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Key tries ‘come hither’ eyes to attract jobs

Written By: - Date published: 1:37 pm, February 4th, 2011 - 98 comments
Categories: john key, unemployment - Tags: ,

PM Key says we shouldn’t lose confidence despite rising unemployment. Pledging to go ‘on the pull for jobs’, Key said he will prostitute NZ to any multi-national corporation and Kiwis should be willing to work for free. The PM was last seen smiling at himself in a mirror, muttering ‘Hey baby, wanna come back to my place and clean it for $12.75 an hour?’

Meanwhile, Minister for Unemployment Paula Bennett released the following press release:

Slow recovery fits Government focus on economy
“it’s not uncommon to see a rise the rate [sic] at this time of year and last Decemeber [sic] quarter it was 7.4% [sic],”

Leaving many to wonder whether Bennett was claiming that endless recession was all part of the government plan, whether she had heard of seasonal adjustment, and whether she mightn’t create a job by hiring a press release writer who can string together a coherent sentence with fewer than four errors.

98 comments on “Key tries ‘come hither’ eyes to attract jobs ”

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  1. Bright Red 1
    4 February 2011 at 1:47 pm

    christ he’s a dork.

  2. Blondie 2
    4 February 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Oh GOD. Is he trying to get a guest performance at the Big Gay Out?

  3. Mickysavage 3
    4 February 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I did not think it possible but Key has just gone down in my estimation.

  4. higherstandard 4
    4 February 2011 at 2:01 pm

    How about crawling across the stage on all fours while being ravaged up the backdoor – surely that’d make for better TV ?

    [Steady on there please hs. We’re all grown ups here, but even so. — r0b]

    • Kevin Welsh 4.1
      4 February 2011 at 4:21 pm

      I think you will find that is mostly the domain of the right, HS, if the USA is anything to go by.

  5. randal 5
    4 February 2011 at 2:06 pm

    so what is his favourite colour?
    this key government is getting trashier and trashier and nobody is pulling them up.
    they are running riot like boy racers on amphetamines and the emperor still has no clothes on.
    it is no good taking them on like policy analysts in the research unit.
    its time to get visceral

    • vto 5.1
      4 February 2011 at 2:17 pm

      That’s what I suggested the other day. Start ripping into him. Wind it up. Not Goff, but someone else or even some other organisation. Perhaps some Womens Refuge group over the Liz Hurley dribble for example. Hurl some mud.

  6. bobo 6
    4 February 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Looks like hes saying “you bitch” while prancing along, he is New Zealand’s very own David Brent.

    • richard 6.1
      4 February 2011 at 2:17 pm

      Yup, very Brentian. Get’s worse every time you look at it. The sort of thing the media would usually slay you for……..if they weren’t too busy kissing your arse.

    • Rharn 6.2
      5 February 2011 at 11:54 am

      Could be saying “I’m smashed.”

  7. vto 7
    4 February 2011 at 2:15 pm

    That is not a good look for NZ’s PM imo.

    Mind you, Clark did a wearable arts thingy. But she did pull it off pretty well. Very different to Key’s approach here.

  8. pollywog 8
    4 February 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Dude thinks he’s liz hurley fantasizing about john key having a 3 some with shane warne…

    …how embarassing for us all

  9. Colonial Viper 9
    4 February 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Thanks so much Zetetic. Now I’ve messed up my keyboard coz my eyeballs started bleeding.

    • Tel 9.1
      4 February 2011 at 3:22 pm

      That’s unexpected Viper, especially considering all the effort they went to to tape down Key’s man-breasts.

  10. kriswgtn 10
    4 February 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Hes got manboobs
    Hell my eyes are bleeding

    Hell he loves himself

    This is so sad

  11. Deadly_NZ 11
    4 February 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Oh god now I have to clean my keyboard was quietly drinking coffee. when up pops old Smiley Wavey mincing down a runway , coffee now all over keyboard and screen.

  12. BLiP 12
    4 February 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Okay – let me see if I’ve got this right: John Key is internationally recognised as a racist, and a sexist and now, by the look of his exaggerated mincing down the catwalk, getting close to homophobic . . . and New Zealanders *still* love him to bits!!

    What have we become?

  13. ianmac 13
    4 February 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Remember when MSM kept on re-running the two Labour MPs would joined in with the wild dancing shots, even when the event was years old? Or the re-run of Helen Tripping over in the Mall? Wonder if anyone is clever enough to make a You Tube compilation of Key mincing as above, Key at Letterman, Key voice over about those hottest chicks, Transrail eyes, and so on?

  14. Craig Glen Eden 14
    4 February 2011 at 4:17 pm

    John Key made his second major announce of the week with the launch a new National Party branch called the light blues, John said it was the perfect time to launch this branch given recent criticism of his over macho behaviour on radio sport. “I really want people to see my other side said John why should Labour’s Rainbow branch have all the fun? We are fun to with our light blues just ask Inga and Jonesy.

    Anti spam word ‘incident’. Yup

    • Tel 14.1
      4 February 2011 at 4:23 pm

      I understand they had to ditch all the artwork for the Black and Blues, because Key had not told the youth branch he was going on radio with Veitch.

      Anti-spam word: Painful. Yep

      • Jum 14.1.1
        4 February 2011 at 8:46 pm

        ‘black and blues’? Doesn’t that skin pigment come after the Rugby Cup loss/win/whatever?

    • bobo 14.2
      4 February 2011 at 5:24 pm

      Anchor fresh light blue top – tastes like watered down milk..

  15. Kevin Welsh 15
    4 February 2011 at 4:27 pm

    What the fuck does he think he is doing?

    Some pseudo-mincing walking is hardly what I would expect a male model to do on the catwalk. For that the uber-cool and sophisticated stroll is required.

    Maybe he does a bit of cross-dressing in the privacy of his own bedroom?

  16. Sean 16
    4 February 2011 at 4:36 pm

    Just to be clear. I’m not watching a New Zealand version of the Office am I? This is actually what a Prime Minister looks like?

  17. Tanz 17
    4 February 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Oh, he so loves the limelight, and the limelight loves him. You’d think he was a movie star, not a dry old politician. This is why he will stay PM for as long as he wants, whether he’s any good at it, or not. The MSM adore him, and so do the folk out there. Talk about a very long Honeymoon! Helensville next?

    • Jum 17.1
      4 February 2011 at 8:53 pm

      And that’s what’s so sad, Tanz. Sad and prophetic; we are looking at NZ’s future as a cheap stop for the wealthy to amuse themselves with. Great pics for youth.

      Youth: this is what you are being raised for. Everything your parents told you about serious study and applying yourself to reach the top. The top apparently is … JKeyll and Hide – hide the money and spread the idiocy.

      I begin to understand why Universities are being downplayed as intellectual learning institutions. All you need there now are Q cards.

      And people like you, Tanz, will be raking in the dough, which is why you’re playing JKeyll’s stooge on here.

      • Tanz 17.1.1
        4 February 2011 at 9:37 pm

        I’ve never ‘raked in the dough”, actually, and I do not support Key in any way, shape, or form. I am a National supporter (or was), but I will never vote for John Key, as I want a PM who wants to be a PM, not a frigging popstar. You have me all wrong, completely. And I don’t go to university, been there, done that (kind of!)

        I am of Key’s generation, believe it or not, but not his outrageous fortune! Whatever. You don’t even know me at all. We are all swing voters, pretty much, these days.

        • Jum 17.1.1.1
          4 February 2011 at 9:54 pm

          Thank you Tanz.

          If there are so many swing voters, maybe there is a chance people haven’t been taken in by Key’s love-in.

        • lprent 17.1.1.2
          4 February 2011 at 11:02 pm

          It’s an agree to disagree forum and I find your comments don’t trigger my moderating instincts. I merely disagree with you most of the time 🙁

  18. Jessica Parsons 18
    4 February 2011 at 5:12 pm

    John Key does more brilliant distraction from the real issues of the day and the media eats it up…

    • Tanz 18.1
      4 February 2011 at 7:48 pm

      The MSM are besotted, arn’t they? Don Brash was treated like poison, Key is treated like honey. Quite sickening really, it must be hard for the other maverick National MP’s. Talk about in the shade! So Paris HIlton!

  19. jbanks 19
    4 February 2011 at 5:32 pm

    [lprent: banned for trolling]

    • Draco T Bastard 19.1
      4 February 2011 at 5:47 pm

      Studies show that increasing the minimum wage is usually accompanied with an increase in employment. These studies have been linked on this sight before (in fact I think some of them were even directed at you) so I won’t bother linking them again.

      It’s you, and the other RWNJs, that live in delusion.

      • jbanks 19.1.1
        4 February 2011 at 5:55 pm

        [lprent: banned for trolling]

        • BLiP 19.1.1.1
          4 February 2011 at 6:01 pm

          Yet more bile spilling over from flimsy beliefs. Put it this way, its quite simple so you *might* get it: if someone can’t afford to pay employees a living wage, they shouldn’t be in business.

  20. Bill 20
    4 February 2011 at 5:32 pm

    From watching the full clip on TVNZ, looked to me that he was aware he would make a tit of himself and then went ahead and made a tit of himself. Which plays far better than some politicians who have made tits of themselves trying to appear cool.

  21. Anne 21
    4 February 2011 at 5:42 pm

    I can’t even imagine the response of the MSM if it had been Goff mincing along the cat-walk like that. OMG… the MSM anguish! He would have been hounded out of the country!

  22. QoT 22
    4 February 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Can’t
    stop
    staring …

  23. Irascible 23
    4 February 2011 at 6:00 pm

    When this clip came up my overseas friends immediately asked “Who’s that dork?” When told it was the NZ PM their response was one of amazement as they expect their PMs to act with an air of responsibility and decorum.
    Mind you this image should become a key one in any political advertising this year with the big question – Do YOU want YOUR country to be represented by THIS and like this?

    • pollywog 23.1
      4 February 2011 at 6:48 pm

      Russia gets Putin swanning around shirtless, killing grizzly bears with his bare hands as they hunt in freezing cold lakes…

      …we get this shameless twatcock

      • bobo 23.1.1
        4 February 2011 at 7:27 pm

        don’t go giving Key ideas, next hell be going all butch out in the wilderness in tight swan-dry shorty shorts.

      • Olwyn 23.1.2
        4 February 2011 at 7:41 pm

        Pollywog: LOL. We need a “like” button here.

        • Lanthanide 23.1.2.1
          4 February 2011 at 7:53 pm

          Actually yeah, that would be a nice feature. Any chance of it lprent – like buttons for comments so we can up-mod them?

          • Pascal's bookie 23.1.2.1.1
            4 February 2011 at 8:25 pm

            aargh! pet hate.

            Only if discussing,
            complaining about,
            crying about,
            skiting about,
            or generally playing to the audience due to,

            said button

            is a lifetime ban.

      • QoT 23.1.3
        4 February 2011 at 10:23 pm

        Mmmmmm delicious Putin nom nom nom. /male objectification

  24. Craig Glen Eden 24
    4 February 2011 at 6:09 pm

    So i guess Key will now be known as smile and winch..

    • kriswgtn 24.1
      4 February 2011 at 7:52 pm

      Nah
      smile and mince
      hahhaha fuk this is so fukd up

      • Craig Glen Eden 24.1.1
        4 February 2011 at 9:02 pm

        I actually meant mince but wrote winch ha. Yeah this would be absolutely hilarious if this idiot wasnt wrecking the country while he does his (I don’t care what I do as long as Im in the news gig).

        Maybe we could get Radar to take him on tour with him for a few years, I know it would be tough on Radar but duty to the country and all that.

        If you want really f—-ed up check out Hekia Paratas bye-election video staring Paula Bennett the election slogan queen, for really really wanna be cool. Im sure young Labour could do something pretty good with this stuff.

        • mickysavage 24.1.1.1
          4 February 2011 at 9:16 pm

          “Winch” seems very appropriate!

          • Craig Glen Eden 24.1.1.1.1
            4 February 2011 at 10:24 pm

            What next aye Mickey, shit you couldn’t sit down and dream of getting such good material on a PM. I reckon it really does deserve a video collage of all his stuff, then follow it up with all the verbal illiterate shit from Paula Benefit.

  25. BLiP 25
    4 February 2011 at 6:20 pm

    JBanks said:

    You can’t honestly deny that NZ’s small business owners don’t believe that increasing their costs will help them employ more.

    I know education scares you and knowledge threatens to upset your delicate belief system so I’ll keep this simple – here’s what a small business owner told me when he took on a couple of extra staff and gave the rest of his crew a raise: “happy staff work harder, gotta spend money to make money”. Its about “investment” – I’m sure that’s one of the two-dozen three-syllable words you don’t have to look up.

    [lprent: He obviously didn’t have anything to say that was even up to his usual low standard today. He did a trolling spree and caught the consequences. I also deleted the content of all of his messages today. Couldn’t find one that wasn’t designed to be just a flamewar starter. He’d only just come off a ban…. ]

    • BLiP 25.1
      4 February 2011 at 6:28 pm

      Yeah – noticed that. It was an awful lot of shit comments in a very short space of time. I should have seen it and not engaged – good work lprent, thanks.

  26. kriswgtn 26
    4 February 2011 at 7:50 pm

    He been watchin far too much of Americas next model

    I grabbed this (hope ya dont mind) and am gonna plaster it everywhere I can LOL

  27. Jum 27
    4 February 2011 at 8:24 pm

    We have Prime Ministers to represent us. So from this current flick, the gay guys are covered, the fashion chicks are covered, the people who don’t mind the current leader of our entire country acting like a doughboy are covered. Frankly though, if this is what NZers really go for, I’ve gotta say, why am I bothering?

    What happened to the economy? Oh yes we have English, the perks rorter.
    What happened to social welfare? Oh yes we have Bennett, the permanent welfare beneficiary; there’s no room for other needy people by the time she’s paid out the farmers, the investors, English…
    What happened to health? Oh yes we have Ryall, the death to all front line staff, esp. women, and the death to pay equity, for women.
    What happened to water? Oh yes we have Carter, the great farmer’s fixer, but death to Doc land saving for our children – that’s gone.
    What happened to education? Oh yes we have Tolley, the standards enforcer, the provider of funding to private schools (whisper…brother in law principal of private school – true?) but no standards in private schools – that says a lot for a start!
    What happened to law and order? Oh yes we have Collins, pimp for prisons, devotee to authoritarianism as long as she’s holding the whip, and is the love-interest of ‘her boys’.
    What happened to our assets? Oh yes we have Hide, the perk buster/rorter, unsure whether he wants to sell off our assets this year or next year when amended legislation allows him to. I know says Hide; I’ll find JKeyll and ask him. He’s already sold off farm land. He’s not doing anything else – except selling out Kiwis, but they don’t seem to care.

    JKeyll’s my other half says Hide. And this is my kinda country, full of innocents with Alzheimers.

  28. Puddleglum 28
    4 February 2011 at 10:54 pm

    It’s going to take quite a few weekly interviews with Tony Veitch to sluice this down the memory hole.

    Having said that, it does keep playing into that “I’m so popular I can get away with anything” pitch.To date, he’s been right. It almost becomes evidence of his popularity. The discursive atmosphere can do funny things – turn, as Bill noted, ‘being a tit’ into being ‘one of the guys’. Lots of Kiwi blokes, after all, do this kind of mock mincing (after a few beers).

    • orange whip? 28.1
      4 February 2011 at 11:31 pm

      Most of them aren’t quite so convincing though.

      • Puddleglum 28.1.1
        4 February 2011 at 11:39 pm

        Key courting celebrity.

        Just a thought – ever noticed how the media treat celebrities? All positive hype, all positive hype, all positive hype – then, the backlash. Has Key started his popularity run too early? Modern (tabloid) journalism needs good stories – the fall is as good as the rise.

        Key has been on the radio almost every day. Why? That strategy doesn’t sound to me like confidence.

  29. M 29
    4 February 2011 at 11:20 pm

    Let’s see:

    Shocking diction
    Washing machine walk
    “I’m too sexy for this shirt” ‘tude
    Wristband du jour
    I’m loan sharking NZ
    “I want to shag Liz ‘cause Bronagh’s a hobbit”

    Oh Johnny, I want to have your love child – NOT.

  30. M 30
    4 February 2011 at 11:21 pm

    National launches its new crime aversion video for murderers.

  31. SPC 31
    4 February 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Farrar’s been advising him about how the top models walk.

  32. SPC 32
    4 February 2011 at 11:41 pm

    They should be borrowing and financing the building of homes in Auckland. There is a looking housing shortage there and builders not currently working.

    The cost of the borrowing is less than the increased revenue to government (increased company tax, increased GST and income tax from wages) from the increased economic activity and the housing can be sold when built to pay back debt. This resolves a looming problem and reduces the budget deficit at the same time.

    Don’t they understand this is much smarter infrastructure spend during a recession than building roads that cannot be sold to pay back debt (especially in a global credit rating debt squeeze on national debt levels).

  33. Puddleglum 33
    4 February 2011 at 11:47 pm

    Key courting celebrity.

    Just a thought – ever noticed how the media treat celebrities? All positive hype, all positive hype, all positive hype – then, the backlash. Has Key started his popularity run too early? Modern (tabloid) journalism needs good stories – the fall is as good as the rise.

    Key has been on radio almost every day. Why? That doesn’t seem like an expression of supreme confidence to me.

  34. Locus 34
    5 February 2011 at 8:00 am

    only just seen this.. lol
    c’mon let’s all do the shonkey shuffle

  35. Rharn 35
    5 February 2011 at 11:49 am

    The full length clip from YouTube
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBmP3-Y6qZ8

    Words fail

  36. Terry 36
    6 February 2011 at 12:39 am

    Seriously, we have some real major problems unraveling in this country at the moment and to see our Prime Minister mincing it down a cat walk like some teenage goof ball is to my mind disgusting. Goff needs to tear into the bugger and start knocking him down a peg or two.

  37. murray 37
    7 February 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Lighten up people.
    Who the hell really cares. Where has your sense of humour gone?
    This all seems to have the same sense of bitterness over the withdrawl of the Air NZ gay steward ad. Get over it.

  38. murray 38
    7 February 2011 at 12:49 pm

    If Goff and his gang are the answer to NZs problems then God help us. I have never been a Nat but have seen what Labor does to the economy on both sides of the Tasman over many years. Its just spend, spend , spend and attempt to satisfy the various factions. Yes, as a gay man, and with a strong sense of social injustice I should be totally Labor. But just like the Nats they are not deserving of total trust.

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