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Andrew Little: the night before budget

Written By: - Date published: 4:38 pm, May 20th, 2015 - 29 comments
Categories: Andrew Little, humour, labour - Tags:

29 comments on “Andrew Little: the night before budget ”

  1. Clemgeopin 1

    That is so good, so perceptive and so very funny!

    • mickysavage 1.1

      I snorted at the Judith Collins reference!

      • Clemgeopin 1.1.1

        I would like to read the words. Do any of you have it?

        I laughed at the reference to (The Honest and Honourable) John Key, the Parnell hair puller, (The Honest and Honourable) Judy Collins, the contender for Key’s job, and (The Honest and Honourable) John Banks (the innocent living saint) possibly getting compensation!

        • mickysavage 1.1.1.1

          Will put up Hansard as soon as I see it.

          • Clemgeopin 1.1.1.1.1

            Found it on the Labour party website:

            http://campaign.labour.org.nz/twas_the_night_before_the_budget

            • tracey 1.1.1.1.1.1

              Twas the night before the Budget

              When all through the House.

              The National Back Benches were keen for a stoush

              The promises were hung during the election with care

              Of course they would fill them

              How could they not

              They wouldn’t dare.

              September 14 was a different time

              The Back Benchers quite happy, some in their prime.

              Nestled all snug in their leather armchairs

              John, Bill and Steven washed away all their fears

              There had been promises of surpluses, of poverty relieved

              Of great fiscal wonders, or so they believed.

              “They’ve got us this far, the Back Benchers said”

              “What could possibly go wrong?”

              “We’re so far ahead!”

              But Bill English knew, he just hid his fear

              That all their good words were just plain hot air

              It was great that Mike Hosking and Paul Henry were glowing

              But nothing could mask an economy slowing.

              “We have to do something, we have to be quick”

              Said John Key to his Cabinet that had run out of tricks.

              “Now Bennett, now Adams, Now Bridges and Tolley

              Forget Steven Joyce and his conventional folly.

              Where’s woodhouse, McCully, Crosbey and Textor

              If there’s one thing clear – you all have to do better.

              I need plans to help Auckland, to slow housing prices

              To help feed the kids, and fix other vices.

              Where is the plan for trains, trucks and bikes.

              My Facebook page tanking, I can’t get no likes.”

              “And I’m sick of seeing Andy, the new man about town

              He never gets angry, we can’t bring him down”.

              Bill English stepped forwarded in canonical mood;

              “Just stop there John, I don’t mean to be rude

              You may not have noticed, but we have a crisis

              And it’s nothing to do with our troops fighting ISIS

              Exports are diving, dairy is down

              There isn’t much happening in any small town

              I know I have said the problem’s inflation.

              But there’s something much bigger – John Bank’s compensation.

              You said don’t touch taxes, levies and fees

              But how will we pay for this – it don’t grow on trees.”

              And then the talk came to a stop with a shudder

              The Prime Minister knew –his heart now aflutter

              Up from the back came a great throaty roar

              Judith Collins appeared on Parliament’s floor.

              “I’ve heard all of your talk, me and Todd Muller

              All you’re known as now is ponytail puller”

              “Out of the way – shove this in your gob

              I’m here to take over, it’s my turn in your job.”
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  2. Charles 2

    That is the sound of a leader, and his party, comfortably on the front foot.

  3. ianmac 3

    Comment from political reporter Edwards on evening RNZ.
    “By hammering the National “failures” National will be pleased because the Opposition has successfully reduced the public expectations of the voters.” (paraphrased)
    Perhaps a slight giving by the Budget will cause some voters to think National are not too bad after all. Bugger!

  4. feijoa 4

    Brilliant!
    Will it be on the 6 oclock news???????

  5. alwyn 5

    “‘Twas the night before budget and all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.”
    Andrew reminds me of the hero(?) of this fairy tale, particularly the last line that seems to describe him quite well.
    http://www.enchantedlearning.com/rhymes/Littlemouse.shtml

  6. Bill 6

    Just me that finds this a wee bit chummy and….wrong?

    • Weepus beard 6.1

      He must keep his (and our) enemies close, Bill.

    • Atiawa 6.2

      Give the man a go. Nothing wrong with Andrew showing he’s no less human than any of us. Lighten up.

      A couple of weeks ago an elderly Labour supporting Glaswegian visited the Glasgow library. He asked the young woman behind the “information” counter, ” de ye have any books on suicide?”.

      ” Fock off””, she said, ” ye won’t bring it back”.

      • Bill 6.2.1

        That’s actually amusing.

        Like I say, it may well just be me, but with an institutional adversary (Tories, bosses etc) Scathing humour – yes. Merciless put downs – yes. Gentle ‘bantering’ – nah.

        • Atiawa 6.2.1.1

          No point in going hard out when theres bugger all on the other side listening.

          Loosen up Bill.

          The media reported it.

          • Bill 6.2.1.1.1

            The media have reported on Andrew not tweaking my funny bone!? Jeesus wept!!!

            • Atiawa 6.2.1.1.1.1

              ok you win.

            • Tracey 6.2.1.1.1.2

              and stuff pulled out an Editorial just short of man-love between Key and English. I say just short cos only Key is quoted, not English, which I think makes a mockery of what the editorial is trying to paint.

  7. Dan1 7

    Great stuff!!!

  8. Whatever next? 8

    Poetic justice? Beautifully captured all that is disgraceful about the current government and delivered with wit, love it.

  9. James 9

    No labour fan here – But (despite not agreeing with the content), I thought it funny and well done.

  10. Puckish Rogue 10

    I’m sure this would have gone down well at a student union meeting or at teachers college but from the 2nd placed leader of the opposition?

    Not as bad as this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GGfmZ85Y7I but still cringe worthy

    • Warning. Link goes to Whale Oil’s youtube account. It’s footage of some MP’s singing at a conference, coupled with the usual attacks on Helen Clark.

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