web analytics

The Civilian Party

Written By: - Date published: 8:43 am, June 8th, 2013 - 18 comments
Categories: humour, political parties - Tags: ,

Useless parties die, new parties appear. Want to be in on the ground floor of the newest political party in NZ? Could be fun:

Why we’re registering a political party

To help us reach our goal of 500 members so that we can become officially registered as a political party,click here.

Tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa.

My name is Ben Uffindell, and for those of you who read the Marlborough Express, the above paragraph means “hello” in Maori. I am the editor of The Civilian, one of New Zealand’s most esteemed and longest-running newspapers, as well the country’s pre-eminent online newspaper.

Here at The Civilian, we take great pride in what we do, because we know no better.

For three months now, The Civilian has faithfully covered the news that matters to New Zealanders, as well as a substantial amount of the news that doesn’t. We have also opened a PO Box, and this made us feel pretty good about ourselves. …

But of all the events we’ve had the privilege of covering, none has saddened us quite so much as the one that transpired last week, when we were devastated to learn that beloved Revenue Minister Peter Dunne’s United Future party had been deregistered by the Electoral Commission on a petty technicality; that being that Mr. Dunne could not demonstrate with any credibility to anyone that his party had 500 members.  …

Today, on this, the Friday the 7th of the June, The Civilian is proud to announce that we will be registering an official political party, to be called The Civilian Party.

We’re not doing this to spite Peter Dunne. On the contrary, we’re doing it to help him. We want to give him some encouragement, and let him know that getting 500 members to form a political party isn’t actually that hard when you really put your mind to it. If we can show him that we can do it, then surely he can too.

But we’re not just doing this for Peter. We’re doing this because we believe that you deserve a voice. Just a small one; nothing too loud, or you’ll get annoying. But enough that you can help make the negative change we need in this country.  …

So if you’re ready to join us on this mythical journey, click here to learn how you can become a member of The Civilian Party and help us to reach the 500 members we need to become officially registered by the New Zealand Electoral Commission.

Ka nui tēnā māku. Kua ora au.

Let’s get some things change’d.

18 comments on “The Civilian Party ”

  1. Jenny 1

    Congratulations to the Civilian editor for trying to recruit 500 members, to prove to Peter Dunne and the electoral commission and the world, that it is not that hard.

    If the civilian is successful in pipping United Future to the post in gaining 500 signed up members, it will be a crushing physic blow to any remaining believers in the existence of the mythical UF party. Exposing Peter done as a fraud for taking leadership dues from the taxpayer to pay the expenses of his pet unicorn.

    I wish the Civilian all the best in this endeavor. And must admit that I am sorely tempted to join this new party. But I feel that I must decline this tempting offer. My stubbourn sense of honour keeps me outside the royal pavilion, to stand in the funny coloured rain with all the other peasants.

    • QoT 1.1

      You understand that it’s all a big pisstake, right?

      • Jenny 1.1.1

        NOoooo. You lie. I don’t believe you. I truely believe in unicorns. And if you too, can just close your eyes tight enough and wish for them…..

        • weka

          We always suspected as much Jenny.

        • QoT

          It’s just kind of hard to tell when you praise the Civilian for forming a party as though it’s part of some noble plan to shame Dunne into public seppuku.

          • Jenny

            It would certainly make for some compelling viewing. This is the news at 6. Our lead story tonight comes live from the steps of parliament where….

    • paul andersen 1.2

      yes, i truly am tempted to join, really the only thing stopping me is actually two things.(1) I beleive that political parties and organised religion are the two worst, most desructive things on the planet, and(2) I subscribe to the graucho marx theory, ,,I wouldnt want to belong to any organisation that would have me as a member. but apart from those two unimportant quibbles, big ups to the civilian party, if they can join forces with the apathy party, they could truly be a force!!

    • jaymam 1.3

      Unlike you, I am not constrained from joining The Citizen Party. I must admit I am tempted to join. Would that be a good idea? For one thing I could then put their authorisation statement on my outrageous billboards.

  2. Pasupial 2

    I just signed up with the Green Party last week and can’t join another without renouncing my membership. Otherwise I would be tempted: His recent posts on; Dunne, and; Idiocracy in Hamilton, were a delight.

    • Tim 2.1

      Maybe the trick is to join the Civ Party FIRST, THEN join the Greens. Would that work?
      The Civ Party allows membership to anything.

  3. pollywog 3

    A line has been crossed.

  4. tracey 4

    A new zealand ONion… love the gerry brownlie article

  5. DS 5

    Note that the law specifies 500 financial members. So you have to pay some money as well.

    • Lloyd 5.1

      Just returned from Malaysia and watched their recent election from the sidelines.
      They pay you to join a party there.
      It does have a smell of corruption though…..

  6. Not another serious party? xD

  7. peterlepaysan 7

    McGillicuddy ! Where are you in our serious hour of need?

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Equitable response to Omicron vital
    The Green Party supports the Government’s decision to move Aotearoa New Zealand to traffic light level Red at 11.59pm tonight, but says its success will depend on the support that is made available to the most vulnerable. ...
    1 day ago
  • How we’re preparing for Omicron
    As countries around the world experience Omicron outbreaks, we’re taking steps now to ensure we’re as prepared as possible and our communities are protected. ...
    4 days ago
  • What’s Labour achieved so far?
    Quite a bit! This Government was elected to take on the toughest issues facing Aotearoa – and that’s what we’re doing. Since the start of the pandemic, protecting lives and livelihoods has been a priority, but we’ve also made progress on long-term challenges, to deliver a future the next generation ...
    1 week ago
  • Tackling the big issues in 2022
    This year, keeping Kiwis safe from COVID will remain a key priority of the Government – but we’re also pushing ahead on some of New Zealand’s biggest long-term challenges. In 2022, we’re working to get more Kiwis into homes, reduce emissions, lift children out of poverty, and ensure people get ...
    2 weeks ago

  • New Zealand to move to Red from 11.59pm today
    All of New Zealand will move to the Red setting of the Covid Protection Framework (CPF) at 11:59pm today as Omicron is potentially now transmitting in the community, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern says. “Nine COVID-19 cases reported yesterday in the Nelson/Marlborough region are now confirmed as Omicron, and a further ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Mandatory boosters for key workforces progressing well
    More than 5,785 (82%) border workers eligible for a booster vaccination at 6 months have received it so far, COVID-19 Response Minister Chris Hipkins says. “That’s a really strong uptake considering we announced the requirement the week before Christmas, but we need to continue this momentum,” Chris Hipkins said. “We ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • NZ to move to Red
    Nine COVID-19 cases reported yesterday in the Nelson/Marlborough region have now been confirmed as the Omicron variant, and a further case from the same household was confirmed late yesterday. These cases are in a single family that flew to Auckland on 13 January to attend a wedding and other events ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • New Zealand to provide further help for Tonga
    Aotearoa New Zealand is giving an additional $2 million in humanitarian funding for Tonga as the country recovers from a volcanic eruption and tsunami last weekend, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Defence Minister Peeni Henare said today. This brings Aotearoa New Zealand’s contribution to $3 million. “This support will ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Quarterly benefit numbers show highest number of exits into work
    The Government’s strong focus on supporting more people into work is reflected in benefit figures released today which show a year-on-year fall of around 21,300 people receiving a main benefit in the December 2021 quarter, Minister for Social Development and Employment Carmel Sepuloni said. “Our response to COVID has helped ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Northland to move to Orange, NZ prepared for Omicron 
    Northland to move to Orange Rest of New Zealand stays at Orange in preparedness for Omicron All of New Zealand to move into Red in the event of Omicron community outbreak – no use of lockdowns Govt planning well advanced – new case management, close contact definition and testing rules ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • RNZAF C-130 Hercules flight departs for Tonga as Navy vessels draw nearer to Tongatapu
    A Royal New Zealand Air Force C-130 Hercules has departed Base Auckland Whenuapai for Tonga carrying aid supplies, as the New Zealand aid effort ramps up, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Defence Minister Peeni Henare said today. “The aircraft is carrying humanitarian aid and disaster relief supplies, including water ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • New Zealand prepared to send support to Tonga
    New Zealand is ready to assist Tonga in its recovery from Saturday night’s undersea eruption and tsunami, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta and Defence Minister Peeni Henare said today. “Following the successful surveillance and reconnaissance flight of a New Zealand P-3K2 Orion on Monday, imagery and details have been sent ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Aotearoa New Zealand stands ready to assist people of Tonga
    The thoughts of New Zealanders are with the people of Tonga following yesterday’s undersea volcanic eruption and subsequent tsunami waves, Foreign Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta says. “Damage assessments are under way and New Zealand has formally offered to provide assistance to Tonga,” said Nanaia Mahuta. New Zealand has made an ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Record high of new homes consented continues
    In the year ended November 2021, 48,522 new homes were consented, up 26 per cent from the November 2020 year. In November 2021, 4,688 new dwellings were consented. Auckland’s new homes consented numbers rose 25 per cent in the last year. Annual figures for the last nine months show more ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Report trumpets scope for ice cream exports
    Latest research into our premium ice cream industry suggests exporters could find new buyers in valuable overseas markets as consumers increasingly look for tip top quality in food. Economic Development Minister Stuart Nash has released a new report for the Food and Beverage Information Project. The project is run by ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Honouring the legacy of legendary kaumātua Muriwai Ihakara
    Associate Minister for Arts, Culture, and Heritage Kiri Allan expressed her great sadness and deepest condolences at the passing of esteemed kaumātua, Muriwai Ihakara. “Muriwai’s passing is not only a loss for the wider creative sector but for all of Aotearoa New Zealand. The country has lost a much beloved ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Have your say on proposed changes to make drinking water safer
    Associate Minister for the Environment Kiri Allan is urging all New Zealanders to give feedback on proposed changes aimed at making drinking water safer. “The current regulations are not fit for purpose and don’t offer enough protection, particularly for those whose water comes from smaller supplies,” Kiri Allan said. “This ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Planting the seeds for rewarding careers
    A boost in funding for a number of Jobs for Nature initiatives across Canterbury will provide sustainable employment opportunities for more than 70 people, Conservation Minister Kiri Allan says. “The six projects are diverse, ranging from establishing coastline trapping in Kaikōura, to setting up a native plant nursery, restoration planting ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand congratulates Tonga's new Prime Minister on appointment
    Minister of Foreign Affairs Nanaia Mahuta today congratulated Hon Hu'akavameiliku Siaosi Sovaleni on being appointed Prime Minister of the Kingdom of Tonga. “Aotearoa New Zealand and Tonga have an enduring bond and the Kingdom is one of our closest neighbours in the Pacific. We look forward to working with Prime ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • High-tech investment extends drought forecasting for farmers and growers
    The Government is investing in the development of a new forecasting tool that makes full use of innovative climate modelling to help farmers and growers prepare for dry conditions, Agriculture Minister Damien O'Connor said.  The new approach, which will cost $200,000 and is being jointly funded through the Ministry for ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago