Bridges can’t even lie straight in bed

Written By: - Date published: 8:51 pm, July 17th, 2013 - 60 comments
Categories: making shit up, national - Tags: , , ,

They say you can tell a pathological liar by the fact they’re no longer just lying about the big stuff, but start telling petty, irrelevant lies that hardly even seem worth it.

We’ve all seen Simon Bridges’ lies on work rights, health and safety and dodgy oil company deals, but his latest is very telling. Here he is today responding to the Greenpeace billboard:

“As a boy from Tauranga, I’ve always wanted my name up in lights in the big city. Now it’s happened and I managed to get Greenpeace to pay for it.”

See, what’s interesting is Bridges isn’t some small town boy and he isn’t even from Tauranga. The dude’s a big city Auckland lawyer who only moved to Tauranga in 2001 when a Crown Prosecutor role came up. He was born in Auckland, did high school and university there and even worked as a litigation lawyer in Auckland for Kensington Swan.

I know we expect our politicians to lie, but this is getting ridiculous.

60 comments on “Bridges can’t even lie straight in bed”

  1. karol 1

    Yep. That’s what Wikipedia says. Or is he about to get one of his staffers to change it?

    He was even peddling the small town boy origins in this Women’s Weekly article – September which year?:

    Being an MP suits Simon more than his previous job as a solicitor. He worked as a crown prosecutor in Tauranga before moving to England to study at Oxford, where he met Natalie, who was doing her masters in English literature. “We met within the first few weeks and had a whirlwind romance,” Simon says.

    Nevertheless Team Bridges will not be able to change this NewsWire article:

    His father Heath’s mother, the late Naku Joseph, is his connection to Maniapoto hapu Ngati Kanohaku, and the 12 or so families from the marae near Te Kuiti are planning a celebratory event for their new member of parliament next year.

    Mr Bridges does not speak te reo but wants to improve his pronunciation. He is not familiar with his whakapapa, partly because his grandmother died before he was born.

    But he has fond memories of his father’s sister Lorna, who was based in San Franscisco for most of her life, coming home with an early camcorder to record footage of a family tangi about 25 years ago.

    The Maniapoto boy grew up in Te Atatu, west Auckland, the son of a Baptist Minister father and primary school teacher mother, and his early claim to fame was becoming head boy at Rutherford High School.

    His later education included arts and law degrees from Auckland University and a postgraduate law degree from Oxford University in England, where he met Natalie.

  2. AmaKiwi 2

    Winston, would you like you Tauranga seat back?

  3. IrishBill 3

    they’re no longer just lying about the big stuff, but start telling petty, irrelevant lies that hardly even seem worth it.

    Have to disagree there Zet. I think the “boy from Tauranga” line is the big stuff for Bridges. It’s like his carefully kitched up new zild accent – an affectation designed to reinforce the idea of him as a poor boy made good (and I ask you have you ever heard an accent like his? It’s a parody, and when he’s not in public it disappears). The last thing Bridges wants is to be identified as the elite big city lawyer he is.

    It’s like John Key’s statehouse backstory or the way CEO’s often dress like their floor staff when they make media appearances (think Sam Walton’s baseball cap or Steve Tindall’s red polo shirt). In fact, I’d argue that the untruths Bridges engages in about his background are politically more important than the untruths about changing New Zealand law to suit a multinational oil company. Because the “aw shucks” stuff is vital to his brand and to ensuring he continues to connect to voters.

    Without the cover of that brand his true constituency, Shell, the Foresters, the EMA, becomes all too apparent.

    • Lanthanide 3.1

      “or Steve Tindall’s red polo shirt”

      Actually all Warehouse employees wear the same uniform, including those in head office doing desk jobs who never see a customer face. Now it’s questionable whether that would really extend to the boardroom, but since I’m pretty sure Steve set the policy, I think he’d dress like that most, if not all of, the time.

      • Don't worry be happy 3.1.1

        Warehouse has staff??? News to me. Great big empty barns with increasingly frustrated cutomers trying to find something mundane like socks…but staff, you know, people with actual jobs not so much.

    • saarbo 3.2

      I agree 100% IB…and count the number of times National MP’s say “actually”, what’s that about?

  4. AmaKiwi 4

    Bad news: A New Zealand MP will make up stories about anything. The truth means nothing.

    Good news: He’s a Tory.

    Bad news: He used to be a public prosecutor. Were people convicted based on stories he made up?

    Bad news: We have no way to get rid of this guy. He’s part of the ruling dictatorship.

  5. Ross 5

    “Mr Bridges does not speak te reo but wants to improve his pronunciation.”

    Surely he needs to master English first before he gets too far ahead of himself.

    • Hami Shearlie 5.1

      Taking the giant set of marbles out of the old gob might be a good way to start – Then, stop the Bill English/John Key hybrid ecc-sent! Then, as a chaser, try saying “How now brown cow” instead of “hair nair brairn cair”! He makes Chloe of Wainuiomata sound like a Duchess!!! I have the feeling that Lynn of Tawa is amongst his close circle of friends!!! Grimacing to add emphasis never did Joanna Paul any good either!!

  6. tsmithfield 6

    “The dude’s a big city Auckland lawyer who only moved to Tauranga in 2001 when a Crown Prosecutor role came up…”

    So he is most recently from Tauranga then. He is technically correct isn’t he when he says he is from Tauranga? Where is the lie?

    I was born in Waikari, and as a child moved to Rangiora However, I would now identify myself as coming from Christchurch, having now lived here for quite a few years, and having my identity here. So, I think you’re getting fairly picky and petty there Zet.

    • AmaKiwi 6.1

      @ tsmithfield

      I do NOT do business with pathological liars? Do you?

      Where was I born? Where did I grow up? In a family and in communities where lying was a serious offense and “embellishing the facts” was lying.

      “Can’t recall, don’t remember, haven’t got a clue, etc.” is lying. First the captain. Now other members of his team. And they claim some moral authority to rule over us!

      That’s the issue.

    • fender 6.2

      Bridges said: “As a boy from Tauranga……”

      So does he mean he was a boy in 2001 (at age 25) when he moved there…..or is he saying he’s still a boy?

      He is technically incorrect ts.

      • tsmithfield 6.2.1

        The word “boy” isn’t always used as a synonym for “child”.

        • Colonial Viper 6.2.1.1

          Real handy for a candidate who is trying to pass himself off as a local “boy” who is “from” Tauranga.

    • Colonial Viper 6.3

      So you are happy to claim you come from Christchurch even though you weren’t born there and you didn’t grow up there?

      Fuckign shite.

      Why don’t you just say that you’ve made Christchurch your home, and be a little more truthful.

      • weka 6.3.1

        It’s not the claiming where one is from (if someone asks where I am from I will either tell them where I live, or where I lived the longest, or where I was born, depending on the context). It’s that Bridges used the word ‘boy’, which implies that he grew up in Tauranga – which is apparently a lie. Unless he spend part of his childhood there, or his family ties were there and he spent time there as a boy and felt like it was home. People’s sense of where they’re from isn’t always straightforward.

      • tsmithfield 6.3.2

        If someone asked where I was born I would tell them accurately. However, where I am from is more to do with my identity. I have much more history and ties to Christchurch now, so would identify myself as from Christchurch.

        • tsmithfield 6.3.2.1

          As mentioned above, the word “boy” doesn’t necessarily mean “child”. In the context of a light-hearted comment it could easily mean “man”, as in the movie The boys from Brazil for example. This movie isn’t about male children from Brazil.

          • Colonial Viper 6.3.2.1.1

            So to get a true answer from Bridges you have to basically cross examine him. What a filthy bastard.

            • tsmithfield 6.3.2.1.1.1

              Its a casual attempt at humour. Why would you want to cross examine him? You take things too seriously I think.

              • felix

                It’s not a casual attempt at humour ts, it’s a ridiculous attempt at lawyering which you’re trying to back away from by making light of it now that it’s been shown up as insane.

                You are quite correct though, if you accept “boy” as meaning “adult male”, and you accept “from” as meaning “not from”, then he’s being totally straight up.

                • tsmithfield

                  You shouldn’t find the word “boy” too hard to accept as “adult male”. I can imagine you as a fan of “The Back Street Boys.”

                  • Colonial Viper

                    Fuck you’re reaching. Several members of the Backstreet Boys were in their mid teens when they formed.

                  • felix

                    Desperate tsmithfield.

                    You’re not going to be able to joke your way out of this without a basic working knowledge of humour.

                    • tsmithfield

                      I guess a woman I know in her fifties must be a real sicko according to lefty logic because she announced she had a boyfriend the other day. So, do you think that means she was having a romantic relationship with a male child?

                      Or, how about my wife, when she refers to her sisters as the “girls”. Does that mean her sisters are actually female children?

                    • tsmithfield

                      Further more, this definition.

                      3. Informal. a grown man, especially when referred to familiarly: He liked to play poker with the boys.

                    • rosy

                      tsmithfield, are you Bridges?

                      Because you can’t lie straight either.

                    • felix

                      And does your made-up wife often refer to her boyhood in a small town where she didn’t spend it?

                      ‘Cos that’s what Bridges did and he’s a fucking liar.

                    • tsmithfield

                      So, I guess you would believe that the Baby Blacks are a rugby team made up of infants?

                    • felix

                      No, I believe Bridges was trying to imply that he grew up in Tauranga.

                      Do you see yet where your protestations fall flat, tsmithfield? It’s not complicated mate.

                    • tsmithfield

                      He left the statement open enough for a number of inferences to be drawn. Its political speak, mate, in case you haven’t heard this sort of thing before.

                      Nowhere in his statement does he claim to have grown up in Tauranga. I agree that inference could be drawn, which may have been the effect he was wanting to create.

                      However, it can’t be called an outright lie, because, as pointed out, other inferences can be equally drawn, depending on how the word “boy” is interpreted. I don’t think there is any problem with him claiming to have come from Tauranga given that he has lived there 12 years. However, as pointed out in the definition above, when the word “boy” is used in a casual, familiar way, as it definitely was in this situation, then interpreting “boy” as “man” is quite reasonable.

                      There are much better examples of outright lies from politicians than what is being Bridges has been accused of.

                    • Te Reo Putake

                      TS, nice dissembling, but you can’t get past this statement:

                      “As a boy from Tauranga, I’ve always wanted my name up in lights in the big city.”

                      ‘Boy’ and ‘always’ give the clear impression he is claiming to have grown up in TGA. The ‘big city’ follows on from from that sequentially.

                      ie the sequence Bridges claims is boy/TGA then name in lights/big city.

                      The only confusion is in your head. The actual fact is that he was in the ‘big city’ before Tauranga, yet he claims the opposite.

                    • King Kong

                      I would also like some proof that “he always wanted his name up in lights”. A diary entry from his youth or a letter to Santa would suffice.

                      Without this evidence I would be inclined to believe that this story might have used some creative licence in order to help deliver, what was quite a witty “fuck you” to Greenpeace.

                    • felix

                      Hi King Kong.

                      Just to catch you up a bit, no-one is disputing whether or not he wanted his name in lights because it makes no difference either way.

                      tsmithfield is pretending that the plain language interpretation is incorrect, and that Bridges was actually using sophisticated convoluted definitions in his statement.

                      Have another banana.

                      ps yes it was quite witty. Unfortunately it was also a blatant lie, which rather takes the sting out of the poor wee fella’s tail, innit.

                • Mary

                  Often dumbarse lawyers try to come across as all lawyerish in everyday conversations and other inappropriate contexts but just come across as dickheads. Bridges reminds me of this particular type of dickhead lawyer.

          • tracey 6.3.2.1.2

            my father has lived in tauranga for 30 years but calls himself a feilding boy. spin like a spinning top ts.

          • tracey 6.3.2.1.3

            so when the pm said he had always dreamed of being pm, he meant when he was 31?

    • s y d 6.4

      Is he a boy? No. Would he ever be one of the ‘boys’. Not where I come from.. the Mount.
      He isn’t a “boy from Tauranga”….never will be. He’s a poseur from Auckland. My experience of Bridges is that he’s only willing to appear before his adoring followers and avoids any situation where he might be challenged. 100% Fake.

    • tracey 6.5

      tauranga “boy”. ts.

  7. Alanz 7

    Simon is fake. A fake in many ways. There are some unsavoury stories yet to come out.

  8. felix 8

    So if this haircut of a man (h/t the egonomist) is actually a big-city lawyer, what’s his excuse for talking like an inbred, barely-literate, slurring, drawling yokel?

    • fender 8.1

      He’s been chosen as “the future” and therefore believes he must behave like “the present”-Key.

      • felix 8.1.1

        Oh gawd, a graduate of the John Key School of Elocution (stablish noindeen noinyade)

    • King Kong 8.2

      Probably the same reason David (Rawiri) Cunliffe gave that speech last election in the style of a condecending and outrageously racist Bro town character or how Helen Clarke generally spoke like a stroke victim who had taken too much testosterone.

      Its called trying to connect to your audience.

      Apparantly David Shearer has a natural clipped diction,a supurb sense of timing and deft delivery in his speech in private. When in the public eye he affects the speech of a chimp with a brain injury in an attempt to “sound like” the majority of Labour voters.

      • saarbo 8.2.1

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Cunliffe_(politician)

        Born in Te Aroha, schooled in Te Kuiti…um, I’ll introduce you to plenty of pakeha’s in Te Kuiti with Maori accents. At least he wasn’t “coached” to talk like that like the National fuckwits.

        • farmboy 8.2.1.1

          DAmn that shames me cunliff lived down here, I think he would have lost the accent when he went to harvard dont you think. Maybe he didnt need to be coached but he sure turns it on and off dosnt he.

        • farmboy 8.2.1.2

          DAmn that shames me cunliff lived down here, I think he would have lost the accent when he went to harvard dont you think. Maybe he didnt need to be coached but he sure turns it on and off dosnt he.

          • felix 8.2.1.2.1

            lolz. Thing is hillbilly, none of us give a damn what you think of David Cunliffe.

            You and Apeman and tsmithfield, on the other hand seem awful upset about what we write about Bridges.

            Interesting eh?

      • felix 8.2.2

        “Its called trying to connect to your audience.”

        King Kong that’s a horrible thing to say about National Party voters!

        Have an orange.

  9. Mary 9

    Not satisfied with how little he was able to shaft people as crown prosecutor, Simon decided to become an MP for the National Party instead.

  10. ghostwhowalksnz 10

    The trouble with the banner , is the photo makes Bridges look good- !!

    Visuals are everything, use an image that matches the message, ie a sneer or his eyes narrowed. etc

    Greenpeace should really work out what they want to be doing. Bridges probably has had poster size copies made for his office

  11. tarkwin 11

    Bridges 1 Greenpeace 0. And it’s an own goal as well.

  12. Sable 12

    Lawyers and the truth are not close bedfellows.

  13. Wayne 13

    Simon’s great strength is that he is very engaging ( and in style is still quite young). That is why the NP delegates (I guess around 100 of them) chose him as their candidate in 2008.

    He is also very smart. Not just a graduate of Auckland, but also of Oxford. And he did not go to some flash school, Massey High I think. Possibly also why he doesn’t always have the best pronunciation.

    Sure he was making a bit of a joke here, I guess in response to an interview. And why not. It is a great photo. No-one (well, virtually no-one) seeing it will have any idea what Greenpeace is on about.

    The voters in Tauranga know he didn’t grow up there, and he is not saying he did.

    It is just a colloquial statement, responding to the flavour of the occasion.

  14. tracey 14

    thanks wayne. do you also have explanations to address blips list relating to the pm.

Leave a Comment

Show Tags

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Nats’ housing policy fails to keep pace with population growth
    Auckland got less than half the new houses it needed in the past year to keep up with record population growth, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. ...
    15 hours ago
  • Urgent action needed on dirty rivers
    The Our Fresh Water Environment 2017 report re-confirms that we need urgent action to clean up our rivers. Meanwhile, National is standing by as our rivers get even more polluted, says Labour’s Environment spokesperson David Parker. “This report is yet ...
    2 days ago
  • Where there’s smoke and mirrors, there’s Steven Joyce
    Steven Joyce’s much vaunted pre-Budget speech is simply an underwhelming response to the infrastructure deficit National has created, says Labour’s Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson. “Steven Joyce has belatedly come to the realisation that everyone else has a long time ago, ...
    2 days ago
  • Time to stamp out cold, mouldy rentals
    New figures show a small number of landlords are letting down the sector by renting cold, mouldy rentals. These houses need to be brought up to a decent standard for people to live in by Andrew Little’s Healthy Homes Bill, ...
    3 days ago
  • Time for fresh approach on immigration
    Latest figures showing another record year for immigration underlines the need for an urgent rethink on how this country can continue to absorb so many people, says Labour Leader Andrew Little. “New Zealand needs immigrants and is all the better ...
    3 days ago
  • Bring back the Mental Health Commission
    The People’s Mental Health Review is a much needed wake up call for the Government on mental health, says the Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little.   “I applaud their proposal to restore a Mental Health Commission and their call for ...
    5 days ago
  • And the band played on…
    Making Amy Adams the Housing Minister five months out from the election is just the orchestra playing on as National’s Titanic housing crisis slips below the waves – along with the hopes and dreams of countless Kiwi families, says Labour’s ...
    5 days ago
  • Hotel no place for children in care
    ...
    1 week ago
  • Maybe not, Minister? Nick Smith’s housing measure suppressed
    Sir Humphrey: Minister, remember the Housing Affordability Measure work you asked us to prepare back in 2012? Well, it’s ready now.Minister Smith: Oh goodie, what does it say?Sir Humphrey: Nothing.Minister Smith: Nothing?Sir Humphrey: Well, sir, you asked us to prepare ...
    1 week ago
  • Inflation data shows many New Zealanders are worse off under National
    The latest inflation data from Statistics New Zealand shows that too many New Zealanders are now worse off under the National Government, said Labour’s Finance Spokesperson Grant Robertson “Consumer Price Inflation (CPI) is now running at 2.2 per cent, and ...
    1 week ago
  • Another emergency housing grant blow out
      Emergency housing grants data released today show another blow out in spending on putting homeless people up in motels, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford.   ...
    1 week ago
  • Families struggle as hardship grants increase
    The considerable increase in hardship grants shows that more and more Kiwi families are struggling to put food on the table and pay for basic schooling, says Labour’s Social Development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni. ...
    1 week ago
  • More tinkering, no leadership from Nats on immigration
    National’s latest tinkering with the immigration system is another attempt to create the appearance of action without actually doing anything meaningful, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. ...
    1 week ago
  • Suicide figures make for grim reading
    The 506 suspected suicides of Kiwis who have been in the care of mental health services in the last four years show that these services are under severe stress, says Labour’s Health spokesperson David Clark.   “If you do the ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Pay equity deal a victory for determination and unions
    The pay equity settlement revealed today for around 55,000 low-paid workers was hard-won by a determined Kristine Bartlett backed by her union, up against sheer Government resistance to paying Kiwis their fair share, says Labour Leader Andrew Little. “Labour welcomes ...
    2 weeks ago
  • DHB’s forced to make tough choices
    The Minister of Health today admitted that the country’s District Health Boards were having to spend more than their ring fenced expenditure on Mental Health, says Labour’s Health spokesperson David Clark.   “The situation is serious with Capital and Coast ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Nats break emergency housing pledge – deliver just five more places
    Despite National’s promises of 2,200 emergency housing beds, just 737 were provided in the March Quarter, an increase of only five from six months earlier, says Labour’s Housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Research underlines need for KiwiBuild
    New research showing the social and fiscal benefits of homeownership underlines the need for a massive government-backed building programme like KiwiBuild, says Labour’s housing spokesperson Phil Twyford. ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Social data security review too little, too late
    The independent review into the Ministry of Social Development’s individual client level data IT system is too little, too late, says Labour’s Social Development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni. “The Minister of Social Development has finally seen some sense and called for ...
    2 weeks ago
  • More questions raised on CERA conflicts
    With the admission that three more former CERA staff members are under suspicion of not appropriately managing conflicts of interest related to the Canterbury rebuild, it’s imperative that CERA’s successor organisation Ōtākaro fronts up to Parliamentary questions, says Labour’s Canterbury ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Labour to tackle Hutt housing crisis
    Labour will build a mix of 400 state houses and affordable KiwiBuild homes in the Hutt Valley in its first term in government to tackle the housing crisis there, says Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little. “Housing in the Hutt ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Farewell to John Clarke
    This wonderfully talented man has been claimed by Australia, but how I remember John Clarke is as a young Wellington actor who performed satirical pieces in a show called “Knickers” at Downstage Theatre. The show featured other future luminaries like ...
    GreensBy Catherine Delahunty
    2 weeks ago
  • Valedictory Speech
    Te papa pounamu Aotearoa NZ Karanga karanga karanga; Nga tupuna Haere haere haere; Te kahui ora te korowai o tenei whare; E tu e tu ... tutahi tonu Ki a koutou oku hoa mahi ki Te Kawanatanga; Noho mai noho ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Buck stops with Gerry Brownlee
    The fact that the State Services Commission has referred the CERA conflict of interest issue to the Serious Fraud Office is a positive move, but one that raises serious questions about the Government’s oversight of the rebuild, says Labour Canterbury ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Teachers deserve a democratic Education Council
    Teachers around New Zealand reeling from the news that their registration fees could more than double will be even angrier that the National Government has removed their ability to have any say about who sits on the Council that sets ...
    2 weeks ago
  • Free trade backers are simply out of touch
    Are the backers of free trade out of touch with public opinion? This was the question asked when the Chartered Accountants launched their Future of Trade study. I was astonished by the answer in a room of free trade enthusiasts ...
    GreensBy Barry Coates
    3 weeks ago
  • John Clarke aka Fred Dagg will be missed by all Kiwis
    The man who revolutionised comedy on both sides of the Tasman, John Clarke, will be sadly missed by Kiwis and Aussies alike, says the Leader of the Opposition Andrew Little.   “I grew up with Fred Dagg and I am ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Labour’s modern approach to monetary policy
    A commitment to full employment and a more transparent process to provide market certainty are the hallmarks of Labour’s proposals for a new approach to monetary policy, says Labour’s Finance spokesperson Grant Robertson. ...
    3 weeks ago
  • Greens back Labour’s plan for monetary policy reform
    Labour plans to change the way we do monetary policy in New Zealand and the Green Party supports them fully. We’re now of a single mind on this. Labour will move away from our reliance on a single, unelected person ...
    GreensBy robert.ashe
    3 weeks ago
  • Greens back Labour’s monetary policy reform
    Labour plans to change the way we do monetary policy in New Zealand and the Green Party supports them fully. We’re now of a single mind on this. Labour will move away from our reliance on a single, unelected person ...
    GreensBy James Shaw
    3 weeks ago
  • Govt drops ball on Masters Games housing squeeze
    Families currently living in emergency accommodation face being forced out onto the street as motel accommodation in Auckland is filled up by contestants and visitors of the World Masters Games in coming weeks, says Labours social development spokesperson Carmel Sepuloni. ...
    3 weeks ago
  • State inquiry for Nga Morehu – The Survivors of State Abuse
    The Prime Minister must show humanitarian leadership and launch an independent inquiry into historic claims of abuse of children who were in State care, says Labour’s Deputy Leader Jacinda Ardern. ...
    3 weeks ago