- Date published:
10:31 am, April 19th, 2011 - 50 comments
Categories: humour - Tags: paula bennett, photo op
Paula Bennett says working in a soup kitchen for two days reminded her of her solo mum days. Of course, that was before she, um, fell in with Murray McCully and somehow ended up minister responsible for $22 billion a year, where she proceeded to cut the grant that had helped her get an education.
I’ll take this thank you.
“10 spoons for me and you lazy bums can get your own, Losers!”
Well here’s my share, the rest of you can lick the pot after I’m done.
My favourite thing to make is Gazpacho-bene
where are the pies?
Gerry and Parekura got there first.
New Zealands next top B…. .a.ker?
nom nom nom oink oink oink
Dead right,HigherStandard,oink oink just like the pigs at their tuck-in at the end of Animal Farm. Caption-meister par excellence, get a job with C & T.
Cockroach soup anyone?
NO SOUP FOR YOU
I reckon that’s the winner.
YOU COME BACK ONE YEAR…
If you hit this empty vessel with a spoon it makes a sound like a bell. Same with the pot she’s holding.
Cunning Caption VOR. 🙂
Ta, Ian. I had few ‘pot meet kettle’ variations on the go,* but the bell one seemed much wittier.
* Pot meet pot belly, Pot meet Cattle (the Bob Stanforth ‘joke’ revisited), etc etc.
I didn’t get this big eating soup!
In another pre-election photo-op Minister Bennett, in a effort to display a commitment to reduce government waste and having just vomited up her taxpayer funded food and wine, offers it to the Wellington City Mission.
If you knew what this vomit smells like, you’d know why I get paid the big bucks.
You want some of this? Yeah, naah…
Host of new Makeover Show, ‘From Cow To Bow-wow’
“That overseas junket I went on? Oh yeah, it was to learn how to apply my make-over – oops, I mean make-up – proper, akchully. Slops, anyone?”
Suzanne Paul after her (un)successful ‘Super Glow’ facelift.
Is that King Gerry in drag?
Those night cooking “classes” are working a treat at reducing beneficiary numbers and feeding the needy.
Checkout a couple of more captions at Photostream
Well this has degenerated pretty quickly in to mean personal abuse about someone’s physical appearance.
Wonderful isn’t it.
“As a “masterchef” I recommend the traditional how to boil and cook a pukeko… boil the bird with a stone. When the stone is soft throw away the bird and eat the stone. As my friend John Key says “Poverty is a life style choice” and this little recipe is one straight from that choice cookbook.”
“Bloated? Me, little me? Bloated!!!!%%%$$$###@@@!! I haven’t finished asset stripping your bowl yet.”
And for all you solo mums out there and all you other beneficiaries, here’s a crock of shit I prepared earlier, .
“You’ll be wearing this in a minute if you keep suggesting I give other people some.”
See. It’s half full, not half empty.
Bold new cost saving scheme called the Alphabet Soup Programme is launched as Social Development Ministry absorbs the Education Ministry as budgets for public schools are slashed in favour of private schooling.
Our canteen worker of the month!
Achievement: serving smaller portions for the same price making a tidy profit for her corporate owners.
SMUG SLUG’S SUPER-MUG: “Welfare queen” Pourquois Benefitte parries political jibes over swelling cup-size with defiant display of personal breakfast “vat”.
Cockroach and cat food soup???
There aint no pies cos I ate them, so tough shit
Nationals Paula Bennett was less than impressed by the tea-towel trying out its high-end scarf impersonation.
1 No matter how much I eat and how big I get I still think Im the hottest thing on two legs.
2 Who needs thin lizzys ? I just wiped up another lot of facial plaster which I then apply very liberally every day.
Yeah, dearest Paula Pudding Bennett! Go, go, go, and put in a “Dancing with the Stars” debut next.
Perhaps give us a great and “hot” BELLY DANCE performance!? We would really like to have a look at what you have to offer underneath your vast, fashionable high-class garments you wear these days.
Next year will be the next round of “Weight Watchers” new weight loss course, free for all. Maybe you can join them and lead the mission for all needing to do a bit of extra sweating?
The Auckland City Mission has also just opened its next X-mas dinner collection. Have you a dollar to spare from the 5000 or so you get paid a week?
After this TV cook-up the masses will love you, because you really are just “one of us”.
Or stomach stapling on the Tax payer dollar
But for the caption
What do you mean CAKE???
Just put your newborn in with a dash of tarragon… delicious!
One of National’s impoverished children walks hesitantly up to the minister, holds out his bowl and whimpers “Please M’am, can I ‘ave some more”.
The cabinet was sitting in solemn conclave, when Ms. Bennett rushed into the room in great excitement, and addressing the gentleman in the high chair, said,
‘Mr. Key, I beg your pardon, sir! Oliver Twist has asked for more!’
There was a general start. Horror was depicted on every countenance.
‘For MORE!’ said Mr. Key. ‘Compose yourself, Bennett, and answer me distinctly. Do I understand that he asked for more, after he had eaten the supper allotted by the dietary?’
‘He did, sir,’ replied Bennett.
‘That boy will be hung,’ said the gentleman in the yellow waistcoat. ‘I know that boy will be hung.’
Nobody controverted the prophetic gentleman’s opinion. An animated discussion took place. Oliver was ordered into instant confinement…
I iz too busy cooking moar fud – cnt go to child welfare confrens
“More Soylent Green anyone?”
Well obviously ya know, obviously, I reckon that I can, obviously, down this in one go obviously. Yeah.
I now have seen first hand how well our City Missions look after the less fortunate of us.
Yeah, some even have a quite big tummy, so I wonder, whether they do not just use us for getting a “freeby”, while they live in a Housing NZ house, have a Porsche parked outside, run a P kitchen, sell their products to the kiddies and just have us all on.
There is no starvation in NZ – look at me!!!!
Plenty of people looking after each other, many opportunities created by us to work on cycle tracks, free health care for all under 5, great, warm-hearted soup made by Winzy Mommy and a photo opp with her for our family friendly public television.
Because my cooking experience has become such a great success, I will now do the rounds around our WINZ offices all over Nz and meet all of you lovely bene factors to chat with you over free vege soup and a nice sausage sizzle. The goodies will be on me.
Start of the tour de Paula is Wednesday, 27 April in Kaitaia, at around 11 am, bring your six packs, roll ya owns and empty bowls and plates, we have got a cheque from Bill and John to cover all expenses!
There will be a huge sausage sizzle in Hagley Park in CHCH next month, that will also be on John, Bill and me, and the date will be announced on May 1st. That is Worker’s Day, and we want to give a really nice surprise to all that trust us for a truly unified future with lots of fun working for the new investors coming soon from Aus. Bill’s campaign for lower wages has really caught on with some employers there and especially in Mainland China now.
All good, all good, all good now!
Paula Bennett enjoys night school cooking class.
Paula Bennett seeks to remove the culture of food dependency from the nation’s beneficiaries.
Did you say something, or was that just your stomach growling?
I wonder if soup kitchens at WINZ offices can be set up, then there will be no need to give a SNG for food.
Hello. A photo op. And here’s me in my old kitchen clothes.
I expect you to eat this shit dole blugger, that’s why I’ve got a shit eating grin.
Added flavour – I spat in this!