web analytics

Stay Classy: TV3’s Newshrub.

Written By: - Date published: 12:51 pm, January 21st, 2016 - 32 comments
Categories: cartoons, class war, disaster, Media, news, tv, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags: , ,

I had a dream in which media magnate Mark Weldon spoke to me.

“TRP, me old son, the people don’t like the news”.

“Which people?”, I asked, naively.

“The shareholders, of course”, he replied with a look of contempt. “Now get a press release out toot fucken sweet or you’ll find yourself working at Scout!”

I took the hint. Nobody wants to work at Scout. Nobody.

MEDIA RELEASE; Embargoed until someone cares.

MediaWorks’ new multi-platform news service will launch on February 1.

Newshrub, an integrated digital, TV and radio advertising service, will quite possibly provide breaking news and in-depth analysis across MediaWorks’ TV and radio channels, as well as online through a mobile app and website, the company says, giggling nervously. No, honestly, we really do think this will work. Why are you looking at me like that?

Newshrub Live at 6pm will be presented by Mike McRoberts and Hilary Barry, while Jeff McTainsh will present Newshrub Midday. Both bulletins hope to use their allocated 2 and a half minutes of quality journalism time to deliver the news that matters to real New Zealanders. Sadly, Max Key was unavailable for comment.

Journalism is all about communities, and with our integration our ‘community’ has just got a lot wider,” McRoberts says. “Though I recognise that the NZ community is a relatively fixed amount of people and nothing we do actually changes that amount to make it wider, which makes my comment a load of old tosh” McRoberts didn’t go on to say.

Newsworthy will be rebranded as Newshrub Latte, and be hosted by Samantha Hayes until she gets a better offer. The weekend news bulletin will be hosted by Melissa Davies and Tom McRae, both of whom are returning from overseas posts and are already wondering why.

The service will also provide news content across other programmes, such as Paul Henry and, er, Paul Henry,  and will place a strong emphasis on digital. TV3 have, of course, already given a strong digital signal to fans of John Campbell via the middle finger on Mark Weldon’s right hand.

Newshrub combines the power of our radio, TV and digital newsrooms and is focused on providing tailored content to all platforms,” says MediaWorks Group Head of Once Was News, Mark Jennings. “No, I don’t know what that means, either“, Jennings went on to say in his head.

Specialist teams of interns will work on breaking stories in the areas of most interest to New Zealanders. As long as most New Zealanders live in the Eden Terrace or Parnell areas, that is. We won’t be telling you what is happening, or why it is happening. But something’s happening. I know because I read about it on twitter. Which is where our viewers should probably go for real news, too.”

Ends. Badly.

3 News(hrub)

32 comments on “Stay Classy: TV3’s Newshrub. ”

  1. shorts 1

    so close to the truth your post isn’t funny

    ends badly for all but Weldon and Christie I bet

  2. Sabine 2

    ah,
    still not watching TV3.

  3. weka 3

    Bloody good TRP.

    For those of us that don’t own a TV or follow the MSM very closely is this apropos of something TV3 is doing at the moment or is it just derision for the whole general ethos that TV3 now represents?

    • Sadly, it’s based on fact, weka. 3News is being replaced by what Mediaworks are calling a news hub.

      http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/76106223/rachel-smalley-says-that-no-more-3news-is-good-news

      • weka 3.1.1

        snap 🙂

        Thanks, trp, not sure I can bring myself to read anything about it yet 🙁 Really appreciate you putting up the post, because what else needs to be said?

      • David H 3.1.2

        If I had not seen some of this yesterday I would have been looking for the /sarc But yes, you couldn’t make shit this bad up.

    • weka 3.2

      never mind, I heard it first on the standard 😀

      Open mike 21/01/2016

      • Ha! That kinda nicely illustrates the situation Mediaworks find themselves in. Having gutted the newsroom, they no longer have the hook that their other programs used to hang off. Peak viewing time (and advertising dollars) were anchored to the 6pm news. Not now. Former viewers have quickly adapted to getting their info from other sources and, frankly, there is no way back now.

        • Stuart Munro 3.2.1.1

          Bet Campbell could build one – if the shareholders want to salvage anything from the shell.

          • Tc 3.2.1.1.1

            This is why proper public broadcasting is crucial to an open Democracy and why natz will never allow one.

            They went straight for freeview first up and killed off community tv for openers.

            • Tautuhi 3.2.1.1.1.1

              Hopefully a new Government will sort out the abortion that TV One is at present?

              • Tc

                Whoever gets in after this key fronted wrecking crew are gone will have much more serious matters to deal with.

                This was always the plan, restrict and obstruct future efforts to undo the damage, return public assets, ressurect democracy etc

  4. cogito 4

    “Newshrub Live at 6pm will be presented by Mike McRoberts and Hilary Barry,”

    Very old hat. Should have got Art and Matilda for the 6pm….. and then Suzanne Paul for the late edition as she could have pushed her bedtime pillow-thing at the same time.

    • Wensleydale 4.1

      That’s inhumane. Suzanne Paul’s voice should be classified as an offensive weapon.

  5. ianmac 5

    Newshub will keep all of us informed as we breathlessly follow the exploits of Max Key and for serious news John Key could do his strip-tease dance while giggling through summary of why he is such a clever funny chappie. Good luck Newshubby at 6.
    Great insight TRP.

  6. Gangnam Style 6

    Present journalists might want to take heed of the famous Martin Niemöller “…first they came for the…” quote, & start doing their freakin’ jobs!

  7. Anne 7

    In other words it’s more of the same with a different name.

  8. Liberal Realist 8

    Thanks for this TRP! Gave me a good chuckle.

    It’s almost like Weldon, Christie & Jennings are trying to kill it? They’ve made a series of strategic mistakes (losing key audience anchor soaps in the 5:30pm slot, Campbell Live etc) and now this!

    How long before the Minister of Mediaworks, Mr Joyce, is called upon for a bailout (loan/gift/handout)?

  9. Rosemary McDonald 9

    Its been a long day, and it is very hot so not surprisingly I read the heading for this post and thought…New shub? What’s that all about?
    A small bath cum large sink? Surely not.
    So off to the google and the ever reliable Urban Dictionary.

    Ah! All clear now.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shubs

    (worth scrolling down…)

  10. Sirenia 10

    Meanwhile the new Checkpoint with John Campbell is strangely compelling TV on Freeview 50. Followed by a half hour of real international news (although without the live TV studio presentation)

  11. Rodel 11

    Nah! I’ll settle for an hour’s extension of scout. Great viewing….so TV3.(Weldon Christie Glusina & co..that’s sarc)

  12. The stupid thing is, parts of this are reasonable steps- it’s probably better to have one news room, for sure, and to make content more available in other media and on-demand, it’s just that they’re pairing it with their usual self-destructive “news isn’t sufficiently flashy” bullshit that just drives ratings down because that’s not why people watch news, and then because their ratings still suck they inject more flash and opinion into the news to try and up-rate it even more, continuously undermining the credibility of the format.

  13. Rosie 13

    Lols TRP. They did say this newshrub was in the pipeline didn’t they. So does that mean I won’t get to shout at Patrick Gower any more? Or will it be new condensed Gower? “make no mistake commies, Key is the man, you just gotta suck it up”

    In the mean time we have Filthy Rich to look forward to on a chanel I haven’t seen since some time in the 90’s.

    Inspired by the immoral unapologetic behaviour of the well, filthy rich, like Key:

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/tv-radio/68982604/Filthy-Rich-TV-show-inspired-by-Ponytailgate

    Trailer:

    http://tvnz.co.nz/filthy-rich/6435947?gclid=CMmJ4dqlvMoCFVgkvQodGXMJWw

    • weka 13.1

      No more Paddy Gower, that would certainly cheer up quite a few people 😀 Can’t imagine they’d dump that piece of click bait though.

  14. hoom 14

    Hurray for the unregulated competitive market! Success again at providing better services to the public than State/Regulated services.

    …Oh wait O.o

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • United Nations General Assembly: 76th General Debate Statement
    E ngā Mana, e ngā Reo, Rau Rangatira mā o tēnei Whare Nui o te Ao Prestigious people, Speakers of note, Chiefs one and all of this General Assembly Ngā mihi mahana ki o koutou katoa, mai i toku Whenua o Aotearoa Warm greetings to you all from my home ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    16 hours ago
  • APEC 2021 Women and the Economy Forum prioritises women’s economic empowerment
    Minister for Women Jan Tinetti today chaired the virtual APEC 2021 Women and the Economy Forum, which is working to address outstanding issues for women and girls across the region as it recovers from the COVID-19 pandemic. The forum brought together Ministers and representatives from 21 economies to discuss gender ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    17 hours ago
  • Upper Hauraki to move to Alert Level 2
    Upper Hauraki will move to Alert Level 2 from 11:59pm tomorrow, 25 September, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins confirmed today. After positive cases were detected in the Upper Hauraki area on Sunday, extra Alert Level restrictions were put in place to immediately prevent any wider transmission of the virus.  “We’ve ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Report into Aotearoa New Zealand’s export controls system released
    Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta today welcomed the findings of an independent review into Aotearoa New Zealand’s export controls system, which regulates the export of goods to foreign militaries, police forces or paramilitaries. Produced by David Smol, a former Chief Executive of the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment, the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • New District Court Judge appointed
    Attorney-General David Parker has announced the appointment of Brett Crowley of Wellington as a District Court Judge.  He is currently the Wellington Public Defender and started his career as a staff solicitor working in a range of litigation including criminal defence work. He went to the bar in 1999 specialising ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Mental health stocktake shows strong progress
    The first report of the Government’s Implementation Unit has found strong progress has been made since the Mental Health and Addictions Package was announced in 2019. “The report notes most initiatives funded in the Budget 2019 package are on track to deliver what is expected by 2023/24,” Grant Robertson said. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Working together to grow the West Coast
    A project that has been crucial in allowing businesses to continue during the tourism downturn is among a number of initiatives to receive a boost from the Government’s Jobs For Nature programme, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says. Sustaining South Westland is an extension of an initiative set up last year ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Next steps to improve safety in wake of Whakaari White Island tragedy
    The Government is moving to improve safety in light of the Whakaari White Island tragedy and has released proposals to reinforce safety standards in registered adventure activities. The package of proposals includes: Strengthening requirements for how operators, landowners and the regulator manage natural hazard risks Improving how risks are monitored, ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • New Zealand donates more COVID-19 vaccines to COVAX and the Pacific
    Foreign Affairs Minister Hon Nanaia Mahuta and Associate Health Minister Aupito William Sio announced today that New Zealand is donating additional Pfizer vaccines to the Pacific and AstraZeneca vaccines to the COVAX Facility, to support equitable access to COVID-19 vaccines. “New Zealand is donating 708,000 doses of the AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Speech to the Property Council of New Zealand
    Kia ora koutou katoa   Is it a pleasure to be able to speak with you today, and to be able to answer some questions you may have. I would like to acknowledge the organisers of this event, the Property Council. The theme of this year’s conference is City Shapers. Together ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Additional MIQ for Christchurch
    An additional hotel will be added to our network of managed isolation and quarantine facilities, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “I have approved and Cabinet is in the final stages of signing off The Quality Hotel Elms in Christchurch as a new managed isolation facility,” Chris Hipkins said. ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • NZ COVID-19 response earns another major digital investment
    Minister for the Digital Economy and Communications Dr David Clark welcomes Amazon’s Web Services’ (AWS) decision to establish a Cloud Region on New Zealand shores, further boosting New Zealand’s growing digital sector, and providing a vote of confidence in the direction of New Zealand’s economic recovery. “Amazon is the second ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • New Zealand invests in cutting edge cancer R&D
    Scaling up the manufacture of CAR T-cell cancer therapy for clinical trials Advancing New Zealand’s biomedical manufacturing capability Supporting future international scientific collaborations Transforming cancer care with targeted, affordable solutions Research, Science and Innovation Minister Hon Dr Megan Woods has announced that the fight against COVID-19 will not stop the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Expert group appointed to lead New Zealand’s future health system
    An outstanding group of people with extensive and wide-ranging governance and health experience have been appointed to lead the Māori Health Authority and Health New Zealand, Health Minister Andrew Little says. “This Government is building a truly national health system to provide consistent, high-quality health services right across the country. This ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Funding to help clean up contaminated sites
    The Government is supporting the clean-up of contaminated sites in Northland, Dunedin and Southland to reduce risk to people’s health and protect the environment. Environment Minister David Parker said the funding announced today, through the Contaminated Sites Remediation Fund, will help us turn previously hazardous sites into safe, usable public ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Predator Free apprenticeships open up new job opportunities
    The expansion of a predator free apprenticeship programme is an opportunity for more people to kick-start a conservation career, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says. “The Predator Free Apprenticeship Programme is focused on increasing the number of skilled predator control operators in New Zealand through a two-year training programme. “The Trust ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Further NCEA support confirmed for Auckland students
    The number of Learning Recognition Credits for senior secondary school students will be increased for Auckland students, Education Minister Chris Hipkins confirmed today. This recognises the extended time these students will spend in Alert Levels 3 and 4. “It means students in Auckland will have a fair opportunity to attain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Long-term pathway next step to better mental wellbeing for New Zealanders
    The Government is taking a new approach to support people who experience mental distress, Health Minister Andrew Little says. “Kia Manawanui Aotearoa – Long-term pathway to mental wellbeing (Kia Manawanui) is the first 10-year plan of its kind that targets the cause of mental distress and also sets out how ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Keeping our Police safe to keep our communities safe
    The Government is committed to keeping our frontline police officers safe, so they in turn can keep New Zealanders safe – with one of the largest investments in frontline safety announced by Police Minister Poto Williams at the Police College today.   The $45 million investment includes $15.496 million in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Clean Vehicles Bill passes first checkpoint
    The Land Transport (Clean Vehicles) Amendment Bill will help New Zealand drive down transport emissions by cleaning up the light vehicle fleet, Transport Minister Michael Wood says. The Bill passed its first reading today and will establish the legislative framework for key parts of the Government’s Clean Car Package, including ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Funding boost supports ongoing Māori COVID-19 response
    The Government is responding to the need by whānau Māori and Māori Health providers to support their ongoing work responding to COVID-19 and to continue increasing rates of Māori vaccination, Associate Minister for Health (Māori Health), Peeni Henare and Minister for Māori Development Willie Jackson announced today.   This increased ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Significant increase to COVID-19 penalties
    Penalties for breaches of COVID-19 orders are set to significantly increase from early November 2021 to better reflect the seriousness of any behaviour that threatens New Zealand’s response to the virus, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “Throughout this Delta outbreak we’ve seen the overwhelming majority of people doing ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Counter-Terrorism Legislation Bill returns to Parliament
    The Counter-Terrorism Legislation Bill has returned to Parliament for its second reading in an important step towards giving enforcement agencies greater power to protect New Zealanders from terrorist activity. “The Bill addresses longstanding gaps in our counter terrorism legislation that seek to protect New Zealanders and make us safer,” Justice ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Joint Statement: New Zealand and Australian Trade Ministers
    Hon Damien O'Connor MP, New Zealand Minister for Trade and Export Growth, and Hon Dan Tehan MP, Australian Minister for Trade, Tourism and Investment, met virtually on Monday 20 September to advance trans-Tasman cooperation under the Australia-New Zealand Closer Economic Relations Trade Agreement (CER). CER is one of the most ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Prime Minister’s Post Cabinet Press Conference/COVID-19 Update opening statement
    ***Please check against delivery***   E te tī, e te tā, nau mai rā [To all, I bid you welcome]   As you will have seen earlier, today there are 22 new community cases to report; three of which are in Whakatiwai in the Hauraki area, and the remainder in ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Major milestones for Māori COVID-19 vaccine rollout as new campaign launches
    Whānau Ora and Associate Health (Māori Health) Minister Peeni Henare acknowledges two major milestones in the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccination programme for Māori. “I am very pleased to announce more than 50 percent of eligible Māori have received their first dose and 25 per cent are now fully vaccinated,” ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Government funding to fight infectious diseases
    $36 million for research into Covid-19 and other infectious diseases The investment will improve our readiness for future pandemics Research will focus on prevention, control, and management of infectious diseases The Government’s investing in a new Infectious Diseases Research Platform to boost Aotearoa New Zealand’s Covid-19 response and preparedness for ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Quarantine-free travel with Australia to remain suspended for a further 8 weeks
    Suspension to be reviewed again mid to late November Decision brought forward to enable access from Australia to first tranche of around 3000 rooms in MIQ Air New Zealand working at pace to put on more flights from Australia from October    The suspension of quarantine-free travel (QFT) with Australia has ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Extra support for Ethnic Communities to share vaccination information
    Extra support is being made available to Ethnic Communities to help them share COVID-19 vaccination information within their communities, Minister for Diversity, Inclusion and Ethnic Communities Priyanca Radhakrishnan said. “We know we need to get every eligible person in New Zealand vaccinated. A fund being launched today will allow for ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • School holidays remain unchanged for Auckland region
    School holidays in Auckland will continue to be held at the same time as the rest of the country, starting from Saturday, 2 October, Education Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “I’ve carefully considered advice on the implications of shifting the dates and concluded that on balance, maintaining the status quo ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Government continues crackdown on gangs and organised crime
    Operation Tauwhiro extended until March 2022 Since it was launched in February, Operation Tauwhiro has resulted in:   987 firearms seized $4.99 million in cash seized 865 people charged with a firearms-related offence Gangs and organised crime groups will continue to be relentlessly targeted with the extension of Police’s successful ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech to Body Positive 'HIV Treatments Update Seminar 2021'
    E ngā mana E ngā reo E ngā iwi Tēnā koutou katoa Ka huri ki ngā mana whenua o te rohe nei. Tēnā koutou. He mihi hoki ki a tatou kua tau mai nei I raro I te kaupapa o te rā. Nō reira tēnā koutou katoa Acknowledgements It’s a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Power bill changes bring fairness to charges
    A key recommendation of an independent panel to make electricity charges fairer across all households will be put in place, the Energy and Resources Minister Megan Woods has announced. “Phasing out the regulations on ‘low-use’ electricity plans will create a fairer playing field for all New Zealanders and encourage a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • NZ economy’s strong momentum will support rebound from Delta outbreak; COVID fund replenished
    The economy showed strong momentum in the period leading up to the recent Delta COVID-19 outbreak, which bodes well for a solid economic rebound, Grant Robertson said. GDP rose 2.8 percent in the June quarter, following on from a 1.4 percent increase in the previous March quarter. This was a ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Projects create benefits into the future
    Making a well-known lake swimmable and helping to halt the decline of the endangered hoiho/yellow-eyed penguins are among a suite of new projects being supported by the Government’s Jobs for Nature programme across the southern South Island, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says. “It’s no secret that many of our most ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Opening statement for Whāriki Indigenous Small Business Roundtable
      Kei ngā tōpito e wha o te āo e rere ana te mihi maioha ki a koutou nō tawhiti, nō tata mai e tāpiri ana ki tēnei taumata kōrero mo te ao hokohoko arā mā ngā pākihi mo ngā iwi taketake Tēnā koutou, tēnā koutou katoa – Pai Mārire.  ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New members appointed to Kāpuia
    The Government is adding four additional members to Kāpuia, the Ministerial Advisory Group on the Government’s Response to the Royal Commission of Inquiry into the terrorist attack on Christchurch mosques. “I’m looking forward to having Pamela MacNeill, Huia Bramley, Melani Anae and Katherine Dedo  join Kāpuia and contribute to this group’s ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Timeline confirmed for Emissions Reductions Plan
    Cabinet has agreed to begin consulting on the Emissions Reduction Plan in early October and require that the final plan be released by the end of May next year in line with the 2022 Budget, the Minister of Climate Change, James Shaw confirmed today. “Cabinet’s decision allows organisations and communities ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Pay parity pathway for early learning teachers confirmed
    Pay parity conditions and higher funding rates for education and care services will come into force on 1 January, 2022, Minister of Education Chris Hipkins confirmed today. The Government signalled this work in Budget 2021. “From 1 January, 2022, centres opting into the scheme will receive government funding and be ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Speech to the New Zealand Nurses Organisation Conference 2021
    Kia Ora tatau katoa.   Ka tuku mihi ki nga nēhi, He pou Hauora o Aotearoa, E ora ai tatou.   Whakatau mai  I runga i te kaupapa o te ra Te NZNO conference.   Tena koutou tena koutou Tena tatou katoa   Good morning, and thank you inviting me ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago