web analytics

Caption contest

Written By: - Date published: 2:04 pm, August 4th, 2014 - 93 comments
Categories: caption contest - Tags: ,

key-caption

93 comments on “Caption contest ”

  1. ropata 1

    Yes Lord Keyster, with this small implant we will replace the non functional parts of your brain with direct instructions from Galatic Emperor Jamie Dimond [CEO of JP Morgan]

  2. minarch 2

    shit…..

    his battery packs come unplugged !

  3. ruup 3

    There that should do it….Now the strings are invisible again.

  4. ruup 4

    careful … we don’t want you to actually be able to hear the peasants.

  5. Tiger Mountain 5

    right; this tiny invisible strip will keep your rug snug JK, no worries…

  6. minarch 6

    just needs a few final touches before we send it off to the madame Tussauds “crooks and villains” exhibition

  7. AB 7

    I’m installing Crosby Textor spin cartridge no. CT-FO/714. It won’t hurt, but will feel a bit strange at first when you start speaking in coherent sentences. This is the foreign ownership module. This cartridge is incompatible with CT-BF/001 the ‘Brighter Future’ module which I’ve uninstalled. So steer clear of that topic, but if you can’t, then CT-DC/031 will fire up and you will just be able to say David Cunliffe is tricky and hates men.
    OK- all good now

    • weka 7.1

      very good.

    • swordfish 7.2

      Nicely done, AB.

      In this little scene, we see Malcolm unsuccessfully trying to install a new Crosby/Textor cartridge into the android PM…

      Malcolm (to work colleague, Keith, off-camera) “Ah, Keith, how the hell do you get this thing to work ?”

      Keith “Oh shit, what have you done, Malcolm ?”

      Malcolm “I’ve hardly touched it ! I was just very carefully installing the new cartridge into it, completely according to the instruction booklet – absolutely followed it step-by-step ! And then….well… look at it !, the dumb thing’s just suddenly stopped, completely frozen, arms in mid-air !”

      Keith “Ahhh shit !, well, look mate, all I know is: this android was the latest model, right ?, and I mean absolutely bloody state-of-the-art, when Crosby/Textor first purchased it in 2002. It’s needed one or two tweaks over the years, especially after it made a hash of the 2011 campaign, but overall it’s been working pretty bloody well since it became Prime Minister and now you’ve just gone and fucked it up ! I mean, Christ !, you do realise it’s got a current affairs interview in about an hour’s time and then a press conference tomorrow morning. What the hell are we gonna do ?”

  8. yr nsa-implant has slipped..and is showing..

  9. woops..!..rug-crisis..!

  10. key:..’bloody huawei..!’..

  11. Roy 11

    It’s okay, he’s just a simple clockwork model. That’s why he is called ‘Key’. I’ll soon get him smiling and waving again.

  12. key:..’is it still under warranty..?’..

  13. key:..’i told bronagh i should have got the deluxe-model..!’..

  14. man:..’now..say after me…’israel good..arabs bad’..!’

  15. the poli-tron 3 gets a tune-up..

  16. man:..’now..try and walk and chew at the same time..’

  17. passer-bye gets in keys’ ear…

  18. man:..’you’ve some big-mac in yr ear..’

  19. key:..’this is the best way to use yr hands..in a group circle-jerk’..

  20. Nate 20

    Now… just connect this wire… and the drone will be operational again!

  21. idlegus 21

    unidentified guest gets thrown out on his ear

  22. Stuart Munro 22

    You’ve a scale showing … got it.

  23. Jackal 23

    “We’ll just tape down your toupée with a bit of gaffa so the wind doesn’t catch it Prime Minister”.

  24. lprent 24

    Step1: Power down
    ….
    Step 5: Insert brain.
    Step 6: Turn on power.
    Step 6: Press reset switch.

  25. NZJester 25

    Now remember John, when someone asks you a question, pause for a moment and wait for the correct answer you should reply to be passed to you through this ear piece I’m putting in.

  26. Misc 26

    Figure 7: Primate social grooming behaviour

  27. ropata 27

    This chip is a massive RAM upgrade to the DevilTech® PoliticoBot™ KY-800
    From 64 to a whole 128 kilobytes ! And overclocked at 200 mHz !!!
    Able to multi-task up to 3 programs:
    – basic OS (breathing, mumbling, obfuscating)
    – muldoon v2.0 (wasteful spending, hamming up for cameras)
    – rogernome v3.0 (appearance of moderation whilst slashing and selling sovereign assets)

  28. joe90 28

    Just hold still John, Lord Ashcroft has requested that I insert a wee something….

  29. key:..’this is my colin craig impersonation..pretty good..!..eh..?..’

  30. man:..’it..!..it looks like something out of ‘alien’..!..’

  31. man:..’there’s a used condom in yr ear..!’..

  32. ruup 32

    It was great of the N.S.A to give us an update on our Hymie robot from the Get Smart days!

  33. man:..’yr ayn rand is showing..!’

  34. Te Reo Putake 34

    It’s the latest thing from the states, Prime Minister. It’s called Google Ass. Ah, fits perfectly.

  35. Dramaticus 35

    Yes you will be able to listen as well as you hear, Heir Key come election day, to the sound of a Labour Victory

  36. risildowgtn 36

    Now PM, I know it sucks but as youre incapable to sticking to what we tell you to say.. when you dont. you will get a couple hundred volts to keep you on track

  37. aerobubble 37

    National+Maori+United+ACT government falling apart, whose going to be talking in his ear now?

  38. aerobubble 38

    Recommend a picture of Key, glasses on, double chin showing as he looks down at his papers while sitting in parliament. Looking old and tired. Why do his opponents always show his best PR picture?

    • aerobubble 38.1

      I mean Goff on the motorbike. Cunliffe bent forward sitting next to Mahota at the hustings. Why no Key images of off camera debranding.

  39. minarch 39

    John Key demonstrates his ” Popping & Locking” to attract the youth vote

    “spin on your hands
    now spin on your knees
    spin on your head and now freeze”

  40. tricledrown 40

    Better insert the memory stick today

  41. Yes, well, it may indeed be uncomfortable PM but if you want another proctologist then just get one.

  42. Weepus beard 42

    John Banks has to do this himself.

  43. key:..’goody..!..an upgrade..!’…

  44. key:..’did you know that i was made in the same factory in the desert outside phoenix arizona..

    ..that they shot the moon-landing in..?’..

  45. Clemgeopin 45

    ‘Ha, ha, I found some more wax for Banks!’

    • ianmac 45.1

      Imagine Key being unable to get his own earwax for a feed. The helper is called Waxman.

  46. reptilian shape-shifter gets ear cleaned by lackey..

  47. felix 47

    Have you tried turning it off and on again?

  48. The Real Matthew 48

    New Zealand’s greatest ever Prime Minister gets ready for a television interview?

  49. man:..’has banksie been foraging in here again..?

    ..it’s been cleaned right out..’

  50. Tom Jackson 50

    “Screw the babel fish! Where’s my fucking towel?!?!”

  51. David H 51

    Alright. Who took the memory out?

  52. Instauration 52

    We have this solution for Middle NZ Ear.
    It’s called Eustachian Glue. We will only apply this to your right ear – the left doesn’t matter.

  53. Instauration 53

    Total deafness averted – Key’s left ear already lame by severance -Vince the St John in the now in the van man applies emergency surgery to Key’s right ear, enough ! – said John , will my insurance cover this?

  54. Stuart Munro 54

    The incept date is 1961 – if we reduce cognitive function we can extend the lifetime. There may be some brain fades… but the light that burns half as bright burns twice as long… and this one never burned very bright to begin with.

  55. Flippant 55

    Is this really “Vote Positive”?
    C’mon people, you want to gain the politically central voters- keep the positive message, not this childish teasing/ bullying type enabling that you decry…

  56. Instauration 56

    Was that 100 rounds pertaining the Great Whore for the imperialists ?

  57. Flippant 57

    Why was my comment not posted? Was not nasty or unfair- was that the problem?
    Was genuinely pointing out this puts off us ‘centrist’ voters.. Id say same on “right wing” blogs….?

    [It was stuck in spam. The machine did it … MS]

    [lprent: Could also be that the system “knows” about you under a different name, and you have a ban. It is the most common reason.

    I guess you’ll find out as I don’t remove morans from the spam listing until I know that they aren’t banned or their sentence is up.

    Most of the time the self-evident stupidity that got them banned in the first place tends to show up over time. For a starter they tend to whine a lot Eh? ]

  58. McFlock 58

    This government brought to you by the people who bought you the Thunderbirds!

  59. disturbed 59

    Better let Labour win Sir, you know how bankrupt we are after lending 56 Billion we can never pay it back now!

  60. mikesh 60

    It’s just a touch of deafness caused by Joyce’s non-stop shouting. That’s the trouble with having Joyce as your right hand man.

  61. tricledrown 61

    One of Christine Rankins earings got stuck in Keys earlobe during secret pre election cup of tea coalition deal!
    ACT ACT guns were brought in to protect her from vapour trails.

  62. adam 62

    Everyone wants a slice of
    The jingoistic cake

  63. mac1 63

    “Well, Prime Minister, I can’t see the little man whose voice you can hear whispering “You’re going to lose!””

  64. dan1 64

    We’ve had a few problems with the AI on this one: the eyes go strange; he can’t shake hands and he lies all the time. I’ll just fiddle with the energiser battery!

  65. CeeH 65

    Freakin heck I can see thru to the other side!

  66. Treetop 66

    Can you find my chewing gum in there, I thought I stuck it behind my ear?

  67. Mr Skud Missile 67

    There you go darling, I’ll just dab this caviar off

    You have such symmetry to your humor John

    I mean, we are here to remember those who gave up their lives for their country and what do you do, you sell everything, I mean fxxkxxg everything in NZ, brilliant.

    It’s hilarious, you even down sized the NZDF and were just lucky enough to get those 2 cannons in the background off trade me in exchange for some Twinkies.

    I understand the symmetry of your humor, John, it’s just a reflection of the fact that there is nothing left to defend.

    Well, except us against the proletariat. We have to keep them working in those foreign owned factories and farms at low pay don’t we. A good show of force every now and again keeps them in tow (I think, they call it in your business, “leverage”).

    Don’t the banks win in all of this?

    Even with your strange quirk of sticking caviar in your ear,

    I will always love you Heir Leader

  68. poem 68

    Shit John, whats that? you’ve even got lies coming out of your ear, we’d better plug that up from view.

  69. Ecosse_Maidy 69

    With this new and improved Hearing Aide prime minster you will be able to hear again yet don’t worry it will filter out, all the screams of the poor, dispossessed . vulnerable,your political opponents and anything that smacks of the truth……………………………Excellent

  70. Ecosse_Maidy 70

    On The Set of Bladerunner Deux….Keys the actor was implanted with the latest Durrell Corporation chip date of 2007 & expiry date of September 2014

  71. Ecosse_Maidy 71

    Jesus H Christ that the last time I let Bennett Hag kiss me….she bit off my fucking ear…Hurrah Up Lacky,,,stick a new one on

  72. Ecosse_Maidy 72

    Ok,,,,,I have wound up the clockwork mechanism…your good to go now Keys

  73. Ffloyd 73

    Just a small prick. Will make a small incision, implant small brain, hopefully will be an improvement on your current non-existent one.

  74. georgecom 74

    no matter how many times we adjust it, we cannot get the pronunciation/anti slur setting correct on this model.

  75. Jenny 75

    The male version of Cherry 2000, Pollie 2000 comes to a grinding halt. Luckily, this time the back up chip was not hidden in the badlands, but available on line on discount at Trademe.

  76. trainman 76

    If you don’t fix it soon I will have to get that other MP with the earwax problem to come and fix it

  77. Byron 77

    “Excuse me Prime Minister, you have quite a bit of excess wax in your ear. Hold still while I pick it out for you. Now there will be no excuse for you to fall deaf on the calls of struggling New Zealanders.”

  78. kiwidave 78

    ah – the bullshit level needs adjusting

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Language provides hope for Tuvalu
    Climate change continues to present a major risk for the island nation of Tuvalu, which means sustaining te gana Tuvalu, both on home soil and in New Zealand Aotearoa, has never been more important, Minister for Pacific Peoples Aupito William Sio said. The Tuvalu Auckland Community Trust and wider Tuvalu ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    14 hours ago
  • Minister Sio to attend Asian Development Bank meeting in Manila
    Associate Foreign Affairs Minister Aupito William Sio travels to the Philippines this weekend to represent Aotearoa New Zealand at the 55th Annual Meeting of the Asian Development Bank (ADB) Board of Governors in Manila. “The ADB Annual Meeting provides an opportunity to engage with other ADB member countries, including those ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • United Nations General Assembly National Statement
    E ngā Mana, e ngā Reo, Rau Rangatira mā kua huihui mai nei i tēnei Whare Nui o te Ao Ngā mihi maioha ki a koutou katoa, mai i tōku Whenua o Aotearoa Tuia ki runga, Tuia ki raro, ka Rongo to pō ka rongo te ao Nō reira, tēnā ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • New strategy unifies all-of-Government approach to help Pacific languages thrive
    A united approach across all-of-Government underpins the new Pacific Language Strategy, announced by the Minister for Pacific Peoples Aupito William Sio at Parliament today. “The cornerstone of our Pacific cultures, identities and place in Aotearoa, New Zealand are our Pacific languages. They are at the heart of our wellbeing,” Aupito ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Upgrades for sporting facilities ahead of FIFA Women’s World Cup
    Communities across the country will benefit from newly upgraded sporting facilities as a result of New Zealand co-hosting the FIFA Women’s World Cup 2023. The Government is investing around $19 million to support upgrades at 30 of the 32 potential sporting facilities earmarked for the tournament, including pitch, lighting and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Partnership supports climate action in Latin America and Caribbean
    Aotearoa New Zealand is extending the reach of its support for climate action to a new agriculture initiative with partners in Latin America and the Caribbean. Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Agriculture Minister Damien O’Connor announced a NZ$10 million contribution to build resilience, enhance food security and address the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Landmark agreement for Māori fisheries celebrates 30th year
    The 30th anniversary of the Fisheries Deed of Settlement is a time to celebrate a truly historic partnership that has helped transform communities, says Parliamentary Under-Secretary to the Minister for Oceans and Fisheries Rino Tirikatene. “The agreement between the Crown and Māori righted past wrongs, delivered on the Crown’s treaty ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Government backs initiatives to cut environmental impact of plastic waste
    The Government has today announced funding for projects that will cut plastic waste and reduce its impact on the environment. “Today I am announcing the first four investments to be made from the $50 million Plastics Innovation Fund, which was set last year and implemented a 2020 election promise,” Environment ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Call for expressions of interest in appointment to the High Court Bench
    Attorney-General David Parker today called for nominations and expressions of interest in appointment to the High Court Bench.  This is a process conducted at least every three years and ensures the Attorney-General has up to date information from which to make High Court appointments.  “It is important that when appointments ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Depositor compensation scheme protects Kiwis’ money
    New Zealanders will have up to $100,000 of their deposits in any eligible institution guaranteed in the event that institution fails, under legislation introduced in Parliament today. The Deposit Takers Bill is the third piece of legislation in a comprehensive review of the Reserve Bank of New Zealand Act and ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New fund to help more Pacific aiga into their own homes
    The Government has launched a new housing fund that will help more Pacific aiga achieve the dream of home ownership. “The Pacific Building Affordable Homes Fund will help organisations, private developers, Māori/iwi, and NGOs build affordable housing for Pacific families and establish better pathways to home ownership within Pacific communities. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • More than 100,000 new Kiwis as halfway point reached
    Over 100,000 new Kiwis can now call New Zealand ‘home’ after the 2021 Resident Visa reached the halfway point of approvals, Minister of Immigration Michael Wood announced today. “This is another important milestone, highlighting the positive impact our responsive and streamlined immigration system is having by providing comfort to migrant ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Maniapoto Claims Settlement Bill passes third reading – He mea pāhi te Maniapoto Claims Settl...
    Nā te Minita mō ngā Take Tiriti o Waitangi, nā Andrew Little,  te iwi o Maniapoto i rāhiri i tēnei rā ki te mātakitaki i te pānuitanga tuatoru o te Maniapoto Claims Settlement Bill - te pikinga whakamutunga o tā rātou whakataunga Tiriti o Waitangi o mua. "Me mihi ka ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • 50,000 more kids to benefit from equity-based programmes next year
    Another 47,000 students will be able to access additional support through the school donations scheme, and a further 3,000 kids will be able to get free and healthy school lunches as a result of the Equity Index.  That’s on top of nearly 90% of schools that will also see a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Healthy Active Learning now in 40 percent of schools across New Zealand
    A total of 800 schools and kura nationwide are now benefitting from a physical activity and nutrition initiative aimed at improving the wellbeing of children and young people. Healthy Active Learning was funded for the first time in the inaugural Wellbeing Budget and was launched in 2020. It gets regional ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Speech at 10th meeting of the Friends of the Comprehensive Nuclear-Test Ban Treaty
    Kia Ora. It is a pleasure to join you here today at this 10th meeting of the Friends of the Comprehensive Nuclear-Test Ban Treaty. This gathering provides an important opportunity to reiterate our unwavering commitment to achieving a world without nuclear weapons, for which the entry into force of this ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Speech for Earthshot Prize Innovation Summit 2022
    Kia ora koutou katoa Thank you for the invitation to join you. It’s a real pleasure to be here, and to be in such fine company.  I want to begin today by acknowledging His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales and Sir David Attenborough in creating what is becoming akin ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New accreditation builds capacity for Emergency Management Volunteers
    Emergency Management Minister Kieran McAnulty has recognised the first team to complete a newly launched National Accreditation Process for New Zealand Response Team (NZ-RT) volunteers. “NZ-RT volunteers play a crucial role in our emergency response system, supporting response and recovery efforts on the ground. This new accreditation makes sure our ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Govt strengthens trans-Tasman emergency management cooperation
    Aotearoa New Zealand continues to strengthen global emergency management capability with a new agreement between New Zealand and Australia, says Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty. “The Government is committed to improving our global and national emergency management system, and the Memorandum of Cooperation signed is another positive step towards ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Christchurch Call Initiative on Algorithmic Outcomes
    Today New Zealand, the USA, Twitter, and Microsoft, announced investment in a technology innovation initiative under the banner of the Christchurch Call.  This initiative will support the creation of new technology to understand the impacts of algorithms on people’s online experiences.  Artificial Intelligence (AI) algorithms play a growing role in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • JOINT PR: Trans-Tasman Cooperation on disaster management
    Hon Kieran McAnulty, New Zealand Minister for Emergency Management Senator The Hon Murray Watt, Federal Minister for Emergency Management Strengthening Trans-Tasman cooperation on disaster management issues was a key area of focus when Australia and New Zealand’s disaster management ministers met this week on the sidelines of the Asia-Pacific Ministerial Conference on ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • More transparency, less red-tape for modernised charities sector
    The Charities Amendment Bill has been introduced today which will modernise the charities sector by increasing transparency, improving access to justice services and reducing the red-tape that smaller charities face, Minister for the Community and Voluntary Sector Priyanca Radhakrishnan said. “These changes will make a meaningful difference to over 28,000 ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Pacific visas reopened to help boost workforce
    Work continues on delivering on a responsive and streamlined immigration system to help relieve workforce shortages, with the reopening of longstanding visa categories, Immigration Minister Michael Wood has announced.  From 3 October 2022, registrations for the Samoan Quota will reopen, and from 5 October registrations for the Pacific Access Category ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Queen Elizabeth II Memorial Day Bill passes into law
    The Bill establishing Queen Elizabeth II Memorial Day has passed its third reading. “As Queen of Aotearoa New Zealand, Her Majesty was loved for her grace, calmness, dedication, and public service. Her affection for New Zealand and its people was clear, and it was a fondness that was shared,” Michael ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • New investor migrant visa opens
    The new Active Investor Plus visa category created to attract high-value investors, has officially opened marking a key milestone in the Government’s Immigration Rebalance strategy, Economic Development Minister Stuart Nash and Immigration Minister Michael Wood have announced. “The new Active Investor Plus visa replaces the previous investor visa categories, which ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • New wharekura continues commitment to Māori education
    A new Year 1-13 designated character wharekura will be established in Feilding, Associate Minister of Education Kelvin Davis announced today. To be known as Te Kura o Kauwhata, the wharekura will cater for the expected growth in Feilding for years to come. “The Government has a goal of strengthening Māori ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • National minute of silence for Queen Elizabeth II
    A national minute of silence will be observed at the start of New Zealand’s State Memorial Service for Queen Elizabeth II, at 2pm on Monday 26 September. The one-hour service will be held at the Wellington Cathedral of St Paul, during a one-off public holiday to mark the Queen’s death. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Speech to the Climate Change and Business Conference
    Tēnā koutou i tēnei ata. Good morning. Recently I had cause to say to my friends in the media that I consider that my job is only half done. So I’m going to take the opportunity of this year’s Climate and Business Conference to offer you a mid-point review. A ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Government enhances protection for our most-productive land  
    Enhanced protection for Aotearoa New Zealand’s most productive land   Councils required to identify, map, and manage highly productive land  Helping ensure Kiwis’ access to leafy greens and other healthy foods Subdivision for housing on highly-productive land could still be possible in limited circumstances  The Government has today released a National ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Kieran McAnulty to attend Asia-Pacific Ministerial Conference on Disaster Risk Reduction
    Minister for Emergency Management Kieran McAnulty will travel to Brisbane this week to represent Aotearoa New Zealand at the 2022 Asia-Pacific Ministerial Conference on Disaster Risk Reduction. “This conference is one of the most important meetings in the Asia-Pacific region to progress disaster risk reduction efforts and increase cooperation between ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Trade and Agriculture Minister to travel to India and Indonesia
    Minister of Trade and Export Growth and Minister of Agriculture Damien O’Connor will travel tomorrow to India and Indonesia for trade and agricultural meetings to further accelerate the Government’s growing trade agenda.  “Exploring ways we can connect globally and build on our trading relationships is a priority for the Government, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Poroporoaki: Cletus Maanu Paul (ONZM)
    E te rangatira Maanu, takoto mai ra, i tō marae i Wairaka, te marae o te wahine nāna I inoi kia Whakatānea ia kia tae ae ia ki te hopu i te waka Mātaatua kia kore ai i riro i te moana. Ko koe anō tēnā he pukumahi koe mō ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Pacific Wellbeing Strategy sets clear path to improve outcomes for Pacific Aotearoa
    Strengthening partnerships with Pacific communities is at the heart of the Government’s new Pacific Wellbeing Strategy, Minister for Pacific Peoples Aupito William Sio announced today. “Working alongside communities to ensure more of our aiga and families have access to the staples of life like, housing, education, training and job opportunities ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Jobs on the horizon for more than 1,000 rangatahi
    Following on from last week’s Better Pathways Package announcement and Apprenticeship Boost 50,000th apprentice milestone, the Government is continuing momentum, supporting over 1,000 more rangatahi into employment, through new funding for He Poutama Rangatahi. “Our Government remains laser focused on supporting young people to become work ready and tackle the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • NZ/AU partnership to bring world-class satellite positioning services
    Land Information Minister Damien O’Connor today announced a joint Trans-Tasman partnership which will provide Australasia with world-leading satellite positioning services that are up to 50 times more accurate, boosting future economic productivity, sustainability and safety.  New Zealand and Australia have partnered to deliver the Southern Positioning Augmentation Network (SouthPAN), with ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Govt helps small businesses get paid on time
    The Government is adding to the support it has offered New Zealand’s small businesses by introducing new measures to help ensure they get paid on time. A Business Payment Practices disclosure regime is being established to improve information and transparency around business-to-business payment practices across the economy, Small Business Minister ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Economy grows as tourism and exports rebound
    The economy has rebounded strongly in the June quarter as the easing of restrictions and reopening of the border boosted economic activity, meaning New Zealand is well placed to meet the next set of challenges confronting the global economy. GDP rose 1.7 percent in the June quarter following a decline ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Ambassador to China announced
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today announced the appointment of Grahame Morton as New Zealand’s next Ambassador to China. “Aotearoa New Zealand and China share a long and important relationship,” Nanaia Mahuta said. “As we mark 50 years of diplomatic relations between our nations, we are connected by people-to-people links, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • 1.4 million hectares of wilding pine control work in two years
    1.4 million hectares of native and productive land have been protected from wilding conifers in the past two years and hundreds of jobs created in the united efforts to stamp out the highly invasive weeds, Biosecurity Minister Damien O’Connor said. Speaking today at the 2022 Wilding Pine Conference in Blenheim, Damien ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • HomeGround – “a place to come together, a place to come home to”
    After 10 years’ hard mahi, HomeGround - Auckland City Mission's new home – is now officially open. “It’s extremely satisfying to see our commitment to providing a safety net for people who need housing and additional support services come together in a place like HomeGround, to create a better future ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago