web analytics

Imperator Fish: On that restaurant guy’s bid for mayor

Written By: - Date published: 7:30 am, March 2nd, 2016 - 19 comments
Categories: phil goff, Satire, the praiseworthy and the pitiful, you couldn't make this shit up - Tags:

Reprinted with permission from Imperator Fish.

It’s hard to know what John Palino was thinking when he decided to throw his hat into the ring and try once again for the Auckland mayoralty. I heard someone describe Monday’s campaign launch as a train-wreck, but I don’t think that’s at all accurate. The launch was such a disaster that I don’t think you could say the train even left the station.

Never mind that there are already two declared centre-right candidates, even if one is a nobody and the other doesn’t seem to understand that being mayor isn’t at all like being the CEO of a company. There’s also only so many times this blogger can hear someone talk about how “passionate” they are about Auckland before his bloodlust rises and he finally commences his long-delayed reaping.

So where does John Palino fit in here? Could he be just what the Super City needs? His plan to cut rates by 10% sounds like magical thinking, but maybe we all need a little bit of magic. Although why stop there? Why not 11%?

He is also promising a campaign that focuses on the issues, which will be why he is using Simon Lusk to run his campaign, Carrick Graham to do media and PR, and Cameron Slater to organise interviews. Given the track record of these gentlemen, it seems pretty clear what the issues will be: dishing the dirt, and then expressing shock and outrage when people challenge him on his team’s behaviour.

Or am I being unfair to Palino? Could he in fact be the victim here? The target of a savage smear campaign? I suppose it’s possible Palino didn’t have a clue what others in his campaign team were up to during the 2013 campaign, and is the victim of an ongoing and sophisticated campaign to shred his credibility. But let’s think that one through. This is a guy who wants to be put in charge of the most populous and economically important region in the country, and by his own admission he couldn’t even control the people in his small team. Didn’t have a clue what they were up to, apparently. Not the faintest idea. We should cut John Palino some slack for being unworldly and naïve, for being a nice guy without the faintest idea how to manage a team. Sure, John, of course we’ll give you control of a multi-billion-dollar organisation that directly impacts the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. What could go wrong?

So, anyway, let’s look at John Palino’s qualifications for office. He probably knows how to make a nice flat white. He can really shout when he gets worked up. He has nice hair. He had a TV show where he went into failing restaurants and cafes and tried to turn them around. He wears shoes. He has a house. And ears. He probably has a car, and a TV set, and a microwave oven. Oh, and he’s apparently a successful restaurateur, although I’m not sure that’s any more relevant than the other things I’ve just mentioned. He’d probably be good at running a restaurant business, but sadly for Palino the Auckland Council is not a restaurant. Maybe he could organise their catering.

But there you go, I’m being mean to Palino again. Maybe he’d do a good job, but I haven’t the faintest idea what he stands for or why he would do a better job than someone like Phil Goff who is a political insider, knows everyone, and is well connected. On the other hand, if you happen to think that what Auckland doesn’t need is another career politician in charge, then John Palino could be just the ticket. A rich outsider making extravagant promises he can’t hope to keep and saying things no-one believes to be true. Where have we heard that before? It sounds strangely familiar.

Maybe Palino’s next policy announcement will be building a wall across the Bombay Hills to keep all the dirty Waikato people out of our wonderful city.

19 comments on “Imperator Fish: On that restaurant guy’s bid for mayor”

  1. Incognito 1

    Over-Inflated Ego Syndrome.

    Undoubtedly Dr Hooton will provide his diagnosis tout suite.

  2. pat 2

    with the flag referendum to begin perhaps this is all a distraction from the distraction?

  3. Penny Bright 3

    In my view – this 2016 Auckland Mayoral campaign is becoming like the ‘Wild West’!

    (A lot like this Auckland ‘Supercity’ – for the 1%?)

    Is the strategy perhaps – for John Palino to strategically withdraw his candidacy at a later stage?

    There are currently, in my view, now six Auckland Mayoral candidates who support the pro-corporate Auckland Supercity (for the 1%).

    DON’T SPLIT THE VOTE is electoral politics 101.

    So what is really going on behind the scenes with this John Palino Mayoral bid – especially given those key people who are involved?

    What has John Palino done for the public of Auckland since the last time he stood as an Auckland Mayoral candidate?

    Did you know that on the recent NBR poll asking who subscribers supported as a ‘centre-right’ candidate, Phil Goff polled second, closely behind Victoria Crone?

    Just asking … nicely.

    Penny Bright
    2016 Auckland Mayoral candidate.

    (Who does NOT support the TPPA, road tolls, PPPs or the sale of Auckland assets – starting with the Remuera Golf Course.)

    • Grindlebottom 3.1

      (Who does NOT support the TPPA, road tolls, PPPs or the sale of Auckland assets – starting with the Remuera Golf Course.)

      Upper Hutt City Council?

  4. Stuart Munro 4

    Seriously, a yank representing Auckland? He must be the biggest carpet-bagger since de Thierry.

  5. gsays 5

    We have our own Donald trump!

    What with the obfuscation, the answering a different question to the one that was asked and the accent- the similarity is incredible.

    • Jenny Kirk 5.1

      + 100%

    • Rodel 5.2

      Saw this faux angry American on TV trying to emulate Trump. I was waiting for him to say,”I’m gonna make Okland great again!”

    • miravox 5.3

      “We have our own Donald trump!”

      Our own Donald Drumpf is sitting in the 9th floor of the beehive occasionally.

      Palino is just a pretender.

  6. saveNZ 6

    Sadly Auckland’s have little choice. All the candidates bar Penny are right wing and into asset sales or privatisation.

    It is like the General election options of Neoliberal 1, Neoliberal Lite 2, or crash property option 3 or the left fledging party that the others all spend most of their time and energy crushing, or the 2 centre right conservative fledging parties that the others spend all their time and energy crushing. Or the collaborators with Neoliberal 1.

    However at least there seemed more options in the General Election than the Mayoral candidates.

    If this is democracy it does not feel like it!

    • shorts 6.1

      yeah little choice at all – thinking about local body elections is always depressing, I console myself that at least in my case our local board has good people

      Auckland really does resist change doesn’t it

      • saveNZ 6.1.1

        @Shorts – Auckland wants change and we wanted public transport. We elected Len Brown – a leftie to bring us public transport and keep the public pools open and free.

        Len has been very disappointing, BUT when you look at the mayoral line up now, it’s about to get a lot worse.

        • Penny Bright 6.1.1.1

          You could always join my team Save NZ!

          Well – Bernie Sanders was never supposed to have had a chance 🙂

          And Winston Peters supposedly ‘didn’t have a show’ in the Northland by-election?

          I’m focusing on the 64% who didn’t bother voting in 2013.

          Also will be getting a hand from some Greens, NZ First, Mana and Labour supporters who prefer my stand and proven track record in opposing the TPPA, privatisation and user-charges.

          It’s going to be FUN!

          Kind regards

          Penny Bright
          2016 Auckland Mayoral candidate.

          (Activists – get things done 😉

  7. BLiP 7

    Or am I being unfair to Palino? Could he in fact be the victim here?

    I don’t think the writer is being unfair, but I can’t help but wonder whether Palino is, in fact, a victim. Have sophisticated, personal approach appeals to his ego convinced him that standing for Mayor is a good idea even though every voter in Auckland knows he hasn’t got a chance? The election outcome is, pretty much, a forgone conclusion, but so too is the fact that Simon Lusk, Carrick Graham, and Cameron Slater will be walking away with pockets full of Palino coin.

    • Penny Bright 7.1

      If Cameron Slater, Simon Lusk and Carrick Graham are on the ‘fringes’ of the National Party and business ‘movers and shakers’ – then how much do they arguably really care about their potentially vote-splitting activities in their support for John Palino’s Auckland Mayoral campaign?

      As long as they’re getting paid for their services?

      Or are they doing this ‘pro bono’?

      Just asking, in my view, some arguably fair questions?

      Nicely?

      Penny Bright
      2016 Auckland Mayoral candidate.

      (Activists – get things done…. 😉

  8. ianmac 8

    If they can have the dishonest Trump, why not trump that with Palino for we the gullible?

  9. Penny Bright 9

    How much is John Palino paying Simon Lusk for campaign advice?

    John – you old silly-billy – you could have got it for free!

    Here’s Simon Lusk’s wee book about it:

    “Winning Local Government Campaigns: Part of the Paid to Win Series”

    Thank you Simon!

    Kind regards 🙂

    Penny Bright
    2016 Auckland Mayoral candidate.

    (Activists – get things done 😉

  10. Incognito 10

    Perhaps Palino is also being used as a pawn in a different larger game. The Local Elections will be held on 8th October and next year we will have the General Election. There are about 1.5 million people living in Auckland. Those Key players in DP are masters in disguise & distraction.

Recent Comments

Recent Posts

  • Advancing New Zealand’s trade agenda focus of Europe meetings
    World Trade Organisation reform, agricultural trade and a free trade agreement with the United Kingdom will be the focus of Minister for Trade and Export Growth David Parker’s visit to Europe this week. David Parker leaves on Tuesday for a series of meetings in the UK and Switzerland that aim ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 hours ago
  • Minister of Defence to visit counterparts in US and Canada
    The Minister of Defence, Ron Mark, departed today for the United States and Canada where he will meet with his counterparts.  While in Canada Minister Mark will meet with his counterpart, Minister of National Defence Harjit Sajjan.  “New Zealand and Canada are close friends, and share an instinctive like-mindedness on ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 hours ago
  • Government to deliver family carers $2000 pay rise, expand scheme to spouses this year
    The Coalition Government is delivering this year the changes to Funded Family Care the disability sector has long-asked for, says Associate Minister of Health Jenny Salesa. “Today we are announcing the details of our big changes to Funded Family Care, including an annual average pay boost of $2,246.40 for funded ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 day ago
  • Ko te reo kua mū: Piri Sciascia
    Minister for Māori Development Nanaia Mahuta joins te ao Māori in their sorrow as they learn of the loss of one of the great orators and spokespersons of a generation – Piri Sciascia.  “The son of Pōrangahau was a staunch advocate for Māori development and served his people for over ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Minister opens new ecosanctuary at Cape Farewell
    A new ecosanctuary with a predator proof fence on Golden Bay’s Cape Farewell, which will restore a safe home for sea birds, rare native plants, giant snails, and geckos, was officially opened today by the Minister of Conservation Eugenie Sage. “There has been a fantastic community effort supported by the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 days ago
  • Pacific partners work together to provide additional support to Australia
    The NZDF continues to support the Australian Defence Force (ADF) as it battles fires in Victoria and New South Wales, including by transporting Republic of Fiji Military engineers from Nadi to Australia, announced Defence Minister Ron Mark. On Saturday morning a NZDF Boeing 757 will depart New Zealand to uplift ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Kaikōura $10.88 million boost in tourism & business
    The Provincial Growth Fund (PGF) is investing $10.88 million to boost business and tourism opportunities in Kaikōura, Parliamentary Undersecretary for Regional Economic Development, Fletcher Tabuteau announced today. As part of the Kaikōura Marina Development Programme, the following two projects will receive PGF funding: A $9.88 million investment to begin the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Govt accounts in surplus, debt remains low
    The Government’s books are in good shape with the accounts in surplus and expenses close to forecast, Finance Minister Grant Robertson says. The Treasury today released the Crown accounts for the five months to November. The operating balance before gains and losses (OBEGAL) was above forecast by $0.7 billion resulting ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 days ago
  • Auckland focus for first Police graduation of 2020
    The number of Police on the Auckland frontline is increasing with the graduation today of a special locally-trained wing of new constables. Police Minister Stuart Nash says the graduation of eighteen officers from Recruit Wing 333-5 means that more than 1900 new Police have been deployed since the Coalition Government ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    4 days ago
  • Wairarapa gets $7.11m PGF water boost
    The Provincial Growth Fund is putting $7.11 million into creating a sustainable water supply for Wairarapa, Parliamentary Under-Secretary for Regional Economic Development Fletcher Tabuteau announced today. The following two projects will receive Provincial Growth Fund (PGF) funding: A $7 million investment in Wairarapa Water Limited for the pre-construction development of ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    5 days ago
  • Progress with new Police station in Mahia
    Community safety and crime prevention in the East Coast community of Mahia has moved forward with the opening of a new Police station to serve the growing coastal settlement. Police Minister Stuart Nash has officially opened the new station, which was relocated almost 20 kilometres along the coast from the nearby ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • Plans to protect the future of whitebaiting announced
    With several native whitebait species in decline the Minister of Conservation Eugenie Sage has today released proposals to standardise and improve management of whitebait across New Zealand. “The need for action for a healthy whitebait fishery has never been greater,” Eugenie Sage said.  “Four of the six whitebait species are ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    6 days ago
  • New resource for schools to increase awareness and understanding of climate change
    A new Ministry of Education resource available for schools in 2020 will increase awareness and understanding of climate change, Education Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “The resource, Climate Change – prepare today, live well tomorrow, will help students understand the effects of climate change at a local, national and global ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Getting more out of our most productive firms
    Finance Minister Grant Robertson has approved the terms of reference for an Inquiry into the economic contribution of New Zealand's frontier firms. Frontier firms are the most productive firms in the domestic economy within their own industry. “These firms are important as they diffuse new technologies and business practices into ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • NZDF sends more support to Australia
    The New Zealand Defence Force (NZDF) is sending an Environmental Health Team, a Primary Health Care Team and a Chaplain to Australia, boosting New Zealand support for the Australian Defence Force (ADF) as it battles bush fires in Victoria and New South Wales, Defence Minister Ron Mark announced today. The ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • New Zealand joins partners in calling for full investigation into air crash in Iran
    Acting Prime Minister and Minister of Foreign Affairs Rt Hon Winston Peters says that developments suggesting a surface-to-air missile is responsible for the downing of the Ukrainian International Airlines flight in Iran is disastrous news. “New Zealand offers its deepest sympathies to the families of the 176 victims. It is ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    1 week ago
  • Staying connected to Australian agriculture
    Agriculture Minister, Damien O’Connor, says the Ministry for Primary Industries is continuing to stay connected to federal authorities in Australia as devastating fires affect the country.  “The Ministry is using an existing trans-Tasman forum for discussions on the agricultural impact of the fires and the future recovery phase,” says Damien ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Investment in schools – a commitment to communities
    Thousands of school-age children, their teachers and wider communities are benefiting from the Government’s multi-million dollar investment upgrading and renewing schools, Education Minister Chris Hipkins said today. “We want New Zealand to be the best place to be a child and that means learning in warm, comfortable and modern classrooms,” ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand Defence Force sends support to Australia
    Minister of Defence Ron Mark today announced New Zealand is sending three Royal New Zealand Air Force NH90 helicopters and crew, and two NZ Army Combat Engineer Sections as well as a command element to support the Australian Defence Force efforts in tackling the Australian fires.  The New Zealand Defence Force ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Better access to books for blind and low vision citizens on World Braille Day
    "Today is World Braille Day and I am delighted to announce that an international treaty giving blind and low vision New Zealanders access to books and literary works comes into force today,” Minister for Disability Issues Carmel Sepuloni announced today. “Today the Marrakesh Treaty and the associated amendments to the ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • New Zealand to send further firefighter support to Australia
    The New Zealand Government is sending a further 22 firefighters to help fight the Australian fires. “The devastation caused by these fires is taking a substantial toll on our Australian neighbours and we will continue to do what we can to assist as they deal with this extremely dynamic, dangerous ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    2 weeks ago
  • Reducing the cost of education
    Twenty-two more schools have opted into the Government’s policy of providing $150 per child to schools who don’t ask parents for donations– bringing the total number of schools in the policy to 1,585. The Ministry of Education has accepted late opt ins past the November 14 deadline from schools that ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago
  • Road deaths lower in 2019, but still more work to do
    “As we enter the new decade, my thoughts are with the families, friends and communities of the 353 people who lost their lives in road crashes last year. While the number of deaths is lower than in 2018 (377), this is still a staggering loss of life,” Duty Minister Iain ...
    BeehiveBy beehive.govt.nz
    3 weeks ago