Written By: - Date published: 5:09 pm, October 16th, 2009 - 25 comments
Categories: crime, humour - Tags:

I’ve been meaning to post on the emergence of Crimestoppers in New Zealand for a few days now.

While some might say it’s a nasty and divisive idea funded by a dodgy Tory and likely to encourage a fascistic culture of mistrust if anyone ever takes it seriously, I certainly wouldn’t.

In fact I welcome the opportunity for any law abiding Kiwi to phone 0800 555 111 and report such heinous crimes as:

And many other crimes against the New Zealand public. So come on, it’s Friday, crack open a beer and start dialing!

You might want to start by reporting crimestoppers’ own website to them. I’ve not seen a design crime like that since Labour built that ETS one in MS Word.

25 comments on “Crimestoppers!”

  1. Tigger 1

    Wow, that website made my eyes bleed. I love the dramatic language “The images shown are examples of violent behaviour.”

    So, a plant growing is violent behaviour? Some knives sitting there innocently is violent behaviour? And what is the guy in the window doing exactly – he looks like he’s making shadow animals…

    And why is the old woman in the flash images wearing a male Robin costume, complete with fake man chest definition?

  2. Lanthanide 2

    That website really is exceptionally amateurish.

  3. Rex Widerstrom 3

    Sheesh there’s far too much stimulating stuff being posted here today and I’m trying to get work finished by deadline. I need to earn a ban. Let’s see…

    These are but trifling crimes compared with the drunken flogging of a carton of wine from the Press Gallery Christmas vomitorium!!!

    Okay, release the hounds… 😛

  4. snoozer 4

    It’s got a hit counter… have I gone back in time to 1998?

    And the hit counter is on 3000

    • Tigger 4.1

      Some of those will be my friends – I’ve emailed it out to all and sundry so they can laugh at it. Best explanation for what the silhouetted man is doing wins a beer.

      • Rex Widerstrom 4.1.1

        What amazes me is that the ponytailed guy who’s about to get punched in the face looks so chilled out about it.

        Where can I get some of whatever he’s on? 😀

  5. George D 5

    The theft of $500 million by Westpac.

  6. singularian 6

    I like the 2px grey left right round the header. Very next year.

    I hope they didn’t pay someone for that.

    Bill – If you really feel all those crimes have been committed why don’t you ring up and report them? It’s anonymous, just the way you like it.

  7. Noko 7

    Crimestoppers really considered growing cannabis a priority crime? I can imagine the situation:

    “Hey man, I’m really burnt out of school, want to take the rest of the day off and go smoke some weed to relax?”
    “Yeah, I’m down with that.”

    Thirty minutes later, a white middle class housewife is taking a walk through the local botanical gardens:

    “Huh, what’s that smell?”
    She tracks the smell to some bushes 10 metres away, and hears a couple of tough young criminals talking about their criminal exploits, she hears the word ‘pigs’ and ‘fry the bacon’ mentioned:
    “Oh noes,” she thinks to herself “some gang members [one of them is wearing a shirt with a red stripe] are smoking the marijuana and taking about killing a Officer of the Peace, I’d better report them, but what if they get the information through court documents that it was me?!”
    “I’d better call Crimestoppers.”

    Cue boot stamping on the face of mankind, with the words ‘Crimestoppers’ imprinted on the collective’s face.

  8. gitmo 8

    Who knows it might just work.

  9. Mark M 9

    great idea to dob in the perpetrators of the biggest fraud in ACC history.
    But do you go for just Michael Cullen and Maryann Street or do you go even higher

    • Daveo 9.1

      Moron. The only fraud in this debate is National’s dishonest PR and the cheerleaders like Espiner who pretend to be journalists.

      • gitmo 9.1.1

        No Mark has a point, while there is no doubt that the Nats PR is spinning on ACC, there is also no doubt Michael Cullen was hiding the ACC figures prior to the election and Maryan Street was either negligent or bullshitting wildly.

        • Daveo

          Um, no. Sorry.

          National initially had high hopes the inquiry conducted by management consultant Michael Mills would ping Michael Cullen, English’s predecessor, and former ACC Minister and Labour front-bencher Maryan Street as being responsible for hiding the cost blow-out and thereby breaching the Public Finance Act.

          Instead, the report is a fizzer from National’s point of view. It lays the blame solely at the Treasury’s door for not including the shortfall in the list of “fiscal risks” in last October’s pre-election update – otherwise known as the “opening of the books”.

          That’s from tory old John Armstrong himself.

          • gitmo

            Ummmm Yes

            “Ministers in the last government were told the Accident Compensation Corporation faced a large hole in its accounts nearly two months before The Pre-Election Economic And Fiscal Update (Prefu) was released.”


            “Ms Street said her first formal advice was an indicative outline on August 14 that about $300 million more would be needed each year.”

            But she was at the same time announcing a re-elected Labour government would cut the motor vehicle levy from $254 to $203. Three weeks later, she announced an expansion of ACC entitlements to people over 65.

            Don’t you get it they’re all just as bad as each other…… look at the recent Labour/National agreement to fund MPs housing expenses


            • Killinginthenameof

              Umm no, increased costs are purely an accounting trick the result of a change in funding models, if National need to be officially told this, they are incompetent to lead the country

  10. Steve 10

    0800 555 111 call center somewhere on the planet and they inform NZ Police?
    Got to be fucking joking, neighborhood watch nannies.
    Once again NZ is the laughing stock of the world.

  11. ak 11

    Zey foolse!…..zey dare to inzult EL ZORRO! – amigo de los perfidos!

    Ze revenga vill be sveet and suddenna……

  12. No no no, of Crimestoppers were going to do the job properly they would ask why the ACC shortfall wasn’t mentioned by Cullen.

    They should go back to when Labour stole the 2005 election too surely? 🙂

    • lprent 12.1

      …ACC shortfall wasn’t mentioned by Cullen.
      There was report out by the state services commission(?). It said that the data wasn’t finalised and tells the treasury(?) it was slack. (someone will fill in the details – I’m off to work). Of course that won’t stop you from having those paranoid DT’s.

      Labour stole the 2005 election
      By winning? It must have been horrible for you to be rejected then, and now…

      BTW: What is it with having big_bruv rave over at your blog? I knew that the SST hang-them-high faction was triumphant over the liberals in ACT. I didn’t expect to see splattered excreta from them all over your faux outrage site..

  13. IB,

    I’m glad you can see the humour in this. I sure can’t.
    Yesterday I went to the Dutch consulate to get a new passport and I had to have my finger prints taken.

    No crime committed but still I had my finger prints taken like a common criminal.

    They only started doing this three weeks ago. No finger prints, no passport, no residency permit.

    I have been married to a Kiwi for 22 years and it would be against the human rights act to separate us but I’ve been made to jump through hoops for four years for the stupid thing and if I so much as hit a bumper in an accident and somebody calls crime stoppers they can throw me out of the country so once again you might find it a joke but I sure as shit don’t.

    Having said that I can see the sarcasm in your article and would like to add the double Dipton act of B. friggin English to the list.

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