10. I got lost on my way to Afghanistaniania.
9. It’s much more fun than running the country.
8. Textes from Kevin Taylor told me to.
7. I’ve got some National Park lignite to sell.
6. I’m on safari, hunting the elusive scuttlebug.
5. My contract with Crosby-Textor requires I do 3 meaningless PR stunts a month to keep up my affability ratings.
4. It might be enough to bump the latest ministerial cock-up off the frontpage.
3. I’m having a joint birthday party with my old mate Barack.
2. Umm, chocolate?
1. I’m unveiling plans for a New York to Bluff cycleway.