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ImperatorFish: Bennett Announces Welfare Crackdown

Written By: - Date published: 12:57 pm, September 6th, 2012 - 17 comments
Categories: Satire, welfare - Tags:

Scott at Imperator Fish has kindly given us permission to syndicate posts from his blog – the original of this post is here.

People of Swedish descent who engage in acts of treason while dressed as nuns will no longer be eligible to receive welfare, Social Development Minister Paula Bennett announced today.

Paula Bennett said official Treasury figures showed that the annual cost of providing welfare to people with Nordic backgrounds convicted of acts of treason while wearing religious garb was “more than you’d think, uckshully.”

Ms Bennett said the problem was a growing one, thanks to the failure of the last government to crack down on benefit abuse by traitorous and seditious Scandinavians.

“People tell me how unfair it is that they’re working hard, while a criminal mastermind next door named Olaf Larsson is busy plotting the overthrow of the legitimately elected government, all while wearing a nun’s habit, and all while claiming a sickness benefit.

“It’s just not good enough. If people dressed as nuns are well enough to stage a violent and vicious insurrection against the state, then they’re well enough to work.”

The announcement is part of a package of measures announced by this government to stamp out benefit dependency and the abuse of the welfare system.

The measures previously announced include a policy of stopping the benefits of persons convicted of international maritime piracy, requiring all beneficiaries to get haircuts, and forcing all solo mothers to drink their own urine.

The moves have proven popular with the voting public, but have been condemned by opposition parties.

Labour Party leader David Shearer said it was outrageous that people of Swedish descent were being singled out, while lessons from countries like Finland and Denmark were being ignored.

“A Labour government will always support those who need help, but we must not forget the social contract. If my Danish neighbour wants to climb onto his roof and start plotting against the state while dressed in the regalia of the Roman Catholic Church, then he can do so at his own expense, and not the taxpayer’s.”

17 comments on “ImperatorFish: Bennett Announces Welfare Crackdown ”

  1. blue leopard 1

    Oh, I’m confused; I thought that Mr Shearer was supportive re the anti-Swedish push…or perhaps he commented on the painter on the roof without knowledge that the dude was Swedish and dressed as a nun??

    • xtasy 1.1

      Some comments by Shearer on ‘Radio Live’ this afternoon were in their meaning like this:

      “Labour wants to get people that lose their jobs back into work, by offering their prospective employers the dole money they now get, so they can train them by doing apprenticeships”. I wondered, how does that help 40 or 50 year olds losing jobs?

      He had little solutions to develope and grow the economy, rather focused on Labour’s tax policies, when asked by a caller.

      And most fitting was his remark to his job as leader of the opposition not being an easy one, by saying (suppose it was meant to be a “joke”), that “it was a job you would not really want to have for the next 3 years!”

      Maybe he is already preparing to stand down?

      Although he partly did reasonably well, he again proved that he is good at putting his foot into his own mouth, and he simply does not offer enough alternative, real “solutions”.

      I was disappointed that nobody asked him re the “sickness benefit roof painter”.

      • blue leopard 1.1.1

        @ xtasy,

        Did you see Bomber’s article today regarding a rumor that Pagani is being dropped as a Labour Party Strategist?

        I would have thought this might signal improvements on the foot&mouth&benedebasing disease Labour has acquired recently. Haven’t heard anything more about it though….Have you?


        • xtasy

          Thanks – I read this last night.

          Bomber would most likely not come out with something like this, unless he would have some reasonably reliable info on it.

          If that is true, it has been overdue and may be the first signal for a true “re-awakening” of Labour as the party it is supposed to stand for!

          Good to see TS back online. I got a bit worried for a while, whether the government had taken to go that far to close this forum down, for whatever bizarre excuses.

          [lprent: It is unlikely. However I do have plans for that, along with what to do for legal challenges etc.

          But simple hardware failures in a system that must have a central point for entering comments and posts is actually the hardest to handle.

          It is a pity that I was working on the CSS and javascript yesterday. I have to flush the cache at cloudflare when I do that – about half an hour before the crash. And the cache is OS/browser aware… Which is why some people could see a readonly version of the site this morning, and others could not. ]

          • blue leopard

            ” I got a bit worried for a while, whether the government had taken to go that far to close this forum down, for whatever bizarre excuses.”

            lol, I have to say the thought crossed my mind as well. Wouldn’t have prior to Bomber being banned from RNZ just prior to election time and then observing the poverty of informed commentary disinformative rot on the election coverage..

            .It was like “hey, isn’t anyone allowed to say anything against banal orthodoxy anymore?”

            …since then have lost stratos, sbs 1 & 2 and channel 7… My question has been answered….

  2. Don’t worry go put your head back in the sand

    I do not agree with men committing crimes and escaping the country and thereby arrest by wearing a Burka.

    If there are people here wearing Burkas who should not be wearing them then they should be pushed into the headlights of public scrunity.

    If you knew how often a woman is killed from simple whim of undisiplined males for hundreds of years.

    • blue leopard 2.1

      …but don’t you think that those dressed as nuns are just as dangerous?

    • QoT 2.2

      I do not agree with men committing crimes and escaping the country and thereby arrest by wearing a Burka.

      Whatthefuck just happened?

      • blue leopard 2.2.1

        …quite possibly MM is of Scandinavian descent and dresses like a nun and harbors treasonous tendencies…you know, the ol’ distraction technique….

  3. Vicky32 3

    Ok, this was a clever thread, until derailed by some good old Labour/Shearer bashing!
    Why can’t people see who the real enemy is?
    Unless I am told otherwise, I always assume that the Labour bashers are Greens, which just confirms to me their untrustworthiness. None of them actually as far as I can see, ever says a word against Key/Bennett or Collins etc..

    • fatty 3.1

      That’s because anti-key/bennett/collins etc goes without saying. National will always try to transfer wealth to the rich and make the poor poorer…that’s what they do.
      The attacks on Labour are justified, because there is very little difference between Nat and Labour. If you look at the policies they are only small changes.
      Neoliberal economics/thirdway policies from Labour get us nowhere. Helen’s term was 9 years down the drain, much of the economic policies from 1984-1999 were never reversed. Labour is not the left anymore, they occupy the centre with National. Labour has failed NZ since the 1980s, and we need to oppose and challenge their ideology.
      If Shearer gets in for 2 terms, how much do you really think NZ will improve its inequality?…and then we will probably have another 6 years of National, with a leader that is not as moderate as Key.
      How are the Greens untrustworthy?

      • Vicky32 3.1.1

        How are the Greens untrustworthy?

        Two days after the election, I saw Russel Norman and Metiria Turei on the TV news, smiling broadly, and assuring the country that they could and would work happily with National.
        They are the blue-greens, middle class kiddies, who talk a great talk, but don’t walk any further than the nearest cafe for a latte, a power lunch and a chat with their media mates…
        Oh, and I do remember Russel Norman talking about how a little bit of mining is just peachy with him!

        • Colonial Viper

          Well we need a little bit of mining. Have done since the bronze age you know.

          • Vicky32

            Have done since the bronze age you know.

            I hope you’re being sarcastic! Cos if you’re not, then I don’t know what to do! Would you seriously go that far to defend the champagne, well not socialists, most of them would blench at the term – faux socialist Middle Class Kiddies – to quote Tom Robinson…

            • blue leopard

              @ Vicky32

              I am delighted in the range of left wing parties that we have to choose from and don’t consider it productive for these parties to vie with each other. It is my opinion that if voters view these parties as working well together then they will feel confident that a stable government will be achieved by them.

              I note that recently Greens and Labour are being televised with their leaders standing side by side on the street. I believe this is great to see!

              I have been watching Parliament Channel fairly regularly for about a year. The Green Party have consistently shown that they do a lot of research and are very considered in every question and approach that they take. I find that very impressive. The Labour Party have clearly some very passionate, dedicated people working very hard and I have felt very sorry for them in recent times, because as they are working so hard and nailing down issues in parliament, the public face of this party has been wafty and a shambles.
              (I haven’t seen much of Mana on this channel, yet very much appreciate Mr Harawira’s awareness raising ability, his open acknowledgement of his intention to work for the benefit of the poor and his calling the corporate culture for what it is and hope that this party grows in strength)

              It is my understanding that political parties have no small amount of funds for research. I believe there is no small amount of advisors working full time so that those who are working as MPs have a wealth of information and insight to work with. I consider it a politicians job to know the range of approaches available to him/her, thus have a wider perspective than me, an ordinary NZer, and I both entrust and expect that they will navigate through this wealth of information and come up with a plan that is likely to benefit as many NZers as possible.

              When our two main political parties start fixating on welfare beneficiaries while there is a global financial systemic collapse going on, I fail to see what part of the wealth of information they are reading?

              Anyone off the street could take the approach that these paid politicians have taken recently. I expect a great deal more of them.

              Hence my scathing comment re Shearer…although it was an attempt at humour…admittedly an overworked one!

      • blue leopard 3.1.2

        @ fatty
        well said

  4. captain hook 4

    so is Paula Beenit goin gto lead from the front and take a drugs test?

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