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Caption Contest

Written By: - Date published: 2:05 pm, October 8th, 2015 - 100 comments
Categories: caption contest, john key, national - Tags:

John Key soldier

The normal rules apply. Keep it seemly …

100 comments on “Caption Contest”

  1. ann johns 1

    I don’t need protection for my head, there’s nothing in there that can be harmed.

  2. Stephen 2

    Ok, so how do I look in beige?

  3. shorts 3

    Dazed and Confused

  4. Tel 4

    2017 Election campaign kicks off in Huntly

  5. Sabine 5

    Do I get a codpiece like Bush the younger did when he proclaimed Mission Accomplished?

    Do I?

  6. vto 6

    looks like a yank

    sounds like a yank

  7. irascible 7

    “Remember: Smile, wave, scuttle and RUN” … Damn Crosby Textor for telling me that channelling Rambo is meant to be good for my macho image.

  8. Nigel Gregory 9

    Hey Barrack, 150 yards to the green…..7 iron should do mate.

  9. Tel 10

    Key understood to be considering breast reduction surgery

  10. Tel 11

    Man bra wearer discovered by booby trap detector

  11. Stephen 12

    What? You mean ACTUAL mines? Really?!

  12. mary_a 13

    Bugger, no ponytails amongst this lot!

  13. Rosemary McDonald 14

    What? You want me to stick that where?

  14. mac1 15

    BBQ king models new apron with insulated six pack.

  15. maui 16

    General McArthur role in new Jackson movie to be readvertised as PM proves too arrogant for the part.

  16. Editractor 17

    I came here as a distraction from the TPPA but this Iraqi food has done my guts in and my PA thought I said to leave the TP behind.

  17. cogito 18

    Soldier: “Sorry sir, no cowards or hypocrites allowed”

  18. maui 19

    Deep in Iraq with magazines and something resembling a cafe number stand in front of him, the Prime Minister tells stories of a different sort of battleground in Parnell involving the dreaded HipHop group, bodyguards and a deranged individual in close quarter combat.

  19. Ilicit 20

    The blind leading the blind !!

  20. what is your major malfunction numbnuts?

  21. McFlock 22

    “why is your equipment so dirty and tattered? This is my photo-op, you should have worn new gear like I did.”

  22. Atiawa 23

    ” You blind boy “?

  23. M J Crawford 24

    Singing under his breath through clenched teeth; “Macho macho man, I want to be a macho man………………….”

  24. Bonito 25

    So about the Flag and Pandas …

  25. tc 26

    Which way to muzzas sheep station ?

  26. Tautoko Mangō Mata 27

    Key detours to Afghanistan to pick up a flak jacket ready for his return to NZ to face protest against the shitty TPP deal.

  27. tracey 28

    When I saw the leader of Iraq meeting Key last night I thought this might have gone through the good leader of Iraq’s head

    “What is Obama’s caddy doing in Iraq???”

  28. taxicab 29

    “G I John” dolls available for christmas . PM models new look for Mattel .

  29. tracey 30

    Solid Energy should have put up solar panels. This sun is burning mighty hot.

  30. Brian 31

    “when I said “behind the wire” I did think there would be more than three”

  31. Gavin 32

    I am invincible!

  32. peterh 33

    How dare the US say this base is a dog

  33. Barfly 34

    “you’re sure I’m not going to have to use a hammer?”

  34. Jo 35

    Ta for the offer mate but acshully my eyesight’s great as long as I just look to the right.

  35. One Anonymous Bloke 36

    Daesh miss opportunity, resemble incompetent wingnuts again.

  36. Bea Brown 37

    NZ Prime Minister shows support for our brave servicemen and women, serving under terrible conditions at great risk.
    Like him, I am proud of them and their dedication, whatever the politics.
    Not the time to sneer or take cheap shots.
    Unworthy of you all.

  37. One Anonymous Bloke 38

    “I want to live my fantasies”.

    “Permission to speak freely Sir.”

    “Granted.”

    “Sir, no-one here is going to escort you to enemy territory. You’re on your own.”

    • NZJester 38.1

      What are you talking about. They will be more than happy to escort him to enemy territory.
      Not suddenly pulling out and leaving him behind while heading back to the safety of the base as soon as he gets out to look around. Now that is a different story. ;-p

  38. b waghorn 39

    Commander of thief’s

  39. One Anonymous Bloke 40

    “Does my trade agreement look big in this?”

  40. pickles 41

    so why does mine have the ceramic plate pulled out and a copy of the TPPA stuffed inside the vest?

  41. Bill 42

    I thought photographers scoffed at ‘bird on a stick’ photos, but look, if you’re saying Barack is looking for a Kiwi on a stick to add to his ornithological collection, then, ah sure – I’m fairly comfortable with that. Just give me a moment to get ministerially relaxed….

  42. left for deadshark 43

    With that aerial you can receive National Radio, is Kim Hill still on morning report. Oh….can i hang with you guys a bit longer

  43. Murray Simmonds 44

    Yeah, yeah, I know there have been Government cuts to defense spending, but I thought we could’ve supplied you with a more realistic-looking toy gun than that one.

  44. NZJester 45

    Key finds the safest place in the world to hang out with some kiwi’s after agreeing to the TPP deal.

  45. Thinker 47

    “It ain’t me, it ain’t me,
    I’m no military son, y’all.
    It ain’t me, it ain’t me,
    I’m no fortunate one…”
    (Fortunate Son, Creedence Clearwater Revival)

  46. Tautoko Mangō Mata 48

    “How effective is the padding on the back of the jacket? Does it stop knives as well as bullets?” said John, thinking of Judith.

  47. sweetone 49

    Wow wearing this uniform beats tugging ponytails anyday.

  48. b waghorn 50

    “My mate Paul Henry will be adding this photo to his wank files I bet” says john

  49. Thinker 51

    9th floor Christmas do. Paintball At Granada Park.

  50. Pascals bookie 52

    “Why is that guy cheering for Russia?”

  51. Rob 53

    Do these sunnys make me look the part?

  52. cogito 54

    Key: “Do I get to drink my piss like Bear Grylls?”

  53. Drowsy M. Kram 55

    “Suits you Sir!”

  54. cogito 56

    Key: “Do you think I’m in danger here?”

    Soldier: “No sir. We’ve told the terrorists that Judith Collins is the PM and you’re just an old has-been”.

  55. ropata 57

    give me a drone to play with
    i wanna i wanna be just like obama
    indiscriminate killing by remote control

  56. cogito 58

    Key: “What’s with the straw?”

    Soldier: “It’s all we’ve got left now sir, now that you’ve spent $200,000 a piece on new BMWs, sir”.

  57. Smilin 59

    I better keep it on when I get home, well back to NZ, ITS NOT RREALLY home eh? can I take one of those gunny things as well?

  58. reason 60

    “When do I get to say mission accomplished ?, …. and do my guts look big in this ?”

  59. ropata 61

    A masterful hachet job by someone who has a clue: http://www.kiwipolitico.com/2015/10/another-dog-and-pony-show/

    In any event what is clear is this. With the complicity of major media outlets, Mr. Key has added troop visits to his pandas and flags repertoire of diversions. In saying so I in no way mean to denigrate the work and sacrifice of the NZDF soldiers at Taji or downplay the difficulty of their mission. Nor do I discount the positive impact his visit has on the NZDF personnel deployed, or the diplomatic and symbolic overtones of it. I simply do not think that the visit was about the troops per se. Instead, I think that the trip was a propaganda exercise that was more about burnishing the PM’s image as well as softening up the NZ public for a possible announcement of future changes to the NZDF mission in Iraq (and Syria).

    It is a pity that none of those from the press gallery who were invited to join the PM on his meet-and-greet with the troops thought to wade through the fluff in order to cut to the chase of the matter. On the other hand, perhaps that is precisely why they were chosen.

    Imagine if Jon Stephenson had been on that trip. I am willing to bet that not only would his reporting have been very different, but it would have set the tone for the entire group to be a little more serious in their scrutiny of the event. Then again, pigs will fly before such a thing ever happens.

  60. dukeofurl 62

    The Generalissimo can see you now !

  61. Mikesh 63

    But I thought ISIS was on our side. They are in Syria, aren’t they?

  62. Philj 64

    Really? They use this on people to tell the truth!

  63. Tel 65

    no one expects a poke in the eye with a blunt stick…. except perhaps an inside trader.

  64. Smilin 66

    Tell me soldier :Do I look like Macarthur
    Soldier; dead pan : Bite my fuckin lip jez get me out of here you’re making us a target

  65. Ecosse_Maidy 67

    Oh my deluxe PM selfie stick, nearly forgot that, thank you scum bag funky…
    Now when will I be Photo Bombed?
    Oh don’t worry Sir, you will be Bombed!
    Excellent!

  66. Ecosse_Maidy 68

    Your shitting me?! This is The New, New, Air New Zealand, Cabin Uniform?

  67. Ecosse_Maidy 69

    i know it doesn’t look much yet..but when I get them to vote the new flag in…………..you will have something to run up it…

  68. Ecosse_Maidy 70

    Oh, Judith your joking? I know we are close..yet there is no fecking way I am shuving that up yr or my *****…..Jesus Woman that’s disgusting!

  69. Ecosse_Maidy 71

    Ok, Bear, your telling me that when you were with Barack…you did Penis Shaking? Ok dokey,,,Lets do it,,and don’t let it be said i don’t do anything for my country!

  70. Ecosse_Maidy 72

    Nats Fund Raising Fancy Dress Party, got off to a bad start for John……
    No Sir……You have put the padded bra on the outside & upside down!

  71. Ecosse_Maidy 73

    Ok,,,How comes everyone else gets a semi automatic weapon, lots of grenades and a rocket launcher and your trying to palm me off with a pointy stick?
    Well, Sir, even in your Army,,we never give out arms to minors or the incompetent….

  72. Ecosse_Maidy 74

    Nat Cabinet on Boys Night Out….OK, which of you Bastards just shot that fucking Panda..Its took me agessssssssss to get that!

  73. Ecosse_Maidy 75

    The dickhead who gave me this baseball hat is so fired……
    I defo asked for one that said USA.

  74. Ecosse_Maidy 76

    You see Sir, we are going to bury, the full terms, conditions and selling off South Island in our sell out, I mean TPPA agreement treaty..right here , where I point the stick of destiny PM!

    Oh Excellent Idea… No one will ever know sir……..

  75. Ecosse_Maidy 77

    Richie? Are you sure that even YOU, can get away with this, on the Pitch?
    Isn’t using arms in a game of rugby called cheating?

    McCaw to PM…..You Liberal ********

  76. Ecosse_Maidy 78

    I don’ care if you are the General In Charge of Our Forces here…….

    Will you stop using that feather duster on my manhood!

  77. Ecosse_Maidy 79

    How many Whitaker peanut slabs does the pouch hold?

  78. Smilin 80

    jOHN gettin ready to conduct the troops in singing Military Madness
    Can I have the batton ?Thanks soldier

  79. Smilin 81

    “U would like me to conduct the singing of the national anthem and hold up the flag!! ? Jez get some guts Im trying to change all that”

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