Three strikes and you’re garrotted

Written By: - Date published: 12:10 pm, March 23rd, 2009 - 16 comments
Categories: act, humour, law and "order", national/act government - Tags:

Toad: Do you regret that comment on Eye to Eye?

Garrotte: Well, my position on the ACT list was announced after all the other candidates. That comment may have had something to do with that. But I got elected in the end, so I guess not.

Toad: Deborah Coddington said you told her on the show that your brother hates her. Is that true?

Garrotte: Yeah, it is. He does. I might have said it stone cold sober. I call a spade a spade, you know.

Toad: Some people find that a bit difficult to cope with. Did you find it difficult employing the right staff when you got into Parliament?

Garrotte: Hell no. I just asked the applicants if they thought William Bell should have got a bullet. Oh, and I asked the women if they were feminists. That sorted them out.

Toad: When the Attorney General’s report on your Three Strikes Bill came out, you were reported as saying ‘We’ve got too hung up on people’s rights.’ Do you think there is such a thing as fundamental human rights?

Garrotte: Yeah, for law-abiding mainstream New Zealanders there is. But not for crims, boongas, queers, lezzos, prostitutes, and assorted left-wing scum. At least we don’t have too many Jews and Gyppos here they are always carrying on about their rights. Anyway, that report was written by some oik in the Crown Law Office, so I don’t really care what it said.

Toad: With respect, David, Attorney General Chris Finlayson has confirmed that he doesn’t just sign off on Crown Law opinions, but considers them substantively himself.

Garrotte: Well, he’s a pansy and a wishy-washy liberal anyway, so what would you expect. I’m surprised he’s not in the Green Party.

Toad: And your Bill has also been criticised by the United Nations Human Rights Council as likely to violate two human rights conventions. Are you concerned about that?

Garrotte: Hell no! That Committee is full of wogs from places like Saudi Arabia and Qatar. What the hell would they know about human rights? There’s probably even a terrorist or two on it.

Toad: It’s been suggested that the increased prison muster resulting from your Three Strikes Bill may result in increased instance of prison assaults and rapes because many prisoners will be required to double-bunk. Are you concerned about that?

Garrottte: Not at all. Those low-life scum don’t have any rights. In fact a good rectal rogering or two in prison might make some of them think twice before committing a crime next time.

Toad: So you’re not concerned that some criminals could face disproportionately severe punishment on the third strike?

Garrotte: Not at all. Personally, I’d like to see them garrotted on the third strike, but the National Party has so many wish-washy liberal types that I know I’d never get that through.

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16 comments on “Three strikes and you’re garrotted ”

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  1. volnay 1
    23 March 2009 at 12:50 pm

    Is this for real?

  2. John Dalley 2
    23 March 2009 at 1:42 pm

    You are taking the Piss, aren’t you?

  3. bobo 3
    23 March 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Sounds if this is real, he was drunk again..

  4. bill brown 4
    23 March 2009 at 2:19 pm

    What part of “parody” do you not understand?

  5. Ianmac 5
    23 March 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Just go to show what happens when you don’t notice that you are being taped.

  6. BLiP 6
    23 March 2009 at 2:44 pm

    How is it possible that this man garnered an income working in the field of Justice?

    An oik! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

  7. Kevin Welsh 7
    23 March 2009 at 2:51 pm

    I am so looking forward to this clown having a “Jeff Gannon” moment sometime in the next 2.5 years.

  8. toad 8
    23 March 2009 at 4:42 pm

    Thanks for the compliment Eddie.

    Has anyone else noticed the physical resmblance between Garrett and Enoch Powell of “Rivers of Blood” notoriety?

  9. Rex Widerstrom 9
    23 March 2009 at 4:59 pm

    A beautifully pitched parody. One could well imagine these “restrained” answers being given whilst Garrett clearly bristled with what he trulywanted to say.

    Meanwhile DPF notes that Blaise Drinkwater notes Antonin Scalia’s comment on the Bill of Rights: that some rights are important and some aren’t (!!) but that “they were selected on the basis of, “what rights would a tyrant want to move against?'”.

    Given Garrett and the SST want to dilute or dispose of rights protected in the US, from double jeopardy and silence to protection from “cruel and unusual punishment” – and given that National seem unconcerned about the impact of letting them have their way – then I wonder how Key takes to being described as a tyrant by a notoriously conservative US Justice? 😈

  10. Whacky Lefty 10
    24 March 2009 at 10:20 am

    Are white people still exempt?

    I’ld really like someone to clarify the SST & ACT on when white/Asian people kill it doesn’t hurt so should get a medal?

    [lprent: Just been looking at your comments. You look like a troll in your various guises. Adding you to auto-moderation because you also look like someone we have banned]

    • Whacky Lefty 10.1
      25 March 2009 at 12:37 am

      To clarify, it’s troll like to ask questions of the seeming racial imbalance of causes the SST & ACT champion or dismiss?

      Well I say no it isn’t. It is a serious question worthy of consideration. (Possibly not express well in the first instance).

      A brown boy is stabbed to death by a white male and Garth calls for Home detention (& I seem to hear others call for a medal for him).

      I’m not against Home Detention, infact probbly a very good sentence as I don’t suspect he is generally a danger to other and with suitable programmes will rehabilitate well back into society. The support of a family is a positive factor in this.

      This should also be open to the majority of prisoners behind bars today.

      I await your apology in regards to your slur upon my person.

      [lprent: Sure looks like trollish to me. Specifically a wingnut trying to look like a moonbat]

  11. lyndon 11
    24 March 2009 at 3:13 pm

    I put this just on my blog recently – which is a good place for things I don’t want people to see – but I thought you might appreciate it:

    Separated at birth?

  12. mike 12
    24 March 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Hey – this is geat – finally a sensible person in government.

    He should be prime minister.

  13. toad 13
    24 March 2009 at 10:38 pm

    Ah Lyndon, brilliant!

    Not only does he look like Powell, but like Mosely as well.

    An extraordianry coincidence, Sorry, but don’t think we can find the Franco or Hitler or Mussolini likenesses to Garrett anywhere though.

    But if the cap fits…

  14. BLiP 14
    25 March 2009 at 10:29 am

    I reckon he most closely resembles Alf Garnett – showing my age, I guess.

  15. alice 15
    11 April 2009 at 12:09 am

    i used ta have a teacher with your name haha