Has John Key had a wank recently?

Written By: - Date published: 11:42 am, October 16th, 2015 - 42 comments
Categories: john key, Media - Tags: , ,

Has John Key had a wank recently?

I don’t want to know.

I’m pretty sure you don’t want to know.

But apparently this is a question we ask in the media nowadays.

Remember when the office of PM used to have a little dignity?


I suspect most of us will have reacted like Miz Williams:

42 comments on “Has John Key had a wank recently?”

  1. e-clectic 1

    The question should have been phrased, “Have you been to Iraq recently?”

  2. Rosie 2

    OMG OMG OMG. That cannot be unheard.

    Fool I was though, not being able to go past a post entitled “Has John Key had a wank recently?” It was repulsively intriguing. Now I’m shocked and disgusted.

    Sheesh that line of questioning went too far. That is a very Jeremy Wells thing to do, taking it too far. We don’t need to know those things about our PM, or anybody really, unless we know them very well. Good distraction though eh? So now we have flags, pandas and wanking.

    (Askully, i’m stuck with the pissing in the shower bit. Yuk. See? Distracted. It worked)

    As for the stealing, we all know that. He’s been stealing from us for years. Makes us all pay extra GST when we’re already struggling and gives his rich mates a tax break. We continue to pay our ACC levies but under National have to pay a part charge for physio when injured. Rotten little thief.

    • Natwatch 2.1

      Sorry to do that to you Rosie. I didn’t listen to it myself!

      • Rosie 2.1.1

        Not to worry. It’s Friday arvo. I’ll wash my brain out with a glass of wine later.

        It’s just another OMG embarrassing moment in the life our PM. It will pass, like all the other moments did. Definitely a bottom of the barrel moment though. But as long as no one is asking him tricky questions about politics n stuff, it’s alright eh.

  3. One Anonymous Bloke 3

    Remember when the office of PM used to have a little dignity?

    I can’t recall. It was a long time ago, and look! A flag!

  4. Murray Simmonds 4

    And with global warming galloping apace, NZ kids starving, TPP being rammed down the throats of an unwilling populace, the Auckand/NZ property market on the verge of collapse, waiting lists in public hospitals burgeoning WAY past the unmanageable, etc etc etc, our PM has nothing better to do than indulge in this kind of mindless stupidity??

    • Rosie 4.1

      While it’s true that our PM does indulge in mindless stupidity from time to time, and he is the king of distraction, he didn’t sound very willing to answer THAT particular question and was getting a bit flustered about the inappropriate-for-a-PM questions. I think he knew it would be humiliating for his wife. (Never mind wait staff with pony tails, it’s ok to humiliate them)

      Have another listen, if you can stomach it – he’s quite reluctant. I sense though, he felt he had to push on through, so he could be seen as a “good sport” and stay on side with those voters that would admire such crassness in their PM.

      • maui 4.1.1

        Well spotted Rosie, I had a look too and it seems he’s in a relaxed, better to tell the truth mood during the whole exchange. The thing is he gets caught out on that question where he can’t tell the truth – it would be horrific.

        Now does anyone have some holy water, I need some cleansing after that.

      • Psycho Milt 4.1.2

        You give him way too much credit. If not humiliating his wife was something he cared about, he would have been a bit more reluctant to blather on to domestic violence expert Tony Veitch about which celebs he’d like to fuck. His reluctance in this case was down to him recognising that he was helping a lefty journo take the piss out of him.

      • Murray Simmonds 4.1.3

        Rosie –
        I agree. The body language plainly looks like he’s uncomfortable with the question. But my comment was directed at the question of why any self-respecting PM would agree to participate in an idiot-show like this in the first place. If he’s fool-enough to agree to participate I have no sympathy whatsoever if he ends up looking like a fool.

        And yes, I think you are right that, from his perspective, its all about looking like a good sport in the eyes of that sector of the public who bother to watch/tune in to this kind of drivel.

        Shows like this say something about his support-base perhaps?

        • Rosie 4.1.3.1

          “Shows like this say something about his support-base perhaps?”

          I think so Murray. Look no further than Frederick Williscroft’s comment below at 16 to confirm that.

          I think that is why Key is ok with doing shows like his – it’s connecting with an existing and target support base. He and his people will know full well what Jeremy Wells is like, and it appears they are up for it – despite the inappropriateness of it for somebody in his position.

    • Joe Bloggs 4.2

      I’m not interested in defending Key for the issues he doesn’t face up to but IMHO, Murray, your last line should be directed at the media… if we can’t rely on media to ask the hard questions about issues that matter, and keep asking, and keep asking, and keep asking, until a satisfactory answer is given, then we’re sunk without a trace…

      Meanwhile Wells witters on about feeding the chickens, or wringing chook necks, or whatever… pffft

      • maui 4.2.1

        Wells isn’t the media though, he’s in the entertainment business. You could say his satirical Like Mike broadcasts give better political commentary than the majority of mainstream media commentators.

  5. linda 5

    Well we know he’s a wanker even his zipper would lie about what’s in there

  6. Keith 6

    God the media in NZ is so fucking sad.

    It’s very safe to assume his handlers, the PR people who are paid to write the fiction of the great man, have decided via some research, focus groups and the like that what sets John Key part from the ordinary everyday stuffy boring PM is that he is just an ordinary bloke that does blokey shit like an ordinary every day ’round the barby Kiwi bloke does, ordinary $250 mill + kiwi anyway.

    It will be their warped take on what brain dead voting kiwis think is hard case and makes him so “affable and loveable and one of us” and so increase his appeal and vote.

    Given this creep already has a ponytail fetish I certianly don’t want to know what he does with his urine and or what equally creepy sicko shit that goes on in his shower.

  7. Bea Brown 7

    What is this rubbish about distractions?
    I can think of more than one thing at once.
    I can also think about serious stuff and a bit of fun even at the same time.
    So can most people.
    Too much contempt for the average voter – whose votes the Left needs.

    • Rosie 7.1

      Pity you Bea if your idea of “a bit of fun” is a PM (or his PR handlers) allowing himself to be asked degrading questions and being stuck with the most unwelcome image of the PM having a wank and pissing in the shower.

      Maybe you thought the PM was “having a bit of fun” when he harassed and abused Amanda Bailey. Maybe you thought his victim thought it was awesome fun as well.

      Thing is, we can have boundaries and still have fun.

      • tracey 7.1.1

        It’s not like he was in a car travelling at speed to an All Black match… had he been he would have been deified

      • Grant 7.1.2

        In this context probably best if you don’t call them his *handlers*?

      • Murray Simmonds 7.1.3

        “Thing is, we can have boundaries and still have fun.”

        Yes Rosie – that’s exactly the point. Thank you for so clearly articulating it.

    • Hi Bea Brown,

      The problem isn’t being able to think about serious stuff and a bit of fun at the same time. It’s that his managers did a calculation that looking like he’s into a ‘bit of fun’ would influence how voters saw his government on the ‘serious stuff’.

      They are the ones who think that New Zealanders actually can’t separate the two things – serious stuff and a bit of fun.

  8. Atiawa 8

    a wank break……………. some of us can’t have a tea break.

  9. Richard Christie 9

    Could not have happened to a nicer person.

  10. Anno1701 10

    I had to take a shower after listening to that

  11. Gangnam Style 11

    John Key is a weak weak hollow man.

  12. Ffloyd 12

    Not one of his finest moments. How old is he again?

  13. Jen 13

    As a regular listener of the Hauraki Breakfast I can tell you that those questions are asked of all studio guests and have been for the past year or so. Yeah, they’re juvenile, but they’re hardly new or a one-off written especially to humiliate the PM. Key’s handlers should have known what he was getting into and not let him anywhere near. But his desperate need to be loved and thought to be a “good bloke” has backfired. Maybe now he’ll figure out that he’s different from the other minor celebs who have been asked whether they feed the chickens and start behaving like a grown-up.

  14. Rosemary McDonald 14

    Considering how thoroughly the nation has been screwed….

  15. b waghorn 15

    Sharing his time Between his pecker and girls pony tails must mean hes bytugual

  16. Frederick Williscroft 16

    That’s modern politics. The young people at my work thought it was an absolute hoot and what a great guy John Key is and that’s why they vote for him. Dismiss this as you like but at the end of the day their vote counts just the same as the “principled, thinking through all the issues”voter.

    • Puddleglum 16.1

      Hi Frederick Williscroft,

      Do you think that they are correct in seeing this antic as evidence of Key being “a great guy“?

      Do you think that these young people basing their vote on this kind of behaviour is a good way to decide how to vote?

    • RedLogix 16.2

      You’ve nailed it.

      And your workmates likely loved the pony tail thing as well.

    • RedLogix 16.3

      You’ve nailed it.

      And your workmates likely loved the pony tail thing as well.

    • vto 16.4

      Frederick Williscroft “Dismiss this as you like but at the end of the day their vote counts just the same as the “principled, thinking through all the issues”voter.”

      Well, their vote should not count just the same.

      ..

      And this is also the reason why I very much personally point the finger at particular people in our communities who vote for shit like this. When the poor old lady down the road cannot afford to run a heater to keep warm, because fucking bozos voted for far right politicians who wank, then I get very upset. I take it to people I know personally – point the finger and accuse them of robbing the old lady of her warmth..

      .. guess what .. the bozos have no fucking idea and then proceed to get upset.. which lead to another whole fun exercise in biffo, amongst others …

      wankers

      all wankers those young voters

      why the fuck would anybody bother listening to young wankers, other than to get votes for wanking

  17. vto 17

    John Key – buying votes with a wank

  18. We can’t entirely blame the media. When the good ones do ask hard questions, JK is fully trained by the professionals from the US to Simply. Not. Answer. As many times as necessary before time runs out. He doesn’t care how the question is asked or how angry journos get; he has prepared answers and they will always deflect blame elsewhere, regardless of the truth.

    There is no way to hold him to account for this. To us, the denials sound lame and repetitive. But people who like him already don’t seem to care that he does this – in fact, his fans seem to enjoy him beating the journos and making them look ineffective.

    No matter what he might be caught doing, he will never do “the honourable thing” and resign.

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