Top 10 reasons why Key’s visiting New York

Written By: - Date published: 12:13 pm, August 28th, 2009 - 31 comments
Categories: humour - Tags: ,

10. I got lost on my way to Afghanistaniania.

9. It’s much more fun than running the country.

8. Textes from Kevin Taylor told me to.

7. I’ve got some National Park lignite to sell.

6. I’m on safari, hunting the elusive scuttlebug.

5. My contract with Crosby-Textor requires I do 3 meaningless PR stunts a month to keep up my affability ratings.

4. It might be enough to bump the latest ministerial cock-up off the frontpage.

3. I’m having a joint birthday party with my old mate Barack.

2. Umm, chocolate?

1. I’m unveiling plans for a New York to Bluff cycleway.

31 comments on “Top 10 reasons why Key’s visiting New York”

  1. Ianmac 1

    11. Confirm my right to a kighthood

  2. Bright Red 2

    “what’s your biggest weakness Mr Key”

    “ahhhh, ohhh, I don’t know… chocolate?”

    brilliant.

    I hadn’t seen that video before. He’s so damn slippery.

  3. BLiP 3

    Hehehehe – excellent! Just what I needed to cheer up an otherwise dull Friday afternoon. Thanks.

    Couldn’t believe Duncan “doughnut” Garner’s excitable little boy’s piece on TV3 about this – fingers crossed the Goober doesn’t make a complete twat of himself, or breaks his arm walking off stage.

  4. ghostwhowalks 4

    Not like he hasn’t fallen off the stage before …. want that when he was head of the labour government

  5. Richard 5

    12. An axcuse to visit the bach in Hawaii.

    • luva 5.1

      What is wrong or funny about owning a bach in Hawaii.

      Zenetic’s list is quite funny but I dont really get your punch line

  6. felix 6

    13. Well what did you think I meant by “Minister of Tourism”?

  7. Quoth the Raven 7

    I just hope that tampon doesn’t embarrass us too much. How sad to have him as our representative to the world. It’s depressing.

  8. Craig Glen Eden 8

    Was that the real John Key or the impersonator?

    The sad thing is I like the impersonator better he just seems more real!

  9. IrishBill 9

    14. Spending some time back on Wall Street to get back to his roots. Because, y’know you’ve got to remember where you come from if you want to keep it real.

  10. toad 10

    To avoid Judith Collins shopping for shipping containers in Gdansk.

  11. Bright Red 12

    16. Bill said i could have another holiday. Nice guy Bill but he works too hard. Can’t even work out what he’s spending his tiem on myself.

  12. George D 13

    17. To visit his good friend Helen

  13. vto 14

    I think you’ve got 3. wrong. Should be…

    3. I’m having a birthday party joint with Barrack (not, I’m having a joint birthday party).

    He bloody looks half-droop-eyed near all the time.

    Tell you though – in my neck of the woods people think he is the bee’s knees. Even sensible people…

  14. Shona 15

    1 should read .
    To get my next set of instructions from my bosses @ the Federal Reserve. The Rothschilds. They’ve been the father I’ve always wanted,and were so generous and helpful in kickstarting my political career.

  15. randal 16

    1. I cant stand rodney hide
    2. I’ve had a gutsful
    3. i need to check my diversified assets
    4. cheaper coke
    5. roger kerr and roger douglas really me piss me off
    6. the hicks here dont appreciate my subtility
    7. can you ask a more pesific question please
    8. its not approreeit
    9. calling on my broker
    10. got lost on the subway

  16. toad 17

    To avoid having to see this as he travels through Waitakere on his way from his Helensville office to Auckland airport.

  17. Tim Ellis 18

    Goodness me, if ever there were any doubt about how personally Labour voters have taken losing to the National Party and how deep their resentment is that they’re not going to get back into power anytime soon, then this thread proves it.

    • Armchair Critic 18.1

      Or option (b), it is posted under humour for a reason.
      It’s Friday and after 5, have a beer.

    • felix 18.2

      Wow, you must be a hoot at parties, Tim.

    • The Voice of Reason 18.3

      I think you’ll find that not every poster here is a Labour voter, Tim. But we share a sense of humour and a dislike of a pompous, vacuous twat who is constantly condescending to us.

      Oh, and we don’t like John Key much, either.

      • toad 18.3.1

        Certainly not me TVoR.

        I haven’t voted Labour since we got Rogered between 1984 and 1990 by a Labour government. But I suspect Tim wants more of that.

    • Bright Red 18.4

      Do you want a cuddle mate? Just you seem a bit upset.

      Maybe you would prefer that we were calling him a Nazi, a dictator and comparing him to Mugabe in ugly street protests whipped up by foreign-funded orgs like sensible sentencing and family first?

  18. bobo 19

    Is tourism NZ paying for Key’s appearance on Letterman and how much is it costing? What will Letterman announce him as ? “Flight of the conservatives” New Zealands 4th most popular prime ministerial folk act.

  19. 11. Brush up on my “denialist without being a denialist” spin.

  20. 10: To promote New Zealand to a massive audience
    9: To work on trade deals
    8: To position New Zealand as a main player at the U.N
    7: Prime Ministers do travel overseas.
    6: To show Helen what a real man is like.
    5: To Jam with Paul Schafier
    4: To cheer on Sean Marks against the Knicks.
    3: To get away from all the bitching commie hippys
    2: To met President Obama
    1: To become the third concord.

    Sorry they were lame, in fact the only funny one in this whole thread is Bobo’s one.

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