Who would James Bond vote for?

Written By: - Date published: 10:00 am, November 12th, 2015 - 28 comments
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Daniel Craig - New James Bond movie Casino Royale

Who would James Bond vote for? Say he was a New Zealander. Just say.

Sean Connery and Roger Moore I’d class as Waiuku Cossie Club Tory. Ageing too quickly, cheesy jokes that really work heard once, glances meant for the updo’d kept-but-faded beauty brought up in the ’50s with horses and staff but whose family lost their way on bad bloodline trades and louche Came A Hot Friday shenanigans so she floats in this small pond like a lily waiting for impermanent adventure. It finds her.

But not this Bond.

He wouldn’t be an Act guy, the fully privatized Blackwater secondnment to mid level bureaucratic functionaries shuttling yet another round of fruitless Middle East peace talks, on the side grinding his teeth in Jason Statham leftover roles but losing too often to the sly paunch now peeking over his belt. Though Alan Gibbs would make a great Blofeld with his silken cat; “No Mr Bond, you welfare queen, I expect you to die.” LIke Act, that kind of Bond already has, inside at least.

Not the Bond of Skyfall. The Skyfall Bond’s vertigo’s backward into memory, holding and feeling die his substitute mother-state, rebuking and naming the damage of a chilly patriarchal Highland childhood, recounting “We are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven, but that which we are, we are, one equal temper of heroic hearts made weak by time and fate, but strong in will, to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” State maternal. Ah, Labour Bond.

And yet quirkily, unevenly, Quantum of Solace.

South American dictator, fey Eurapean comprador with a green washed scam. Poor Peruvian peasants (!) Suffering from the eeeeeveyil of Water Privatisation (!) Oh yes, Peter Dunne does the Paleo Diet cuts 40 kilos, dons and white tux with black bow tie to be an Indian subcontinent Section Chief. Oboy the hair finally works. Squint your eyes with me. Jeanette Fitzsimmons comes back as M. A Green Bond?

Maybe.

But no, there’s only one Spectre. It’s 2 1/2 hours long. It’s close to as-good-as Skyfall, the phenomena. Daniel Craig’s hard to imagine coming back. But he does.

The world is a deeper conspiracy than ever before. Every scar delineates an episode of astonishing inescapable drama, every little eye circle comes with a twinkle. Damaged but winning, pulls like a magnet, hip-shoots like a western, grooves like Womack across A Hundred and Tenth Street.

The suits remain amazing, one-liners segue like A Night At The Opera, opens hard and fast like A Day At The Races, and still the Alpha goddam male of the world. Bends to no-one. Bonds with himself alone.

It’s the Queen, it’s the Nation, Oyes it’s the Flag.

James, let me introduce you to Peters, Winston Peters.

You’ve got a lot in common.

28 comments on “Who would James Bond vote for?”

  1. savenz 1

    Ha Ha – +1

  2. NZJester 2

    Bond would certainly have to vote for National.

    Labour is more into putting controls on the spys and their spying to protect the general public from abuse of power.

    National is the party that loves to let spys do what they want and spy on whoever they want without proper checks on their powers.

    He would vote National so he has more freedom to use his powers unchecked and abuse the public as he sees fit!

    • STONE SHI 2.1

      On the other hand, he’s a humble civil servant who is part of a benevolent, well-staffed, generously-funded state apparatus that stops billionaire private sector fruitloops from destroying people and the planet in pursuit of their own twisted agenda!

      I mean, he’s not exactly a deep thinker, so would probably vote National if not stay completely apolitical altogether, but he and his world definitely benefit from Labourish big government.

      The literary version from the 50s is a silver spoon Tory in many respects, but also exhibits some very interesting early proto-Green leanings. In one story he fights tooth and nail to prevent some asshole rich guy from poisoning an endangered fish for pleasure.

      John Steed and Mrs Peel, on the other hand, admit to voting Tory on The Avengers. But it’s important to note that, as with all Tories, they live in a fantasy world with no poor people!

    • Ad 2.2

      In New Zealand at least Labour was at the core of he origin of the Deep State, because it was formed in any meaningful sense during and after World War Two.

      Labour was also in power during the Rainbow Warrior bombing, and the anti-nuclear moves, and responding to those meant growing very significant intelligence capacity.

      So Bond could easily swing Labour.

  3. savenz 3

    Nope Bond is very Nationalistic – can’t see him selling the UK out for a one world super power by the Natz – def Bond would vote Winston if he was a Kiwi.

  4. les 4

    Bond would vote for the most hawkish anti Russian party.After all the original plot lines revolved around the Cold War.

    • Ad 4.1

      He’d also get on very well with Ron Mark.

    • millsy 4.2

      Not so.

      Bond never actually took on the USSR directly. He always went after people/organisations who wanted to provoke conflict between the USSR and the West, or destroy both. In some cases he aligned himself with Russian agents. I think Fleming and the film producers wanted to ‘future proof’ the series.

  5. Stuart Munro 5

    I’m curious as to what Q would give Bond for use against neo-liberals. Would Donghwa Liu might make a reasonable stand in for Dr No?

    • Ad 5.1

      Q would be played by Bill Sutch.

      The perfect Keynsian antidote for a neo-liberal.
      If Bond didn’t have the gadget required, Sutch’d be sure to subsidize an entire local industry to make one!

      • savenz 5.1.1

        There would be no gadgets because MBIE would have restructured all the scientists out of there. Bond would just have to make do with no 8 wire and an old shotgun he bought from home. Likewise his suits would not be looking so dapper on his services wages. Only the execs get $400k plus, the cannon fodder like Bond get $40k. Our defence budget mostly being spent on reality shows for the SIS and GCSB, Spin doctors and PR people and an overpriced Frigate from ‘the club’. The ancient 2 757 jets are still on the workshop floor waiting for repairs, Bond would have to be his own mechanic as obviously the NZ government can’t employ anybody to do the job. He’s taken to drinking homebrand Spirits and not quite as quick on his feet these days… in fact he’s a bit tired of going after IT people and investigative journos, he remembers the old days of real rich prick megalomaniac criminals he fought. Now he reports to them…

  6. Daniel Cale 6

    From a big Bond fan…thank you…very well written! For the record, Daniel Craig has been involved in a number of causes including support for low income students, gender equality, support for ethnic minorities, Aids research and other social issues. Craig is also the UN’s current (and first) advocate for the elimination of mines.

    • Ad 6.1

      Beyond Craig as a person, has this new Bond done enough to redeem the necessity of the Deep State? Would Snowden approve?

  7. Mrs Brillo 7

    Ian Fleming was a great believer in Tory Glory, so the books rather create Bond as a highly-coloured version of his fantasy alter ego.

    I reckon in the UK today Bond would be voting UKIP. Unless, of course, he was a secret member of the Pig’s Head Society, and had no choice.

    In this country, he’d be having long lunches with Ron Mark.

    • Ad 7.1

      I think the case can also be made for a Labour Bond, precisely because he now carries the scars of so many conflicts, is beholden to such nostalgia, and has so much idealized freight projected on to his every move.

      Republicans and Tories have the sheen of perpetual unquestioning confidence in the necessity and justification of the security establishment. Check out Trump’s skin tones.

      Craig the Bond actor understands how vital it is to display the character and psychical (and physical) scars of many battles done in the service of his country. This willingness to show and understand the damage of battle while sustaining the interests of the state is essentially a Labour impulse, not a National one.

      It’s all about getting stuff done for the Good while counting the personal cost of compromise – a completely Labour code.

      • Thinker 7.1.1

        Or a ‘Green’ Bond, where he trades-in the Aston Martin for a Prius and cuts back on his travelling to exotic countries, because of the impact on his carbon footprint.

        I mean, if he knows Spectre is in Tangiers, why not skype an agent thats already in Tangiers to bump them off? Do the British taxpayer a favour at the same time.

        A Bond with a social conscience would stop drinking vodka-martinis and then driving. “Carrot juice. Shaken, not stirred. I may need to drive in the next scene…”

    • millsy 7.2

      Ian Fleming was a bit of a Bond himself during the war. His novels and the movies are based on himself and his colleagues.

      I think the scene in Goldfinger where Bond comes out of the water and strips off his wet suit to reveal a suit is based on an occurance when a British agent landed ashore in occupied France, stripped off his wet weather gear to reveal a suit and then went to a cocktail party that included several prominent enemy officers.

  8. Liam 8

    Blofield didn’t say, ““No Mr Bond, I expect you to die.”

    IIRC, it was Goldfinger.

  9. Grindlebottom 9

    James Bond wouldn’t vote for anyone in case he was tracked down while voting. He’d just figure out who the good guys really are and then eliminate the bad guys’ leaders.

  10. Actually, right now I’m Green through-and-through. Unless Labour get their act together, of course. We have the Spectre of Dirty Politics to dismantle in any case.

    • Ad 10.1

      Don’t go all wussy and soft on us James.

      Unless they’ve started supplying Aston Martin Vantages with biofuel … having said that, yup, Green girls are indeed pretty hot.

  11. millsy 11

    I cannot see Bond voting. He would be too cynical for that.

  12. When the government apparatus is in league with the octopus, I can only stand alone. Haven’t you seen my latest documentary (Spectre)?

    One thing this Highlander will say is this:

    Step down, Mr Key: or I will come out with the lot. I’ve had it. You won’t change, that’s evident.

    You’ve got 5 days.

    James “the Bruce” Bond.

  13. Tinakori road incident, Mr Key/Spectre

    Step down before I cause you to.

    Mr Findlayson, Mr Woodhouse… if your master does not step down, I will make sure you go too.

    I have no authority: none.

    But I have the information, and you know it.

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