Imperator Fish: the Terrorist Test

Written By: - Date published: 9:00 am, November 19th, 2015 - 22 comments
Categories: Deep stuff, International, iraq, Satire, Syria, war - Tags: , , ,

Reposted from Imperator Fish:

I have created a short test to help you determine which side you’re on. Are you for the terrorists, or against them? Just work out how many of the following statements apply to you.

  1. You have not yet written a blogpost denouncing ISIS. How else are people going to figure out that ISIS are a bunch of evil arseholes?
  2. You have not stopped all other activities in order to protest against ISIS. Incidentally, imagine what we could achieve if we all just marched down Queen Street chanting “What do we want? Islamic State to stop blowing people up! When do we want it? NOW!”
  3. You think that other things going on in the world may be just as important as the fight against ISIS.
  4. You have not yet changed your Facebook or Twitter profile picture to depict the French flag.
  5. You think civil liberties and the right to privacy are things worth fighting for.
  6. You have not loudly proclaimed to everyone within voice range “something must be done!” despite having no clue what should be done.
  7. You think there is no acceptable level of civilian casualties when it comes to bombing ISIS targets.
  8. You still remember how we were meant to arm the enemies of Bashar al-Assad, and how he had to be stopped at all costs, by any means necessary.
  9. You have not denounced at least one commentator or public figure in your country for being for the terrorists.

Your result:

Now count up how many of the above statements apply to you. Check your result below.

0 – good news! You’re probably not for the terrorists, although your communications will continue to be monitored

1-3 – you’re a terrorist sympathiser

4-6 – you’re an actual terrorist, although your application to join Islamic State hasn’t yet been accepted

7 – you are an active member of Islamic State

8 – you are the leader of Islamic State

9 – you just murdered the leader of Islamic State and took his place because you were worried he’d gone soft

22 comments on “Imperator Fish: the Terrorist Test”

  1. tracey 1

    Someone posted this in daily review. Very funny…

  2. vto 2

    I told you all ages ago that paganis were a type of banana found in the woolston supervalue … !

  3. les 3

    Josie is an advocate for ‘boots on the ground’….what will she wear…her Jimmy Choos!

    • D'Esterre 3.1

      I try my best to avoid ad hom, but I’d take Josie more seriously is she could spell. I’ve not said anything about it before, but it’s got to me this time, especially on Pundit where she confuses Rushdie with a fish.

  4. Manuka AOR 4

    By that test, where do these guys fit in?

    “Four former US air force service members, with more than 20 years of experience between them operating military drones, have written an open letter to Barack Obama warning that the program of targeted killings by unmanned aircraft has become a major driving force for Isis and other terrorist groups.

    “The group of servicemen have issued an impassioned plea to the Obama administration, calling for a rethink of a military tactic that they say has “fueled the feelings of hatred that ignited terrorism and groups like Isis, while also serving as a fundamental recruitment tool similar to Guantánamo Bay”.

    “In particular, they argue, the killing of innocent civilians in drone airstrikes has acted as one of the most “devastating driving forces for terrorism and destabilization around the world”.

    “The joint statement – from the group who have experience of operating drones over Afghanistan, Iraq and other conflict zones – represents a public outcry from what is understood to be the largest collection of drone whistleblowers in the history of the program. Three of the letter writers were sensor operators who controlled the powerful visual equipment on US Predator drones that guide Hellfire missiles to their targets.”

    • savenz 4.1

      +100 Manuka.

      The US has been hijacked by idiots ideology just like NZ with many people speaking out against the stupidity of government decisions.

      TPP seems a way to give all these idiots even more power and money and change the rules to suit themselves. They even give themselves new courts under ISDS that rewrite the rules of society into injustice.

      You know when people are up to no good when they need ‘new courts’ and everything has to be ‘secret’, Military courts, business courts, hey if you are doing something illegal – just have a new court system and rewrite the rules.

      Then get simpletons to ratify it.

      • greywarshark 4.1.1

        Now call Nats the Rats then?

        I suggest that no-one give an indication of how they scored. Those
        golems paid to spy out the bad apples amongst us don’t understand satire or the nuances of ridicule.

        • Anne

          @ greywarshark

          I linked to Imperator Fish’s post on Daily Review last night and feigned shock/horror to discover I was “a terrorist” (only just made the grade I might add) and this morning on my way to work a couple of police cars sidled past me. Not a common sight two of them together, so immediately wondered if it had anything to do with my comment. More than half of me hoped it wasn’t coincidental (I’m sure it was) because nothing would give me more pleasure than to have an online belly laugh at their expense. 🙂

          • greywarshark

            Its unfortunate that you can’t just tell yourself that you’re being paranoid. Not when the stories come out of the extent of spying and checking that may have gone on for years on the high and the common alike too.

            • Anne

              The plod will have someone sitting in a dark room somewhere reading all our comments on this [subversive] blog site. There are a few bright bulbs among them but, if my past experiences are any guide, the bulk of them are more of the low voltage variety. Satire and literary ridicule is not something they would readily comprehend.

  5. savenz 5

    Anonymous Takes Down 5,500 ISIS Accounts – 24 Hours After ISIS Called them “Idiots”

    Hmmm and they are free…. you have to wonder what the trillions the world’s governments are wasting on surveillance …. and weapons……. renditions …. covering their tracks, spin doctors…..

    Interestedly I think Anonymous are also considered some sort of ‘enemy’ of the government and will be criminals now and even more so under TPP.

    Thicko ‘communications consultant’ Josie obviously like to ‘simplify’ especially when probably paid to do so. No wonder Labour has so many problems with links to people like her.

    She and Nash can stake off 20% or more of Labour votes just by association and their frequent and attention seeking ‘communications’.

  6. mickysavage 6

    Who else scored a 9?

  7. D'Esterre 7

    Ropata: please desist from correcting my comment. It was meant to read as it did.

    Oh, and I got 9 as well. Will there now be a tussle for leadership among the pretenders?

  8. Philj 8

    I disassociate myself forthwith from this website as I do not wish to be actively surveiled. Passive surveillance is not ok , but unavoidable these days.

  9. Philj 9

    I disassociate myself forthwith from this website as I do not wish to be actively surveiled. Passive surveillance is not ok , but unavoidable these days.

    • Anne 9.1

      Do you not understand satire Philj? Imperator Fish was merely have a bit of fun. It ain’t for real you know. And in response we were poking fun at ourselves. There’s nobody conducting surveillance on Standardistas. For sure, they probably read the blog site from time to time (as they probably read the other blog sites) but they’ve got more important things to do than hang around here.

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