Two drunk backbenchers

Written By: - Date published: 12:57 pm, December 14th, 2007 - 46 comments
Categories: national - Tags:

A mate of mine had a rather interesting run-in last night with a couple of drunken Tory backbenchers. Here’s what happened:

Last night I was at the Malthouse in Courtenay Place having a few beers with some mates when who should walk into the bar but a couple of National Party backbenchers. We struck up a conversation, and an enlightening one it was. Both Nats had clearly had a few and the rookie’s tongue was looser than I would have thought wise (I noticed his more experienced colleague was far more reserved).

He readily agreed that John Key comes across as ‘a bit smug but he’s a tough bugger and he works us like dogs, as he should’. We were assured that ‘she’ (Clark, presumably) would ‘knock that smugness out of him in the campaign’.

We were then told that ‘John doesn’t really know what he wants to do if (when, hah!) he becomes Prime Minister and he certainly hasn’t told us!’ But, then ‘He’s new to politics; he shouldn’t know what he wants. He’s just got to hit the right notes with the public’. I gained a striking impression that power was being sought for its own sake, not to make a better New Zealand.

Searching for some glimmer of a vision, the Nats were asked about where they thought the country should head. ‘Singapore’ was the answer: we should be looking to a city-state on the world’s busiest shipping strait that is run as a mix of autocracy and plutocracy as the model. Every mention of vision or policy was solely limited to economics: people appeared in the frame merely as commodities and factors of production.

So, maintain and fortify privilege for those who have it, that’s name of the game, and do so by ‘hitting the right notes’.

‘John’, we were informed, ‘could hit the right notes about 85% of the time’ much better than ‘English, who only gets it right 65% of the time’ (note who gets first names, the faction this backbencher sat in was clear).

At this point the slightly nervous-looking, more experienced politician decided it was time they extracted themselves before his friend started telling us intimate details of caucus sessions. We were left amused but more than a little concerned that this is the true face of the National party behind Key’s grinning façade.

I imagine the rookie had more than his hangover to worry about this morning.

46 comments on “Two drunk backbenchers”

  1. Billy 1

    Did he puke on Irishbill?

  2. Tane 2

    Yes, the rookie did.

  3. Billy 3

    Oh my God, Robinsod is Colin King!

  4. AlexFreeman 4

    Since DPF is bantering on about disclosure – disclose who the drunken bumbling fool is.

  5. gobsmacked 5

    Yes, John Key is a big fan of Singapore:

    http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/PA0605/S00004.htm

    When he made his speech to the National Press Club attacking the Electoral Finance Bill, he said it was all about cherishing freedom and democracy. New Zealand, he declared, is one of only 27 nations in the world to have full democracy, and we should fight to defend it. Inspiring stuff.

    Singapore is not one of them.

  6. Tane 6

    Alex, I’d like to but I don’t think that’d be fair to them. MPs deserve a private life too. I just thought the aspiring rookie’s comments were worthy of a wider audience.

  7. Matthew Pilott 7

    Can we have a secret ballot to guess who they were? The winner getting a date with their choice of The Prophet, Billy or Robinsod?

    I would guess Burqa Bob but if it was him I’m not sure you could resist naming him (before enyone gets upset about that comment, it was a joke and not an attack on Tane’s principles), so I’ll go with Nathan Guy (not that I’ve ever heard of him) – the rookie has ‘list’ (and bottom thereof)written all over him!

  8. Matthew Pilott 8

    Gobsmacked, I had a lol moment with that link. JK mentions that both NZ and Singapore are similar because of their British Empirical background, they are islands and have roughly 4 million people. And in other respects they are different. Eagle-eye Key huh? Those similarities are astounding!

  9. Robinsod 9

    Who’d turn down a date with me for them? (For the record I’m thinking Coleman – he’s certainly got a habit of shooting off at the mouth)

  10. nih 10

    I disagree with not mentioning who they are. This is politics and they are seeking to represent all of us and it has absolutely nothing to do with their personal lives.

    Name them and get the ball rolling. Perhaps we’ll get some denials or clarifications from National.

  11. Matthew Pilott 11

    God i hope I’m right,, I really do – I’m definitely picking you, ‘sod.

    Are you creeped out?

  12. Sally 12

    Mark Blumsky was out with a funny looking little bald guy late last nigh. I saw them walking down courtney place on my way home and they looked a bit pished. It might be them?

  13. Sam Dixon 13

    Will Mark Blumsky’s eyebrows be banned afer Jan 1?

  14. Billy 14

    FFS, I am Robinsod.

  15. Tane 15

    Does that mean Robinsod is a young Sophia Loren?

  16. shoe phone 16

    God you are right about John Key and singapore and John Key and people-as-commodities. he spoke at a UoA lecture earlier in the year and the whole speech was about how economically we could be making more money by…well just doing stuff

    He made no mention of quality of life, people as people rather than money making ventures and he had no real ideas on how to improve NZ. His vision seemed to be something to do with singapore and he tried to mention “technology”. dismal

  17. Robinsod 17

    You better believe it Tane, Well, if you by “young Sofia Loren” you mean “middle aged Danny Devito”.

  18. robinsodomite turd tapper 18

    Hi Shoe Tappers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  19. Billy 19

    …only hotter and more left wing.

    It must do, I suppose.

  20. Santi 20

    Does that mean Robinsod is a young Sophia Loren?

    If robinsond were a women he would be a brainless 99 year- old blonde. Nothing less would fit the mould.

  21. Robinsod 21

    Hi dad.

  22. robinsodomite turd tapper 22

    Hi Michael

  23. Santi 23

    Tane, are you in the business of listening to other people’s conversations? Good training for your up-and-coming participation in the Comite de Defensa de la Revolucion in Cuba.

  24. Billy 24

    Is D4J your father, ‘sod?

    Captcha: mental huli. I think there’s something in that for all of us.

  25. Robinsod 25

    Santi – that’s not very nice and after I repeatedly outsmart you too…

  26. Burns Unit 26

    [Tane: Dad, too far.]

  27. Robinsod 27

    Billy – nah, but he could almost be my spiritual father.

    Santi – I think you’ll read the post you’ll see someone else sent it in and it wasn’t a case of “listening in” than some fool just spilling the beans. And from Sally’s description I think I know who…

  28. Tane 28

    Santi, read the post again. It’s pretty clear the bit in quotation marks is an account sent in by my mate who had a pretty long conversation with them.

  29. people are always spilling me, the louts

  30. Matthew Pilott 30

    Billysod, might have to pass on that date now I know you’re 99, and have the Burns Unit as a spiritual father.

    Wouldn’t be able to control myself.

  31. Santi 31

    Tane, Putin’s FSB looks forward to receiving your application as an informant. You’re fully qualified!

  32. Matthew Pilott 32

    Santi, I seem to recall you saying somethng about my inability to discuss the issues. You’re looking real shit hot right now too…

  33. Robinsod 33

    Santi – One of your crew shot his mouth off. If someone from the left had done the same with Farrar he’d have put it out. If the person in question is who I think it is then it’s not a bad thing for National if he gets called to account for it because he (and anyone else that engages in such behaviour) is a political liability.

  34. Santi 34

    Matthew, you’re morally bankrupt. That aside, I’m prepared to discuss the isssue of conveying third-party conversations in a blog, not only because they are hearsay but because their veracity is in doubt.

    Of course, it’s appropriate for Robespierre Tane to do it, since it appears to attack the Nats, of whom, I may add, I’m no supporter.

  35. Matthew Pilott 35

    Santi, you’re morally bankrupt.

    That’s go a better ring to it don’t you think?

    That aside, you’re clearly worthless and have yet to make a decent contribution, my young troll. Keep it up, you do the Right justice.

  36. Tane 36

    Santi, I can assure you I have two witnesses to back up what was said and another three who saw the conversation happen. I think what was revealed provides quite an interesting insight into the National Party and that’s why I published my friend’s account. If you’re an MP and you mouth off in public then you should expect to have your words reported. If anything I’ve done them a favour by not publishing their names on the blog, which I was well within my rights to do.

  37. Matthew Pilott 37

    Santi, I just realised you’ve never said anything useful! Even the most fervent anti-Standard commentors post interesting opposing viewpoints. Check this shit (ad I mean shit) out:

    http://theaggregator.co.nz/allcomments.php?by=Santi

    I never realised just what a troll you were!

  38. Burns Unit 38

    Great to see you sad nutbars spend so much time tracking me on the net . What boring lives you must lead . It is sad .

  39. Mike Porton 39

    Dad – I thought you had a birthday party to look after? Do yourself a favour bro and spend a bit of time off the blogs. For true.

  40. Pascal's bookie 40

    Doesn’t redbaiter bang on about singapore being great because it’s the only non-socialist country, or some such shit?

    Is John Key redbaiter?

    crivens.

  41. Santi 41

    Matthew, your last posting confirms your totalitarian make-up. You would’ve made a capable KGB agent looking for opponents of the Soviet regime. Shame on you.

    If you have such a dislike of capitalism, why are you living in the midst of it? Why do you prescribe socialism from within a Western-style democracy? Move to places where your “ideal” social system are oppressing the same masses they claim to defend.

    But no, hell no, you prefer to preach from the comfort of your ivory-tower.

    Consistency is not your strong point, I surmise.

  42. if you like it so much ... 42

    And Santi delivers the ultimate put-down: “Why are you living in the midst of it? … Move!”

    This retort without thought is such an old favourite that it has inspired its own website, dedicated to internet comments which are made without troubling the user’s brain.

    Have a read. It’s great fun!

    http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/about/

  43. Linda Axford 43

    Thanks for providing the link to that website. I haven’t seen anything so funny in ages, brilliant!!

    aladin

  44. Matthew Pilott 44

    Hmm, must have really annoyed Santi for him/her to make such baseless wild personal criticisms. Some people are just so tender.

    Santi, maestro, I gather from your last comment that you wouldn’t know socialism or communism if it nationalised your means of production, created a classless society about you and kicked you in the shins!

    One day you might be interested in taking a look a what views a social democrat might hold, you might find it enlightening.

    P.S. It’s not totalitarian to point out that someone has a complete inability to post constructive comments on a blog – take a look into that as well, you’ll learn a thing or two.

    P.P.S Might I point out that Labour (a social democratic party) currently is in power in New Zealand’s government. Have you thought about leaving? 😉 I hear Somalia is really good if you want a minimum of governmental influence in your life. I quite like it here myself!

  45. stan 45

    pics or it didn’t happen

  46. Sam Dixon 46

    Stan – like the resurrection?

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