mr Luxon.
Chris, it was called, Charisma lessons for ageing Men.
Mythical man meets myth-making man in mystery meeting
(Smiling Assassin #2 – Aka Luxon) :
"As soon as I'm elected, I'm passing urgent legislation. You won't be allowed to visit kids in the bottom 80% and all the money you save will pay for bigger presents for the kids who already have more than they need. Oh, and the elf Union will be scrapped. "
Hey there Santa…….can you please visit all seven of my houses……..i'll share the extra pressies among my mates instead of the promised tax cut……
You say "kindness" might work. No, I can't use that. That particular gimmick has alre3ady been taken.