The Civilian Party

Written By: - Date published: 8:43 am, June 8th, 2013 - 18 comments
Categories: humour, political parties - Tags: ,

Useless parties die, new parties appear. Want to be in on the ground floor of the newest political party in NZ? Could be fun:

Why we’re registering a political party

To help us reach our goal of 500 members so that we can become officially registered as a political party,click here.

Tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa.

My name is Ben Uffindell, and for those of you who read the Marlborough Express, the above paragraph means “hello” in Maori. I am the editor of The Civilian, one of New Zealand’s most esteemed and longest-running newspapers, as well the country’s pre-eminent online newspaper.

Here at The Civilian, we take great pride in what we do, because we know no better.

For three months now, The Civilian has faithfully covered the news that matters to New Zealanders, as well as a substantial amount of the news that doesn’t. We have also opened a PO Box, and this made us feel pretty good about ourselves. …

But of all the events we’ve had the privilege of covering, none has saddened us quite so much as the one that transpired last week, when we were devastated to learn that beloved Revenue Minister Peter Dunne’s United Future party had been deregistered by the Electoral Commission on a petty technicality; that being that Mr. Dunne could not demonstrate with any credibility to anyone that his party had 500 members.  …

Today, on this, the Friday the 7th of the June, The Civilian is proud to announce that we will be registering an official political party, to be called The Civilian Party.

We’re not doing this to spite Peter Dunne. On the contrary, we’re doing it to help him. We want to give him some encouragement, and let him know that getting 500 members to form a political party isn’t actually that hard when you really put your mind to it. If we can show him that we can do it, then surely he can too.

But we’re not just doing this for Peter. We’re doing this because we believe that you deserve a voice. Just a small one; nothing too loud, or you’ll get annoying. But enough that you can help make the negative change we need in this country.  …

So if you’re ready to join us on this mythical journey, click here to learn how you can become a member of The Civilian Party and help us to reach the 500 members we need to become officially registered by the New Zealand Electoral Commission.

Ka nui tēnā māku. Kua ora au.

Let’s get some things change’d.

18 comments on “The Civilian Party”

  1. Jenny 1

    Congratulations to the Civilian editor for trying to recruit 500 members, to prove to Peter Dunne and the electoral commission and the world, that it is not that hard.

    If the civilian is successful in pipping United Future to the post in gaining 500 signed up members, it will be a crushing physic blow to any remaining believers in the existence of the mythical UF party. Exposing Peter done as a fraud for taking leadership dues from the taxpayer to pay the expenses of his pet unicorn.

    I wish the Civilian all the best in this endeavor. And must admit that I am sorely tempted to join this new party. But I feel that I must decline this tempting offer. My stubbourn sense of honour keeps me outside the royal pavilion, to stand in the funny coloured rain with all the other peasants.

    • QoT 1.1

      You understand that it’s all a big pisstake, right?

      • Jenny 1.1.1

        NOoooo. You lie. I don’t believe you. I truely believe in unicorns. And if you too, can just close your eyes tight enough and wish for them…..

        • weka

          We always suspected as much Jenny.

        • QoT

          It’s just kind of hard to tell when you praise the Civilian for forming a party as though it’s part of some noble plan to shame Dunne into public seppuku.

          • Jenny

            It would certainly make for some compelling viewing. This is the news at 6. Our lead story tonight comes live from the steps of parliament where….

    • paul andersen 1.2

      yes, i truly am tempted to join, really the only thing stopping me is actually two things.(1) I beleive that political parties and organised religion are the two worst, most desructive things on the planet, and(2) I subscribe to the graucho marx theory, ,,I wouldnt want to belong to any organisation that would have me as a member. but apart from those two unimportant quibbles, big ups to the civilian party, if they can join forces with the apathy party, they could truly be a force!!

    • jaymam 1.3

      Unlike you, I am not constrained from joining The Citizen Party. I must admit I am tempted to join. Would that be a good idea? For one thing I could then put their authorisation statement on my outrageous billboards.

  2. Pasupial 2

    I just signed up with the Green Party last week and can’t join another without renouncing my membership. Otherwise I would be tempted: His recent posts on; Dunne, and; Idiocracy in Hamilton, were a delight.

    • Tim 2.1

      Maybe the trick is to join the Civ Party FIRST, THEN join the Greens. Would that work?
      The Civ Party allows membership to anything.

  3. pollywog 3

    A line has been crossed.

  4. tracey 4

    A new zealand ONion… love the gerry brownlie article

  5. DS 5

    Note that the law specifies 500 financial members. So you have to pay some money as well.

    • Lloyd 5.1

      Just returned from Malaysia and watched their recent election from the sidelines.
      They pay you to join a party there.
      It does have a smell of corruption though…..

  6. Not another serious party? xD

  7. peterlepaysan 7

    McGillicuddy ! Where are you in our serious hour of need?

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Compliance strengthened for property speculation
    Inland Revenue is to gain greater oversight of land transfer information to ensure those buying and selling properties are complying with tax rules on property speculation. Cabinet has agreed to implement recommendation 99 of the Tax Working Group’s (TWG) final ...
    1 week ago
  • Plan to expand protection for Maui and Hector’s dolphins
    The Government is taking action to expand and strengthen the protection for Māui and Hector’s dolphins with an updated plan to deal with threats to these native marine mammals. Minister of Conservation Eugenie Sage and Minister of Fisheries Stuart Nash ...
    1 week ago
  • Cameras on vessels to ensure sustainable fisheries
    Commercial fishing vessels at greatest risk of encountering the rare Māui dolphin will be required to operate with on-board cameras from 1 November, as the next step to strengthen our fisheries management system. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Fisheries Minister ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Greatest number of new Police in a single year
    A new record for the number of Police officers deployed to the regions in a single year has been created with the graduation today of Recruit Wing 326. Police Minister Stuart Nash says the graduation of 78 new constables means ...
    3 weeks ago