So that’s the plan

Written By: - Date published: 1:30 pm, February 2nd, 2009 - 41 comments
Categories: humour, john key - Tags:

arm-castWell it may not have been particularly self-evident just what National have been doing since the election, but clearly John has some kind of plan.

The TradeMe auction of Key’s arm cast, acquired after an inauspicious Chinese New Year trip, has begun. Worried perhaps that the auction might also fall flat on its face, John has thrown in a morning tea with the PM for whoever should be so lucky to win the bidding war for this stylish piece of politico-medical object d’art.

With the proceeds being donated to the Fred Hollows Foundation, this could spell a whole new frontier in National policy: selling soiled cast-offs to the hapless to fund basic humanitarian services. That way the wealthy don’t have to part with any of their cash and they save on disposal fees, while once again the money is flowing to the desperately needy – everybody wins! Great to see John has been applying his finely honed financial acumen to the problems facing our country.

Sources also report Gerry Brownlee is considering auctioning his undies to help pay for the Auckland infrastructure projects.

41 comments on “So that’s the plan”

  1. bobo 1

    It must be starting to smell rank in this hot humid weather…

  2. toad 2

    I imagine Gerry’s undies are too!

  3. Tigger 3

    I assume Key will be footing the bill for this morning tea? Otherwise the taxpayer is effectively subsidising his personal charitable donation…

  4. higherstandard 4

    Good on him the Hollows Foundation can do with all the extra funds it gets.

    Perhaps Sprout, you could donate something apart from rank negativity.

  5. greenfly 5

    Think of how much more valuable a full-body cast would have been 🙂

  6. cocamc 6

    hey – at least his auction for charity is authentic !!! not like a certain painting

  7. Felix 7

    Perhaps Sprout, you could donate something apart from rank negativity light humour.

    There you go hs, fixed it for you.

  8. Kerry 8

    I think Jenny Shipley will be bidding on Gerrys G-String…..She has a thing for him so she will no doubt be bidding…she can use them a sunblock for the Auckland CBD.

    As for Johns cast….im pleased to see hes got his priorities right….bugger the economy and lets focus on trival garbage…….notice the journos are lapping it up
    “oh how wonderful of John to do something so generous”.

    Personally I would rather bid on a real/fake picture from our previous PM..

  9. “Good on him the Hollows Foundation can do with all the extra funds it gets”

    agreed, the Fred Hollows Foundation is an amazing and thoroughly worthy organization. i just hope considering this…

    …that there’s a more systematic plan to help the community service groups operating in NZ.

  10. higherstandard 10

    Yes quite right Felix charity when it comes from those one despises must always be treated with derision …. quite right quite right Sprout well done.


    Sprout are you trying to now suggest that the Hollows foundation has been well supported by governments in this country .. ever ?

  11. Felix 11

    charity humour when it comes from those one despises must always be treated with derision”

    There you go hs, now it makes sense.

    btw I don’t mind being your proofreader, but we really should talk about my fee before I do too much more work for you 😉

  12. higherstandard 12

    I would’ve thought you’d have better things to do than stalk me on the internet …. I though that was more robinsod’s modus operandi ?

    In terms of the Sprout’s post if you can’t see the the bile dripping from your screen you must have missed it ….. it’s as sad as the furore over HC’s painting everyone tends to forget it’s about the charity and not about their distaste for Clark or in this case Key all quite pitiful really.

    … oh and good on the Herald ….. another major sponsor of the Hollows foundation.

  13. BLiP 13

    Higherstandard said:

    oh and good on the Herald .. another major sponsor of the Hollows foundation National Party

    I’m happy to help out as well.

  14. higherstandard 14

    Congratulations this blog has now become the mirror image of kiwiblog…….. a pack of clowns who are only willing to agree with their own limited world view.

  15. Felix 15

    Sorry hs, I didn’t realize this was your thread.

    As sad as the furore over HC’s painting? Really? Is someone calling Key corrupt and demanding he resign? Must have missed that…

    In fact the only indignant anger, the only bile I can see here is yours, hs. I know it’s monday but jeez, get over yourself. Lighten up.

  16. Rex Widerstrom 16

    I’d always assumed that the construction of Gerry Brownlee’s undies was a major infrastructure project.

  17. Felix 17

    Yes Rex – and unfortunately for Gerry, tolls are probably not a viable option for paying for it.

  18. vto 18

    That would be an unnecessary piece of infrastructure. Let him go without.

  19. Matthew Pilott 19

    Jeepers, it’s mocking everything about National APART from the bloody donation, HS. What’s ruffled your precious feathers, did you get outbid?

    Felix, it’s exactly like Clark’s painting incident. Don’t worry, I’m sure The Herald will be calling for a police investigation, when it turns out that the cast was not err…cast… by Kevin Rudd, despite having his signature on it. You could probably start holding your breath, it will happen any second.
    Edit – vto, I can see the headlines: “ARC and Govt go commando on AKL motorway construction”

  20. Tigger 20

    We definitely need a PPP to deal with it – Gerry’s undies should be familiar with pees…

    Matt – I’m happy to mock the donation aspect also. Key is using official time to have this morning tea I assume? And he’s paid for that but it’s a personal donation. So will he be making up that time at a later date. I know my boss would expect me to do so if I used work time for personal chartiable work…

  21. higherstandard 21


    “HS. What’s ruffled your precious feathers, did you get outbid?”

    Agreed I shouldn’t take Blogs so seriously – but it would be nice on occasion to just see the blogs try to step out of the partisan space (as per IB on the crime issue) and say something positive instead of looking to mock and belittle …. I thought that’s what talk back radio was for ?

  22. GPT 22

    Why so bitter?

  23. Ah HS,

    I see you’ve gone from attack and patronising ridicule to whinging and moping.
    I thought Felix and MP’s responses to your comments where very funny.

    Whassa matter? Is it not so funny when you’re on the receiving end?

    Just to stay on topic; I thought since John called Helen before he went to APEC (interesting speech he gave there about how the taxpayers should pay for the excesses of the bankers and the hedgefunds, something you might wanna remember when we start giving loads of money to the banks) perhaps he should do that again.

    I hear her, she being the greatest living New Zealander, signature could command a fair sum. LOL . Perhaps he can convince her to do the bipartisan thing and sign his tatty cask. At least he could sell it as Helen Clark Art and it would actually fetch something.

  24. Greg 24

    Trust you to try and put a bad spin on a good PR story. This relates to a point I was thinking about earlier though. There seems to be a trend in world politics where leaders refuse wage increases and give their salaries to charity (or their cast’s!). All in an attempt to improve PR. Now if this becomes the expectation, won’t we struggle to find good leaders, given they will be effectively paid very little?

  25. higherstandard 25

    Quite so Eve I suspect the auction is all just part of some bankers plot to take over the world anyway.

    They got away with blowing up the twin towers what next eh ?

  26. Dave 26

    hahaha HS, your kinda off topic there aye

    why don’t ya pop off to kiwiblog and you can pick up where you left off in soggy biscuit hahaha

  27. There there HS,

    Feel better now?

    No HS, the banksters are all good.(in Soothing tone)

    The $ 700,- billion bailout went to good works and the repented en mass for their speculation and their scams and as per promised they started lending money again and voila the crisis disappeared.

    But, but, Oh no, the money went to bonuses and buying up real world assets (That is for what we’ve been able to find out because the won’t even tell Bloomberg what they spend the money on). And ,make that several trillion
    And John Key told us that the financial system has failed and that we have to do it all different form now on. Like an economy based on real wealth and not on derivative speculation. Ooh oops, that was Putin.

    John Key said that the tax payer had to pay for the bankers and hedgefunds gambling.

    Wasn’t that Bush saying that Wall street got drunk? Yes, Bush said that but really it was John Key who said:

    So now the party is over and the taxpayers of the world are left to underwrite in one form or another the liabilities and obligations of banks and, by extension, their hedge-fund clientele.

    Huh, I can’t remember being anywhere near Wall street when they got drunk, can you?

    That taxpayer, Buster is you and me and I don’t have $ 50 mill earned with derivatives and speculation do you?

    By the way ladies and gentlemen that APEC speech is full of little gems like that. Funny how he doesn’t say these things over here.

    Read it and you might be forgiven to think that John Key may have a agenda which is not in the interest of the common people of New Zealand.

    And to get back to the thread;

    Anybody out there willing to cough up for the cast and the tea break. I don’t have the money but I’ve got a bucket load of questions I would like to ask John Key?

  28. Pascal's bookie 28

    Anybody out there willing to cough up for the cast and the tea break. I don’t have the money but I’ve got a bucket load of questions I would like to ask John Key?

    I’ve got a wee credit crunch of me own at the mo’, but I’d sure like to watch that. Youtube gold 😉

  29. higherstandard 29

    Yes Eve

    Quite right Key is clearly the foot soldier of the international banking cabal who are going to take over NZ ….. never mind I’m sure some people will do very well out of the current financial conditions in NZ … SP seems to have done the right thing by locking in his rates some time ago and my financial advisor has done very well for me also over the last 24 months … c’est la vie.


    Re Eve having tea with Key …….. I don’t know if it would be worth a watch just a whole lot of incoherent screeching and the odd um and ah.

    And yes back to the thread

    The auction is now up to 20k …. good on the organisers of this ……. and … what was it the sprout calls them …..” the wealthy ….selling soiled cast-offs to the hapless to fund basic humanitarian services.”

  30. Pascal's bookie 30

    hs, I put up with reading your craptackular dreck, so I have a high tolerance for eve’s umming and aahing.

    Key’s incoherent screeching, ( I’m glad you can detect the dogwhistling underlying his monotone; it does screech on occasion doesn’t it?), is something the voters decided we will all with have to put up with.

  31. vto 31

    hee hee mrs rev is back and back into it.

    I think HS you made a pertinent point above re a comparison between kiwiblog and here.

    Anyway, enuff of the diggery and pokery. I said sometime ago that the social unrest, and following political change, may well come from the incredibly excessive and unrequested burden that western govts have recently been lowering onto the taxpayers backs via the bailouts and underwrites etc.

    No taxpayer requested this (oh except maybe for those greedy types with money in finance companies lusting after the govt guarantee). And if or when pay up time comes I think you will find universal screaming at the politicians and rapid ejection from office. Plausibly followed by a refusal to ‘honour’ these ‘unhonourable’ bailouts / guarantees. But, typically, the politicians who instigated this will not be around to explain (like Cullen and ACC blowouts – more dishonourability).

    Then govts will lose credibility and their strength in holding together wider communities will be seriously weakened. And etc from there …

    I sense this to be true.

  32. higherstandard 32

    PB … I think the only thing you have a tolerance for is being able to offer support to the bleatings of the terminally bewildered.


    ..indeed if there was one thing my pottering on blogs of the left or right has shown me is that people will defend or attack the politicians/party they support or despise…… while the vast rump of the country (visions of Brownlee and Horomia !!) don’t trust politicians full stop ….. which in my opinion is a far more sensible position to take… although in their defence I think our system of government despite its obvious faults is vastly preferable to the alternatives proposed by Rave and some others who comment here on occasion.

  33. Pascal's bookie 33

    How very Xtian of me.

  34. higherstandard 34

    Not with your name surely ?

    captcha 666 Isaac ….. it’s alive

  35. Felix 35


    All your blather is for nought then unless you can point to someone here (including The Sprout) who disagrees with Key auctioning his cast for charity.

  36. Matthew Pilott 36

    HS – I had a wee brainwave, here’s how you could enjoy reading blogs a bit more.

    Avoid any blog articles with ‘Humour’ tags – they clearly don’t agree with you, you’re still having a cry over it and it’s truly pathetic.

    If you’re super nice, maybe they’ll invent an “HS Safe” tag for articles that you could safely enjoy without presenting the slightly painful spectacle of HS getting HS (Highly Strung) over a wee piss-take.

  37. higherstandard 37

    “HS – I had a wee brainwave”

    That would be miraculous.

    Regarding getting highly strung – no – just calling the write up from Sprout for what it was a cheap shot at what he points to as the wealthy.

    Capcha – gentle farewell – it does appear to be cognisant at the moment – bye bye

  38. Hi vto,

    Good to see you’re still here.

    And good to see you’re taking the whole financial situation in account and actually acknowledge that the ridiculous “bailouts’ will inevitably cause major problems for the ruling class.

    I would however call a 6% increase in the cost of the ACC a blow out. Hell, every house being build goes over budget to that amount.

    What you reckon is this going to be a small recession or a big depression?


    Sorry mate, high strung you is when it is about a little innocent piss taking of your hero John Key. High strung and patronising.

    Why thank you PB, much obliged.

  39. higherstandard 39


    You must be loosing the plot more than normal if you think any politicians in NZ would make my list of heroes.

    I can only think of a handful in the last hundred years that I have a great deal of respect for.

  40. vto 41

    travellerev, something in the middle. unfortunately.

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    Today is a Member's day, and David Seymour's End of Life Choice Bill continues its slow crawl through its committee stage. They're spending the whole day on it today, though the first hour is likely to be spent on voting left over from last time. After that they'll move on ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Flight to Los Angeles turned back after passengers decide they don’t want to go anymore
    An ambitious plan to fly to Los Angeles petered out into a brief sight-seeing trip and a desire to return home and get some sleep before work tomorrow. Air New Zealand has confirmed a flight to Los Angeles last night was turned back about a quarter of the way into ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • Indigenous Futures: defuturing and futuring – an analytical framework for policy development?
    There appears to be consensus – by omission – that the concept of indigenous futures should be accepted at face value. So I scavenged the internet to see if I could locate an academic descriptor or a framework around how we think about it as a concept, and whether it ...
    EllipsisterBy Ellipsister
    1 week ago
  • Cadbury rumoured to be releasing the Pineapple Trump
    Here’s another novelty chocolate to shove in your gob, New Zealand Cadbury could be seeking to make itself great again with a rumoured new release: Pineapple Trumps, a spin on its classic chocolate-encased pineapple treat and do-it-yourself tooth remover. The global confectionery manufacturer and bumbling “before” character in an infomercial, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • The coming resource war.
    During my time in the Pentagon I had the privilege of sitting down with military leaders and defence and security officials from a variety of Latin American nations. Sometimes I was present as a subordinate assistant to a senior US defence department official, sometimes as part of a delegation that ...
    KiwipoliticoBy Pablo
    1 week ago
  • Māori Language Week with The Civilian
    Kia ora, Aotearoa. It’s that magical time of year. Te Wiki o te Reo Māori. In English, the week that frightens talk radio. As you probably know by now, all your favourite media outlets are participating, some more successfully than others. Stuff has changed its name to Puna for the ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    1 week ago
  • Will Horizons act on climate change?
    Local body elections are coming up next month. And it looks like all Palmerston North candidates for Horizons (the Manawatu-Whanganui Regional Council) want to take action on climate change:Climate change is set to be a key issue in Palmerston North for the next three years if those wanting to get ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • BORA reform is stalled
    Eighteen months ago, the government promised to strengthen the Bill of Rights Act, by explicitly affirming the power of the courts to issue declarations of inconsistency and requiring Parliament to formally respond to them. So how's that going? I was curious, so I asked for all advice about the proposal. ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Corbyn and Brexit
    As the Brexit saga staggers on, the focus is naturally enough on the Prime Minister and his attempts to achieve Brexit “do or die”. But the role played by the Leader of the Opposition is of almost equal interest and complexity. The first problem for Jeremy Corbyn is that he ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    1 week ago
  • A ditch for him to die in
    Last week, English Prime Minister Boris Johnson boldly declared that he would rather die be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit. Unfortunately for him, the UK parliament accepted the challenge, and promptly dug one for him. The "rebellion bill" requires him to ask for and secure yet another temporary ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Warning! Warning! Danger Jacinda Ardern! Danger Marama Davidson! Warning!
    Lost In Political Space: The most important takeaway from this latest Labour sexual assault scandal, which (if I may paraphrase Nixon’s White House counsel’s, John Dean’s, infamous description of Watergate) is “growing like a cancer” on the premiership, is the Labour Party organisation’s extraordinary professional paralysis in the face of ...
    1 week ago
  • Union solidarity with Ihumatao land occupation
    by Daphna Whitmore Every Sunday for the past two months unionists from First Union, with supporters from other unions, have set out to the Ihumatao land protest, put up gazebos and gas barbeques, and cooked food for a few hundred locals and supporters who have come from across the country. ...
    RedlineBy Daphna
    1 week ago
  • Climate Change: The wrong kind of trees?
    Newsroom today has an excellent, in-depth article on pine trees as carbon sinks. The TL;DR is that pine is really good at soaking up carbon, but people prefer far-less efficient native forests instead. Which is understandable, but there's two problems: firstly, we've pissed about so long on this problem that ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • No freedom of speech in Turkey
    Canan Kaftancioglu is a Turkish politician and member of the opposition Republican People's Party (CHP). Like most modern politicians, she tweets, and uses the platform to criticise the Turkish government. She has criticised them over the death of a 14-year-old boy who was hit by a tear gas grenade during ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Speaker: Tadhg Stopford: Why I’m standing for the ADHB
    Hi there, just call me Tim.We face tough problems, and I’d like to help, because there are solutions.An Auckand District Health Board member has nominated me for as a candidate for the ADHB, because her MS-related pain and fatigue is reduced with hemp products from Rotorua.  Nothing else helped her. If I ...
    1 week ago
  • Good little vassals
    The Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security has published their report on whether the SIS and GCSB had any complicity in American torture. And its damning. The pull quote is this:The Inquiry found both agencies, but to a much greater degree, the NZSIS, received many intelligence reports obtained from detainees who, ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    1 week ago
  • Who Shall We Turn To When God, And Uncle Sam, Cease To Defend New Zealand?
    Bewhiskered Cassandra? Professor Hugh White’s chilling suggestion, advanced to select collections of academic, military and diplomatic Kiwi experts over the course of the past week, is that the assumptions upon which Australia and New Zealand have built their foreign affairs and defence policies for practically their entire histories – are ...
    1 week ago
  • The Politics of Opposition
    For most of the time I was a British MP, my party was out of government – these were the Thatcher years, when it was hard for anyone else to get a look-in. As a front-bencher and shadow minister, I became familiar with the strategies required in a parliamentary democracy ...
    Bryan GouldBy Bryan Gould
    1 week ago
  • More expert comments on the Canadian fluoride-IQ paper
    The Green et al (2019) fluoride/IQ is certainly controversial – as would be expected from its subject (see If at first you don’t succeed . . . statistical manipulation might help and Politics of science – making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear). Anti-fluoride campaigners have been actively promoting it ...
    1 week ago
  • The return to guerrilla war in Colombia
    by Gearóid Ó Loingsigh On August 29th a video in which veteran FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia) commander Iván Márquez announced that they had taken up arms again was released. There was no delay in the reaction to it, from longtime Liberal Party figure and former president Uribe, for ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Air New Zealand identifies this enormous plot of unused land as possible second airport site
    Air New Zealand couldn’t believe its luck that this seemingly ideal piece of real estate had so far gone entirely unnoticed. Air New Zealand’s search for a site to build a second Auckland Airport may have made a breakthrough this afternoon, after employees scanning Google satellite imagery spotted a huge, ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Redline on the Labour Party
    No-one on the anti-capitalist left in this country today puts forward a case that Labour is on the side of the working class.  There are certainly people who call themselves ‘socialist’ who do, but they are essentially liberals with vested interests in Labourism – often for career reasons. Nevertheless, there ...
    RedlineBy Admin
    2 weeks ago
  • New Fisk
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour’s failure
    When National was in government and fucking over the poor for the benefit of the rich, foodbanks were a growth industry. And now Labour is in charge, nothing has changed: A huge demand for emergency food parcels means the Auckland City Mission is struggling to prepare for the impending arrival ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Ardern attempts to vaccinate Clarke Gayford live on television to prove that it’s safe
    Gayford, pictured here on The Project, before things got wildly out of control. A bold public relations move by the Government to encourage parents to vaccinate their children has gone horribly wrong. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern appeared on tonight’s episode of Three’s The Project, where the plan was for her ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Has Mr. Whippy gone too far by parking on our front lawns?
    Mr. Whippy’s business model has driven it down a dark road of intimidation. Residents in major centres around the country are becoming disgruntled by the increasingly aggressive actions of purported ice cream company Mr. Whippy, who have taken to parking on people’s front lawns and doorsteps in a desperate attempt ...
    The CivilianBy admin
    2 weeks ago
  • Cleaning up the water
    Today the government released its Action Plan for Healthy Waterways, aimed at cleaning up our lakes and rivers. Its actually quite good. There will be protection for wetlands, better standards for swimming spots, a requirement for continuous improvement, and better standards for wastewater and stormwater. But most importantly, there's a ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Fronting up
    Today I appeared before the Environment Committee to give an oral submission on the Zero Carbon Bill. Over 1,500 people have asked to appear in person, so they've divided into subcommittees and are off touring the country, giving people a five minute slot each. The other submitters were a mixed ...
    No Right TurnBy Idiot/Savant
    2 weeks ago
  • Politics of science – making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear
    Anti-fluoride activists have some wealthy backers – they are erecting billboards misrepresenting the Canadian study on many New Zealand cities – and local authorities are ordering their removal because of their scaremongering. Many New Zealanders ...
    2 weeks ago

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