web analytics

Caption Contest

Written By: - Date published: 8:44 pm, May 8th, 2013 - 95 comments
Categories: Economy, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Well Key’s cornerstone policy, the one that many commentators claimed was him showing his mettle, has come to fruition. And it’s such a poison chalice he didn’t even have the guts to show up for the big reveal in person (spoiler: less than half the number of people who signed up to oppose asset sales signed up to buy).

So let’s mark this nadir in political history with a caption contest. And who better to provide the mirth than the classic comedy duo of English and Ryall – flogging our assets together since 1990.

Asset sales fuckwits

95 comments on “Caption Contest ”

  1. IrishBill 1

    *sotto* Jesus Christ Bill. They’re not falling for it a second time. Wrap it up and let’s get the hell out of here.

  2. karol 2

    Key’s voice in ear piece “Fucks sake, guys! Try to look like you’re singing from the same song sheet”.

  3. vto 3

    i’m tired and i want to go bed …..

  4. r0b 4

    “So in short, privatisation is a flop, the economy is as dead as Wellington, and we don’t know how to fix it. Let us pray…”

  5. boonman 5

    Bill: $2.50 is a fair price blah blah blah mums and dads blah blah blah labour greens north korea economic sabotage blah blah blah…

    Tony: this sudoku’s a bitch.

  6. mac1 6

    “You want me to comment on Aaron Gilmore’s good taste, when Tony Ryall stands so sartorially stentorian behind me?”

  7. Jimmie 7

    Well that is one way of spinning this….

    Another way you could look at it is that MRP once it lists will have many more shareholders than any other listed company in NZ – also they are saying that 68% of those who signed up have no CSN number ( my better half and I) so are a large proportion of 1st time investors.

    However, I am pleased by the looney left attack on the float as at $2.50 per share is a nice discount on the possible $2.80 initial price so great go for red/greens.

    And with the recent failure of the CIR petition I would say that NZ has voted twice no thanks to the leftie agenda – so sad, gotta cry a river.

    Oh and there is an extra 1.7 billion to help pay for schools and hospitals that don’t have to be borrowed to pay for. (And don’t go on about lost dividends – according to Shearer & Norman they are disposable and not so important)

    So yeah a great deal all round…..

    • IrishBill 7.1

      68% of those who signed up have no CSN number

      You know Jimmie, rather than parroting lines from Farrar you should be asking yourself if you really want to put your hard-earned cash into something that Key refused to front for and Farrar is only buying into as far as he has to to maintain face.

      • Jimmie 7.1.1

        Well yes it is – we put in $4K from our hard earned savings and have no regrets. This will be good for us long term and I am happy to have some personal ownership in MRP.

        • Colonial Viper 7.1.1.1

          Buyers remorse comes later, idiot

        • Mike S 7.1.1.2

          You sound happy with your investment, and why not. By all accounts you will still get a good return on your MRP shares in the future, maybe just a bit less than you would have without NZPower coming into force after the next election. You believe you got a good price also, so you would support the NZPower policy then? (Seeing as though it is the reason you are pleased about your investment)

          Spare a thought for the vast majority of Kiwi’s though. They couldn’t afford shares and will see the their power company lose 49% of it’s value immediately (transferred to you and other investors) and they will be missing out on future public services due to the loss of future dividends.

          • Jimmie 7.1.1.2.1

            Support the NZ Power policy – no not really as I’ve never seen any system where big central government can produce an efficient service that delivers good results to the end customers (Think 1980’s Telecom)

            Plus when all the other Lab/Green tax and spend policies are added voters would be deluding themselves to think that they will be financially better off by voting to the left.

            Also Shearer and Norman have made it clear that they don’t mind losing dividend payments from the power companies so the dividend income stream is reduced under both National and Lab/Greens.

            The difference is that Key will have 1.7 billion next week to plug into infrastructure that he never borrowed and under Lab/Greens in 2014 we will have a new department of paper pushers that will somehow magicly conjur up 5000 jobs through increased economic activity?

            (Though how by giving $300 with one hand and taking twice that with the other hand is supposed to create jobs is beyond me)

            I mean please – its a lost battle.

            • Ross 7.1.1.2.1.1

              Jimmie

              The overwhelming majority of NZers didn’t buy shares.

              Selling MRP will add $100 million to the deficit each year. You’re one of the few people I know who thinks that’s good.

              • Alanz

                “The overwhelming majority of NZers didn’t buy shares.”

                Umm … some mums and dads have decided gifting the money to sons and daughters to help them build the deposit for purchasing their first homes, thanks to the runaway housing market that has failed the younger generation.

            • Colonial Viper 7.1.1.2.1.2

              no not really as I’ve never seen any system where big central government can produce an efficient service that delivers good results to the end customers (Think 1980′s Telecom)

              We don’t have a big central government you idiot

              Think of the mail service since the 19th century for gods sakes.

              1980’s Telecom??? That’s pre-IT/internet boom of course it was slower than today!

    • Ross 7.2

      Jimmie,

      I’ll have whatever you’re having. Less than 3% of the population bought shares. Obviously the vast majority didn’t want a bar of this sham sale, or they couldn’t afford to buy shares. If you’re trying to spin this as a good news story, you’re going to have to do a lot better than that.

      The CIR petition hasn’t failed. You’ll probably find that when the dust settles there’ll be about 3 times as many petitioners as there are shareholders. It makes you think.

      • felix 7.2.1

        Makes Jimmie think? Don’t count on it.

      • Jimmie 7.2.2

        3% of the population?? Huh just more spin. Why not make it sound worse and say .0000001 of the world population bought shares so it is a fail.

        The reality is that despite 3 years of leftie harping on about assets sales that it has gone through, the government has raised 1.7 billion for building other assets, ans over 100,000 kiwis are now personal owners of MRP.

        Oh and the sky hasn’t fallen on our heads.

        Really the left have to find another issue to bleat about as if you look at the miserable turnout to the various protests the rank and file know that this is flogging a long dead horse.

        • Colonial Viper 7.2.2.1

          Well, in that case why are you so fearful and shrill?

        • Ross 7.2.2.2

          “Why not make it sound worse and say .0000001 of the world population bought shares so it is a fail.”

          The rest of the world couldn’t buy shares.

          The fact that more than 97% didn’t buy shares is apparently of no concern to you. Surely, if this was easy money, every NZer would have been keen to buy. What went wrong?

        • geoff 7.2.2.3

          Why not make it sound worse and say .0000001 of the world population bought shares so it is a fail.

          Hah. Ironically, you’re absolutely correct, public companies and shareholders have been a miserable fail, as you point out it has only facilitated the robbing of the world’s wealth by a tiny minority.

        • vto 7.2.2.4

          “raised 1.7 billion for building other assets,” ……
          1.7 billion is how much was unnecessarily given to investors in the dodgy South Canterbury Finance.

          ” ans over 100,000 kiwis are now personal owners of MRP.”……
          ans over 3,900,000 kiwis are not now owners of MRP

          I am continuously astounded at the lack of brain cells in te world……

          silly jimmie

        • Mike S 7.2.2.5

          “Oh and the sky hasn’t fallen on our heads.”

          Correct. And you still bought shares knowing about the definite possibility that the NZPower policy will be implemented. So obviously, you and other investors feel that you can still make a good return on your shares despite NZPower? So why all the doomsday type talk from potential investors? (unless they are greedy and wanting more than a good return)

          Just as a matter of interest, MRP is forecasting somewhere around 4-5% net dividend return per share

          So you would increase your $4000 to around $4200 after a year. If we take an average inflation rate of say 2.5% (avg since 2001 is 2.7%) for this year (the real inflation rate will be much higher than this, but we aren’t told about that), your ‘real’ return will be around $100. (let’s not think about the possibility of inflation jumping to 5% at some stage, which is it’s average for the last 50 years)

          For the amount of shares you’re buying (1600), isn’t it a slightly risky investment with risks such as the possibility of NZPower on the horizon and Tiwai Pt winding down, as well as other standard risks, considering that you can get over 4% at the bank even in the current low interest environment with no risk. (and interest rates will rise). The default Kiwisaver options yield around 5% per annum over 5 years. I can’t see long term MRP share prices increasing substantially unless profits are increasing every year, which we would assume they won’t do as much under a NZPower regulatory environment. You stated it is a long term investment for you.So how do you see the investment as being “good for us” long term?

        • CnrJoe 7.2.2.6

          its not original Jimmie but – what do the govt sell every year after to ‘build other assets?’

      • Jagg 7.2.3

        “about 3 times as many petitioners as there are shareholders”

        Over 400,000 went to the trouble of lodging their interest and asked for the prospectus.
        113,000 people still put their money where their mouth is – even after a concerted sabotage effort.

        On the flipside…
        300,000 people made the earth-shattering commitment of picking up a pen – not even enough to get a “mandate” for a referendum. Hardly worthy of comparison.

        • Ross 7.2.3.1

          Maths isn’t your strong point I see.

          • Jagg 7.2.3.1.1

            Don’t see your point – 400,000 people registered interest, that should be the comparable statistic. I think that shows greater commitment than signing a piece of paper.

            113,000 put their money where their mouth is – that is hugely significant, would 113,000 signatories of the petition commit to anything more than ink a piece of paper shoved in front of their face by some funded lackey???

            • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.1.1.1

              Signing up for the prospectus took even less effort than signing the petition. What was your point again?

              • Jagg

                Sorry??

                Spelling your name and remembering your address when someone shoves a piece of paper under your nose takes more effort than going to a website and filling out your details when you are seriously considering an investment decision?

                Ross suggests that numbers aren’t my strong suit well I can assure you that I have a particularly strong background in behavioural finance and the complexities that committing money add to a decision-making process are far beyond those of signing a petition…. if that logic is beyond you then I’m afraid you’re not worth my time.

                • Colonial Viper

                  Behavioural finance? What a joke.

                  if that logic is beyond you then I’m afraid you’re not worth my time.

                  Do feel free to go if you believe that.

                  • Jagg

                    “Do feel free to go if you believe that.”

                    I might just do that and leave you at peace in your echo chamber.

                  • McFlock

                    Behavioural finance?
                    Another mumpty who thinks economics is a science.

                • Murray Olsen

                  Behavioural finance? Does that mean working out why people are happy when they win Lotto? I’m afraid you’re not worth my time.

                • felix

                  “Spelling your name and remembering your address when someone shoves a piece of paper under your nose takes more effort than going to a website and filling out your details when you are seriously considering an investment decision?”

                  Seeing as anyone could register anyone else’s name on the website, yes. No effort required on your dog’s part at all, for example.

                  You could say the same for the petition of course, but the numbers would be against you. As it turns out, 25% of the signatures can be discounted. In the case of registering for shares, 75% can be discounted.

                  As has already been noted, maths isn’t your strong suit.

        • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.2

          300,000 is more than 115,000. 4 million is also more than 115.000. I’m proud that the vast majority of my fellow Kiwis aren’t going within cooee of this sham.

          • Jagg 7.2.3.2.1

            See above.

            Hugely arrogant to suggest that 4m NZers are opposed let alone you, in any way shape or form, speak for your “fellow kiwis” when 400,000 got off their collective arses to register interest.

            Also doesn’t take away from the fact that you couldn’t muster enough of your so-called “fellow kiwis” to secure a mandate for a non-binding referendum.

            • Colonial Viper 7.2.3.2.1.1

              3/4 of those “registering interest” turned out to be uninterested when the money was due

              • Jagg

                How many people would have signed your petition if they were later asked to contribute even just a token $10 to the cause?

                • Colonial Viper

                  Yeah I agree, democracies started going shit when poor people were given the vote

                  • Jagg

                    That is not my argument and you know it – I am saying that signing the petition is no more of a commitment than registering.

                    If anyone had to make a further commitment to your cause, be it in the form of time or a token donation the proportion would be far less than 113/400.

                    The only close valid comparison would be if the rallys attracted >113,000 – frankly, they didn’t.

                    • Colonial Viper

                      You still don’t get it do you.

                      You’re judgements on what is a success or not matter fuck all. This mediocre MRP share float is the financial and market interest high tide of National’s entire asset sale programme. It’s all going out from here. They’re screwed in 2014.

            • Ross 7.2.3.2.1.2

              You mean 400,000 sat at their computers…hardly an onerous task.

              The fact remains that almost 3 times as many people said let’s have a referendum.

              • Jagg

                Oh you really can’t be redeemed if you think it is materially more difficult to sign a petition than lodge interest in an IPO.

                Colonial Viper, well maybe the left’s entirely vindictive sabotage campaign had something to do with it, which if you asked Clint in private I’m sure he would confirm that you’re all ecstatic about.

                • Clockie

                  Well, actually, having to stop what you’re doing, whether it’s shopping or enjoying a day out or dealing with a whiny child, to balance a clip board on your arm on a wet and windy day while you scribble your details on a mangled bit of paper and share a word or too with the dedicated volunteer who gave up half a day on a Saturday morning to collect signatures because they think it’s morally reprehensible to sell public assets, demands a bit more commitment from both the aforementioned parties than tooling around on your computer for thirty seconds in the comfort of your own home. Having said that, many people signed the petition on line. Do they win your seal of approval for their commitment? Oh, and quite a few of those same people have also been making donations to the Green Party and other causes they believe in so don’t go getting too ridiculous with your spurious value judgments about other peoples commitment to their beliefs and ideals.

            • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.2.1.3

              “Also doesn’t take away from the fact that you couldn’t muster enough of your so-called “fellow kiwis” to secure a mandate for a non-binding referendum.”

              And yet we’ll still be having a referendum on the issue and the Government, and you, will be shown to be representing only the tiny minority; the most venal and the disloyal of my fellow kiwis. Funny old world, eh.

              • Jagg

                “most venal and the disloyal of my fellow kiwis”

                Holding a desire for our country to have functioning and healthy capital markets to fuel growth and job creation is about as far removed from being venal and disloyal as a kiwi can possibly get – I’m 8th generation which should (just about) make me kiwi enough to credibly hold that opinion.

                • Pascal's bookie

                  Oh for goodness sake.

                  This claytons IPO isn’t a sign of healthy capital markets. If we had healthy capital markets we wouldn’t need to be flooding them with govt backed listings that require bribes in the form of ‘loayalty shares’. And what’s the point of that if it’s not political?

                  The point of having ‘deeper’ markets is that more capital is available for investment, so why encourage people to park their money in these companies with an implicit govt backing?

                  How does that encourage “growth and job creation”? The companies aren’t getting the money, the crown is. What these ‘floats’ do is take money that might have been invested somewhere else, and give it to the crown. It’s not a sign of ‘healthy capital markets’ it’s a sign that people in NZ with money to invest can’t find anything to do with it other than give it the government in return for a share of the dividends provided by a crown built enterprise.

                  From a right wing perspective it’s a damning indictment on our private sector and capital markets.

                • felix

                  What Pascal said, and also too:

                  If your investment decisions really are motivated by “a desire for our country to have functioning and healthy capital markets to fuel growth and job creation” then you’re a terrible investor.

                  Markets allocate capital to the companies that, on aggregate, investors believe will perform best in those investors’ own interest.

                  Frankly if you have any motivation other than a desire to see the best return on your investment then you’re not helping the market to function at all. You’re actually hindering the market from performing its primary role.

                  Some capitalist you turned out to be.

          • Jimmie 7.2.3.2.2

            So how come these 4 million kiwis voted John Key back in in 2011?

            • Te Reo Putake 7.2.3.2.2.1

              They didn’t. He barely scraped in, and without a mandate to sell the assets.

              • Jagg

                Now I know that I’ve been accused of being poor at maths, so I should clarify, last I checked:

                1,059,000 > 309,000?

                Am I missing something when it comes to mandates?

              • McFlock

                Jimmie thinks nz has more than 8,000,000 voters?
                Faboo.

                • Jagg

                  Pray tell when was there EVER a vote held where 4,000,000 individuals voted against asset sales?

                  The general election is the only thing to go off here – 1 million + voted for National in the polling booths, which by implication means Te Reo is suggesting there are (AT LEAST) 5 million registered voters for him to have 4 million “fellow kiwis”.

                  • McFlock

                    Amazing how you take random words and throw them together.

                    Maybe we should sort out the entire mandate thing with, oh, a sort of vote where only one issue is considered rather than a hodge-podge of personalities and policies. It’s a word beginning with “r”, I think.

              • tricledrown

                shagg if the all blacks had lost the world cup key wouldn’t be PM!

  8. BLiP 8

    We know New Zealanders have swallowed our policies in the past, but this time we are offering a new passage in our history. National Ltd™ will be issuing each New Zealand resident shareholder with a free bottle of lube.

  9. Appleboy 9

    Jimmie – well done bgig spender , hey you put $4000 dollars in, and hey if you double your money in eight to ten years you’ll have made…$4000. Woohooo. You idiot – we..and you already owned the assets..and your $4000 profit will buy fuck all then.

    • geoff 9.1

      That’s the trouble with wee wankers like oor jimmie, they don’t care that the end result of their grubby conceit is that financially vulnerable people are made to further suffer just so jimmie and his ilk can enjoy slightly nicer wine during their next holiday to the Gold Coast.

      • Jimmie 9.1.1

        Ok so the government spending 1.7 billion on hospitals and schools without borrowing will make finacially vulnerable people suffer??

        Play the other one that goes jingle bells.

        And FYI I’ve never been to the gold coast and I don’t drink wine

        • vto 9.1.1.1

          is that your caption?

          or your contest?

        • Ross 9.1.1.2

          “Ok so the government spending 1.7 billion on hospitals and schools without borrowing…”

          Hmmm what happens when the money is spent, and we need to spend more money on schools and hospitals? Will we sell another asset? Then what? We do it all over again?

          That’s plain dumb.

  10. Jackal 10

    “Now for my next trick I’m going to teach your mum and dad investors to suck eggs” said Mr English.

  11. tc 11

    Slurring into earpiece ‘You are my number 2 Blingy boy, here’s another stinker to front and sign off on…..you really should’ve done better in 02 Mr charisma like me in 08 and 11….’

  12. Te Reo Putake 12

    Er, and if, by any chance, you’re thinking of putting SHARE FLOAT FAIL on the front page tomorrow, Tony’s got copies of the rest of Aaron Gilmore’s txts for you. Play ball and we’ll let you have the Hanmer hotel security cam tape on Friday. He agreed to go quietly if John took him out for a drink.

    or:

    26% of those who got the prospectus bought shares, so, ah, more popular than me, then.

    or:

    And now Tony will give you each a copy of the list of excuses we’ll be using …

  13. fender 13

    We proudly announce that less than 3% of NZers have some money.

  14. ianmac 14

    26.9% Retail
    8.6% NZ Institutions
    13.5% Overseas
    49% owned by Kiwi Mums and Dads. = about 55,000 Mums and Dads. Not so wonderful???

    • DH 14.1

      By the look of it they’re playing creative accounting ianmac, their percentages look to be worked back to include the 51% kept by the Govt. The ‘paper said NZ institutions bought $300 million worth and that’s 8.6% of the full market value not the 49% sold. I’d think the retail investors are mum & dad. Of the shares sold I think it goes like this;

      53.8% Retail $914 million
      17.2% NZ Institutions $292 million
      27.0% Overseas $459 million

      That 17.2% is pretty concerning, I assume “NZ Institutions” includes the mobs with all the Kiwisaver cash and they really haven’t spent much here.

      Interesting maths on the Retail side, average of about $8000 spent per investor.

      • BLiP 14.1.1

        I think the Kiwi Saver crew are pretty flush at the moment. Didn’t they sell the New Zealand forests to the Chinese last week? Timing is everything.

  15. Blue 15

    “Um….yeah. John ran off ten minutes ago muttering something about Hawaii. I tried to get Gerry to do it, but he told me to get stuffed. So then I promised Tony the deputy leadership if he’d come with me. Oh, God, why is it always me?”

  16. Mr Interest 16

    O Come All Ye Faithful
    Joyful and triumphant,
    O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
    Come and behold Him,
    Born the King of Angels;
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    Christ the Lord.

    O Sing, choirs of angels,
    Sing in exultation,
    Sing all that hear in heaven God’s holy word.
    Give to our Father glory in the Highest;
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    Christ the Lord.

    All Hail! Lord, we greet Thee,
    Born this happy morning,
    O Jesus! for evermore be Thy name adored.
    Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing;
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    O come, let us adore Him,
    Christ the Lord.

  17. fender 17

    Pre-registration ejaculation proves hard to wash off.

    Ryall studies Keys apology for rorting pre-registration process before reading it to the media.

  18. vto 18

    We are taking $1,700,000,000 from good ordinary kiwis and giving it to South Canterbury Finance investors. No we’re not, we are giving $400,000,000 of it to farmers for their water takes. I mean, no that’s not right. We are investing this $1,squiggly,000 in … um, well

  19. Brian 19

    “hang on – it says $50,000.00 here”

  20. risildo 20

    Vile & Bonehead strike again

  21. North 21

    Gok Wong resigns post of Tony’s fashion adviser. “Some jobs are just too big……”

    • Adrian 21.1

      ” We now don’t own a fair bit of what we did own before we didn’t own what we did own after we did own what we now don’t own. That’s what John said to say anyway and yeah, nah I haven’t got a fuckin clue what it means either. What do you think, Tony” . “Fucked if I know, I’m only here because I get a free suit from Letsalllooklikewankers, if I get on TV”.

    • North 21.2

      Sorry……Gok Wan.

  22. Paul Campbell 22

    “Why yes we think it’s a great investment, you invested right Tony? Tony?”

  23. felix 23

    “It’s no good Bill. I think they still remember who won last time.”

    “You mean the election, Tony?”

    “No Bill, I mean the 1980s.”

  24. felix 24

    Neil Finn and Noel Crombie experiment with phase cancellation.

  25. (ryall – to self)

    “..must – not – smirk..!”

    phillip ure..

  26. ryall:..

    “..just making sure bill is following the agreed-script..”

    phillip ure..

  27. english:..”..”..Only if you have the core competencies will you be able to action the key deliverables for your relevant stakeholders going forward..”

    ryall (to self) “..whoar..!..nice one bill..!..”

    phillip ure..

  28. english:..”oh..!”

    (question:..where exactly is ryalls’ right hand..?..)

    phillip ure..

  29. english:..to the mug-punters/former owners of mighty river power…

    “..now..when you bend over and grab yr ankles for us..make sure you grease up first…

    ..and make sure you say ‘thank you!’..when we’re finished..”

    philllip ure..

  30. (bad-radio..)

    ..bill and tony..reprising the big-hits..of the 80’s..

    phillip ure..

  31. ryall:..”my american-masters wanted me to wear the red white and blue shirt..

    ..they thought it would make a nice touch..

    ..and would be far more subtle than a flag-pin..”

    ..phillip ure..

  32. georgecom 32

    “look, when we announced this package we used hyperbole and spin, we over hyped and over promised the public interest and we used duplicitous language to promote it. In terms of the actual benefit for the country I was honest enough to say I could only guess, that I really had no idea

    Now I can announce that the policy is a success. We met none of the over hyped criteria we stated in public but have met the real objective, placing the collective wealth of NZ into the pockets of a few.

    I can announce today a further changes. Mum and Dad power users are going to be paying more for their power from now on to subsidise the lifestyles of the 3%”

  33. rod 33

    Bill and Tony, New Zealand’s got Talent. Yeah Right.

  34. Binders full of viper- women 34

    Back to the caption contest… “mmm these are funny communists .. Muesli & Mumbletruck.. their NZpower scheme will benefit rich families more than poor families ( who will get FOUR packets of chewing gum)”

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Progress in establishment of Aged Care Commissioner
    Recruitment for an Aged Care Commissioner will start next month, to ensure greater oversight of New Zealand’s aged care sector. “This sector is responsible for supporting a large and often vulnerable population. While most people are able to access quality care, there have been cases where that care has fallen ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    14 hours ago
  • New record number of homes consented
    In the year ended June 2021, the actual number of new dwellings consented was 44,299, up 18 percent from the June 2020 year. In June 2021, the seasonally adjusted number of new dwellings consented rose 3.8 percent. In June 2021, 4,310 new dwellings were consented, an increase of 3.8 per ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Communities backed to tackle wilding pines
    Twelve community projects across New Zealand will receive a share of $2 million to carry out wilding pine control, Biosecurity Minister Damien O’Connor announced as part of Biosecurity Week. “Wilding pines are a serious problem that threaten many of the unique landscapes that New Zealanders value. Community groups and trusts ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Health Minister Andrew Little responding to the New Zealand Nurses Organisation's rejection of ...
    I was advised last night that the result of the ballot of Tōpūtanga Tapuhi Kaitiaki o Aotearoa New Zealand Nurses Organisation members have rejected the latest proposal to settle their collective agreement. Let me be clear: the proposal was one they put to the Government. The Nurses Organisation rejected their ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Conversion Practices Prohibition Legislation introduced to Parliament
    Legislation has been introduced to Parliament to protect against practices intended to change or suppress someone’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression. Introducing the Conversion Practices Prohibition Legislation Bill, Minister of Justice, Kris Faafoi, said the measures proposed were aimed at ending conversion practices which don’t work, are widely ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • New school site for booming West Auckland
    The Government will build on a new school site in West Auckland to cope with rapid population growth in the area, Education Minister Chris Hipkins says. The Ministry is working with existing local schools to determine how the 1.5-hectare site at 279 Hobsonville Point Road will be used to support ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Trans-Tasman travel window to close at midnight tomorrow
    A further 500 MIQ rooms released for managed returnees from NSW Further Government actions announced today are balanced to provide more certainty for Kiwis wanting to return from Australia, while continuing to protect New Zealand from COVID-19, acting Minister for COVID-19 Response Ayesha Verrall says. The actions were foreshadowed last ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Govt investing millions in Hawke's Bay and Tairāwhiti schools
    Napier Boys’ and Girls’ High Schools are among those set to benefit from a $16.5 million investment in the Hawke's Bay and Tairāwhiti region, Economic and Regional Development Minister Stuart Nash announced today. The Government has set aside money in Budget 2021 to accelerate five projects in Napier, Hastings, Havelock North ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Game changing Jobs for Nature investment for Northland
    Conservation Minister Kiri Allan has announced Jobs for Nature funding for a portfolio of projects that will create ‘game changing’ gains for nature and communities across Northland/Te Tai Tokerau as part of the Government’s acceleration of the economic recovery from COVID. “This portfolio of 12 projects will see over $20 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Third COVID-19 vaccine receives provisional approval
    New Zealand’s regulatory authority Medsafe has granted provisional approval of the AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine for individuals 18 years of age and older, Acting Minister for COVID-19 Response Dr Ayesha Verrall announced today. New Zealand secured 7.6 million doses (enough for 3.8 million people) of the AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine through an ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Bowel-cancer screening programme is saving lives
    More than 1000 New Zealanders have had bowel cancer – New Zealand’s second-most-common cause of death from cancer - detected under the Government’s National Bowel Screening Programme, Health Minister Andrew Little said today. More than 1200 New Zealanders died from bowel cancer in 2017. The screening programme aims to save ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Govt welcomes draft report on the retail grocery sector
    The Commerce Commission’s draft report into the retail grocery sector is being welcomed by Government as a major milestone. “I asked the Commerce Commission to look at whether this sector is as competitive as it could be and today it has released its draft report for consultation,” Commerce and Consumer ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Christchurch’s Youth Hub ‘set to go’ thanks to further Government funding
    Construction of New Zealand’s first, purpose-built centre for youth well-being is ready to get underway thanks to an extra $2.5 million of COVID-19 response funding, Housing Minister and Associate Minister of Finance, Megan Woods announced today.  “The Christchurch Youth Hub is about bringing together all the things young people need ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Next step to protect Milford Sound Piopiotahi
    Expert group lays out plan to better protect iconic UNESCO World Heritage site Milford Sound Piopiotahi and its surrounds Funding confirmed for dedicated unit and Establishment Board to assess the recommendations and provide oversight of the process from here Milford Opportunities Project a test case for transformational change in tourism ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Funding for projects to reduce waste from construction and demolition
    The Government has announced funding for projects in Auckland and the lower North Island to help reduce construction and demolition waste. “Construction is the main source of waste sent to landfill, and much of this could be reduced, reused and recovered,” Environment Minister David Parker said. “The Government is funding ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Speech at the launch of the National Hepatitis C Action Plan
    Tēnā koutou katoa. Thank you Anglesea Pharmacy and Te Manawa Taki for hosting this event. As a doctor, I saw first hand the impact of hepatitis C. I met Moana in 2019; she came to the infectious diseases outpatient clinic at Wellington Hospital having tested positive for hepatitis C. Like ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Plan to eliminate hepatitis C as a major health threat by 2030
    A plan to eliminate hepatitis C in New Zealand, reducing liver cancer and the need for liver transplants, has been released today by Associate Minister of Health Dr Ayesha Verrall. “Around 45,000 New Zealanders have hepatitis C, but only around half know they have it,” said Ayesha Verrall. “Symptoms often ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • School upgrades and new classrooms for West Coast, Tasman and Canterbury
    A funding injection from Budget 2021 to complete four shovel ready projects and new classrooms at six schools and kura will provide a real boost to local communities, Minister Dr Megan Woods announced today. “This Government has committed to providing quality fit for purpose learning environments and 100,000 new student ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Warmer Kiwi Homes smashes annual target
    The Government's highly successful insulation and heating programme, Warmer Kiwi Homes, is celebrating a key milestone with the completion of more than 38,000 insulation and efficient heater installs in the year to the end of June, smashing its target of 25,000 installs for the year. “The Warmer Kiwi Homes scheme ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Exemption granted for Wallabies to enter NZ
    Bledisloe Cup rugby will be played in New Zealand after the Australian rugby team received an economic exemption to enter New Zealand. Travel between Australia and New Zealand was suspended on Friday for at least eight weeks following the worsening of the COVID outbreak across the Tasman. New Zealanders have ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Minister of Foreign Affairs makes three diplomatic appointments
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced three New Zealand Head of Mission appointments. They are: Mike Walsh as Ambassador to Iran Michael Upton as Ambassador to Ethiopia and the African Union Kevin Burnett as Ambassador to Indonesia Iran “Aotearoa New Zealand has a long-standing and constructive relationship with Iran, despite a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Enhanced Task Force Green Approved for West Coast and Marlborough
    The Government has activated Enhanced Task Force Green (ETFG) in response to the West Coast and Marlborough floods, Social Development and Employment Minister Carmel Sepuloni announced today. “To assist with the clean-up, up to $500,000 will be made available to support the recovery in Buller and Marlborough which has experienced ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Govt support for upgrade of Eden Park players facilities
    Minister for Sport and Recreation Hon Grant Robertson has announced funding to upgrade the players facilities at Eden Park ahead of upcoming Women’s World Cup events. Eden Park is a confirmed venue for the Rugby World Cup 2021, the ICC Women’s Cricket World Cup 2022, and a proposed venue for matches of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • More jobs and quicker public transport motoring towards West Auckland
    Work to improve public transport for West Aucklanders and support the region’s economic recovery by creating hundreds of jobs has officially kicked off, Transport Minister Michael Wood announced today. Michael Wood and Auckland Mayor Phil Goff this morning marked the start of construction on the Northwestern Bus Improvements project. It ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Government backs critical health research
    Research into some of New Zealanders’ biggest health concerns including cancer, diabetes, and heart disease is getting crucial support in the latest round of health research funding, Health Minister Andrew Little announced today. The funding, awarded through the Health Research Council of New Zealand, covers 31 General Project grants ($36.64 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • New Bay of Islands hospital facilities to bring services closer to home
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Health Minister Andrew Little have joined a ceremony to bless the site and workers for Phase Two of the redevelopment of the Bay of Islands Hospital in Kawakawa today. The new building will house outpatients and primary care facilities, as well as expanded renal care ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Raukokore re-imagined with ‘smart’ relocatable rent to own housing
    Iwi, Crown Partnership Relocatable, fully insulated housing, connected to a new solar plant Provides a pathway to home ownership New housing in the remote eastern Bay of Plenty community of Raukokore shows how iwi and Crown agencies can work together effectively to provide warm, dry, energy efficient homes in a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Cabinet accepts Turkish authorities’ request for the managed return of three NZ citizens
    Cabinet has agreed to the managed return of a New Zealand citizen and her two young children from Turkey, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announced today. The three have been in immigration detention in Turkey since crossing the border from Syria earlier this year. Turkey has requested that New Zealand repatriate ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Govt delivers more classrooms so children can focus on learning
    Extra Government investment in classrooms and school building projects will enable students and teachers to focus on education rather than overcrowding as school rolls grow across the country, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Associate Education Minister Kelvin Davis say. The pair visited Ruakākā School in Whangārei today to announce $100 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • New station a platform for AirportLink to take off
    Every Aucklander with access to the rail network will now have a quick and convenient trip to the airport, Transport Minister Michael Wood and Auckland Mayor Phil Goff said during the official opening of the new Puhinui Interchange today. The new interchange links the rail platform with a new bus ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • 10 days sick leave for employees delivered
    Legislation doubling employees’ minimum sick leave entitlement to 10 days comes into effect today, bringing benefits to both businesses and employees, Workplace Relations and Safety Minister Michael Wood announced today. “Our Government is delivering on a key manifesto commitment to help Kiwis and workplaces stay healthy,” Michael Wood said. “COVID-19 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Prime Minister congratulates Fiame Naomi Mata’afa on Election Win
    Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern tonight congratulated Prime Minister-elect Fiame Naomi Mata’afa on her victory in the Samoa’s general election. “New Zealand has a special relationship with Samoa, anchored in the Treaty of Friendship. We look forward to working with Samoa’s new government in the spirit of partnership that characterises this ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Quarantine Free Travel with Australia suspended
    Quarantine Free Travel from all Australian states and territories to New Zealand is being suspended as the Covid situation there worsens, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins announced today. From 11.59pm today Australians will no longer be able to enter New Zealand quarantine-free. This will be ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Growing conservation efforts in Gisborne
    A big injection of Jobs for Nature funding will create much-needed jobs and financial security for families in TeTairāwhiti, and has exciting prospects for conservation in the region, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says. “The projects target local communities most affected by the economic consequences of COVID 19 and are designed ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Flood recovery given further assistance
    The Government is contributing a further $1 million to help the flood battered Buller community, Acting Emergency Management Minister Kris Faafoi announced today. “Buller is a small community which has found itself suddenly facing significant and ongoing welfare costs. While many emergency welfare costs are reimbursed by Government, this money ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Funding for five projects to reduce food waste
    The Government is funding five projects to help address the growing problem of food waste, Environment Minister David Parker announced today. “New Zealand households throw away nearly 300,000 tonnes of food every year, half of which could still be eaten. By supporting these initiatives, we’re taking steps to reduce this ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Temporary Accommodation Service activated for West Coast flooding event
    The Temporary Accommodation Service (TAS) has been activated today - meaning residents on the West Coast of the South Island and in the Marlborough region hit by flooding over the weekend can now access help finding temporary accommodation, announced Associate Minister of Housing (Public Housing) Poto Williams in Westport today. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Pause to Quarantine Free Travel from South Australia to New Zealand
    Quarantine Free Travel from South Australia to New Zealand will be paused from 11.59am (NZT) tonight, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins has announced. However, people currently in the state who ordinarily live in New Zealand will be able to return on “managed return” flights starting with the next available flight, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand condemns malicious cyber activity by Chinese state-sponsored actors
    New Zealand has established links between Chinese state-sponsored actors known as Advanced Persistent Threat 40 (APT40) and malicious cyber activity in New Zealand. “The GCSB has worked through a robust technical attribution process in relation to this activity. New Zealand is today joining other countries in strongly condemning this malicious ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Remarks to Diplomatic Corps
    It is a pleasure to be with you all this evening. Some of you may have been surprised when you received an invitation from the Minister of Disarmament and Arms Control, and I would forgive you if you were. New Zealand is unique in having established a Ministerial portfolio ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago