ImperatorFish: A statement from the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union

Written By: - Date published: 2:23 pm, December 9th, 2014 - 22 comments
Categories: Satire - Tags: ,

Scott at Imperator Fish kindly lets us syndicate his posts.  This one is originally here.

len-brown

 

The New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union is outraged at the scandalous behaviour of Auckland mayor Len Brown.

The people of Auckland deserve better than a mayor who spends public money discharging his bodily wastes.

Every time Len Brown goes to the toilet he is flushing away ratepayer money. Who pays for the water? The toilet paper our mayor uses? We do! Well not us, because we’re not even Auckland based, and we know as much about Auckland as we pretend to know about Dirty Politics.   But this is quite literally money down the drain.

Len Brown needs to front up and come clean. He owes the Auckland ratepayers answers to the following questions:

  • How much toilet paper has our profligate mayor been using? Surely a single sheet would suffice for most purposes. Better still, he should fund his own disgusting habits. If Len Brown wants to waste toilet paper he can pay for it himself.
  • Why on Earth would we allow that man to do anything involving his genitalia while he remains major? Look what he did last time we let him to do things involving his private parts. Will any attractive woman be safe from the depredations of this sexually rampant mayor if we allow him the luxury of a private moment in the toilet? Won’t the installation of this toilet only encourage Len Brown to think about doing things involving his penis?
  • If a toilet he must have, why must he also have a door? Shouldn’t all the mayor’s activities be subject to public scrutiny? Where’s the accountability? Why does Len Brown feel he has to sneak behind a door to go for a wee? What is he hiding? And why does he have pants? Does Len Brown have a secret penis?
  • Len Brown never campaigned on going to the toilet when he was running for office. So why does he now need a toilet? What has changed? Or has he been using council toilets all along? If so, why hasn’t he been keeping a record of his toilet visits?
  • Has Len Brown ever used a hotel toilet while mayor of Auckland, and if so, was it provided for free?
  • Something about Bevan Chuang. Why? Why?

The Auckland ratepayers are paying a heavy price for their mayor’s shameless toilet urges. Len Brown could choose to just hold on whenever he feels the urge to go to the bathroom, as there really is no need for someone in the public eye to even utilise a toilet. Being utterly full of excrement has never stopped any member of the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union from making a valuable contribution to public life.

22 comments on “ImperatorFish: A statement from the New Zealand Taxpayers’ Union ”

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  1. One Anonymous Bloke 1
    9 December 2014 at 3:28 pm

    😆

    Skewered.

  2. Hone 2
    9 December 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Great we want too know, can we tax payers have a live cam feed to Browns toilet.

    • Manuka AOR 2.1
      9 December 2014 at 3:46 pm

      So that’s what the 24 hour warrantless surveillance bill was for!

    • One Anonymous Bloke 2.2
      9 December 2014 at 3:55 pm

      We’ve already got a live Cameron’s take on Slater’s toilet. Isn’t one stream of effluent enough?

      • Manuka AOR 2.2.1
        9 December 2014 at 4:09 pm

        “A camera in every loo!” – SIS campaign, with backing from GCSB & strong support from NSA. No warrants required.

        • Chooky 2.2.1.1
          9 December 2014 at 11:15 pm

          …are they going to get into the photography of …peoples’ bums….pornography and blackmailing business then?

          …will people be breeding and buying BIG dogs to protect themselves and their privacy?

          …what do you do if you find a snoop snooping? ( after-all farmers dont like snoops snooping around on their properties)…what if you find one in your wardrobe or under your bed?….will he have an ID?…how do you distinguish a snoop from a burglar or a sexual predator?…….can you take photographs of the snoops?…what if the snoop does more than just snoop?

          Warranted surveillance ( as opposed to UNwarranted) protects both the snoop and the New Zealander being surveilled…this is a fantastically poorly thought out BILL!…or is it just designed to be intimidation?

          • minarch 2.2.1.1.1
            10 December 2014 at 5:15 pm

            “will people be breeding and buying BIG dogs to protect themselves and their privacy?”

            This used to work very well for the IRA, dogs would constantly disrupt OBS on members

  3. phillip ure 3
    9 December 2014 at 3:53 pm

    news-flash:..mayor gets ensuite-toilet..

    ..taxpayers’ union asks:..’why can’t he just use a plastic-bucket..?

    ..and a bunch of leaves..?’

    ..and:..’can we have video-surveillance in there..

    ..to make sure he doesn’t toss one off on the ratepayers’ dime/time..?’

  4. John Shears 4
    9 December 2014 at 10:17 pm

    what a lot of crap

  5. Hone 5
    9 December 2014 at 10:52 pm

    It just seems unbelievable that any real news org would reprint a word the Taxpayers Union says, its like living in a parallel universe.
    Is it 1984 yet, can the spooks watch me using the TV?

    • Manuka AOR 5.1
      9 December 2014 at 11:11 pm

      “can the spooks watch me using the TV?”

      I believe that bill passed this evening: http://www.3news.co.nz/nznews/counter-terrorist-bill-passed-by-parliament-2014120922

      Officially, “That surveillance will be restricted to activity relating to foreign fighters”, but a ‘foreign fighter connection’ can easily be patched in.

      • Chooky 5.1.1
        9 December 2014 at 11:23 pm

        re “a ‘foreign fighter connection’ can easily be patched in”

        ‘Thought Police’…must NOT think impure thoughts or invite any Muslims home to play… or dinner…must NOT think or talk about the Middle East…steer clear of anyone with a veil at the vege market…..pathetic

      • Tracey 5.1.2
        10 December 2014 at 1:55 pm

        We only have their word for it cos, well, it depends on what you mean by “foreign” and “fighter”

  6. Weepus beard 6
    9 December 2014 at 11:01 pm

    The term “Taxpayers’ Union” screams conflict and unresolved issues in this day and age where the government and taxpayers bash unions and workers as a matter of course.

  7. Tracey 7
    10 December 2014 at 1:59 pm

    How is the Taxpayers Union going achieving its objectives?

    “… We are ambitious for the Taxpayers’ Union. Our aim is to become the largest union in New Zealand, achieving over 50,000 members and supporters. We can only achieve this with your help. Please go to our website, like our facebook page, follow us on Twitter. You can subscribe to our newsletter, join as a member and perhaps most importantly donate to us. We are reliant 100% on membership fees and donations from supporters. We do not get any Government funding, and never will.

    Some of our initial projects will include:

    Promote an ‘Armchair Auditors Act’, modelled on legislation enacted in some U.S. states, where all transactions over a de minimis amount are searchable on an online database;
    Identify and expose the most flagrant examples of government waste;
    A campaign against taxpayer funded corporate and union welfare;
    Expose and halt the significant public funding that lobby groups receive to campaign and lobby government for pet policy and law changes;
    Promote legislation requiring local referenda for any increase in real per capita rates
    Promote legislation strengthening the Official Information Act. …” Kiwiblog owner David Farrar 2013

    So far they seem a bit fixated on Len Brown.

    • ropata:rorschach 7.1
      10 December 2014 at 5:12 pm

      The ironic thing is,
      a) the Teabaggers Tax-wasters ‘Union’ is not a union, it’s DPF and some other nutjob
      b) DPF, Whale, and their handlers are ultimately funded by … TAX dollars, if they went away we would all be better off
      c) if they actually cared about saving $$$ they’d promote buses; but they are silent on superhighways
      d) one of the NACToids first acts as Government was to rush through the super city way ahead of schedule, making the mergers a lot more painful and expensive
      e) the new, single Council office building is a huge cost saving over their previous 5 scattered locations … and further skewering linked here

  8. A Voter 8
    10 December 2014 at 11:29 pm

    How do these lying bastard snotgobblers ever get to justify their right to taxpayer dollars We should just do to them like drug dealers get in Asia

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